SB    LIBRARY 

X-  * 


MRS.    CLEVELAND. 


POLITE  SOCIETY 

AT 

HOME  AND  APROAD 


A  Complete  Compendium  of  Information  upon  all 
Topics  Classified  under  the  Head  of  Etiquette. 


BY  MRS.  ANNIE  R.  WHITE, 

(Formerly  Editor  "Young  Folks'  Monthly,"  Associate  Editor  "Western 
Rural;"  and  for  many  years  «  contributor  to  the  press.) 


'Man  in  society  is  like  a  flower 
Blown  in  its  native  bed.    'Tis  there  alone 
His  faculties,  expanded  in  full  bloom,  . 
Shine  out— there  only  reach  their  proper  use." 

— COWPEII 


MONARCH   BOOK  COMPANY, 
(Successors  to  and  formerly  L.  P.  MILLER  &  CO.,) 

PUBLISHERS, 
CHICAGO,  ILL.,  PHILADELPHIA,  PA.,  AND  STOCKTON,  CAL. 


COPYRIGHTED   BY 

CHARLES  S.  SUTPHEN. 
1891. 


INTRODUCTORY. 

A  subject  which  has  been  handled  in  many  ways,  and  by 
many  minds,  always  presents  difficulties  to  one  who  attempts 
to  set  it  forth  in  a  new  light.  And  yet  the  theme  of  oui 
book  is  susceptible  of  many  new  thoughts,  and  many 
changes  of  old  thoughts  which  are  of  value  to  the  reader. 

The  etiquette  of  polite  society  changes  so  materially  in 
some  phases,  and  with  such  marked  contrast  among  differ- 
ent peoples  and  periods,  that  it  is  almost  a  hopeless  task  to 
formulate  rules  that  shall  absolutely  govern  with  the  same 
unchangeability  that  stamped  the  laws  of  the  Medes  and 
the  Persians. 

The  nearest  approach  to  such  a  task  is  to  give  to  the  in- 
quirer those  usages  and  forms  which  prevail  in  good  soci- 
ety, and  which,  with  slight  modifications,  are  adapted  to 
any  part  of  the  habitable  globe.  And  while  these  rules  are, 
in  their  general  contour,  applicable  to  any  position  in  life, 
t^ie  good  sense  and  knowledge  of  fitness  of  things,  will 
help  to  a  comprehension  of  those  exceptional  occasions, 
when  even  the  etiquette  which  obtains  everywhere,  can  be 
changed  in  a  slight  degree,  without  marring  the  force  of 
the  custom  as  usually  accepted.  The  fact  that  the  rules  of 
good  behavior  are  current  everywhere,  is  based  on  their  be- 
ing the  outgrowth  of  something  more  substantial  than  mere 
forms.  They  are  grounded  in  that  kindness  of  heart,  that 
unselfish  desire  to  make  one'self  agreeable  and  attractive, 
which  must  have  a  place  with  all,  ere  they  can  lay  claim  to 
being  truly  polite. 

4 


INTRODUCTORY.  5 

Life  brings  a  discipline  to  all ;  a  discipline  which  bears 
directly  upon  every  human  being,  making  it  his  duty  to  be 
acceptable  to  his  fellow-creatures.  And  unless  certain 
tenets  of  good  behavior  are  acknowledged  and  indorsed 
by  society,  how  is  the  novice  to  know  when  he  has  trespassed 
upon  good  manners  ? 

The  deepest  thinkers  all  unite  in  pronouncing  human 
nature  essentially  selfish.  But,  by  studying  the  rules  laid 
down  by  good  society  for  guidance,  and  practicing  them 
continually,  they  become  second  nature,  and  selfishness  is 
kept  in  the  background.  Politeness  becomes  easy,  if  habit- 
ual, and  performs  its  mission  in  bringing  its  followers  up 
from  the  plane  of  self-love  to  a  higher  moral  one,  where 
thoughtless  self-gratification  is  subdued,  and  time  and  at- 
tention are  devoted  to  looking  after  the  comfort  and  wel- 
fare of  others. 

Much  remains  to  be  said  upon  the  value  of  good  manners. 
They  should  be  the  outgrowth  of  character  ;  a  character 
built  up  in  youth.  Character  is  more  than  reputation.  The 
young  should  learn  its  value,  and  early  acquire  it.  The 
world  may  misunderstand — it  generally  does  misconstrue 
human  actions.  But  a  clear  conscience,  a  kindly  nature, 
and  fine  manners,  can  conquer  all  things. 

But  even  though  certain  customs  may  change,  the  princi- 
ples which  underlie  social  laws  ever  remain  the  same.  Re- 
garding etiquette  then,  from  a  higher  standpoint  than  the 
mere  following  of  certain  set  forms,  we  have  added  to  those 
forms  truths  that  lie  deeper  than  outward  observances. 
Mere  politeness,  unaccompanied  by  a  desire  to  make  it  a 
nature  of  daily  life,  is  very  empty  and  unsatisfying.  The 
moral  nature  must  be  developed  at  the  same  time,  and  the 
innate  tendency  to  prefer  self,  must  be  kept  in  abeyance. 


6  INTRODUCTORY. 

The  life  will  then  grow  beautiful,  the  expressions  of  good 
will  to  all  become  spontaneous,  and  a  broader  culture,  which 
is  an  aid  to  success  in  the  world,  will  result.  Good  manners 
are  pivots  upon  which  a  man's  fortunes  may  be  said  to  turn. 
Who  is  so  unwelcome  as  the  person  destitute  of  them  ?  No 
one  likes  to  transact  business  with  such  a  one,  no  pleasure 
is  afforded  by  his  society. 

It  is  the  aim  of  this  work  to  impress  upon  all  the  im- 
portance of  acquiring  them ;  not  alone  for  the  pleasure 
which  they  afford,  but  because  they  are  links  in  the  chain 
which  binds  human  beings  to  each  other,  and  to  a  Higher 
Power. 

Indifference  to  the  comfort  of  others  betokens  a  selfish, 
coarse  nature,  and  repels  those  whose  sympathies  are  active, 
and  to  whom  civility  is  the  natural  expression  of  gentle  def- 
erence, ever  seeking  to  confer  pleasure  upon  others.  To 
all  our  readers  is  this  volume  especially  addressed,  with  the 
sincere  desire  that  profit  and  instruction  may  be  gathered 
from  its  pages.  And  we  feel  certain  that  it  will  help  the 
novice  or  the  timid  one,  to  know  just  what  to  do  under  all 
circumstances,  assisting  all  to  avoid  those  mortifying  mis- 
takes which  are  so  distressing  to  a  proud  and  sensitive 
nature.  Every  line  has  been  penned  with  the  hope  that 
our  treatment  of  the  important  subject  of  etiquette  will 
make  the  duties  of  social  life  more  clear,  and  awaken  a 
desire  for  that  culture  which  raises  the  soul  to  a  more  lofty 
ideal  of  the  life  we  live  here. 

THE  AUTHOR. 


CONTENTS, 


CHAPTER  I.  PAGE. 

Value  of  Etiquette »8  ,e    ...      . . ..       q 

CHAPTER  II. 
Home  Manners 17 

CHAPTER  III. 
A  Few  Words  to  the  Children 25 

CHAPTER  IV. 
In  the  Street 34 

CHAPTER  V. 
Salutations 47 

CHAPTER  VI. 
Washington  Etiquette v 56 

CHAPTER  VII. 
Introductions *. 67 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
Going  into  Society 80 

CHAPTER  IX. 
Parties,  Balls,  and  Like  Entertainments 92 

CHAPTER  X. 
Traveling  Manners  106 

CHAPTER  XI. 
Conversation  an  Art 1 18 

CHAPTER  XII. 
Wedding  Customs 134 

CHAPTER  XIH. 
In  the  Dining  Room 153 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
Table  Manners i?i 

CHAPTER  XV. 
Gentlemen's  Calls 185 

CHAPTER  XVI. 
Ladies'  Calls 199 

CHAPTER  XVII. 
Appearance  in  Public 212 

7 


8  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XVIII.  PAGE, 

Anniversaries 224 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
The  Timid,  the  Awkward  and  Shy 237 

CHAPTER  XX. 
The  Guest  Chamber 250 

CHAPTER  XXI. 
Letter  Writing 261 

CHAPTER  XXII. 
Taste  and  Harmony  in  Dress 277 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 
The  Boys  and  Girls  at  Home 293 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 
The  House  of  Mourning 301 

CHAPTER  XXV. 
Etiquette  of  Visiting 317 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 
A  Short  Chapter  on  Business 329 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 
Parents  and  Children 336 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 
After  Marriage 346 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 
Floral  Language 356 

CHAPTER  XXX. 
Etiquette  of  Births  and  Christenings 375 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 
Miscellaneous  Rules  of  Etiquette 386 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 
Home  Courtesies 397 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 
Toilet  Recipes 403 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 
.    Etiquette  of  the  Schoolroom 424 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 
What  Shall  we  Read  ? 430 


CHAPTER  I. 

VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE — SNEERING  AT  ETIQUETTE. 

IT  is  the  practice  with  certain  people  to  sneer  at 
the  word  "etiquette,"  and  to  claim  that  it  merely 
means  a  foolish  pandering  to  frivolous  customs  which 
in  themselves  have  no  meaning  or  use.  This  is  a 
misapprehension  which  a  little  thoughtful  considera- 
tion will  remove. 

Certain  rules  for  the  government  of  social,  busi- 
ness and  political  life  have  been  current  for  genera- 
tions, and  have  been  handed  down  with  almost  unva- 
rying exactitude,  in  all  civilized  lands.  Such  customs 
or  laws,  are  grounded  in  good  taste,  a  sense  of  the 
fitness  of  things,  kindly  feelings,  and  a  mutual  desire 
to  smooth  away  the  asperities  and  roughness  which 
would  prevail  among  so  many  persons  of  varying 
tastes  and  ideas,  without  a  certain  set  of  rules  to  help 
to  this  end. 

A    POLITE    PERSON    ADMIRED. 

Who  is  not  attracted  toward  a  polite,  'well-bred 
person?  Who  does  not  carry  with  them,  perhaps 


10  VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

through  life,  the  remembrance  of  some  real  gentle- 
man or  lady  with  whom  they  came  in  contact,  at 
perhaps,  an  early  period  of  their  life?  The  pleasant 
memory  such  a  person  has  left,  and  the  agreeable 
impression,  may  unconsciously  have  had  some  influ- 
ence upon  their  own  life,  and  served  as  a  model 
for  their  own  behavior  when  launched  into  the  society 
which  they  wish  to  adorn.  • . 

To  understand  and  cultivate  the  tenets  laid  down 
by  good  society,  is  not  to  assume  airs,  or  does  not 
prevent  the  recognition  of  the  "rough  diamond"  that 
sometimes  shines  out  from  among  those  whose  early 
advantages  have  not  been  many.  Rather  it  adds  a 
higher  polish  to  that  gem,  and  gives  it  a  higher  luster. 

CERTAIN    RULES. 

Rules  of  etiquette  have  their  allotted  place  among 
the  forces  of  life,  and  must  be  acknowledged  as  moral 
agents  in  refining  and  making  more  agreeable  our 
daily  intercourse  with  each  other.  .They  are  agents 
for  good.  They  teach  us  to  be  more  lenient  with  the 
various  elements  which  compose  society.  Life  is 
a  sort  of  a  partnership  in  which  each  human  being 
has  an  interest;  and  the  laws  of  etiquette,  well 
enforced,  oblige  us  to  make  concessions  to  the 
many  tastes,  prejudices  and  habits  of  those  we  meet 
in  the  social  circle,  at  public  entertainments,  in 
business  relations,  or  when  traveling. 


OP  ETIQUETTE.  it 

If  the  value  of  good  breeding  is  in  danger  of  being 
depreciated,  it  is  only  necessary  to  compare  the 
impression  which  a  gentle,  pleasant  demeanor  leaves 
upon  you,  with  the  gruff,  abrupt  or  indifferent  car- 
riage of  those  who  affect  to  despise  good  manners. 
If  two  applicants  for  a  position  are  equally  capable, 
it  is  safe  to  assert  that  in  every  case,  the  agreeable 
and  courteous  seeker  will  obtain  it  in  preference  to 
the  other,  who  is  his  equal  in  all  respects,  save  that 
he  is  deficient  in  that  suave  dignity  that  charms  all. 

We  are  all  susceptible  to  the  charm  of  good  man 
ners.  Indeed,  society  could  not  be  maintained  save 
for  the  usages  of  etiquette.  But  true  etiquette  must 
spring  from  a  sincere  desire  to  make  every  one  around 
us  feel  at  ease;  a  determination  to  exercise  a  thought- 
ful regard  for  the  feelings  of  others.  It  is  this  patient 
forbearance  with  the  eccentricities  of  all,  which  stamps 
the  true  lady  or  gentleman.  It  is  a  duty  which  each 
one  owes  to  himself,  to  acquire  certain  rules  for 
guidance,  which  shall  make  him  a  welcome  guest  in 
any  circle. 

WHAT  ETIQUETTE    IS. 

Etiquette  is  not  a  servile  yielding  up  of  one's 
individuality,  or  cold  formality.  It  is  rather  the 
beautiful  frame  which  is  placed  around  a  valuable 
picture  to  prevent  its  being  marred  or  defaced. 


12  VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

Etiquette  throws  a  protection  around  the  well- 
bred,  keeping  the  coarse  and  disagreeable  at  a 
distance,  and  punishing  those  who  violate  her  dic- 
tates, with  banishment  from  the  social  circle. 

MANNERS  NECESSARY  TO  GOOD  STANDING. 

Manners  are  obligatory  upon  a  man,  and  even 
more  than  that  upon  a  woman.  A  man  who  is 
gentle,  defers  to  others,  listens  respectfully  to  the 
aged,  or  to  those  who  are  inferior  to  him  in  position  or 
intelligence,  is  liked  by  every  one.  His  presence  is 
a  protection  to  women,  his  conversation  is  a  wealth 
of  pleasure,  and  all  feel  bettered  by  sharing  his 
society.  To  be  all  this,  he  must  be,  as  a  well- 
known  author  says: 

"The  ideal  gentleman  is  a  clean  man,  body  and 
soul.  He  acts  kindly  from  the  impulse  of  a  kind 
heart.  He  is  brave  because  with  a  conscience  void 
of  offense,  he  has  nothing  to  fear.  He  is  never 
embarrassed,  for  he  respects  himself  and  is  profoundly 
conscious  of  right  intentions.  To  preserve  his  self- 
respect  he  keeps  his  honor  unstained,  and  to  retain 
the  good  opinion  of  others  he  neglects  no  civility. 
He  respects  even  the  prejudices  of  honest  men; 
opposes  without  bitterness,  and  yields  without 
admitting  defeat.  He  is  never  arrogant,  and  never 
weak.  He  bears  himself  with  dignity,  but  never 


VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE.  13 

haughtily.  Too  wise  to  despise  trifles,  he  is  too 
noble  to  be  mastered  by  them.  To  superiors  he  is 
respectful  without  servility;  to  equals  courteous;  to 
inferiors  so  kind  that  they  forget  their  inferiority. 
He  carries  himself  with  grace  in  all  places,  is  easy 
but  never  familiar,  genteel  without  affectation.  His 
quick  perceptions  tell  him  what  to  do  under  all  cir- 
cumstances, and  he  approaches  a  king  with  as  much 
ease  as  he  would  display  in  addressing  a  beggar.  He 
unites  gentleness  of  manner  with  firmness  of  mind; 
commands  with  mild  authority,  and  asks  favors  with 
persistent  grace  and  assurance.  Always  well-informed 
and  observant  of  events,  but  never  pedantic,  he  wins 
his  way  to  the  head  through  the  heart,  by  the  short- 
est route,  and  keeps  good  opinions  once  won,  because 
he  deserves  them." 

But  if  a  gentleman  should  be  all  this,  how  much 
more  essential  are  good  manners  to  a  woman!  A 
rude,  loud-spoken,  uncultured  woman  is  a  positive  blot 
upon  nature,  and  repels,  by  her  lack  of  breeding, 
those  who  would  not  be  slow  to  acknowledge  the  real 
worth  and  talent  she  possessed,  and  which  would 
come  to  the  surface,  were  she  clothed  in  the  beautiful 
garments  of  modesty^  gentle  speech  and  ease  of  man- 
ner. A  lady  should  be  quiet  in  her  manners,  natural 
and  unassuming  in  her  language,  careful  to  wound  no 
one's  feelings,  but  giving  generously  and  freely  from 


14  VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

the  treasures  of  her  pure  mind  to  her  friends.  Scorn- 
ing no  one  openly,  but  having  a  gentle  pity  for  the 
unfortunate,  the  inferior  and  the  ignorant,  at  the  same 
time  carrying  herself  with  an  innocence  and  single- 
heartedness  which  disarms  ill  nature,  and  wins  respect 
and  love  from  all.  Such  an  one  is  a  model  for  her  sex; 
the  "bright  particular  star"  on  which  men  look  with 
revere-nce.  The  influence  of  such  a  woman,  is  a  power 
for  good  which  cannot  be  over-estimated. 

Every  young  girl  can  become  such  a  lady.  Men 
strive  to  please  and  honor  such  women.  Through 
them  must  come  those  refinements  of  manner  and 
speech  so  necessary  in  society. 

BEAUTY  WORTHLESS  WITHOUT  BREEDING. 

A  woman  may  be  gifted  with  great  beauty,  and  may 
still  be  very  unprepossessing,  if  she  does  not  cultivate 
that  knowledge  of  the  laws  of  etiquette  which  will 
enable  her  to  conduct  herself  so  that  she  will  not 
attract  attention  by  her  awkwardness  and  ignorance 
of  forms.  This  fact  is  emphasized  by  the  experience 
of  every  observer.  It  is  a  common  saying  that  many 
a  woman  who  has  no  personal  charms  to  boast  of,  is 
much  more  fascinating  than  her  more  beautiful  sisters, 
some  of  whom  have  depended  entirely  upon  their 
looks  to  please,  forgetting  that  "Beauty  is  only  skin- 
deep,"  and  that  the  flower  without  perfume  is  not 


BEAUTY  S    ATTRACTIONS. 


VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE.  15 

admired,  as  is  the  less  showy  but  fragrant  blossom. 
Fine  manners  are  the  outward  manifestations  of  an 
inward  beauty  that  the  world  is  quick  to  discern. 

Society  is  held  together,  so  to  speak,  by  certain 
unchangeable  laws,  which  bind  its  different  members 
in  one  harmonious  whole.  When  these  laws  are  not 
observed  through  ignorance  or  indifference,  how  mor- 
tifying are  the  experiences  of  those  who  have  com- 
mitted a  sin  against  good  breeding.  How  earnestly 
they  wish  that  they  had  known  better! 

COMPEL    RESPECT. 

To  be  mannerly  and  respectful,  to  know  how  to 
accept  the  amenities  of  social  life  and  to  return  them 
in  kind,  is  to  compel  respect  and  command  an  entrance 
into  good  society.  And  this  can  be  attained  by  any 
one,  rich  or  poor,  in  this  broad  land  of  ours,  where 
the  narrow  distinctions  of  caste  have  not  as  yet 
secured  a  foothold,  and  where  every  man  is  as  good 
as  a  king.  Thus  good  manners  become  a  practical 
lever  with  which  to  raise  one  in  his  daily  life.  Wealth 
needs  their  aid  to  give  character  and  tone  to  their 
surroundings.  The  poor  man  needs  them  to  assist 
him  in  finding  a  higher  position,  which  shall  be  more 
independent. 

Believing,  then,  in  the  intrinsic  value  of  etiquette, 
we  would  say,  in  the  words  of  another: 


16  VALUE  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

"The  finest  nature  and  the  most  generous  impulses, 
cannot  make  graceful  habits.  It  is  only  by  acquaint- 
ance with  the  accepted  customs  of  the  most  refined 
society,  that  the  pain  and  humiliation  of  embarrass- 
ment is  avoided.  He  who  knov/s  society  at  its  best  is 
easily  master  of  himself  in  any  lower  level.  Those 
have  been  bred  in  an  atmosphere  of  intelligent  refine- 
ment, and  know  no  way  but  the  right  way,  are  happy, 
because  mistakes  to  them  are  well  nigh  impossible, 
but  the  thousands  in  whose  busy  lives  there  has  been 
time  for  little  else  than  useful  and  honorable  work, 
but  whose  ambition  prompts  them  to  self-culture, 
need  not  despair  of  mastering  all  necessary  social 
forms,  and  acquiring  the  gentle  courtesy  which  is  the 
winning  secret  of  the  gently  bred." 


CHAPTER  II. 

HOME   MANNERS — HOME   THE  BIRTHPLACE  OF   GOOD 
MANNERS. 

THE  home  is  the  foundation  of  all  good  things. 
The  manners  that  win  respect  must  be  taught  in 
the  home  circle.  A  child  who  has  pleasant,  courteous 
parents,  who  seek  to  inculcate  simple  maxims  of  good 
behavior  is  fortunate,  and  starts  out  in  life  at.  an 
advantage  over  the  one  who  is  not  so  instructed. 

There  are  many  well-brecl  people  who  would  not 
for  the  world  transgress  a  rule  of  politeness,  but  who 
neglect  laying  down  any  rules  for  the  guidance  ot 
their  children,  thinking  possibly  that  when  they  are 
older,  they  will  naturally  acquire  that  ease  of  manner 
which  is  essential  to  success  in  the  world.  They  may 
possibly  do  so,  particularly  if  the  little  folks  are  of 
good  dispositions,  and  are  imitative.  But  that  does 
not  relieve  the  parents  of  their  duty  in  the  matter. 
They  owe  it  to  their  children  and  to  society,  to  in- 
struct them  how  to  be  gentle,  courteous,  and  above 
all,  self-denying. 

2  17 


18  HOME  MANNERS. 

BICKERINGS. 

How  often  strangers  are  shocked  and  repelled  by 
witnessing  the  little  bickerings  going  on  in  the  family 
circle  between  brothers  and  sisters.  These  discour- 
teous expressions  must  be  curbed  by  continual  over- 
sight on  the  part  of  parents  or  guardians,  and  by  firm 
and  wise  government. 

COURTESY  SHOULD  BE  PRACTICED  AT  ALL  TIMES. 

If  the  elder  members  of  a  family  practice  courtesy 
toward  each  other,  in  the  seclusion  of  the  home,  the 
young  will  catch  the  same  spirit,  and  it  will  be  far 
easier  for  the  young  man  and  young  woman  when 
their  turn  comes  to  enter  life's  busy  arena,  to  know 
what  is  expected  of  them.  They  have  a  capital  to 
begin  on,  as  it  were — and  that  capital  is  refined  man- 
ners. 

A  MOTHER'S  DUTY. 

Many  children  will  acquire  bad  qualities  through  the 
carelessness  of  those  who  have  them  in  their  care — 
such  as  malice,  greediness,  lack  of  personal  neatness, 
and  rough  indifference  to  the  comfort  of  others.  All 
these  faults  it  is  the  mother's  duty  to  eradicate.  Her 
first  care  must  be  to  teach  them  self-respect;  and  one 
of  the  first  evidences  of  this  feeling,  is  good  manners. 

All  children  have   an  inborn   sense  of  justice, 


HOME  MANNERS.  19 

should  never  be  reproved  before  strangers  for  any 
remissness.  A  rebellious  spirit  is  aroused,  which 
often  breaks  out  in  open  defiance  or  sullen  resentment. 
Children  can  be  trained  to  reciprocate  courtesies,  and 
to  behave  politely  everywhere,  without  making  prim 
little  martinets  of  them.  Teach  them  to  respect  each 
other's  rights — to  enjoy  their  merry  romp  and  innocent 
fun  without  hurting  each  other's  feelings,  or  playing 
upon  some  weakness.  Games  and  romps  should  be 
encouraged  at  home;  but  let  the  stronger  children 
guard  the  weaker,  nor  forget  that  even  fun  may 
become  rough  and  wearisome. 

GIVE    CHILDREN    PETS. 

A  fine  plan  to  draw  out  the  better  nature  of  children 
is  to  let  them  have  pets.  It  teaches  them  to  be  gentle 
and  protecting,  and  makes  them  self-reliant. 

Choose  their  companions,  or  rather  show  them  how 
to  select  those  for  intimates  who  will  not  lower  their 
moral  tone.  We  do  not  refer  to  their  social  position. 
Many  a  poor  boy  is  an  innate  gentleman.  Teach 
your  children  so  that  they  will  shrink  from  contact 
with  the  coarse  and  impure,  and  will  not  choose  their 
companions  for  the  money  their  parents  possess,  but 
for  their  true  worth  and  agreeable  manners.  Chil- 
dren must  be  taught  never  to  be  ashamed  of  a  poor 
friend,  but  to  blush  if  they  have  a  loud,  rude  associate, 


20  HOME  MANNERS. 

even   though    he    may   be  the  possessor   of  wealth 
untold. 

COMMENCE    LIFE   IN*  A   HOME   OF   YOUR   OWN. 

As  the  home  is  the  school  of  good  manners,  the 
young  couple  in  starting  out  to  build  a  home,  should 
first  secure  a  home,  not  a  boarding-place.  Once 
established  in  this  home,  preserve  its  affairs  inviolate. 
Do  not  betray  the  secrets  of  your  married  life  to  even 
your  most  intimate  friends.  In  fact  you  should 
have  no  friends  save  mutual  ones,  and  those  should 
never  be  made  confidantes  of.  A  man  or  woman 
who  will  speak  slightingly  of  a  life-companion, 
has  outraged  the  first  principles  of  happiness 
in  the  marriage  relations — respect  and  politeness, 
and  is  not  fit  to  be  trusted.  No  well-bred  person 
will  betray  the  faults  or  shortcomings  of  another. 

ECONOMY    NECESSARY. 

In  money  matters  the  wife  should  be  economical 
and  careful.  Often  women  incur  bills  without  the 
husband's  knowledge.  Such  a  course  is  disastrous  to 
a  man  who  is  struggling  to  attain  a  position  in  the 
world.  On  the  other  hand,  many  men  make  the  mis- 
take of  concealing  their  financial  condition  from  a 
wife.  Some  don't  wish  to  annoy  her  with  their  busi- 
ness worries,  while  others  think  their  money-matters 


HOME   MANNERS. 


HOME  MANNERS.  21 

do  not  concern  her.  .  Both  views  are  wrong.  Few 
women  would  spend  foolishly  if  they  knew  their  hus- 
bands could  not  afford  it,  but  would  take  pride  in 
regulating  their  expenses  to  keep  pace  with  their  hus- 
band's income. 

A  house  should  be  made  as  cheerful  and  light  as 
possible,  that  the  husband  may  look  forward  with 
delight  to  his  return  at  night,  after  a  hard  day's  work. 

A    WORD    TO    THE    WIFE. 

To  the  wife  we  would  say, — Be  as  careful  about 
your  dress  and  appearance  after  marriage  as  you  were 
before.  You  cannot  do  otherwise  without  losing  some 
portion  of  your  husband's  regard.  To  dress  well  in  soci- 
ety and  to  appear  careless  and  even  slovenly  at  home, 
is  equivalent  to  saying  that  you  care  more  to  make 
a  favorable  impression  upon  strangers  than  upon  your 
husband.  This  course  will  naturally  offend  him,  and 
possibly  he  will  cease  to  show  you  that  politeness 
which  you  expect  to  receive,  and  thus  will  be  laid  the 
foundation  of  those  careless  manners  we  too  often  see 
in  the  family  circle,  and  which  are  such  bad  examples 
for  the  young. 

TREAT   YOUR   HUSBAND'S    GUESTS    KINDLY. 

Be  polite  to  the  guest  your  husband  brings  home. 
If  he  surprises  you  with  a  business  acquaintance  whom 


22  HOME  MANNERS. 

he  has  invited  without  notifying  you,  do  not  appear 
disconcerted.  Meet  him  with  that  graceful  courtesy 
which  warms  the  heart  of  a  stranger,  and  make  no 
apology  for  your  table.  If  it  is  set  neatly,  and  the 
food  is  cooked  properly,  you  can  make  the  guest  tor- 
get  the  lack  of  profusion  of  rich  viands  by  the  cor- 
diality of  your  manner. 

HUSBANDS,    BE  POLITE. 

"The  husband  should  be  as  studiously  polite  when 
at  home  as  when  in  society.  In  fact,  no  man  can  be 
a  true  gentleman  without  being  habitually  polite  and 
considerate  at  home.  A  chivalrous  regard  for  a  wife, 
and  a  deference  to  her  wishes  and  comfort,  is  a  sure 
indication  of  refinement,  and  will  go  far  toward  hold- 
ing her  love  and  allegiance.  His  own  personal  tastes 
should  be  cheerfully  sacrificed  to  her  happiness.  He 
should  take  her  to  social  gatherings  when  he  attends 
himself,  and  be  at  all  times  considerate  of  those 
things  which  will  give  her  pleasure.  His  evenings 
should  be  spent  at  home  and  in  her  society." 

"The  tongue  is  a  little  member,  but  it  should  be 
jealously  guarded.  Harsh  and  cutting  things  should 
not  be  said  after  marriage,  any  more  than  before.  In 
cases  of  difference  of  opinion,  charity  and  tolerance 
should  be  shown,  within  the  family  as  much  as  with- 
out. Coarse  and  unrefined  conversation  can  never  be 


HOME  MANNERS.  23 

indulged  in  without  a  loss  of  respect  which  involves 
a  loss  of  influence  and  power.  Fits  of  temper  and 
hysterics  should  be  controlled  and  conquered,  as  they 
are  destructive  to  the  peace  of  the  family.  Any 
deception  of  one  by  the  other  will  destroy  all  faith 
and  render  a  perfect  union  impossible." 

EXAMPLE  OF   A   FATHER. 

A  father  should  never  utter  an  immoral  thought  or 
a  profane  word  in  the  home  circle.  The  respect  he 
professes  for  his  wife  should  check  such  ill-breeding. 
Children  are  quick  to  notice,  and  example  is  more 
powerful  than  words.  They  cannot  respect  a  parent 
who  is  coarse  and  uncouth  in  his  manners,  or  who 
uses  too  much  freedom.  As  a  writer  has  said,  in 
speaking  of  the  careless  way  in  which  fathers  speak  to 
their  children,  and  the  loss  of  self-respect  which  it 
begets: 

"One  great  reason  for  the  absence  of  this  feeling  in 
children  is,  that  parents  and  grown  people  do  not  show 
to  them  that  respect  which  they  deserve.  When  you 
hear  a  father  speaking  to  his  children,  calling  them 
'chap,'  'kids,'  or  'young  'uns, '  you  may  be  sure  there 
will  be  a  lack  of  self-respect  on  the  part  of  the  chil- 
dren. Call  children  by  their  right  names,  speak  to 
them  in  an  affectionate  way,  make  them  feel  that  you 
are  counting  on  them  for  something,  and  they  will 


24  HOME  MANNERS. 

then  think  something  of  themselves.  Self-respect  is 
one  of  the  necessary  conditions  of  a  true  womanhood 
and  manhood.  It  saves  children  from  engaging  in 
the  thousand  little  dishonorable  things  that  defile 
the  character  and  blast  the  reputation.  The  mother 
having  once  made  her  dear  ones  conscious  that  they 
are  somebody — the  objects  of  a  mother's  love  and  a 
mother's  prayers — it  will  serve  as  a  shield  to  them  in 
a  thousand  temptations." 

A   GOOD    INHERITANCE. 

There  is  no  better -inheritance  to  leave  children 
than  the  memory  of  kind  and  gentle-mannered  par- 
ents, whose  influence  for  good  will  go  with  them 
through  life.  And  there  is  no  better  discipline,  or 
one  which  will  better  prepare  them  for  the  hard  bat- 
tles of  life,  than  to  teach  them  to  yield  their  own  wills 
to  others,  to  remember  that  they  must  respect  the 
tastes  and  wishes  of  others,  and  that  to  make  the  cares 
of  this  life  endurable,  they  should  be  cheerfully  obe- 
dient and  self-sacrificing. 


CHAPTER  III. 

A    FEW    WORDS  TO    THE    CHILDREN — SELF-APPROBATION 
NATURAL. 

eVERY  right-minded  boy  or  girl  is  anxious  to  be 
well  thought  of.  The  first  step  toward  the 
attainment  of  this  desire,  is  to  cultivate  courtesy.  Be 
deferent  to  those  who  are  your  superiors  in  age  and 
position.  "Young  America"  has  the  idea  that  it  is  a 
proof  of  independence  and  manliness  to  speak  flip- 
pantly and  sneeringly  of  parents  or  guardians,  referring 
to  them  as  "the  governor,"  "the  old  lady,"  or  "the 
old  party."  There  is  no  greater  mistake  made,  and 
the  listeners  who  may  smile  at  your  "wit"  will  just  as 
surely  censure  you  in  their  hearts  for  your  coarseness 
and  disrespect.  The  boy  who  permits  himself  to  adopt 
this  style  of  address  cannot  become  a  gentleman.  The 
young  person  who  does  not  respect  himself,  will  not 
respect  his  elders. 

Do  not  imitate  the  vices  of  men,  imagining  that  it 
will  make  you  a  man  also.  Smoking  and  chewing  are 
deadly  foes  to  the  healthful  growth.  Do  not  use 
tobacco.  There  is  something  unwholesome  about  a 

25 


26  A  FEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN. 

boy  of  twelve  or  fourteen  who  uses  tobacco  in  any 
form.  He  loses  his  manliness  and  vigor,  his  sense  of 
right  and  wrong  becomes  perverted,  and  his  ambition 
leaves  him.  Never  touch  tobacco  or  liquors,  if  you 
desire  to  be  a  clean,  manly  man. 

"  We  cannot  all  be  heroes 

And  thrill  a  hemisphere 
With  some  great  daring  venture, 

Some  deed  that  mocks  at  fear; 
But  we  can  fill  a  lifetime 

With  kindly  acts  and  true, 
There's  always  noble  service 

For  noble  souls  to  do. 

"We  cannot  all  be  preachers, 

And  sway  with  voice  and  pen, 
As  strong  winds  sway  the  forest, 
The  minds  and  hearts  of  men; 
But  we  can  be  evangels 

To  souls  within  our  reach, 
There's  always  love's  own  gospel 
For  loving  hearts  to  preach." 

NOT  ALL  CAN  BECOME  FAMOUS. 

It  is  not  given  to  all  children  to  become  famous. 
But  it  is  in  the  power  of  every  boy  and  girl  to  be 
truthful,  honest,  outspoken,  and  fearless;  to  hate  a 
lie,  and  to  check  every  evil  thought.  It  is  easy  to  be 
a  real  lady  or  gentleman.  Practice  politeness — make 
it  the  rule  of  your  everyday  life,  at  home,  at  school, 
or  on  the  play-ground. 


A  PEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN.  27 

The  big  boy  can  see  that  the  little  one  is  not 
imposed  upon.  The  big  girl  can  take  the  part  of 
another  girl  whose  home  surroundings  are  not  so  pleas- 
ant as  her  own. 

Never  sneer  at  any  one  who  is  deformed  or  lame, 
or  whose  clothes  are  shabby. 

Care  for  your  dumb  pets  in  a  kind  way,  feeding  them, 
and  sheltering  them.  Neither  torment  them  your- 
selves, nor  allow  others  to. 

In  play,  be  fair.  Do  not  cheat.  This  may  be  a 
hard  lesson  to  learn,  but  it  is  one  of  the  grandest,  to 
understand  that  you  must  accord  perfect  justice  to 
others  in  your  transactions  with  them.  It  will  serve 
you  well  in  after  life. 

Do  not  rush  into  the  house  like  a  whirlwind,  forget- 
ting to  cleanse  your  feet  upon  the  mat.  Shut  doors 
quietly.  There  are  people  whose  nerves  are  so  sensi- 
tive that  doors  slammed  to,  will  almost  make  them  ill. 

Don't  entertain  your  parents  at  the  table  with  com- 
plaints of  your  brothers  and  sisters. 

Obey  readily,  even  though  you  can't  see  why  you 
should  or  should  not. 

BE  COURTEOUS   TO   ALL. 

Speak  pleasantly  to  your  playmates.  Never  pre- 
sent yourself  at  table,  with  soiled  face  and  hands,  or 
uncombed  hair.  Do  not  interrupt  conversation.  It  is 


28  A  FEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN. 

delightful  to  hear  a  bright,  sensible  boy  or  girl  talk, 
but  they  should  wait  until  they  are  addressed,  and  tell 
what  interests  them  in  a  simple  manner,  without 
affectation,  or  feeling  that  they  are  heroes. 

Boys,  do  not  tease  your  sisters,  or  try  to  dictate  to 
them.  A  manly  boy  protects  his  sisters,  and  looks 
after  their  comfort. 

Do  not  stare  at  people,  nor  turn  and  look  after 
them  in  the  street.  If  you  observe  a  peculiar  looking, 
or  lame  person  approaching,  appear  not  to  notice 
them;  pass  them  without  a  glance,  and  make  no  com- 
ment until  they  are  out  of  hearing. 

BE   ORDERLY. 

Have  certain  places  for  your  clothes,  your  toys, 
tools,  and  books,  and  when  you  are  done  using 
them,  put  them  in  their  place.  Cultivate  this 
habit,  and  you  will  grow  into  neat,  orderly  ladies  and 
gentlemen,  the  pride  of  your  mothers,  and  will  be 
welcome  in  every  home  which  you  visit. 

DO    NOT    MEDDLE. 

Never  meddle  with  other  people's  property.  As  a 
rule,  it  is  very  offensive  to  have  one's  cherished  arti- 
cles handled  indiscriminately.  Many  boys  seize  things 
which  are  shown  them  in  a  rough  manner,  and  pull 
them  to  pieces.  Their  fond  parents  excuse  this  destruc- 


A    PRETTY    GROUP. 


A  FE1V  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN.  29 

tive  tendency  as  the  act  of  an  "inquiring  mind,"  that 
"must  know  the  ins  and  outs  of  everything,"  but  we 
would  prefer  a  boy  to  be  a  little  less  inquisitive,  and 
a  little  more  of  a  gentleman. 

Girls,  much  of  the  advice  given  to  the  boys,  is 
applicable  to  you. 

Be  neat  and  cleanly,  both  in  mind  and  body.  Take 
scrupulous  care  of  your  teeth  and  finger  nails.  Your 
clothes  may  not  be  of  the  richest  material,  but  if 
they  are  made  neatly  and  are  kept  in  perfect  repair, 
that  is  all  that  is  necessary. 

Your  every-day  toilet  is  part  of  your  character.  A  girl 
that  looks  like  a  "fury"  or  "sloven"  in  the  morning, 
is  not  to  bs  trusted,  however  finely  she  may  look  in 
the  evening.  No  matter  how  humble  your  room  may 
be,  there  are  eight  things  it  should  contain,  namely: 
A  mirror,  washstand,  soap,  towel,  comb,  hair,  nail 
and  tooth  brushes.  These  are  just  as  essential  as  your 
breakfast,  before  which  you  should  make  good  use  of 
them.  Parents  who  fail  to  provide  their  children  with 
such  appliances,  not  only  make  a  great  mistake,  but 
commit  a  sin  of  omission.  Look  tidy  in  the  morning, 
and  after  dinner  work  is  over,  improve  your  toilet 
Make  it  a  rule  of  your  daily  life  to  "dress  up"  for  the 
afternoon.  Your  dress  may,  or  need  not,  be  anything 
better  than  calico;  but  with  a  ribbon  or  flower,  or 
some  bit  of  ornament,  you  can  have  an  air  of  self- 


30  A  FEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN. 

respect  and  satisfaction  that  invariably  comes  with 
being  well-dressed.  A  girl  with  fine  sensibilities  can- 
not help  feeling  embarrassed  and  awkward  in  a  ragged 
and  dirty  dress,  with  her  hair  unkempt,  should  a  neigh- 
bor come  in.  Moreover,  your  self-respect  should 
demand  the  decent  appareling  of  your  body.  You 
should  make  it  a  point  to  Icok  as  well  as  you  can, 
even  if  you  know  nobody  will  see  you  but  yourself. 

Be  frank,  easy  and  cordial  in  your  manners.  Do 
not  fear  to  show  that  you  have  a  heart.  Do  not  hesi- 
tate to  say  a  kind  word  to  this  one,  or  perform  a  tri- 
fling act  of  courtesy  for  that  one,  for  fear  you  may  be 
thought  "queer;"  give  a  cheery  word  to  the  aged  one 
whose  journey  is  almost  over.  Speak  the  timely 
word  to  the  sad-faced  man  or  woman  whose  loneliness 
your  well-meant  effort  will  cheer. 

Do  not  be  afraid  to  let  the  sunshine  of  your  happy 
souls  flow  out  and  permeate  all  you  meet.  Be  cheer- 
ful, frank,  natural;  and  give  royally  of  the  rich  treas- 
ures of  your  generous  souls,  and  blessings  shall  fol- 
low you. 

HABITS   TO   AVOID, 

It  is  very  rude  to  ask  direct  questions,  such  as 
"Where  are  you  going?"  "What  have  you  got  in  that 
package?"  In  fact^do  not  show  curiosity  about  other 
people's  affairs. 


A  FEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN.  31 

Do  not  look  over  another's  shoulder,  when  they 
are  reading,  nor  read  their  letters,  even  if  they  are 
left  cacelessly  lying  around.  You  have  no  right  to 
pry  into  the  business  of  any  one. 

Many  children  form  habits  which  are  not  nice,  such 
as  spitting  on  the  floor,  scratching  the  head,  stretch- 
ing themselves  out  upon  a  chair,  yawning,  etc.  All 
such  habits  are  exceedingly  low-bred,  and  are  avoided 
by  the  child  who  aims  to  acquire  good  manners. 

TRAINING    OF    CHILDREN. 

Every  child  should  receive  some  training  which  will 
fit  it  for  some  useful  occupation  in  life.  Riches  are 
transitory,  and  laziness  is  the  parent  of  many  sins.  If 
you  are  never  compelled  to  earn  your  own  living,  such 
training  will  discipline  and  develop  a  self-reliance  and 
energy.  As  a  writer  pertinently  says,  on  this  point: 

"Men  like  Franklin,  and  Lincoln,  and  Grant,  and 
women  like  Harriet  Martineau  and  Harriet  Beecher 
Stowe,  and  scores  of  others  who  have  left  their  imprint 
on  their  nation  or  their  age,  were  disciplined  and 
developed  by  labor.  Would  you  see  the  strong  and 
honored  men  and  women  of  to-morrow?  They  can 
be  found  in  the  field  and  factory  and  office  of  to-day, 
gaining  that  patience  and  toughness  of  mental  and 
physical  fiber  which  does  noble  deeds  and  conquers 
success.  Labor  is  not  only  a  duty,  it  is  a  necessity 


82  A  hEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN. 

of  our  nature,  and  in  the  end  it  ministers  to  our  spir- 
itual growth.  Let  no  parent,  then,  encourage  a  child 
to  look  forward  to  a  life  of  idleness.  Life  is  a  school, 
and  he  who  lives  an  idle  life  misses  its  most  valuable 
lesson." 

A  question  often  comes  up,  not  so  easily  answered, 
— What  shall  I  do  with  my  hands?  Some  ladies  always 
carry  a  fan.  But  you  cannot  always  have  one  in 
your  hands,  so  it  is  better  to  practice  keeping  the 
arms  pressed  lightly  against  the  sides  in  walking  or 
sitting.  This  position  for  the  hands,  although  a  little 
stiff  at  first,  will  soon  become  easy  and  graceful. 

It  is  almost  impossible  for  a  girl  to  learn  the  value 
of  time.  If  you  have  occasion  to  enter  a  place  of 
business,  state  what  you  want  and  then  retire  as 
quickly  as  possible.  You  have  no  right  to  encroach 
upon  the  time  of  a  man  of  business. 

USE  MONEY  SENSIBLY. 

When  your  parents  give  you  money,  or  you  earn  it 
for  yourself,  learn  to  spend  it  judiciously.  Keep  your 
accounts  accurately.  Bookkeeping  is  a  very  impor- 
tant part  of  a  woman's  education.  The  women  of 
high  rank  in  England  are  careful  a^Dcoiwitants  and 
keep  a  strict  account  of  all  their  expenditures.  French 
women  are  taught  the  most  rigid  economy.  It  is  well 
to  provide  against  future  needs,  and  to  have  a  balance 
that  you  may  bestow  in  charity. 


A  FEW  WORDS  TO  THE  CHILDREN.  33 

And  above  all,  do  not  affect  a  "loud"  or  "fast" 
demeanor.  Guard  well  your  fair  name.  The  first 
duty  which  every  young  person  owes  to  himself  or 
herself,  is  to  establish  a  good  character.  This  is  easy. 
With  the  instructions  that  every  inmate  of  a  good 
home  receives,  with  the  aid  of  kindly  counsel  and  pure 
example,  and  an  innate  love  for  things  that  are  good,  it 
is  impossible  that  you  should  not  build  up  a  character 
that  shall  be  as  impregnable  as  the  rock  of  Gibraltar. 

Every  boy  and  girl  desires  a  good  name.  Then 
earn  it,  by  truthful  lips  and  heart,  by  scorning  deceit 
or  base  actions,  by  living  upright,  fearless  lives,  which 
are  proudly  open  to  the  inspection  of  all  the  world. 

In  youth  the  foundation  is  laid  for  good  or  evil 
name.  While  there  are  many  cases  on  record  where 
bad  boys  and  girls  have  outgrown  their  ill-flavored 
deeds  and  become  good  men  and  women,  still  the 
weight  of  testimony  proves  such  cases  rare.  The 
beautiful  seeds  that  blossom  into  grand  deeds  are 
planted  in  early  youth.  As  a  young  person  grows  up, 
so  will  he  generally  be  found  when  mingling  with  the 
active  duties  of  real  life. 

You  owe  the  winning  of  a  good  name  to  yourselves, 
and  to  the  parents  and  friends  whose  peace  of  mind 
is  to  be  made  perfect,  or  rudely  crushed,  by  your  con- 
duct. Then  strive  for  a  good  name;  cherish  it  care- 
fully, and  remember  that  immortal  text,  "A  good  name 
is  rather  to  be  chosen  than  much  riches." 


CHAPTER  IV. 

IN   THE    STREET. 

1~N  no  country  are  women  so  highly  respected,  or 
treated  so  courteously  as  in  America.  A  lady  can 
travel  anywhere,  without  an  escort,  and  hear  no  dis- 
respectful language,  or  sneers,  and  she  can  feel  assured 
that,  should  an  emergency  arise,  she  would  be 
accorded  the  amplest  protection. 

PRIVILEGES   OF   WOMEN. 

Women  do  not  know  how  great  are  their  privileges. 
Abroad  a  lady  would  not  find  it  safe  or  proper  to  walk 
out  alone.  Here  two  or  three  ladies  may,  if  they 
so  desire,  attend  places  of  amusement,  ride  in  the 
cars,  or  promenade  unaccompanied  by  a  gentleman. 
This  fact  amazes  strangers  from  other  lands.  It 
arises  from  two  causes — the  natural  inborn  chivalry  of 
American  gentlemen,  and  the  independent,  unaffected 
natures  of  American  women. 

YOUNG    GIRLS. 

It  is  understood,  however,  that   very  young  girls 

34 


IN  THE  STREET.  35 

are  never  seen  anywhere  without  some  older  person 
as  an  escort.  Too  great  freedom  engenders  a  coarse, 
loud  manner  which  is  distasteful. 

There  is  no  place  where  one's  manners  are  more 
plainly  discernible,  or  where  the  natural  selfishness 
inherent  in  all  will  exhibit  itself  more  conspicuously, 
than  on  the  street  or  in  crowded  places.  And  one  is 
apt  to  be  judged  very  harshly  sometimes  by  their 
deportment  on  the  public  promenade. 

A  LADY'S  DRESS. 

A  true  lady  always  dresses  simply  and  quietly  when 
in  street  costume.  She  does  not  adopt  gay  and  showy 
colors  and  load  herself  down  with  jewelry,  which  is 
entirely  out  of  place,  and  conveys  a  very  great  anxiety 
to  "show  off."  Custom  sanctions  more  brilliant  col- 
ors in  dress  goods  than  formerly,  but  they  should  be 
selected  with  modifications  for  outdoor  wear.  Quiet, 
subdued  shades  give  an  air  of  refinement,  and  never 
subject  their  wearer  to  unfavorable  criticisms. 

French  ladies,  who  are  noted  for  their  exquisite 
taste  in  matters  of  dress,  always  have  everything 
harmonize — the  dress,  hat,  wrap,  gloves,  and  even 
their  shoes  all  match  in  color,  forming  a  complete 
unison  which,  is  very  agreeable  to  the  eye 


36  IN  THE  STREET. 

CULTIVATE    AN    EASY   GAIT. 

A  lady  should  always  walk  in  an  easy,  unassuming 
manner,  neither  looking  to  the  right  or  to  the  left. 
If  anything  in  a  store  window  attracts  her  notice  she 
can  stop  and  examine  it  with  propriety,  and  then 
resume  her  walk.  She  never  should  hear  a  rude 
remark,  or  see  an  impertinent  glance,  but  should  be 
incapable  of  appearing  to  think  it  possible  that  they 
could  be  intended  for  her. 

GIGGLING   DETESTABLE. 

A  lady  who  desires  a  reputation  for  elegant  manners 
does  not  giggle  or  whisper  in  a  meaning  way  on  the 
cars  or  in  theaters  or  lecture  rooms.  She  reserves  all 
those  disagreeable  fashions  for  a  more  private  place. 
Neither  do  ladies  commence  to  laugh  as  soon  as  the 
door  has  closed  upon  a  retiring  guest.  They  may  be 
laughing  about  something  entirely  foreign  to  the  pres- 
ent, but  it  is  not  in  human  nature  to  help  imagining 
the  laugh  is  aimed  at  the  one  who  has  just  left  the  cir- 
cle, and  they  will  feel  uncomfortable  in  consequence. 
Remain  perfectly  quiet  until  you  are  sure  your  friend  is 
out  of  hearing,  ere  you  resume  your  conversation. 

Loud  talking  is  inexcusable  at  all  times,  and  gives 
a  very  vulgar  tone  to  what  you  say.  A  lady  does  not 
call  to  her  friends  across  the  street,  or  inquire  after 
their  health  in  a  boisterous  fashion. 


IN  THE  STREET.  37 

NEVER   FLIRT. 

No  lady  ever  flirts  on  the  street,  or  allows  a  stranger 
to  make  her  acquaintance.  She  may  consider  it  only 
a  bit  of  "fun,"  but  she  will  surely  not  win  the  respect 
of  that  stranger,  and  also  lose  her  own. 

If  a  lady  is  on  her  way  to  fulfill  an  engagement,  and 
meets  a  friend,  she  can,  after  the  first  greetings, 
excuse  herself  from  a  long  talk,  by  stating  the  fac\ 
and  offer  a  polite  regret  that  she  cannot  remain  longer. 

DO    NOT    UCUT"    ANY    ONE. 

Never  "cut"  people  in  public.  If  there  are  reasons 
why  you  desire  to  discontinue  an  acquaintance,  either 
turn  your  head  before  meeting  that  person,  or  convey 
to  him  in  some  delicate  hint,  your  feelings.  But  do 
not  expose  any  one  to  the  mortification  of  a  cold, 
rude  stare,  or  refuse  to  return  the  salutation  made 
before  the  eyes  of  others. 

In  bowing  on  the  street,  a  lady  must  merely  incline 
her  head  gracefully,  and  not  her  body.  But  she 
should  always  smile  pleasantly.  It  lights  up  the  feat- 
ures, and  adds  a  refreshing  warmth  to  the  greeting. 

On  meeting  her  friends  in  public,  a  lady  does  not 
effusively  greet  them  by  their  first  names,  and  air 
her  own  affairs  in  a  loud,  high  key,  acquainting  pass- 
ers-by with  matters  that  concern  her  alone. 

She  should  not  stare  at  other  ladies,    and  whisper 


38  IN  THE  STREET. 

and  laugh  in  a  pointed    manner,  or  comment    upon 
their  personal  appearance. 

She  should  never  permit  one  of  the  opposite  sex  to 
address  her  in  a  slangy  fashion,  touch  her  on  the 
shoulder,  call  her  by  her  first  name  before  strangers. 
All  such  little  familiarities,  although  intended  inno- 
cently enough,  will  give  others  the  impression  that 
she  is  not  held  in  the  highest  esteem. 

We  are  happy  to  say  that  young  ladies  are  very  court- 
eous to  elderly  ones  as  a  rule,  giving  them  up  their 
seats,  and  answering  their  questions  with  gentle  polite- 
ness. This  is  as  it  should  be,  and  reflects  credit  upon 
any  young  person  of  either  sex. 

ACCEPTING    ATTENTIONS. 

A  lady  may  accept  the  assistance  of  a  strange  gen- 
tleman in  getting  on  or  off  a  car,  or  in  crossing  a  muddy 
or  crowded  street.  Such  attentions  should  be  accept- 
ed in  the  spirit  in  which  they  are  offered,  and  acknowl- 
edged with  thanks. 

In  passing  people  on  the  walk,  turn  to  the  right. 
Do  not  join  forces  with  three  or  four  others,  and 
take  up  the  entire  pathway,  compelling  every  one  to 
turn  out  for  you.  Walk  in  couples,  when  there  are 
several  friends  in  your  party. 

Ladies  do  not  chew  gum  on  the  streets,  or  rush  up 
to  each  other  and  kiss  effusively. 


IN  THE  STREET.  3d 

Nor  do  they  hold  up  the  peculiarities  of  absent 
friends  to  ridicule,  or  discuss  them  uncharitably. 
Gossip  and  slander  are  very  near  friends.  Never 
indulge  in  either. 

POLITENESS    TO    CLERKS. 

When  a  lady  goes  shopping,  she  treats  the  attend- 
ants of  either  sex  with  politeness.  Often  these  clerks 
are  tired,  and  overworked,  and  a  lady  does  not  take 
it  as  a  personal  affront  because  they  do  not  know 
intuitively  just  what  she  wants. 

Do  not  seize  hold  of  a  piece  of  goods  which  another 
customer  is  examining,  but  wait  until  she  has  either 
made  her  purchase  or  passed  it  by. 

BUY    WHAT   YOU    NEED    ONLY. 

Never  be  persuaded  into  buying  an  article  which 
does  not  suit  both  your  taste  and  your  purse.  Make 
your  wants  known  plainly,  and  if  you  cannot  be  suited, 
thank  the  salesman  for  having  endeavored  to  please 
you.  Remember,  he  has  myriads  of  demands  upon 
his  time  and  patience,  and  a  polite  word  lightens  the 
tediousness  of  their  positions. 

If  you  meet  a  friend  while  shopping,  do  not  visit 
with  them,  while  the  saleswoman  is  awaiting  your 
orders.  You  have  no  right  to  take  up  their  time,  and 
keep  them  from  waiting  upon  other  customers. 


40  IN  THE  STREET. 

If  you  do  not  fancy  the  goods  shown  you,  do  not 
depreciate  them  to  the  one  serving  you,  but  merely 
say  in  an  agreeable  manner,  "It  is  not  just  what  I 
want,"  and  pass  on. 

Do  not  handle  the  goods  yourself,  except  to  feel 
their  texture  or  weight,  but  allow  the  salesman  to  place 
them  to  the  best  advantage  for  showing  their  good 
qualities  to  you.  If  you  cannot  decide  at  once 
between  several  pieces  of  goods,  say  so,  and  give  the 
salesman  permission  to  attend  to  some  other  custom- 
er, while  you  are  making  up  your  mind. 

WHAT   A   GENTLEMAN   SHOULD   DO. 

A  gentleman  never  swaggers  along  the  street, 
shouting  and  laughing  with  his  companions,  his  hat 
on  one  side,  a  cigar  between  his  fingers,  or  switching 
a  cane  to  the  danger  or  discomfort  of  passers-by. 

But  if  he  is  smoking  and  passes  a  lady  quite  near, 
he  removes  the  cigar  from  his  mouth. 

A  gentleman  when  walking  with  a  lady  in  the  day- 
time, does  not  offer  her  his  arm,  unless  she  is  old,  or 
ill,  or  he  does  so  for  the  purpose  of  protecting  her  in 
a  large  crowd. 

He  should  not  monopolize  the  umbrella  when  with 
two  ladies  in  a  rain-storm,  but  should  take  the  outside, 
holding  it  over  both. 


IN  THE  STREET.  41 

OFFERING    THE    ARM. 

If  attending  a  lady  in  the  evening,  it  is  customary 
to  offer  her  the  arm.  If  he  has  the  care  of  two  ladies, 
he  should  give  his  arm  to  but  one,  and  they  should 
both  walk  on  the  same  side  of  him.  It  is  a  very 
amusing  sight  to  see  a  gentleman  walking  between  two 
ladies,  a  sort  of  a  thorn-between-two-roses  affair. 

A  gentleman  removes  his  hat  when  entering  a  room 
where  there  are  ladies.  When  he  meets  a  lady  friend, 
he  should  raise  his  hat  gracefully,  and  if  she  is  with 
another  lady,  he  should  include  her  in  the  salutation 
even  though  he  is  unacquainted  with  her. 

WHISTLING    IN    PUBLIC. 

On  entering  a  public  hallway,  or  an  elevator,  where 
ladies  are  waiting,  he  does  not  treat  them  to  an  exhi- 
bition of  his  skill  in  whistling.  It  is  exceedingly 
impertinent,  and  is  a  virtual  ignoring  of  their  presence 
which  no  gentleman  is  ever  guilty  of. 

In  passing  through  a  door,  the  gentleman  holds  it 
open  for  the  lady,  even  though  he  never  saw  her 
before.  He  also  precedes  the  lady  in  ascending  stairs, 
and  allows  her  to  precede  him  in  descending. 

When  a  gentleman  meets  a  lady  friend  with  whom 
he  wishes  to  converse,  he  does  not  make  her  stand 
in  the  street,  but  walks  with  her  a  short  distance  until 


42  IN  THE  STREET. 

he  has  said  what  he  desired  to,  and  then  leaves  her 
with  a  courteous  bow. 

ANSWERING    STRANGERS. 

Whenever  a  question  is  asked  by  a  stranger,  he 
freely  answers  it.  If  he  cannot  direct  such  an  one, 
he  states  his  inability  to  do  so,  with  civility. 

No  gentleman  will  stare  rudely  at  ladies,  or  make 
slighting  remarks  concerning  them. 

REMOVING    THE    GLOVE. 

It  is  not  obligatory  upon  a  gentleman  to  remove  his 
glove  when  shaking  hands  with  a  lady.  If  he  chooses, 
he  can  say  "Excuse  my  glove,"  or  he  can  observe  a 
silence  concerning  it. 

He  should  always  carry  the  packages  which  a  lady 
has;  and  in  this  connection  permit  us  to  say,  that  a 
husband  should  always  carry  the  baby. 

SMOKING   WHEN    IN    A    LADY'S   SOCIETY. 

A  gentleman  should  never  smoke  while  walking  with 
a  lady,  not  even  if  she  politely  fibs  by  saying  it  is  not 
offensive  to  her.  In  fact,  he  should  not  smoke  where 
ladies  are,  under  any  circumstances. 

If  a  gantleman  escorts  a  lady  to  her  home,  and  is 
not  going  into  the  house,  he  should  wait  until  the  door 
is  opened,  and  he  sees  her  safely  inside,  especially 
after  dark. 


IN  THE  STREET.  43 


He  should  never  "cut"  a  lady.  He  can  have  no 
possible  excuse  for  thus  treating  one  who  dressed  and 
acted  like  a  lady.  If  he  is  actuated  by  a  foolish  dis- 
like, he  can  avoid  her,  but  he  must  never  cease  to  be 
courteous. 

SWEET    BREATHS. 

Both  ladies  and  gentlemen  will  be  very  careful  to 
keep  their  breaths  sweet  and  pure.  We  wish  there 
were  some  law  to  prevent  people  from  polluting  their 
breaths  with  onions  and  tobacco  when  they  are  going 
into  a  mixed  company.  No  one  has  a  right  to  make 
himself  in  any  manner  offensive  to  others.  All  the 
laws  of  good  breeding  forbid  it. 

In  crossing  a  muddy  street,  the  gentleman  should 
give  a  lady  the  cleanest  spots,  and  may  assist  a  strange 
lady  to  cross  if  she  is  in  need  of  such  help. 

A  gentleman  should  not  thrust  his  feet  out  into  a  car 
aisle,  or  crook  his  elbows  so  as  to  strike  his  neighbor 
in  the  side,  or  expectorate  at  random.  Nor  should 
he  spread  open  his  paper  to  its  full  size,  and  exclude 
the  light  and  view  from  others. 

ASSIST  LADIES  FROM  A  CARRIAGE. 

In  assisting  a  lady  to  alight  from  a  carriage,  he 
should  step  out  first,  and  then  turn  and  offer  her 
both  hands,  particularly  if  the  vehicle  be  some  dis- 
tance from  the  ground. 


44  IN  THE  STREET. 

He  should  pass  up  the  fare  of  a  lady  in  a  car  or 
bus,  and  should  get  off  the  steps  of  a  car  when  it  is 
crowded,  to  permit  her  to  enter  it.  He  should  never 
push  his  way  in,  and  leave  her  standing  upon  the  plat- 
form. 

HELPING  A  LADY  TO  MOUNT  A  HORSE. 

It  is  quite  an  art  to  help  a  lady  to  mount  horseback. 
She  should  place  her  left  foot  in  one  of  his  hands, 
with  her  left  hand  upon  his  shoulder,  and  her  right 
hand  on  the  pommel  of  the  saddle.  Then  at  a  given 
word,  she  springs  up,  the  gentleman  at  the  same  time 
raising  his  hand  so  that  he  assists  her  into  the  saddle. 
In  riding,  he  should  aways  keep  on  her  right  side. 

Don't  shake  a  lady's  hand  so  violently  as  to  annoy 
her,  nor  press  it  with  such  force  that  you  will  hurt  her 
fingers. 

A  gentleman  should  not  inquire  into  any  one's  busi- 
ness, nor  presume  upon  a  chance  introduction  he  has 
had,  to  walk  with  her  when  he  meets  her  again,  or 
to  call  at  her  house. 

PHYSICAL  TRAINING. 

A  gentleman  should  pay  great  regard  to  physical 
training.  The  more  manly  arts  he  masters,  such  as 
rowing,  boxing,  swimming,  skating,  etc.,  the  greater 
will  be  his  development,  and  the  more  graceful  will 
he  become.  It  will  add  to  his  strength,  and  better  fit 


IN  THE  STREET.  45 

him  to  defend  himself  against  insult,  and  to  protect 
women  from  ungentlemanly  conduct  upon  the  part  of 
others.  To  these  accomplishments  he  should  add 
dancing,  which  lends  a  grace  and  ease  of  manner  that 
is  pleasing  in  all  society.  It  teaches  him  how  to  avoid 
being  awkward  in  his  attitudes. 

When  a  gentleman  makes  an  engagement,  he  should 
be  punctual  in  keeping  it,  whether  of  a  business 
nature,  or  simply  pleasure. 

OFFERING  A  SEAT  TO  A  LADY. 

It  has  long  been  a  moot  question  whether  it  is  the 
duty  of  a  gentleman  to  rise  in  a  street-car  and  offer 
his  seat  to  a  lady.  While  it  may  be  asserted  that  a 
man  is  weary  after  a  hard  day's  work  in  office  or 
store,  and  again,  that  many  ladies  take  such  courtesies 
in  an  unthankful  spirit,  or  as  if  it  were  their  just  due, 
still  we  think  that  the  essence  of  genuine  civility  will 
lead  a  gentleman  to  rise  and  offer  his  seat  to  a  lady 
who  is  standing. 

We  think  Lor-d  Chesterfield,  "the  most  elegant  gen- 
tleman in  all  Europe,"  has  summed  it  up  in  a  few 
concise  words,  when  he  declared  that,  "Civility  is 
particularly  due  to  all  women;  and  remember  that  no 
provocation  whatever  can  justify  any  man  in  not 
being  civil  to  every  woman;  and  the  greatest  man 
would  justly  be  reckoned  a  brute  if  he  were  not  civil 


46  IN  THE  STREET. 

to  the  meanest  woman.  It  is  due  to  their  sex,  and  is 
the  only  protection  they  have  against  the  superior 
strength  of  ours."  To  which  we  would  add,  that  no 
gentleman  will  speak  a  word  against  any  woman  at 
any  time,  or  mention  a  woman's  name  in  any  com- 
pany where  it  should  not  be  spoken. 


CHAPTER  V. 

SALUTATIONS. 

manner  in  which  a  salutation  is  given,  marks 
the  lady  or  'gentleman.      It  seems   natural  to  all 
to  make  an  outward  acknowledgment  of  the  presence 
of  others,  and  to   express  the   pleasure   felt   at    the 
meeting,  in  some  way  that  will  be  tangible. 

In  rude  stages  of  society  the  salutation  became  an 
act  of  worship,  and  those  forms  crystallized,  as  civil- 
ization advanced,  into  something  more  elegant,  and 
thus  have  become  the  common  property  of  modern 
nations. 

SALUTING  IN  DIFFERENT  COUNTRIES. 

Each  country  has  its  own  peculiar  forms,  and  all 
evince  a  warm,  spontaneous  interest  in  the  welfare  of 
those  around. 

Oriental  peoples  are  very  punctilious  in  their  greet- 
ings. The  Bedouin's  salutation  has  all  the  tender 
grace  of  a  blessing,  as  he  places  his  right  hand  upon 
his  breast,  and  bowing  low,  says:  "If  God  wills  it, 
you  are  well."  The  grave  and  stately  Spaniard  greets 

47 


48  SALUTATIONS. 

you  with,  "God  be  with  you."  The  gentleman  in 
Poland  as  he  leaves  you,  touches  his  lips  to  youi 
shoulder,  and  bids  you  to  "Be  ever  well."  Men  of 
distinction  in  Japan  wear  over  their  shoulder  a  scarf, 
the  length  of  which  determines  their  rank.  When 
two  gentlemen  meet,  they  bow  until  the  ends  of  the 
scarf  which  each  one  wears,  touches  the  ground.  Of 
course  the  one  with  the  shortest  scarf  has  to  bow  the 
lowest.  A  Monbotto  of  Africa  when  he  meets  a  friend, 
holds  out  the  right  hand,  and  cracks  the  joints  of  the 
middle  fingers.  Eskimos  salute  by  rubbing  noses 
together.  But  probably  the  most  startling  mode  of 
salutation  is  that  of  the  Moors,  who  greet  a  stranger 
by  dashing  toward  him  at  full  speed  as  if  to  unhorse 
him,  and  when  near,  suddenly  firing  a  pistol  over  his 
head.  One  must  be  blessed  with  considerable  pres- 
ence of  mind  not  to  be  alarmed  at  such  an  effusive 
greeting. 

None  of  these  methods,  however  proper  in  their 
own  place,  obtain  here  in  America,  where  there  are 
but  three  salutations — the  bow,  the  kiss,  and  the 
verbal  greeting. 

While  our  own  American  gentleman  lifts  his  hat  as 
a  token  of  recognition,  foreigners  content  themselves 
with  merely  bowing. 


STREET   SALUTATIONS. 


SALUTATIONS.  49 

A  FRENCH  ESTIMATE  ON  COURTESY. 

It  is  stated  by  some  author  that  while  a  Frenchman 
will  forgive  a  debt,  or  a  wrong,  he  will  never  overlook 
a  lack  of  courtesy;  also  that  he  demands  that  the 
most  profound  outward  respect  shall  be  shown  toward 
the  ladies  of  his  household,  else  possibly  a  duel  may 
be  precipitated. 

THE  BOW  THE  USUAL  GREETING. 

The  bow  is  one  of  the  simplest  observances  in 
society,  but  it  is  so  universally  practiced  that  it 
becomes  a  test  of  good  manners,  according  to  the 
ease  and  grace  given  to  it. 

We  bow  to  the  old,  the  young,  the  rich,  the  poor, 
to  our  friends  and  to  those  to  whom  we  are  indiffer- 
ent, and  each  one  of  these  salutes  can  be  shaded  so 
nicely,  that  to  an  observant  eye,  they  have  a  distinct 
significance  of  their  own. 

The  mere  act  of  bowing  does  not  suppose  an  inti- 
mate acquaintance.  It  is  simply  an  outward  expres- 
sion of  the  politeness  current  in  good  society. 

RETURN  A  GREETING  IN  KIND. 

You  should  always  return  a  bow,  even  though  you 
do  not  recognize  the  person  bowing  to  you.  It  is  prob- 
able that  you  have  been  mistaken  for  another  person, 
and  it  is  ill-bred  not  to  acknowledge  the  salute.  If  it 


50  SALUTATIONS. 

should  prove  that  he  does  know  you,  by  not  bow- 
ing in  answer  to  him,  it  is  an  admission  that  he  has 
passed  from  your  mind,  which  is  inexcusable  neglect. 
The  French  have  a  custom  of  uncovering  their 
heads,  when  a  funeral  procession  is  passing — a  very 
generous  tribute  of  respect  to  the  mourning  friends. 

COUNTRY  CUSTOMS. 

In  the  country,  and  in  small  towns,  also,  a  very 
pleasant  custom  prevails,  of  bowing  to  all  whom  you 
meet.  It  makes  a  stranger  fell  almost  "at  home." 

"WHO    SHALL    BOW    FIRST?" 

There  are  innumerable  opinions  with  reference  to 
the  proper  answer  to  the  question — "Who  shall  bow 
first;  the  lady  01  the  gentleman?"  A  writer  says  on 
this  point: 

"The  bow  as  a  rule  means  recognition,  and  not 
simply  deference  and  respect,  and  in  America, 
between  merely  formal  acquaintances,  it  is  the  privi- 
lege of  the  lady  to  offer  the  recognition  and  the  duty 
of  the  gentleman  to  accept  it.  In  France  and  on  the 
Continent  generally,  this  is  reversed,  and  no  lady 
will  acknowledge  the  acquaintance  of  a  gentleman 
unless  he  first  bows  his  recognition. 

"In  England,  the  lady  is  expected  to  bow  first,  a 
custom  doubtless  growing  out  of  the  fact  that  intro- 


SALUTATIONS.  51 

ductions,  given  in  the  ball-room  for  the  purposes  of 
the  dance,  are  not  titles  to  recognition  afterward, 
while  on  the  Continent  they  do  constitute  acquaint- 
anceship. Here,  no  merely  formal  acquaintances 
have  the  right  to  change  the  recognition  rule, 
but  between  intimate  friends  it  is  not  material  which 
bows  first,  the  gentleman  or  the  lady;  indeed  with  well- 
bred  people  the  recognition  is  oftenest  simultaneous, 
the  quick  recognition  of  the  eye  preceding  the  for- 
mal salute.  If  the  acquaintance  is  formal,  the  lady  may 
be  reserved  or  cordial  in  her  salutation,  and  the  gen- 
tleman must  be  responsive  to  her  manner,  claiming 
only  as  much  as  she  offers.  No  lady  will  be  capri- 
cious in  her  recognitions,  now  cool  and  now  cordial, 
nor  will  she  be  demonstrative  in  her  public  greetings. 
She  may  refuse  to  recognize,  for  sufficient  reasons, 
but  a  recognition  offered  must  be  fully  polite.  A 
conspicuously  frigid  salutation  is  an  insult  in  the  pres- 
ence of  strangers,  which  she  has  no  right  to  inflict. 
A  formal  bow  and  faint  smile,  reserved  but  not  dis- 
courteous, is  all  that  a  refined  lady  is  permitted  to 
offer  on  the  promenade,  the  street,  or  in  any  public 
place,  even  to  the  most  intimate  friend,  and  the  well- 
bred  gentleman  never  criticises  the  dignity  of  her 
demeanor,  because  he  knows  she  reserves  her  more 
cordial  and  friendly  greetings  for  occasions  where 
they  may  meet  in  the  greater  privacy  of  her  own 


52  SALUTATIONS. 

home,  or  at  social  gatherings  at  the  invitation  of 
common  friends." 

We  think  this  covers  the  ground,  conclusively  show- 
ing that  the  lady  may,  and  indeed  should  be  the  first 
to  recognize  the  gentleman. 

In  riding  or  driving  on  a  public  promenade,  you 
should  bow  ceremoniously  the  first  time  you  meet 
friends,  but  content  yourself  with  a  smile  or  a  slight 
nod  after  that. 

No  gentleman  is  guilty  of  smoking  when  walking 
or  riding  with  a  lady.  "  It  leaves  the  impression  with 
others  that  she  is  of  secondary  ^importance  to  his 
cigar. 

A  gentleman  who-  is  smoking  upon  the  street 
removes  his  cigar  before  bowing  to  a  lady,  and  is  very 
careful  not  to  puff  cigar  smoke  in  the  face  of  any 
passer-by. 

In  saluting  a  lady  or  an  elderly  gentleman,  the  hat 
must  be  lifted.  With  friends  of  his  own  sex,  a  bow, 
and  a  friendly  word  in  passing,  are  sufficient  on  the 
part  of  a  gentleman.  But  a  smile  should  accompany 
every  bow.  The  cold  nod  and  unsmiling  countenance 
are  barely  civil. 

OFFERING  THE  HAND. 

(  Another  form   of  salutation  is  offering   the  hand. 
There  are  as  many  ways  of  shaking  hands  as  there 


SALUTATIONS.  53 

are  people.  No  two  touch  the  hands  alike.  One 
person  puts  a  cold,  clammy  hand  into  yours,  and  the 
listless,  indifferent  manner  chills  you.  The  hand  of 
another  will  glide  into  yours  in  such  an  insinuating 
fashion  that  you  instinctively  distrust  its  possessor. 
And  still  another  offers  you  their  hand  in  such  a  frank, 
open  way  that  at  once  they  inspire  confidence.  Such 
a  person  does  not  seize  your  hand  as  in  a  vise,  or 
crush  your  fingers  in  his  rude  grasp,  but  cordially 
presses  it,  and  then  lets  go  your  hand  in  a  respectful 
manner.  This  is  the  hand-shake  of  a  gentleman. 

There  is  another  sort  of  people  who  treat  you  to  the 
"pump-handle"  shake,  up  and  down,  which  would  be 
laughable,  were  it  not  so  intensely  disagreeable. 

The  hand  should  never  be  extended  to  those  who 
are  not  intimate  friends,  and  no  young  lady  will  offer 
her  hand  with  the  same  freedom  as  does  a  married 
or  an  elderly  lady. 

Ball-room  introductions  do  not  call  for  this  mode 
of  recognition. 

The  mistress  of  the  house  should  shake  hands  with 
her  invited  guests,  or  with  a  gentleman  who  is  pre- 
sented to  her  by  an  intimate  friend. 

Gentlemen  wait  for  a  lady  to  extend  the  hand  first, 
and  a  younger  person  for  the  older  one  to  make  the 
first  advances. 

A  lady  or  gentleman  should  always  rise  from  their 
seat  when  offered  the  hand  by  anyone. 


54  SALUTATIONS. 

It  is  hospitable  to  shake  hands  with  the  parting 
guest,  and  invite  them  cordially  to  come  again. 

RECOGNIZE  A  SERVANT. 

A  gentleman  may  shake  hands  with  a  valued  serv- 
ant when  he  or  she  is  about  to  quit  their  employ, 
without  any  lowering  of  their  dignity. 

SHAKING  HANDS  WITH  GENTLEMEN. 

Gentlemen  should  shake  hands  with  each  other, 
when  introduced.  An  old  gentleman  may  offer  his 
hand  to  any  lady.  The  glove  need  not  be  removed 
from  a  gentleman's  hand,  when  greeting  a  lady.  It 
was  formerly  usual  to  do  so,  but  both  custom  and 
convenience  sanction  its  retention.  It  is  not  good 
form  to  make  an  apology  for  the  omission. 

The  most  common  forms  of  verbal  salutation  are 
"Good  morning,"  "Good  evening,"  "How  are  you?" 
"Are  you  quite  well?"  All  these  and  many  more 
may  be  used,  varied  to  suit  the  occasion,  but  what- 
ever form  is  adopted,  it  should  be  accompanied  by  a 
respectful  manner.  Undue  familiarity  is  evidence  of 
coarseness.  Nicknames  should  not  be  used  in  public. 
Show  others  respect,  and  you  will  receive  it  in  return. 

KISSING  PROMISCUOUSLY. 

A  greeting  much  in  vogue  in  American  and  English 


families,  is  kissing.     This  is  a  reprehensible   custom, 
and  should  not  be  tolerated  in  good  society. 

The  kiss  is  the  seal  of  pure  and  earnest  love,  and 
should  never  be  exchanged  save  between  nearest  and 
dearest  friends  and  relatives.  Indeed,  public  senti- 
ment and  good  taste  decree  that  even  among  lovers  it 
should  not  be  so  often  indulged  in  as  to  cause  any 
regret  on  the  part  of  the  lady  should  an  engagement 
chance  to  be  broken  off. 

KISSING  GUESTS. 

We  have  seen  a  family  of  children  compelled  to  pass 
the  ordeal  of  kissing  every  guest  in  a  room  when  it  was 
the  hour  for  retiring.  It  is  a  senseless  custom,  and 
means  nothing.  If  often  creates  disgust  on  both  sides. 
Children  do  not  like  to  kiss  every  one,  and  many  adults 
are  not  fond  of  saluting  the  little  ones  in  this  manner. 

LADIES  KISSING  EACH  OTHER. 

It  is  a  foolish  practice  for  ladies  to  kiss  each  other 
every  time  they  meet,  particularly  on  the  street.  It 
is  positively  vulgar,  and  a  refined  woman  shrinks  from 
any  act  which  makes  her  conspicuous.  It  belongs 
rather  to  the  period  of  "gush"  natural  to  very  young 
girls,  and  should  be  discouraged  on  physiological 
grounds,  if  no  other.  Many  times  a  contagious 
disease  has  been  conveyed  in  a  kiss.  Let  promiscu- 
ous kissing  then,  be  consigned  to  the  tomb  of  oblivion. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. — LIFE    AT   THE   CAPITAL. 

SOCIAL  life  in  Washington  differs  from  that  of  all 
other  cities.  The  lady  or  gentleman  who  is  accus- 
tomed to  the  usages  of  society  will  find  an  entirely 
new  experience  on  visiting  the  nation's  capital. 
Society  here  takes  its  tone  from  official  life.  It  is 
composed  of  official  personages  from  other  lands  as 
well  as  our  own,  who  represent  government,  and  who 
necessarily  have  a  dignity  to  maintain.  Consequently 
the  rules  governing  here,  do  not  apply  to  any  other 
section  of  our  country. 

WHO  ARE  THE  LEADERS. 

The  men  there  have  precedence  through  the  offices 
which  they  hold.  Women  rule  by  virtue  of  their  hus- 
bands' official  position.  It  is  true  that  in  a  republic 
all  men  are  equal  before  the  law.  But  that  does  not 
excuse  them  from  honoring  the  office  to  which  they 
have  been  called  by  the  people,  and  they  should 
demand  the  privileges  and  respect  which  their  position 
confers  upon  them. 

56 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE.  57 

A  writer  of  authority  on  etiquette  at  Washington, 
says: 

"We  do  object  to  that  hybrid  term  'Republican 
court, '  of  which  we  so  often  hear.  It  is  senseless 
and  an  anomaly;  or,  if  it  have  a  meaning,  it  is  still 
more  to  be  deprecated,  as  incompatible  with  the 
spirit  of  the  framers  of  our  excellent  Constitution. 
We  have  no  'court  circles,'  nor  do  we  expect  to 
remain  a  republic  and  at  the  same  time  ape  'court' 
manners.  We  have  a  social  as  well  as  a  political 
autonomy.  Let  us  preserve  these  with  an  equally 
jealous  care  and  dignity.  Our  official  etiquette  is  not 
intended  as  a  personal  compliment,  but  addresses 
itself  to  the  office  borne,  so  that  it  remains  strictly  in 
harmony  with  our  republican  sentiments.  When  the 
incumbent  loses  office,  he  becomes  again  simply  a 
private  citizen,  whom  the  republic  has  honored.  This 
is  such  a  very  beautiful  provision  of  our  legal  Consti- 
tution, that  we  should  never  lose  sight  of  its  bearing 
on  social  life  and  manners.  It  is  the  counteracting 
and  saving  element,  as  opposed  to  all  hereditary 
distinction,  and  holds  each  man  and  woman  intact  in 
the  exercise  of  their  talent,  by  which  he  or  she  may 
regulate  the  individual  destiny.  The  very  words  'Re- 
publican court, '  have  a  fatal  sound  of  Caesarism;  and, 
as  we  have  already  remarked,  words  become  facts — 
they  are  the  expression  of  the  soul's  aspirations.  We 


58  WSHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 

should  prove  to  the  world  that  republican  manners 
are  the  very  acme  of  true  elegance  in  their  unaffected 
simplicity." 

THE  FIRST  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  LAND. 

The  first  gentleman  in  the  land  is  the  President. 
He  leads  social  as  well  as  official  life.  He  is  always 
alluded  to  as  "the  President,"  even  by  his  wife.  He 
can  be  approached  by  any  one  as  the  privilege  of  call- 
ing upon  him  is  accorded  to  all,  but  he  need  never 
return  a  visit. 

He  may  stretch  a  point,  and  call  upon  a  friend,  but 
this  concession  is  not  expected  of  him.  The  same 
rule  applies  to  the  wife  of  the  President. 

CALLING  ON    THE    PRESIDENT. 

When  a  private  call  is  made  upon  the  President, 
the  visitor  is  shown  into  the  Secretaries'  room,  pre- 
sents his  card,  and  awaits  the  result.  A  business 
caller  has  the  preference  over  one  who  merely  makes 
a  formal  call. 

If  a  person  has  an  object  in  seeking  an  interview 
with  the  President,  it  will  aid  him  greatly  to  secure  an 
introduction  through  some  official,  or  a  friend  of  the 
Executive. 

RECEPTIONS  AT  THE    WHITE    HOUSE. 

Receptions  are  given  at  the  White  House  at  stated 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE.  59 

times,  which  all  are  at  liberty  to  attend.  As  the  caller 
enters  he  gives  his  name  to  an  usher,  and  is  announced. 
He  then  approaches  the  President,  and  is  introduced 
to  him  by  some  official  to  whom  this  duty  has  been 
assigned.  A  word  may  be  exchanged  with  the  Presi- 
dent; sometimes  when  the  crowd  is  very  great,  a  bow 
is  all  that  is  possible.  The  guest  can  then  pass 
through  the  rooms,  or  can  retire  from  the  scene,  as 
his  taste  decides. 

INVITATIONS  FROM  THE    PRESIDENT, 

An  invitation  from  the  President  to  a  state  dinnei 
must  not  be  disregarded.  It  is  even  expected  thai 
you  will  decline  another  engagement  in  favor  of  the 
more  important  one,  and  your  excuse  that  you  have 
received  an  invitation  from  the  President,  is  sufficient. 

NEW     YEAR    RECEPTION. 

The  President  with  his  family  holds  a  New  Year 
reception,  which  is  a  very  brilliant  affair.  Ladies 
and  gentlemen  attend  it  alike,  and  all  the  officials, 
diplomats,  etc.,  are  to  be  found  there.  The  roreign 
legation  appear  in  full  court  dress.  The  guests  are  all 
in  holiday  costume,  but  the  ladies  do  not  remove  their 
hats,  save  the  members  of  the  President's  family, 
who  receive  in  reception  toilettes,  without  hats. 


60  WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 

ORDER  OF    OFFICIALS. 

Next  in  order  comes  the  Chief  Justice.  His  office 
being  for  life,  he  seems  to  have  precedence  over  the 
cabinet  and  senate.  He  is  addressed  as  "Mr.  Chief 
Justice."  The  Vice-President  follows  him  in  rank, 
with  the  Speaker  of  the  House,  the  General  of  the 
Army  and  the  Admiral  of  the  Navy.  Members  of  the 
House  of  Representatives  call  first  on  all  these  officials. 

The  duties  of  the  ladies  of  the  Cabinet  are  very  bur- 
densome. They  are  expected  to  give  a  reception  every 
Wednesday,  at  which  anyone  who  chooses  can  pre- 
sent themselves.  They  return  all  the  first  calls  of  their 
lady  guests,  and  leave  the  card  of  the  cabinet  officer, 
and  an  invitation  to  an  evening  reception.  When  it 
is  taken  into  consideration  that  they  stand  for  hours 
receiving,  and  have  two  or  three  hundred  calls  to 
make  after  one  of  their  receptions,  we  think  any  fash- 
ionable lady  will  declare  the  demands  made  upon  her 
own  time,  easy  by  comparison. 

WRITING  TO  THE  PRESIDENT. 

In  writing  to  the  President,  he  should  be  addressed 
as  "The  President — Sir."  In  speaking  to  him  he  is 
designated  as  "Mr.  President."  All  other  officials  are 
addressed  as  "Mr.  Vice-President,"  "Mr.  Speaker," 
"Mr.  Senator,"  "Mr.  Secretary,"  while  a  member  of 
the  House  would  be  plain  "Mister,"  unless  he  had 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE.  61 

another  title.  In  introducing  the  latter  he  would 

be  called  "The  Honorable  Mr.  —  -  of "  naming 

the  State  he  represented. 

"Among  the  duties  of  the  cabinet  officers  is  that  of 
entertaining  Senators,  Representatives,  Justices  of 
the  Supreme  Court,  members  of  the  diplomatic  corps, 
and  the  distinguished  people  who  gather  at  the  capi- 
tal. Ladies  of  the  families  of  these  officials  are  includ- 
ed in  the  invitations.  The  season  for  dinners  lasts 
during  the  session  of  Congress.  All  other  officials, 
except  the  President  and  cabinet,  entertain  or  not,  as 
they  choose.  The  official  position  imposes  no  particu- 
lar social  obligations,  and  circumstances,  health,  and 
all  the  reasons  and  motives  that  influence  men  and 
women  in  private  life  to  entertain  or  not  to  entertain, 
are  taken  into  consideration  in  Washington  life,  and 
the  question  is  decided  accordingly. 

"The  visiting  hours  in  Washington  are  from  two 
until  half-past  five.  As  is  true  in  many  other  cities, 
many  of  the  very  fashionable  ladies  prefer  to  walk  in 
making  calls  in  fine  weather,  and  many  of  the  richest 
visiting  costumes  are  made  up  as  short  suits." 

DAYS  FOR  RECEIVING. 

There  are  certain  days  alloted  for  certain  classes 
of  society  to  receive.  Thus  the  families  of  justices 
of  the  Supreme  Court  are  at  home  on  Monday.  The 


62  WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 

Speaker  of  the  House  01  Representatives,  as  also  other 
members,  and  the  General  of  the  Army  keep  open 
house  on  Tuesday.  Wednesday  is  called  Cabinet  day, 
and  the  wife  of  each  Secretary  is  expected  to  be  at 
home  on  the  afternoon  of  that  day.  Thursday  is  set 
apart  for  calling  upon  the  families  of  the  Vice-Presi- 
dent  and  Senators,  while  Friday  is  the  great  calling 
day  for  all  who  hold  no  official  rank.  Saturday  is  thus 
left  as  reception  day  at  the  White  House.  Guests 
always  hand  their  cards  to  the  usher  at  all  receptions. 
These  receptions  are  designed  to  answer  in  lieu  of 
calling  upon  strangers  who  go  to  Washington.  As  in 
theory  every  citizen  has  helped  elect  an  official,  and  is 
entitled  to  some  recognition,  at  their  hands,  and  as 
it  would  be  manifestly  impossible  for  the  families  of 
public  officials  to  call  first  on  the  many  strangers  who 
visit  our  capital,  it  has  grown  into  a  custom  for  our 
officials  to  throw  open  their  houses,  on  certain  days, 
thus  affording  all  a  chance  to  be  present  at  these 
informal  receptions.  From  the  time  of  Washington 
until  the  administration  of  Jackson,  strict  rules  of 
etiquette  were  observed,  and  life  at  the  White  House 
was  as  ceremonious  as  at  any  Old  World  court,  but 
"Old  Hickory"  broke  down  the  barriers,  and  inaugu- 
rated these  public  receptions,  whether  with  advantage 
to  social  life  or  not  we  leave  our  readers  to  judge. 


MRS.    HARRISON. 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE.  63 

ABUSING    PRIVILEGES. 

It  is  a  fact  that  the  privilege  which  is  thus  afforded 
transient  visitors  is  sadly  abused,  and  people  will 
intrude  upon  those  with  whom  they  have  nothing  in 
common,  and  to  whose  social  circle  they  could  never 
under  any  other  circumstances,  gain  admission.  It 
argues  a  lack  of  delicacy  of  feeling,  and  is  a  rudeness 
which  will  not  be  perpetrated  by  refined  ladies  or  gen- 
tlemen. We  do  not  refer  now  to  the  receptions. 
Those  are  given  in  a  hospitable  spirit,  which  extends 
its  favors  to  all;  but  to  that  class  of  sight-seers  that 
will  call  upon  private  citizens  with  whom  they  have 
not  even  a  common  acquaintance.  The  only  redress 
that  can  be  had,  is  not  to  return  such  visits,  else  would 
every  private  individual  be  completely  at  the  mercy 
of  every  one  who  went  to  Washington  As  an  instance 
of  this  abuse  of  good  manners,  we  quote  from  Miss 
Hall,  Avho  says: 

"It  would  seem  as  if  common-sense  ought  to  teach 
people  that  to  a  card  reception  (that  is,  where  the 
guests  are  all  invited  by  card)  no  one  save  those  spe- 
cially invited  would  have  a  right  to  go;  but  the  Wash- 
ington tourist  is  very  unreflecting.  Where  he  sees  a 
number  of  carriages  standing  before  the  door  of  a  man- 
sion, he  immediately  enters  thereat;  and  whether  he 
is  one,  or  whether  he  is  two  hundred,  makes  abso- 
lutely no  difference  in  his  view  of  the  situation.  The 


64  WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 

result  of  his  theories  is  naturally  disastrous.  No  pri- 
vate house  can  hold  an  unlimited  number  of  people; 
and  where  the  uninvited  throng  in  such  numbers,  the 
invited  guests  are  unable  to  gain  admission.  A  Wash- 
ington lady  received  cards  for  a  reception  given  by  an 
official  person.  It  was  a  little  late  when  she  started, 

and  upon  her  arrival  in Avenue  she  found  a  surging 

throng  of  people  in  and  around  the  door  of  the  house 
where  the  reception  was  to  be  held.  After  striving 
with  the  crowd  for  an  hour  or  more,  and  reaching  only 
the  vestibule  of  the  mansion,  she  and  her  escort  gave 
up  the  attempt  to  gain  further  admittance,  and  went 
home  withouf  having  been  to  the  party  at  all!  It 
transpired  afterward  that  an  excursion  of  two  hundred 
people  had  arrived  in  Washington  on  that  day,  and 
had  attended  Mr. 's  reception  en  masse!" 

WHO   NEED  NOT  ENTERTAIN. 

Senators,  Representatives,  and  other  officials,  need 
not  entertain  unless  they  wish  to.  The  President  and 
Cabinet  officers  are  compelled  to,  by  the  laws  of 
Washington  etiquette. 

One  peculiar  feature  of  life  at  Washington  will 
strike  the  visitor,  who  is  a,t  all  observant,  and  that  is, 
the  retirement  in  which  young  people  are  kept.  They 
attend  the  receptions  with  their  elders,  but  they  do 
not  lead  or  rather  tyrannize  over  society,  as  they  too 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE.  65 

often  try  to  do  in  some  cities  not  nearly  so  cosmopoli- 
tan as  Washington.  A  young  lady  would  not  think 
of  taking  a  seat  until  her  mother  or  the  married  ladies 
of  the  party  were  provided  for.  Young  ladies  are  not 
invited  either  to  state  or  formal  dinners,  but  all  the 
simpler  forms  of  gayety  are  left  for  their  participation. 
At  morning  receptions,  a  cup  of  chocolate  is  usually 
tendered  the  guest — some  add  other  drinks,  with 
tempting  confections.  The  simplest  refreshments 
are  the  most  proper,  however. 

LEAVING  CARDS. 

On  making  visits,  it  is  the  custom  among  all  well- 
bred  persons  to  send  in  or  leave  a  card.  When  the 
person  called  upon  is  not  at  home,  turn  down  the 
right-hand  upper  corner  of  the  card  to  show  that  you 
came  in  person.  When  you  go  away  from  the  city, 
leave  or  send  a  card  in  which  "P.  P.  C. "  is  written 
on  one  of  the  lower  corners,  "P.  P.  C."  meaning 
Pour  Prendre  Conge — to  take  leave.  When  a  lady 
leaves  Washington  with  the  intention  of  returning  at 
some  future  time,  she  sends  these  cards  by  mail  to 
such  of  her  friends  as  she  desires  to  continue  the 
acquaintance  with,  and  when  she  has  come  back 
friends  may  call  upon  her  as  soon  as  they  learn  of  the 
event,  or  she  can  send  them  cards  with  an  "at  home" 
day  specified  upon  them. 

5 


• 
66  WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 

The  usual  hours  for  calling  are  from  2  to  5  p.  M. 
An  evening  visit  presupposes  a  degree  of  social 
acquaintance,  and  should  never  be  made  as  a  first  call. 

LADIES  ASSUMING  TITLES. 

A  custom  which  is  growing  in  favor  is  to  address 
the  wives  of  dignitaries  by  the  titles  which  indicate 
the  honors  of  their  husbands,  as  "Mrs.  Senator  Dur- 
borow,"  "Mrs.  General  Dickerson,"  "Mrs.  Secretary 
Bell."  Most  of  such  customs,  although  at  first  rather 
out  of  keeping  with  our  simple  republican  tastes, 
become  familiar  to  us  by  usage. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

INTRODUCTIONS. — WHAT    AN    INTRODUCTION    SIGNIFIES. 

SN  introduction  is  virtually  an  assurance  that  the 
parties  thus  presented  to  each  other  are  equals 
in  point  of  desirability  and  reputation,  and  should  on 
this  account,  be  very  sparingly  given,  for  no  one  can 
foresee  what  the  result  of  any  acquaintance  will  be. 
It  is  very  annoying,  after  you  have  thus  made  two 
people  acquainted,  to  learn  that  one  has  "cut"  the 
other  in  some  public  manner.  It  is  a  reflection  upon 
your  judgment  and  good  intentions.  It  may  prove, 
however,  that  one  or  the  other  learns  something  derog- 
atory of  which  you  were  ignorant,  thus  still  further 
adding  to  your  mortification  and  dismay. 

On  this  account  we  think  there  is  a  responsibility 
attached  to  the  giving  of  introductions,  which  should 
not  be  assumed  at  random.  It  is  better  to  err  upon 
the  side  of  being  too  careful,  than  not  careful  enough. 

PERSONS  MET  AT  A  FRIEND* S  HOUSE  USUALLY  PROPER. 

At  the  same  time  it  is  always  to  be  assumed  that 
such  persons  as  you  meet  at  a  friend's  house,  are 


88  INTRODUCTIONS. 

proper  persons  to  be  introduced  to  you.  It  is  not, 
however,  obligatory  upon  you  to  continue  the  acquaint- 
ance, unless  you  really  wish  to.  There  are  cases 
where,  by  frequently  meeting  the  same  persons,  and 
finding  them  very  agreeable,  and  correct  in  their 
deportment,  a  friendship  has  sprung  up  which  has 
proven  mutually  beneficial. 

LADIES  BECOMING  ACQUAINTED. 

Two  ladies  can  with  propriety,  converse,  wherever 
they  chance  to  meet,  without  the  formality  of  art  intro- 
duction. This  free-masonry  among  women  is  very 
charming,  we  think. 

It  is  always  easy  to  drop  any  acquaintance  that 
proves  undesirable. 

INTRODUCTIONS  NOT  ALWAYS  NECESSARY. 

In  England,  among  the  higher  social  circles,  it  is 
quite  the  thing  to  address  people  you  meet  at  friends' 
houses.  Introductions  are  often  dispensed  with.  In 
this  country,  where  society  is  more  mixed,  it  is  con- 
sidered the  best  etiquette  for  the  hostess  to  introduce 
her  guests  to  each  other.  If,  through  any  inadvert- 
ence this  form  is  omitted,  persons  of  fine  breeding 
will  not  hesitate  to  accept  each  other's  polite  advances. 
A  frigid  repulse  of  any  courtesy  offered  is  a  direct 
insult  to  the  friends  under  whose  roof  you  are. 


INTRODUCTIONS.  69 

It  is  very  true  that  "A  disagreeable  woman  can 
always  find  reasons  enough  for  being  chilling  and  form- 
al; a  fine-tempered  woman  can  always  find  reasons 
enough  for  being  agreeable." 

One  should  always  acknowledge  an  introduction, 
even  though  you  receive  one  to  your  greatest  enemy, 
whom  your  host  has  unwittingly  presented  to  you, 
and  even  though  once  outside  the  door  you  resume 
your  old  dislike;  still,  while  he  is  the  guest  of  your 
friend,  you  should  treat  him  politely,  nor  disturb  the 
harmony  which  should  prevail. 

Do  not  fancy  because  a  lady  or  gentleman  does  not 
recognize  you  the  next  time  you  meet,  that  it  is  their 
intention  to  ignore  you.  One  who  is  much  in  society, 
sees  so  many  people  that  it  is  impossible  to  remember 
all  their  faces,  and  many  others  are  preoccupied  and 
not  designedly  neglectful. 

A  "CUT"  DIRECT. 

A  direct  cut  is  seldom  excusable.  Never  cut  any 
one  unless  you  have  grave  reasons  for  wishing  to  dis- 
continue their  acquaintance.  Some  ladies  shrink  from 
recognizing  a  poorly-dressed  acquaintance,  or  one 
whom  social  position  is  not  as  good  as  their  own. 
This  feeling  borders  on  snobbishness.  At  any  rate  it 
lowers  the  standard  of  right  and  wrong,  and  shows 
that  you  are  deficient  in  Christian  kindness. 


70  INTRODUCTIONS. 

A  gentleman  never  refuses  to  bow  respectfully  to 
his  servants  on  the  street,  and  a  lady  should  do  the 

» 

same.  Her  social  standing  must  be  far  from  firm,  if 
she  fears  that  she  will  compromise  herself  by  such  civili- 
ties. There  is  no  reason  why  a  lady  should  bow  first. 
The  best  way  is  for  the  one  who  sees  the  other  first 
to  bow,  whether  it  be  the  lady  or  the  gentleman 

HOW  A  GENTLEMAN  SALUTES. 

"When  two  ladies  are  walking  together,  and  are  met 
by  a  gentleman  known  to  one  of  the  ladies,  he  should 
raise  his  hat  politely  to  both.  Or  if  a  lady  is  met  by 
two  gentlemen,  one  of  whom  she  knows,  it  is  usual 
for  both  gentlemen  to  bow  to  her. 

When  introductions  take  place,  the  name  should 
be  very  distinctly  pronounced.  If  you  do  not  hear  it 
plainly,  it  is  well  to  say,  "I  beg  pardon,  but  I  did  not 
quite  catch  the  name."  It  prevents  awkward  mistakes 
afterward. 

A  WIFE  INTRODUCING  HER  HUSBAND. 

A  wife  should  introduce  her  husband  in  the  follow- 
ing manner:  "This  is  my  husband,  Mr.  Weston," 
and  not  "This  is  my  husband."  If  he  has  a  title  she 
should  add  that,  as  "This  is  my  husband,  Judge  Os- 
wald." Some  ladies  feel  delicate  about  this  matter,  but 
it  is  proper,  as  he  thus  acquires  his  correct  status  with 


INTRODUCTIONS.  71 

strangers.  A  lady  can  always  introduce  the  immedi- 
ate members  of  her  family,  without  asking  permission 
to  do  so.  She  pays  strangers  a  compliment  by  this 
attention. 

In  introducing  any  relative,  the  full  name  should  be 
given,  as  "This  is  my  cousin,  Miss  Mamie  Morton," 
not  "my  cousin  Mamie." 

PRESENTING  THE  YOUNGER  TO  THE  ELDER. 

When  there  is  a  marked  difference  In  age,  the 
younger  lady  should  be  presented  to  the  elder  lady, 
unless  a  superiority  exists  in  position,  when  the  private 
and  unknown  lady  should  be  presented  to  the  famous 
one.  A  gentleman  is  introduced  to  a  lady.  But  as 
we  have  said  elsewhere,  it  is  unwise  to  be  too  ready 
to  give  introductions.  It  would  be  all  right  could 
one  be  sure  that  such  acquaintance  would  only  lead  to 
pleasant  results. 

MENTION  THE    TITLE. 

Give  a  man  his  title.  A  clergyman  should  be 
addressed  as  the  Rev.  Mr.  Blagden;  a  doctor  of 
divinity,  as  "the  Rev.  Dr.  Mather;"  a  member  of  Con- 
gress as  "Honorable." 

*  The  usual  form  of  introduction  between  equals  in 
age  or  position,  is  "Miss  Kay,  this  is  Miss  Patterson." 
"Mr.  Nagel,  Mr.  Beth." 


72  INTRODUCTIONS. 

DO  NOT  "SCRAPE  ACQUAINTANCE." 

No  young  lady  of  refinement  will  "scrape  acquaint- 
ance," with  one  of  the  opposite  sex.  We  cannot  imag- 
ine an  occasion  where  it  is  permissible.  The  origin 
of  this  term  "scraping  acquaintance"  is  not  of  a  char- 
acter calculated  to  inspire  one  with  admiration,  but  it 
is  as  lofty  as  the  act  itself.  This  old  proverb  is 
handed  down  to  us  from  the  times  of  a  very  illustri- 
ous personage — the  Roman  Emperor,  Adrian.  Of 
course  we  do  not  vouch  for  it.  It  is  related  of  him 
that  he  was  at  the  public  baths  one  day  when  he  saw 
one  of  his  veteran  soldiers  scraping  his  body  with  a 
tile.  The  emperor  ordered  that  his  old  comrade  in 
field  and  fray,  should  be  supplied  with  better  clean- 
ing materials,  and  money. 

But  his  goodness  seemed  likely  to  be  abused,  for  on 
another  occasion  he  found  a  score  of  old  soldiers  who 
had  fought  under  him  standing  in  the  water,  while 
each  was  currying  himself  with  a  tile  and  wincing  at 
the  pain  inflicted. 

The  emperor  perfectly  understood  the  meaning  of 
the  sight;  so  he  said  to  them — 

"Ah,  my  fine  fellows,  you  had  better  scrape  one 
another;  for,"  he  added,  "you  certainly  shall  not 
scrape  acquaintance  with  mel" 


ABROAD. 


INTRODUCTIONS.  73 

YOUNG.  LADIES    NEED    NOT    SHAKE    HANDS. 

A  young  lady  should  not  shake  hands  on  being  in- 
troduced. A  modest  bow  is  sufficient  acknowledg- 
ment. This  custom  of  hand-shaking,  like  many  of 
our  modern  forms,  is  borrowed  from  the  French. 
The  impulsive  warmth  of  their  nature  makes  it  nat- 
ural for  them  to  bestow  a  more  hearty  greeting  than  a 
mere  nod,  but  Americans  and  English  show  more 
reserve  with  strangers. 

At  a  second  meeting  two  ladies  may  offer  their 
hands,  but  ladies  seldom  extend  their  hands  to  gentle- 
men, save  to  their  most  intimate  friends.  A  lady  is  at 
her  best  when  she  exhibits  a  modest  and  retiring 
manner. 

On  entering  a  parlor,  if  you  are  not  recognized  by 
the  lady  of  the  house  at  once,  recall  yourself  to  her 
by  mentioning  your  name. 

The  friend  who  is  visiting  at  your  house  must  be 
introduced  to  all  callers,  and  they  will  in  return,  court- 
eously inclined,  pay  all  the  attention  in  their  power, 
such  as  inviting  your  guests  to  their  house,  planning 
little  receptions,  etc.,  during  the  period  of  their  stay. 

It  is  also  part  of  your  duty  as  a  hostess,  to  make  a 
party  in  their  honor,  either  when  they  first  arrive,  so 
as  to  give  them  introductions  to  your  friends,  or  on 
the  evening  previous  to  their  departure,  as  a  kindly 
farewell. 


74  INTRODUCTIONS. 

INTRODUCING    IN    THE  STREET. 

When  friends  meet  in  the  street,  and  pause  for  a 
moment's  conversation,  it  is  unnecessary  to  introduce 
a  companion  you  may  have.  But  if  you  feel  that  you 
should,  you  can  introduce  them.  Still,  introductions 
of  this  nature  do  not  compel  either  party  to  pursue 
the  acquaintance,  and  a  well-bred  gentleman  will  not 
presume  upon  the  opportunity  thus  given  him  by 
chance. 

INTRODUCING   VISITORS. 

If  several  visitors  call  upon  a  lady  at  the  same  time, 
she  does  not  present  them  to  each  other,  but  seeks 
to  divide  her  time  and  attention  equally  among  them, 
thus  putting  them  at  their  ease;  in  return  she  ex- 
pects that  they  will  assist  her  by  conversing  with  each 
other  in  a  friendly  way. 

At  afternoon  teas,  kettle-drums,  and  like  gatherings, 
the  hostess  does  not  introduce  at  all,  unless  gentle- 
men are  present. 

All  introductions  given  at  a  croquet  or  lawn-tennis 
party,  or  on  a  yachting  excursion  are  merely  for  con- 
venience, and  do  not  involve  after  recognition,  but  to 
bow  on  meeting  again,  is  only  polite. 

REQUESTING    INTRODUCTIONS. 

A  gentlemen  may  with  propriety  request   an  intro- 


INTRODUCTIONS.  75 

duction  to  a  lady,  at  a  party  or  ball,  and  should  pay 
her  some  attention,  but  the  acquaintance  need  go  no 
farther,  unless  it  is  mutually  desired. 

It  is  very  impertinent  for  a  gentleman  to  join  a  lady 
in  the  street  when  she  is  walking  with  another  gentle- 
man; and  it  would  lay  him  open  to  the  charge  of  hav- 
ing some  motive  (most  likely  an  interested  one)  in 
thus  forcing  himself  upon  another  man. 

"It  is  clearly  the  duty  of  a  hostess,  at  a  ball  or  dan- 
cing-party, to  endeavor  to  provide  her  guests  with 
partners,  and  for  that  purpose  she  must  either  make 
introductions  herself  or  through  the  help  of  others. 
She  must  always  ask  permission  before  presenting  a 
gentleman  to  a  lady — permission  which  should  never 
be  refused  unless  the  lady  has  very  good  and  strong  rea- 
sons for  declining  to  make  the  gentleman's  acquaint- 
ance. Young  men  often  present  each  other  to  young 
ladies,  and  it  is  entirely  proper  that  they  should  do 
so  if  they  have  first  asked  leave.  A  gentleman  may 
also  ask  a  lady,  if  he  knows  her  well,  to  introduce  him 
to  another  lady  when  a  proper  opportunity  shall  occur. 
Of  course  he  could  neither  wish  nor  expect  his  friend 
to  cross  a  crowded  room  with  him  to  make  the  intro- 
duction; because  she  would  then  be  left  to  make  a  bad 
third,  or  else  to  retrace  her  way  alone;  an  awkward 
situation,  except  for  one  of  the  ladies  of  the  house." 


76  INTRODUCTIONS. 

LETTERS    OF    INTRODUCTION. 

These  should  always  be  left  unsealed.  It  h  not 
expected  that  their  bearers  will  examine  their  con- 
tents, still  it  is  understood  that  they  are  known  to 
them,  and  unless  they  are  carefully  worded,  they 
would  not  be  accepted. 

A  business  letter  of  introduction  is  expressed  in  set 
terms,  as — 

Mr.  


Dear  Sir — I  have  the  pleasure    of  introducing   to 

you    Mr. of .     Any     favors    you     may 

extend  to  him  will  be  appreciated  by 

Yours  very  truly, 


Letters  of  introduction  of  a  social  nature  should  be 
written  very  carefully,  and  on  the  best  of  note  paper,  of 
a  neat  size,  and  with  an  envelope  to  match.  A  letter 
of  this  sort,  commending  the  person  introduced, 
should  give  his  full  name,  the  place  of  his  resi- 
dence, and  should  say  as  little  as  possible  concerning 
the  person  introduced,  and  add  that  the  acquaint- 
ance thus  formed,  would  you  are  sure,  be  product- 
ive of  mutual  pleasure. 

USE   JUDGMENT   IN    GIVING  LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

Great  discrimination  should  be  exercised  in  giving 


INTRODUCTIONS.  77 

letters  of  introduction.  You  become  responsible  for 
the  good  behavior  of  the  one  whom  you  introduce. 
You  should  never  take  the  liberty  of  furnishing  a  let- 
ter of  introduction  only  to  a  friend  of  long  standing. 
Another  thing  to  be  considered  in  a  social  letter  of 
introduction  is  whether  the  parties  thus  made 
acquainted,  will  prove  congenial.  If  they  do  not, 
they  may  both  end  by  blaming  you. 

INTRODUCING    BY   CARD. 

Introductions  may  be  made  by  card  as  well  as  by 
letter.  The  gentleman  introducing  the  other  writes 
upon  the  upper  left  hand  corner  of  his  own  card  the 

words  "Introducing  Mr. ,"  and  incloses  it  with 

the  card  of  the  gentleman  so  named  in  an  envelope  of 
good  quality,  and  of  the  fashionable  style  and  size. 
The  gentleman  who  receives  a  business  letter  of  intro- 
duction is  not  bound  to>  extend  any  courtesies  of  a 
social  nature.  The  acquaintance  is  of  a  purely  busi- 
ness sort,  and  may  end  in  the  store  or  office,  unless  he 
chooses  it  to  be  otherwise. 

Etiquette  declares  that  these  rules  shall  be  observed 
with  unvarying  exactness.  Should  the  person  intro- 
duced be  a  lady,  she  follows  the  same  method  of  inclos- 
ing her  card  with  that  of  the  one  introducing  her,  and 
sends  it  by  mail  or  a  messenger.  The  lady  receiving 
these  must  call  in  person,  or  some  member  of  her 


78  INTRODUCTIONS. 

family  must  represent  her.  If  she  fails  in  this,  she 
must  send,  a  special  messenger  explaining  her  reason. 
Three  days  are  the  limit  allowed  for  a  call  to  be  made, 
and  if  not  made  by  the  expiration  of  that  time,  such 
an  omission  is  an  act  of  rudeness  to  the  introducing 
party. 

ATTENDING  TO  LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

"A  letter  of  introduction,  received  through  the  post, 
stating  that  an  individual  or  family  which  the  writer 
highly  e,steems,  is  about  to  locate  near  you,  and  ask- 
ing your  kindly  attentions,  must  be  answered  immedi- 
ately, with  expressions  of  anxiety  to  be  of  service  to 
the  strangers  so  recommended.  The  person  or  family 
thus  introduced  should  be  called  upon  at  the  first  oppor- 
tunity. Such  a  request  to  call  upon  a  stranger  admits 
of  no  delay,  and  no  after  attentions  can  make  amends 
for  neglect." 

The  custom  in  Europe  is  for  the  person  having  the 
lettec  of  introduction  to  make  the  first  call.  This  is 
repugnant  to  our  independent  spirit,  as  it  puts  the 
bearer  in  the  position  of  begging  an  acquaintance. 
We  consider  it  in  far  better  taste  to  send  it  by  an- 
othe'r  source,  and  await  its  acceptance. 

PAPER   TO   BE   USED. 

It  may  appear  a  trifling  matter  and  not  worthy  of 


INTRODUCTIONS.  79 

consideration  whether  a  letter  of  introduction  is  writ- 
ten upon  fine  paper,  well  expressed,  and  neatly 
inclosed.  Or  whether  its  receipt  is  acknowledged 
promptly.  But  these  details  are  of  importance  and 
their  observance  will  determine  your  reputation  as  a 
lady  or  a  gentleman,  and  give  you  the  opportunity  of 
conferring  the  happiness  upon  others. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

GOING    INTO    SOCIETY. 

/"*NVERY  young  lady  and  young  gentleman  if  blessed 
V^  with  a  warm  social  nature,  look  forward  eagerly 
to  the  period  of  entering  society.  By  entering  society 
they  acquire  polish,  friends,  and  exchange  of  thoughts, 
and  enlarge  their  sphere  of  usefulness. 

SCHOOL-GIRLS    SHOULD    NOT    ENTER    SOCIETY. 

No  girl  should  make  her  debut  while  she  is  attend- 
ing school.  It  is  impossible  for  her  to  do  justice  to 
herself,  with  a  divided  heart.  She  cannot  keep  her 
mind  upon  those  studies  which  require  her  entire  atten- 
tion, and  attend  to  the  demands  of  the  social  circle, 
which  are  exceedingly  exacting.  Another  injury  is 
done  to  society  itself,  which  thus  receives  a  class  of 
immature  and  half-trained  girls  whose  ideas  are  crude, 
and  their  manners  are  apt  to  be  free;  they  are  thus 
anything  but  ornaments  of  that  society  which  they 
have  entered. 

WHAT   AGE    TO    MAKE    A    DEBUT. 

The  proper  age  for  a  young  girl  to  be   presented  to 

80 


GOING  INTO  SOCIETY.  81 

society  is  when  she  has  left  school,  and  when  her  mind 
is  in  a  measure  prepared  for  the  ordeal.  This  age  is 
from  eighteen  to  twenty.  It  is  made  known  by  the 
mother,  who  announces  to  the  social  world  the  fact 
that  her  daughter  is  a  new  candidate  for  social  honors, 
by  calling  with  her  elder  and  unmarried  daughter  (if 
there  be  one  in  the  family),  upon  all  whom  she  de- 
sires to  present  her  daughter  to;  or  she  leaves  their 
own  and  the  father's  and  mother's  cards  with  those 
whom  they  design  inviting. 

Up  to  this  time  the  intended  debutante  has  never 
appeared  at  any  gatherings  outside  her  father's  house, 
nor  at  any  but  informal  ones  there,  such  as  birthdays, 
christenings,  etc. 

Invitations  to  the  event  are  issued  about  ten  days 
before  it  is  to  take  place,  and  are  in  the  following 

form: 

MR.  AND  MRS.  WELLINGTON 

request  the  pleasure  of  presenting 
their  eldest  (or  second,  or  third)  daughter 

Miss  MABEL 

to  Mr.  and  Mrs.  David  Prentice 
on  Wednesday  evening,  at  eight  o'clock. 

No.  20  Honore  St. 
Dancing  at  ten. 

The  party  receiving  the  invitation  should  at  once 
accept  or  decline. 


8?  GOING  INTO  SOCIETY. 

If  there  are  several  young  ladies  in  a  family,  they  re- 
ceive an  invitation  addressed  to  "The  Misses —  "but 
each  young  gentleman  receives  a  separate  invitation. 

SENDING    FLOWERS. 

It  is  in  good  taste  for  near  friends  who  choose,  to 
send  flowers  to  the  house  on  the  morning  of  the  party 
day;  but  it  is  not  absolutely  required,  and  you  can 
omit  this  compliment,  without  giving  offense. 

HOW  THE  DEBUTANTE  SHOULD  DRESS. 

The  dress  of  the  young  debutante  must  be  simple 
and  tasteful.  For  the  first  time  in  her  life  she  wears 
a  dress  with  a  train.  It  should  be  of  white  tulle  or 
plain  white  silk,  and  fresh  flowers  should  be  her  only 
ornaments. 

SHE    MAY    DANCE. 

On  this  particular  occasion  she  is  privileged  to 
dance,  even  though  others  are  slighted.  She  can 
give  herself  up  to  the  fullest  enjoyment,  for  she 
stands  in  the  position  of  the  favored  guest,  for  this 
one  evening,  and  her  claims  are  paramount. 

During  the  reception,  she  stands  at  the  left  of  her 
mother.  Gentlemen  are  presented  to  her,  but  she  is 
presented  to  her  elders  and  to  ladies.  The  exchange 
of  courtesies  may  be  brief,  thus  giving  an  opportunity 
for  each  guest  to  congratulate  her. 


SOCIAL    PLEASURES. 


GOING  INTO  SOCIETY.  83 

WHO   ESCORTS    HER   TO   SUPPER. 

When  supper  is  announced,  a  brother  escorts  the 
debutante  to  the  table,  the  father  follows  with  the 
most  distinguished  lady  of  the  party,  and  the  young 
daughter  is  seated  upon  the  right  of  her  father.  If 
she  has  no  brother,  the  father  accompanies  her  to  the 
supper-room,  while  the  mother  follows  with  the  most 
honored  of  the  gentlemen  present. 

On  the  night  of  her  entree  into  society,  the  gentle- 
man who  has  the  honor  of  the  first  dance  with  her,  is 
selected  by  the  mother,  and  is  usually  a  relative  or 
intimate  friend. 

During  her  first  season  she  does  not  attend  parties 
without  a  chaperone,  or  make  any  calls  unaccompanied 
by  her  mother. 

THE    DUTIES    DEVOLVING    UPON    THE    DEBUTANTE. 

Having  fairly  been  launched  upon  society,  it  is  the 
Juty  of  the  young  lady  to  make  the  most  of  her  oppor- 
tunities. Society  is  not  a  conglomeration  of  frivolous 
people  with  neither  solidity  nor  sense,  but  it  is  a  com- 
munion of  minds,  a  gathering  together  of  the  bright, 
the  witty,  the  intellectual,  as  well  as  the  trifling.  Of 
these  various  factors,  the  polish  and  culture,  which 
results  from  attrition,  leads  to  a  blending  of  the  whole, 
brightening  daily  life. 

Once  out   upon  this  current,  there  is   much  to  be 


84  GOING  INTO  SOCIETY. 

avoided,  and  much  to  be  cultivated.  First,  then, 
remember,  that  merely  fashionable  life,  showy  gather- 
ings, gay  company,  where  the  heart  is  left  out  of  the 
catalogue,  and  hollow  professions  take  its  place,  is 
not  good  society.  We  would  say  to  the  young  girl, 
you  are  in  good  society  when  your  companions  of 
either  sex  are  pure,  true,  natural;  when  the  young 
gentlemen  you  know  are  manly,  frank,  trustworthy; 
when  there  is  no  miserable  pretense  of  goodness,  but 
a  fresh,  wholesome,  honest  nature,  unsullied  by  vices 
the  young  man  of  the  period  thinks  necessary  to 
affect;  when  the  girls  you  choose  for  friends  are  true- 
hearted  and  simple;  who  are  not  vain  and  silly;  who 
have  an  idea  in  their  head  beyond  flirting  and  gay 
dress.  Do  not  accept  as  a  friend  a  girl  who  does  not 
trust  and  honor  her  parents.  Such  an  one  can  never 
be  true  in  any  relation  of  life  which  she  assumes. 

CALLING  AFTER  THE  PARTY. 

• 

The  ceremonious  calls  which  follow  the  party  include 
the  young  lady,  but  during  her  first  season  she  has 
no  card  of  her  own,  does  not  call  alone,  nor  does  she 
receive  gentlemen  without  her  mother's  presence  or  a 
ehaperon. 

Avoid  dressing  flashily.  It  is  desirable  to  be  known 
as  a  lady  who  never  offends  good  taste  by  glaring 
colors  or  ill-fitting  garments. 


GOING  INTO  SOCIETY.  85 

A  young  girl's  conversation  should  be  free  from 
gossip  and  envy.  And  she  should  never  sanction  dis- 
paraging remarks  about  an  absent  friend. 

RESPECT    YOUR    ELDERS. 

A  respectful  demeanor  toward  the  aged  is  a  pecul- 
iar charm  in  a  young  lady.  Never  call  attention  to 
any  peculiarities  others  may  possess.  Do  not  make 
jokes  at  their  expense,  for  the  purpose  of  establishing 
a  reputation  for  cheap  wit.  A  young  girl  should 
guard  her  language  well.  Sharp  sayings  and  sarcas- 
tic repartee  come  with  very  disagreeable  effect  from 
her  lips. 

A  true  lady  will  always  repulse  familiarity  or 
rudeness,  either  of  speech  or  manner. 

THE  ADVENT  IN  SOCIETY  OF  THE  ELDEST  SON.  ' 

In  England  the  eldest  son  first  enters  society  on  the 
day  he  attains  his  majority,  and  much  prominence  is 
given  to  the  event,  But  in  this  country  very  little 
formality  is  observed.  His  first  steps  in  this  direc- 
tion are  taken  by  escorting  his  mother  and  sisters  to 
parties,  ball's  and  visits.  He  thus  becomes,  through 
observation,  fitted  to  assume  all  the  obligations  which 
society  imposes  upon  him.  In  England,  on  the  con- 
trary, the  eldest  son  enters  society  only  upon  attaining 
his  majority,  and  great  rejoicing  is  had  over  the  event. 


86  GOING  INTO  SOCIETY. 

BE   OBLIGING. 

When  a  young  lady  is  asked  to  sing  or  play  in  com- 
pany, she  should  never  be  in  too  great  haste  to  do  so, 
nor  should  she  be  urged  a  long  time.  In  the  first 
place,  she  will  be  thought  too  anxious  to  display  her 
accomplishments,  and  in  the  second  people  grow  so 
weary  of  importuning  that  they  do  not  enjoy  her 
attempt.  There  is  a  happy  medium  between  the  two. 
Respond  pleasantly,  and  do  not  sing  or  play  but  one 
air  at  a  time.  If  your  auditors  really  enjoy  your 
efforts,  you  will  soon  be  convinced  of  that  fact. 

THE   CARDS    USED. 

The  first  season  of  the  young  lady,  it  is  proper  that 
her  name  should  appear  on  her  cards  as  "Miss  Ford," 
if  she  is  the  eldest  unmarried  daughter.  But  if  she 
have  older  sisters  at  home,  she  is  "Miss  Maude  A. 
Ford."  After  her  first  season,  she  has  a  separate 
card,  and  is  fairly  entitled  to  all  the  privileges  of  the 
fascinating  world  of  society. 

Never  be  the  last  to  leave  a  party  if  you  can  possi- 
bly avoid  it.  You  should  always  thank  your  hostess 
for  the  pleasure  the  evening  has  afforded  you. 

EDUCATION    A    GREAT   HELP. 

Many  accomplishments  are  necessary  for  the  com- 
plete success  of  a  young  lady  in  society.  She  should 


GOING  INTO  SOCIETY.  8? 

of  course  have  the  groundwork  of  a  good  education. 
If  she  knows  some  French  and  German,  so  much  the 
better.  She  should  be  able  to  play  some  musical 
instrument,  although  she  need  not  be  a  "star"  per- 
former. She  should  use  correct  language,  have  a 
pleasant  manner,  sit  and  walk  gracefully,  and  dance 
well.  She  should  have  a  general  knowledge  of  the 
rules  governing  polite  society,  and  have  a  sufficient 
amount  of  self-control  to  enable  her  to  conceal  or 
repress  her  likes  and  dislikes.  And  above  all,  she  should 
be  neat  and  sensible  in  her  dress,  being  something  of 
an  artist  at  the  toilet. 

DUTIES   OF   A   YOUNG    SOCIETY   MAN. 

The  young  man  in  society  can,  by  many  little  atten- 
tions to  others,  place  himself  on  record  as  an  exponent 
of  a  true  gentleman.  He  will  never  indulge  in  slang 
or  pointed  jokes,  even  though  he  is  well  acquainted 
with  every  member  of  the  company  in  which  he  is. 

He  also  shows  a  gentle  deference  for  all,  and  seeks 
their  comfort  and  convenience  on  all  occasions. 

MAKE    YOURSELF    AGREEABLE    TO    WOMEN. 

We  would  remind  the  young  man  entering  society 
that  he  should  make  it  his  constant  endeavor  to  win 
the  approbation  of  women.  Their  good  opinion  is 
absolutely  necessary;  and  he  will  find  that  many  a 


88  GOING  INTO  SOCIETY. 

hint  and  many  a  word  of  encouragement  will  come 
from  them  unsolicited,  if  he  will  show  himself  quick 
to  receive  them. 

Nearly  all  men,  particularly  the  novice  in  society, 
are  greatly  at  fault  when  it  comes  to  the  nice  little 
shades  of  propriety,  and  they  can  best  learn  what  is 
the  correct  thing  to  do,  in  many  cases,  from  the  gen- 
tler sex — perhaps  from  those  who  are  to  be  regarded  as 
wall-flowers.  They  will  take  interest  in  a  bright, 
agreeable  young  man,  and  will  help  train  him  in  the 
matter  of  etiquette. 

LEARN    OF   OLDER   PEOPLE. 

When  a  young  man  has  learned  how  to  converse 
easily  and  unaffectedly  with  the  old,  he  is  sure  of 
their  good-will.  There  are  many  attentions  which  it 
is  in  their  power  to  bestow,  which  cost  them  nothing, 
only  the  opportunity  to  put  them  in  practice.  The 
cheerful  offer  of  a  more  eligible  seat,  a  casual  inquiry 
after  their  health,  an  interest  shown  in  a  subject  that 
pleases  them — all  these  are  but  trifles,  and  yet  are 
productive  of  much  good. 

DO   NOT   SLIGHT   ANYONE. 

A  gentleman  in  society  is  always  ready  to  offer  his 
services  to  ladies — he  is  especially  attentive  to  those 
who  are  not  gifted  with  much  beauty  or  are  not  young. 


GOING  INTO  SOCIETY.  89 

It  may  seem  almost  incredible,  in  this  fast  and  rush- 
ing age,  but  there  are  old  and  middle-aged  people 
whom  it  is  a  delight  to  talk  to.  It  seems  strange  to 
young  people,  who  very  naturally  prefer  the 
friends  near  their  own  age,  that  any  one  who  has 
outlived  the  "heyday  of  youth"  can  charm.  From 
their  conversation  rich  stores  can  be  gathered.  And 
it  should  be  totally  superfluous  to  remind  young  men 
and  women  of  this  fact  were  it  not  unfortunately  true 
that  so  many  are  thoughtless  and  impolite  to  the 
elders. 

COMPLIMENTS  SUPERFLUOUS. 

A  young  gentleman  should  not  offer  frivolous  com- 
pliments. They  have  no  meaning,  and  their  insin- 
cerity is  soon  detected  by  the  recipients.  Honest 
praise  is  always  agreeable,  but  not  the  fulsome  flat- 
tery whose  thin  mask  is  so  transparent. 

EASE   OF    MANNER. 

A  young  man  should  acquire  an  ease  of  manner, 
which  will  fit  him  for  any  station.  This  can  be  ob- 
tained by  close  observation,  and  the  tact  to  adapt 
one's  self  to  the  occasion.  Books  will  aid  some  in 
this  direction,  but  contact  with  society  will  help  far 
more.  He  should  not  confound  civility  with  forward- 
ness, a  natural  ease  with  an  affected  and  stilted 
demeanor,  and  should  not  in  his  desire  to  be  witty 
and  genial,  border  on  the  familiar  and  coarse. 


60  GOING  INTO  SOCIETY. 

CHOOSE    GOOD   COMPANIONS. 

A  choice  of  good  companions  should  be  made  early. 
It  is  the  easiest  thing  in  the  world  to  copy  uncon- 
sciously, and  therefore  a  young  man's  intimate  friends 
should  be  men  of  superior  minds,  who  will,  by  their 
dignified  example,  become  models  worthy  of  his  imi- 
tation. Elegant  manners  are  a  means  of  refinement 
that  are  of  great  benefit  to  any  one,  and  to  a  young 
man  who  expects  to  win  his  way  in  life,  whether  in 
a  profession,  or  out  of  it,  they  are  of  the  greatest  con- 
sequence. 

A  word  from  an  author  whose  judgment  is  unques- 
tioned, is  that  "A  man  who  does  not  solidly  establish, 
and  really  deserve  a  character  for  truth,  probity,  good 
manners,  and  good  morals,  at  his  first  setting  out  in 
the  world,  may  deceive  and  shine  like  a  meteor  for  a 
very  short  time,  but  will  soon  vanish  and  be  extin- 
guished with  contempt." 

DRESS    TASTILY. 

One  thing  we  would  impress  upon  the  young  man 
in  society.  Let  your  dress  be  as  neat  and  tasty  as  is 
consistent  with  your  means.  But  do  not  adopt  loud 
and  flashy  colors.  Wear  nothing  that  is  not  paid  for. 
In  spending  money,  do  not  show  a  grudging,  sordid 
spirit,  but  practice  a  proper  economy.  No  one  will 
blame  you  for  that.  Often  young  men  are  betrayed 


GOING  INTO  SOCIETY.  9t 

into  larger  expenditures  than  they  can   afford,  from  a 
fear  that  they  will  be  called  "close." 

ASSUMING   AN    AIR    OF   WEARINESS. 

Do  not  assume  a  blase  demeanor.  No  one  likes  a 
young  man  who  affects  to  have  drained  the  chalice  of 
life,  ere  he  has  even  sipped  it.  The  greatest  charm 
either  man  or  woman  can  possess  is  that  gay  good 
nature  and  brilliant  spirits  that  bslong  by  right  to 
youth.  And  the  young  man  who  tries  to  appear  much 
older  than  he  is  in  his  life  experiences,  will  certainly 
disenchant,  rather  than  attract. 

PAY  ATTENTION  TO  THOSE  AROUND  YOU. 

A  gentleman  should  pay  some  regard  to  those  who 
are  striving  to  interest  him.  It  is  a  certain  form  of 
selfishness  to  be  inattentive  to  what  is  being  said, 
and  will  only  awaken  hostility  in  those  around  you. 
Attend  strictly  to  the  speaker,  so  that  you  may  be  in 
a  position  to  answer  properly  the  train  of  thought 
which  he  is  indulging  in. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

PARTIES,   BALLS,   AND    LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. — ENTER- 
TAINMENTS    DESIRABLE. 

IT  is  useless  for  people  to  rail  at  parties,  balls,  and 
their  accompaniments  as  vain  displays  of  fashion 
and  finery.  They  are  far  more;-  they  are  gatherings 
of  the  grave  and  the  gay,  the  witty  and  the  wise;  a 
cementing  together  of  all  the  varied  elements  which 
compose  modern  society  into  one  symmetrical  whole; 
an  aid  to  the  acquisition  of  that  ease  of  manner  which 
all  wish  to  possess. 

The  pleasures  which  these  entertainments  introduce 
are  lasting  in  their  refining  influence.  Society  is  a 
school  where  a  friendly  rivalry  brings  out  the  finer 
feelings,  and  by  attrition  quickens  the  indolent  or 
careless  into  action  by  observation  and  emulation. 

The  list  of  entertainments  offered  by  society  to  its 
votaries  is  sufficiently  extensive  to  embrace  all  ages, 
and  all  tastes. 

THE  KETTLE-DRUM. 

Prominent  among  these  is  an  informal  affair  called 
the  "Kettle-drum,"  which  as  its  name  signifies,  was 


EVENING   PARTIES. 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS.         93 

originally  an  unpretentious  affair,  invented  by  the 
wives  of  officers  in  India,  who  being  circumscribed  in 
their  social  pleasures,  invited  each  other  to  these  small 
receptions,  and  served  their  rolls,  coffee,  sandwiches, 
etc.,  on  the  drum  head.  To  preserve  it  in  all  its 
original  simplicity,  it  should  be  held  in  the  afternoon, 
the  refreshments'  should  be  simple,  and  the  dresses 
worn  the  same  as  at  a  reception.  The  ladies  receive 
standing,  but  one  of  the  ladies  of  the  family  or  a 
friend  pours  the  tea  or  coffee.  Invitations  are  issued 
after  this  fashion: 


MRS.   LEONARD  MILLER. 


Kettle- drum, 

March  Seventeenth — 4  to  j. 


The  entertainment  consists  of  music  and  conversa- 
tion. Introductions  are  not  given,  but  every  guest  is 
expected  to  feel  at  perfect  liberty  to  enjoy  himself  or 

herself. 

FIVE  O'CLOCK    TEAS. 

These  teas  are  even  more  informal  than  the  kettle- 
drum. Fewer  guests  are  invited,  and  the  cards  of 
invitation  sent  out  are  merely  a  visiting  card  with  the 


94         PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

word  "Five  o'clock  tea"  added  in  the  left-hand  corner. 
Refreshments  are  not  elaborate,  and  are  served  by 
the  members  of  the  family,  unassisted  by  the  servants. 

A  MUSICALE. 

A  musicale  is  rather  a  difficult  entertainment,  as  its 
success  depends  wholly  upon  the  artists  whose  names 
appear  upon  the  programme.  They  are  commonly 
held  in  the  afternoon.  It  is  not  really  a  concert,  for 
it  has  its  social  features,  as  a  supper  or  collation  is 
offered  to  the  guests.  Large  rooms  are  necessary,  so 
that  singers  and  players  can  be  heard  to  better  advan- 
tage, and  there  will  be  no  over-crowding  on  the  part 
of  the  guests.  All  extra  furniture  should  be  removed, 
and  drapery  serves  to  weaken  the  effect. 

Eleven  pieces  make  a  sufficiently  long  programme — 
and  may  be  all  vocal  or  instrumental  and  vocal  com- 
bined. 

.  A   RUDENESS    MANY   ARE   GUILTY   OF. 

A  breach  of  good  manners  is  committed  when  guests 
whisper,  are  restless,  or  exhibit  weariness.  If  you 
do  not  love  music  enough  to  keep  quiet,  home  is  the 
proper  place  for  you.  The  hostess  should,  however, 
see  that  the  instrumental  pieces  are  not  too  long. 

THE    PROGRAMMES. 

The  programmes  should  be  printed  on  card-board, 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS.          95 

of  good  size,  and  are  provided  for  the  guests  before 
the  music  commences. 

The  dress  should  be  the  same  as  at  an  afternoon 
reception,  save  that  the  bonnet  and  wrap  are  laid 
aside.  A  hot  supper  should  be  proffered  the  singers — 
it  is  not  only  thoughtful,  but  singers  need  nourishing 
food. 

Invitations  to  any  entertainment  must  be  answered 
at  once,  that  the  hostess  may  know  how  many  to 
expect,  and  fill  the  places  of  those  who  cannot  be 
present. 

THE    LUNCH. 

The  "lunch"  proper  is  entirely  a  ladies'  affair,  and 
gentlemen  are  not  invited.  The  food  is  served  in  a 
very  ceremonious  manner,  and  the  table  is  set  with 
great  elegance. 

The  dresses  worn  are  rich  and  costly,  and  the  forms 
observed  are  similar  to  those  for  dinners. 

CROQUET,   ETC. 

Croquet,  lawn-tennis  and  archery  parties  require  no 
ceremony.  Dresses  must  be  simple,  such  as  are  com- 
fortable and  tasty  for  outdoor  sport. 

A  lunch  to  which  friends  are  asked  to  "drop  in"  is 
an  easy-going  meal.  Refreshments  are  served  cold, 
guests  sit  where  they  please,  and  if  they  come  late  it 
is  not  considered  rude, 


96         PARTIES,  BALLS,  AMD  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

GENTLEMEN'S  SUPPERS. 

"Suppers"  are  gentlemen's  parties,  and  are  either 
wine  suppers,  fish  suppers,  or  game  suppers.  They 
are  attended  only  by  men,  whose  powers  of  eating 
and  drinking  and  telling  stories  must  be  immense. 
They  are  usually  kept  up  till  a  late  hour,  and  we 
feel  certain  that  all  good  wives  frown  upon  them. 

THE    EVENING  PARTY. 

The  party  held  in  the  evening  may  be  either  very 
elaborate  or  more  simple  in  its  details,  in  keeping 
with  the  ambition  and  means  of  its  giver.  Having 
decided  upon  the  amount  of  outlay,  and  selected  the 
guests  to  be  invited,  invitations  should  be  issued  ten 
days  previous  to  the  party.  This  is  a  good  form: 

MR.  AND  MRS.  JOHN  MONTGOMERY 
request  the  pleasure  of  your  presence 

on  Wednesday  evening, 
January  4th,  at  eight  o'clock. 

1 6  Euclid  Avenue. 
Dancing  at  10. 

THE  INVITATION. 

This  invitation  should  be  engraved  on  small-sized 
note-paper,  and  may  be  forwarded  by  mail.  The 
parents  and  all  the  younger  members  of  the  family 
should  receive  separate  invitations. 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS.         97 

A  reply  from  those  receiving  invitations  should  be 
returned  at  once: 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Horace  Elliott  accept  with  pleasure 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Montgomery's  invitation  for  Jan- 
uary 4th. 

19  Harrison  St. 

DECLINING  AN  INVITATION. 

If  it  is  necessary  to  decline  an  invitation  it  should 
be  in  the  following  terms: 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Horace  Elliott  regret  that  they  cannot 
accept  Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Montgomery's  kind  invita- 
tion for  January  4th,  owing  to  their  being  called  away 
from  home  by  sickness  of  relatives  at  a  distance. 

19  Harrison  St. 

NAMING   YOUR    REASONS. 

It  is  absolutely  necessary  that  you  should  name  your 
reasons  for  decimation,  especially  if  the  invitation 
be  a  first  one.  You  should  call  on  the  friends  who 
sent  you  the  invitation,  whether  you  attended  the 
party  or  not,  a  few  days  after  it  has  taken  place.  It 
is  a  social -debt  which  you  owe  them. 

INVITING  HUSBAND  AND  WIFE. 

When  a  husband  is  invited,  the  wife  must  be  in- 
cluded, and  vice  versa.  Either  will  resent  an  affront 

7 


98         PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

of  this  nature  put  upon  the  other.  It  is  no  excuse 
that  you  are  not  "much  acquainted"  or  "do  not  like 
her."  They  both  belong  in  the  same  circle,  and  it  is 
your  business  to  know  and  receive,  both  together. 

DANCING. 

Dancing  does  not  always  form  part  of  the  entertain- 
ment at  evening  parties.  There  may  be  conversation, 
cards,  games,  or  music  alone  provided.  Where  danc- 
ing does  not  constitute  the  main  pleasure,  these  may 
also  be  added,  for  even  in  fashionable  society,  all  do 
not  dance. 

WHEN  TO  ARRIVE. 

The  hour  for  arriving,  as  also  for  departure,  should 
be  moderately  early.  In  this  country,  where  nearly 
all  are  engaged  in  business,  it  is  wise  and  proper  to 
keep  more  temperate  hours  than  are  kept  by  the  leis- 
ure classes  abroad,  to  whom  night  is  nearly  as  day. 

PROVIDING  SUPPER. 

A  supper  is  always  provided,  and  the  arrangement 
of  the  table  should  be  in  good  taste.  Of  the  condnci 
at  supper,  we  cannot  do  better  than  to  quote  from  a 
well-known  authority  on  matters  of  etiquette,  who 
says: 

"It  is  ill-bred  to  eat  largely  at  the  supper.  To  say 
nothing  of  the  ruinous  effect  of  gorging  at  late  hours. 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS.         99 

it  is  in  bad  taste.  The  ball  and  evening  party,  are 
social  affairs,  and  feasting  merely  incidental.  To 
reverse  the  conditions 'is  ill-bred.  To  drink  to  excess 
is  worse  than  ill-bred,  and  even  the  temperate  and 
total-abstinents  will  do  well  to  talk  and  dance  with 
extra  caution  after  supper,  as  any  license  of  speech 
or  act  may  be  attributed  to  the  wine  which  has  stolen 
away  brain  and  self-control  at  the  same  time.  No 
well-bred  hostess  can  forgive  any  such  abuse  of  her 
hospitality.  When  supper  is  announced  at  a  ball,  the 
gentleman  invites  the  ladies  with  whom  he  happens 
to  be  in  conversation,  or  the  lady  with  whom  he  has 
danced  last,  unless  he  sees  that  those,  whom  he  has 
escorted,  are  unattended,  in  which  case  his  first  duty 
is  to  them.  If  possible,  he  should  be  near  enough  to 
offer  them  his  services  at  this  time,  but  it  is  not 
always  easy  to  anticipate  the  time.  If  a  lady  is 
attended  by  a  chaperon,  he  must  escort  both.  No 
lady  is  at  liberty  to  refuse  the  escort  of  any  gentleman 
to  supper,  no  matter  who  attended  her  to  the  party, 
or  what  her  preferences  may  be.  It  is  not  well-bred 
even  to  show  any  reluctance  or  hesitation.  The  place 
is  too  public  and  formal  for  the  indulgence  of  any 
whims,  and  a  general  rush  of  gentlemen  to  join  their 
respective  parties,  on  the  announcement  of  supper, 
would  create  unseemly  and  needless  confusion.  At 
the  'stand-up  suppers,'  which  follow  the  English 


100        PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

fashion,  the  escort  must  see  that  the  ladies  he  attends 
are  served  before  he  refreshes  himself,  and  no  lady 
is  at  liberty  to  accept  the  attentions  of  any  gentle- 
man other  than  her  escort  to  supper.  If  he  neglects 
her,  she  must  ask  a  servant  for  what  she  wants." 

"Pink  teas"  or  "dinners"  being  still  popular  and 
enjoyable,  we  will  refer  to  them  in  passing.  They  are 
so  called  from  the  fact  that  all  the  table  linen,  dishes, 
ornaments,  etc.,  are  of  one  color— as  "pink"  or 
"blue,"  according  as  they  are  designated. 

Young  men  sometimes  commit  the  error  of  fancying 
that  it  is  impolite  to  leave  a  young  lady's  side  until 
some  other  gentleman  engages  her  in  conversation. 
Such  an  idea  places  both  parties  under  restraint.  It 
is  good  manners  to  excuse  yourself  and  seek  the 
society  of  another,  after  having  shown  some  atten- 
tions to  a  lady.  It  gives  her  the  opportunity  of  enjoy- 
ing the  conversation  of  several,  and  relieves  her  of  the 
appearance  of  monopolizing. 

Children's  parties  should  be  simple  in  character. 
Evening  hours  are  not  as  healthful  for  the  little  folks 
as  the  afternoon  hours.  If  the  parties  are  held  in  the 
evening,  the  hours  should  be  from  7  to  10,  at  the 
utmost. 

Children  enjoy  these  gatherings  with  all  the  strength 
of  their  fresh  natures,  and  should  have  the  gratifica- 
tion of  being  treated  liberally  to  them. 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  EKTERTAMMEN'l  S.     101 

Birthdays  especially  should  be  observed.  Even  in 
the  house  of  mourning  they  may  be  kept  up,  for  chil- 
dren should  not  be  forced  to  share  in  a  grief  which 
they  cannot  understand. 

Refreshments   should  be   abundant,  but   not  rich. 

Plenty  of  cakes,  nuts,  fruits,  with  lemonade,  ices 
and  coffee,  are  suitable.  Cold  chicken,  roast  beef 
sliced  very  thin,  and  made  into  delicate  little  sand- 
wiches, are  nice. 

Do  not  forget  the  birthday  cake,  the  crowning  glory 
of  the  party.  The  child  in  whose  honor  the  party  is 
given,  must  cut  the  cake  and  serve  it  to  the  others,  if 
he  or  she  is  old  enough  to  know  how  to  attend  to  it. 

If  not,  the  duty  devolves  upon  an  older  sister,  or 
the  mother. 

Dancing,  games,  and  riddle-guessing  are  among  the 
recreations.  It  is  not  expected  that  presents  should 
be  brought  by  the  little  guests,  although  it  is  often 
done. 

A  ball  is  usually  a  very  elaborate  affair.  Dancing 
has  become  so  generally  acknowledged  to  be  an  in-, 
nocent  recreation,  and  is  practiced  so  universally,  that 
the  etiquette  of  the  ball-room  demands  a  place  here. 
Four  musicians  are  ample  provision  for  the  musical 
part,  and  the  largest  room  in  the  house  should  be  used 
for  the  ball.  It  should  be  as  barren  of  furniture  as 
possible.  Pictures  and  carpets  should  be  removed, 


102       PARTIES,  BALLS,  AKL>  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

and  only  a  row  of  chairs  left  standing  against  the  wall 
for  the  use  of  the  lookers-on,  and  the  tired  dancers, 
when  their  partners  lead  them  to  a  seat. 

Invite  your  guests  to  a  number  that  will  prevent 
crowding,  either  on  the  part  of  the  dancers,  or  those 
who  look  on.  And  endeavor  to  make  up  your  company 
of  those  who  approve  of,  and  are  fond  of  dancing. 

Invitations  to  a  ball  are  sent  out  about  a  week  pre- 
vious, so  that  guests  may  have  time  to  decide  on 
their  dress.  Do  not  wound  the  prejudices  of  those 
who  are  opposed  to  this  form  of  enjoyment,  by  ask- 
ing their  presence. 

There  should  be  a  dressing-room  for  the  gentlemen. 

Here  a  man-servant  should  be  in  readiness  to  take 
their  hats,  coats  and  canes  and  to  show  any  attention 
required.  The  ladies'  room  must  be  provided  with 
several  glasses,  brushes,  combs,  hair  pins  and  all  the 
accessories  of  the  toilet.  A  maid  must  be  ready  to 
assist  the  ladies. 

After  the  ladies  have  adjusted  their  toilets,  they 
rejoin  their  escorts,  and  proceed  to  the  ball-room,  and 
advance  toward  the  hostess,  and  pay  their  respects 
in  a  few  well-chosen  words.  The  gentlemen  then  seek 
their  host,  and  address  words  of  greeting  to  him.  The 
ladiesand  gentlemen  are  then  free  to  walk  about, 
indulge  in  snatches  of  conversation,  or  amuse  them- 
selves as  best  they  can  until  dancing  begins.  A  lady 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS.        103 

must  always  dance   the   first   dance  with  her  escort. 

Some  people  imagine  they  are  earning  a  reputation 
of  being  fashionable  by  appearing  late  at  a  ball  or 
party.  Not  so.  When  guests  arrive  in  season,  a 
pleasanter  evening  is  assured,  and  it  shows  a  regard 
for  the  wishes  of  the  hostess,  who  has  named  an  hour 
at  which  she  desires  to  receive  her  guests. 

The  duty  of  receiving  the  guests  belongs  to  the 
hostess,  but  the  host  should  always  be  at  hand  to  assist 
her  if  needed.  When  there  are  sons  in  the  family 
which  is  giving  the  ball,  they  should  look  after  the 
interests  of  the  young  ladies,  procuring  them  partners 
for  the  dances,  and  remembering  that  flirtations  are 
out  of  place  at  that  time.  The  daughters  of  the  house 
must  see  that  their  friends  are  enjoying  themselves, 
and  not  dance  while  other  young  ladies  are  neglected. 

As  introductions  at  balls  are  understood  to  be  for 
the  purpose  of  dancing,  it  is  not  necessary  to  recog- 
nize them  afterward,  though  it  is  polite  to  bow. 

Noisy  talking  is  improper  in  a  ball-room. 

Never  overlook  or  refuse  to  fill  an  engagement  upon 
your  card.  It  is  unpardonable. 

White  gloves  (kid  of  course)  are  worn.  Light  and 
very  delicate  shades  are  permitted,  also.  Gloves  are 
removed  from  the  hands  at  supper. 

A  married  couple  should  not  dance  together  more 
than  once  in  an  evening. 


104       PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

If  a  lady  refuses  to  engage  in  a  dance  with  a  gen- 
tleman, unless  her  excuse  is  that  she  is  previously  en- 
gaged, do  not  accept  another  invitation  for  the  same 
dance. 

Do  not  enter  the  ball-room  leaning  on  the  arm  of 
your  escort.  The  lady  enters  first,  the  gentleman 
closely  following. 

In  asking  a  lady  to  dance,  the  correct  form  is— 
"May  I  have  the  pleasure  of  the  next  waltz  (cotillon) 
with  you?"  If  accepted,  he  should  enter  her  name  on 
his  card,  and  his  last  name  on  hers. 

When  a  gentleman's  hands  perspire,  which  cannot* 
be  helped,  often,  if  there  is  any  danger  of  his  soiling 
his  partner's  dress,  by  contact  with  it  in  waltzing,  it 
is  an  evidence  of  care  which  will  be  appreciated,  for 
him  to  hold  his  handkerchief  in  his  hand  to  shield  the 
dress.  No  gentleman  will  encircle  the  waist  of  his 
partner  for  a  waltz  until  the  music  begins,  and  as 
soon  as  it  ceases,  he  removes  his  arm.  *We  have  seen 
a  gentleman  at  the  end  of  a  round  dance  escort  a  lady 
to  a  seat,  retaining  his  arm  about  her  waist,  but  he 
was  very  verdant,  or  very  ill-bred. 

The  German,  being  a  dance  in  which  no  lady  can 
refuse  to  dance  with  any  gentleman  present,  is  only 
adapted  to  private  balls.  It  is  a  very  beautiful  and 
popular  dance.  A  good  leader  is  indispensable  in 
this  dance;  whose  familiarity  with  all  the  figures  will 
insure  success. 


PARTIES,  BALLS,  AND  LIKE  ENTERTAINMENTS.       10.r> 

Dancing  is  almost  as  old  as  the  world.  The  oldest 
records  of  the  race,  sacred  and  profane,  allude  to  it. 
In  most  ancient  nations  it  was  part  of  their  religious 
rites.  The  primitive  Christians  certainly  danced  at 
their  religious  meetings.  Aristotle  ranked  dancing 
with  poetry,  and  Socrates  took  pains  to  learn  the  art. 
The  Spartans  passed  a  law  requiring  parents  to  train 
their  children  in  dancing  after  the  age  of  five  years. 
The  modern  dances  practiced  for  amusement  are, 
however,  much  quieter  and  less  exciting  than  the  old 
dances  associated  with  religion  and  war. 


CHAPTER  X. 

TRAVELING  MANNERS. 

is  no  situation  in  life  ^here  the  innate 
[  selfishness  of  human  nature  will  crop  out  so  un- 
bliishingly  as  in  traveling.  It  is  so  easy  to  be  just  a 
little  rude  or  selfish,  and  so  natural  to  flatter  oneself 
that  not  one  of  your  dear  five  hundred  friends  will 
know  it,  forgetting  that  in  these  days  of  rapid  transit, 
the  doings  and  sayings  of  people  become  common 
property  in  a  very  short  space  of  time;  while  the 
little  act  of  selfishness  or  the  generous  sacrifice  of 
to-day,  in  a  far-off  land,  may  be  flashed  across  the 
world  ere  to-morrow's  sun  arises. 

Would  that  all  could  remember  this,  and  when 
undertaking  a  journey,  whether  of  long  or  short  dura- 
tion, take  a  vast  stock  of  patience  and  politeness  with 
them,  lest  the  supply  fail  when  most  needed. 

Travel  broadens  the  mind,  and  takes  us  from  out 
our  little,  narrow  sphere  into  the  wide  expanse  of  the 
world  at  large.  It  preaches  many  things  of  value. 
New  scenes,  new  people,  are  brought  to  our  very 
doors,  and  the  interchange  of  thought  gives  food  for 

106 


TRAVELING  MANNERS.  107 

reflection    and  adds  polish  and  grace  to  our  daily  lives. 

But  the  tourist  in  a  foreign  land  needs  to  be  espe- 
cially careful  in  his  thoughtlessness,  not  to  offend  the 
peculiar  manners  and  customs  of  the  country  which 
he  visits,  and  not  to  air  his  opinions  to  every  stranger. 
Nearly  every  one  is  apt  to  be  less  cautious  about  his 
behavior  abroad  than  at  home.  If  all  could  only 
feel  that  they  are  accepted  as  representatives  of  their 
native  land,  they  would  guard  its  good  name  more 
tenderly,  by  acting  under  all  circumstances,  as  ladies 
and  gentlemen, 

There  is  a  marked  contrast  between  the  rush  and 
scramble  of  Americans  when  traveling  and  their  ease 
of  manner  when  at  home.  Why  should  this  be? 

American  gentlemen  are  the  most  chivalrous  of  men. 
Early  training,  the  deference  accorded  women,  the 
influence  of  good  homes,  have  helped  to  make  them 
so,  and  yet  to  see  them  as  we  have,  pushing  and 
jostling  ladies  at  the  ticket  office  of  a  railway  station, 
or  the  entrance  to  a  theater — or  taking  all  the  seats 
in  a  car,  and  allowing  ladies  to  stand,  would  impress 
a  stranger  with  a  very  different  idea  of  that  chivalry 
of  which  we  like  to  boast. 

There  must  be  some  demoralizing  influence  in  a 
railway  train,  for  one  continually  sees  exhibitions  of 
rudeness  there. 

There  is  a  pleasant  side  to  this,  however,  and  that 


108  TR/ll/ELMG  MANNERS. 

is  found  in  the  fact,  that,  no  matter  if  the  gentlemen 
are  a  little  rude  in  their  eager  quest  for  a  place,  a  lady 
who  acts  with  propriety,  can  journey  from  one  end  of 
our  country  to  the  other  with  safety.  Women  are 
held  in  high  esteem,  and  are  certain  of  protection 
when  they  require  it. 

It  is  always  more  desirable  to  have  an  escort  when 
traveling,  for  there  are  many  little  anxieties  which 
he  can  assume,  thus  making  a  lady's  journey  more 
enjoyable.  /. 

The  first  office  of  such  escort  is  to  either  accom- 
pany his  charge  to  the  depot,  or  meet  her 
there  in  ample  time  to  obtain  her  tickets,  check  her 
baggage,  and  procure  a  good  seat  in  the  car  for  her. 

He  looks  after  her  hand  baggage,  assists  her  in 
and  out  of  the  car,  makes  all  inquiries  about  the 
route,  brings  her  a  glass  of  water  when  she  wishes  it, 
and  performs  many  acts  of  politeness  "  which  readily 
suggest  themselves  to  a  kindly  disposed,  well-bred 
gentleman. 

After  making  the  lady  as  comfortable  as  possible, 
he  makes  himself  agreeable  to  her  by  pointing  out 
the  objects  of  interest  from  the  car  window;  or  if  she 
is  disinclined  for  further  conversation,  he  lets  her 
relapse  into  thought,  or  else  provides  her  with  reading 
matter.  We  do  not  think  however,  it  is  well  to 
read  on  the  cars,  owing  to  the  motion,  still  many 


TRAVELING    MANNERS. 


TRAVELING  MANNERS.  ]09 

make  a  practice  of  doing  so,  without  receiving  any 
apparent  injury  to  their  sight.  It  is  very  discourteous 
to  read,  unless  the  lady  is  engaged  in  the  same  man- 
ner. 

At  the  termination  of  the  journey  he  sees  to  obtain- 
ing a  carriage  for  her,  and  looks  after  her  baggage. 
He  may  accompany  her  to  the  home  of  her  friends, 
or  to  the  hotel  which  she  is  to  stop  at.  The  next  day 
he  calls  on  her  to  inquire  how  she  bore  the  fatigue 
of  her  journey.  His  duties  as  escort  are  then  ended. 

No  gentleman  should  be  asked  to  take  care  of  a 
lady  in  traveling  unless  he  is  known  to  her  friends  as 
a  man  in  good  standing,  and  worthy  of  the  trust. 
And  no  parent  or  guardian  should  request  a  total 
stranger  on  whom  he  has  no  claims,  to  take  charge 
of  a  lady,  merely  because  he  happens  to  be  traveling 
in  the  same  direction. 

A  lady  should  not  concern  herself  with  any  of  the 
details  of  her  trip,  when  she  has  an  escort.  It  is  pre- 
sumed that  he  knows  more  about  traveling  than  she 
does,  and  it  will  annoy  him  to  be  continually  asked 
about  the  safety  of  baggage,  whether  they  are  on  the 
right  train,  and  numberless  other  fussy  questions  that 
would  scarcely  be  excusable  in  children. 

The  lady  or  her  relatives  should  supply  the  escort 
with  sufficient  money  to  defray  all  her  expenses. 
Some  prefer  to  have  the  gentleman  attend  to  these 


110  TRAVELING  MANNbRS. 

matters,  and  settle  the  account  at  the  end  of  the  jour- 
ney. But  a  strict  record  of  all^the  items  should  be 
kept,  in  this  case.  The  first  method  is  preferable. 

Ladies  should  not  have  a  myriad  of  packages  for 
an  escort  to  guard.  We  have  often  envied  the  man 
who  said  that  he  could  put  his  wardrobe  in  a  collar 
box — what  a  world  of  trouble  he  saved  himself!  Some 
ladies  (of  course  not  many)  think  a  Saratoga  trunk 
not  large  enough  to  hold  all  their  possessions,  but  they 
are  burdened  with  one  or  two  hand  sachels,  a  shawl, 
various  small  parcels,  a  lunch-basket,  and  finish  up 
with  a  bird  cage!  Fancy  the  feelings  of  a  gentleman 
who  is  expected  to  take  charge  of  a  lady  with  all  these 
appendages. 

When  a  lady  travels  alone  she  should  be  at  the 
depot  early  enough  to  purchase  her  ticket  and  to  make 
any  inquiries  of  the  ticket  agent,  respecting  the  route. 
She  should  never  permit  a  stranger  to  purchase  her 
ticket  or  check  her  trunk.  There  are  proper  persons 
for  those  services. 

Be  sure  to  carry  more  money  than  you  expect  to 
require,  but  do  not  display  it  to  strangers.  Depots 
are  full  of  adventurers  and  sharpers,  waiting  to 
"entrap  the  unwary."  We  know  a  gentleman  who, 
when  traveling,  always  divided  his  money  with  his 
wife,  she  carrying  half,  and  he  the  other  half,  his  rea- 
son being  that  if  he  were  robbed,  or  by  any  accider* 


TRAVELING  MANNERS.  Ill 

they  were  separated  on  their  journey,  neither  would 
be  left  unprovided  for. 

Jewelry  should  not  be  worn  in  traveling;  and  do 
not  consult  your  watch  every  few  moments. 

If  you  desire  any  information,  apply  to  the  conduct- 
or. He  is  the  one  best  able  to  give  you  any  direc- 
tions. At  the  same  time,  a  lady  will  not  refuse  any 
offer  of  assistance,  such  as  raising  or  lowering  a  win- 
dow, changing  seats,  to  avoid  a  draught,  calling  a  car- 
riage, etc.  Gentlemen  understand  perfectly  how  to 
offer  such  services,  and  will  not  presume  upon  their 
acceptance  to  force  an  acquaintance. 

A  lady  may  make  herself  agreeable  to  her  fellow- 
passengers  if  the  journey  be  long,  without  being  mis- 
construed. But  an  acquaintance  begun  on  a  railway 
train  should  end  there.  Very  young  ladies  should  be 
cautious  and  reserved  with  young  men. 

When  a  coat  or  valise  is  left  on  a  seat,  it  is  un- 
derstood that  it  has  been  reserved  for  the  owner,  and 
no  lady  or  gentleman  will  remove  such  articles,  and 
take  possession  of  the  seat.  If  the  car  is  full,  it  is 
proper  to  take  any  seat  that  is  vacant,  even  by  the 
side  of  a  gentleman,  first  inquiring  if  the  seat  is 
occupied. 

As  soon  as  you  are  seated,  don't  throw  the  window 
up,  thus  admitting  the  soot,  and  perhaps  imperiling 
the  life  of  another  by  the  cold  air.  The  one  who  sits 


112  TREBLING  MANNERS. 

behind  you  will  suffer  from  the  draught  more  than  the 
occupant  of  the  seat  by  your  side. 

Gentlemen,  don't  expectorate  tobacco-juice  on  the 
floor,  for  the  skirts  of  the  lady  who  may  be  sitting 
near  you,  to  wipe  up.  Nor  shell  nuts  and  peel  oranges, 
making  a  litter.  Would  you  be  guilty  of  such  rude- 
ness in  a  parlor?  A  pleasant  little  incident  occurred 
on  a  train  lately  which  proved  the  truth  of  the  value 
of  early  training.  A  little  boy  of  six  was  in  the  car 
with  his  parents,  and  was  given  an  orange.  He  peeled 
it,  and  looked  anxiously  around  for  a  receptacle  for 
the  skin.  "Oh,  throw  it  under  your  seat,"  the  father 
said,  carelessly.  "But,  papa,  I  mustn't  throw  things 
on  the  floor,"  he  answered.  He  recogni/ed  the  fact 
that  the  same  good  manners  should  be  practiced 
abroad  as  at  home.  His  father  quietly  opened  the 
window,  and  threw  out  the  refuse. 

RIGHTS  OF  ELDERLY  LADIES. 

Elderly  ladies,  who  are  acccustomed  to  traveling, 
should  deem  it  a  privilege  to  exercise  a  supervision 
over  younger  and  more  inexperienced  ladies,  thus 
throwing  a  mantle  of  protection  around  them,  and 
also  relieving  their  loneliness.  Ladies  should  always 
be  friendly  and  helpful  to  each  other. 

No  passenger  has  a  right  to  occupy  two  seats  with 
their  personal  property,  unless  there  is  abundance  of 


TRAVELING  MANNERS.  113 

room;  and  we  feel  that  anyone  is  almost  justified  in 
taking  by  force  what  common  politeness  on  the  part 
of  another  should  freely  accord  him. 

When  you  lay  aside  your  wraps  in  the  car,  resume 
them  before  the  car  has  nearly  stopped  at  your  sta- 
tion. It  is  rather  undignified  to  make  your  toilet  and 
your  exit  from  the  car  at  one  and  the  same  time. 

DON'T  BE  SELFISH. 

If  you  are  in  a  sleeping  car  don't  stay  in  the  dress- 
ing-room so  long  that  every  other  lady  is  debarred 
from  the  same  privilege.  Be  as  quick  as  possible,  or 
you  will  appear  very  selfish. 

CARE  FOR  YOUR  VALUABLES. 

Intrust  your  valuables  to  the  porter  for  safe-keep- 
ing. He  usually  receives  a  small  fee  for  the  service, 
but  you  are  not  compelled  to  offer  him  one.  The 
company  employs  him  for  the  accommodation  ®i  the 
traveling  public. 

A  gentleman  should  not  leave  his  coat  or  handbag 
in  a  seat,  and  then  spend  his  time  in  the  smoking  car, 
while  a  lady  may  be  standing. 

DO    NOT    JOSTLE. 

When  you  leave  the  cars  at   a  station   for  a   meal, 
do  not  jostle   and  scramble  for  the  best    place,  and 
8 


114  TRAVELING  MANNERS. 

clamor  to  be  served  at  once.  There  is  usually  time 
allotted  for  eating  in  a  self-possessed  and  gentlemanly 
way. 

If  you  leave  an  umbrella  or  any  other  article  in  a 
car,  apply  at  the  office  of  the  company,  and  they  will 
assist  you  in  tracing  it  up. 

Never  leave  a  train  till  it  has  fully  stopped.  Many 
serious  accidents  have  been  caused  by  too  great 
haste. 

WHO  SHALL  PAY    FARE. 

It  is  laughable  to  hear  two  ladies  in  a  street  car  dis- 
puting as  to  who  shall  pay  the  fare.  "I'll  pay 
this  time."  "£Iow,  you  shall  not — it's  my  turn." 
"No,  I  have  the  change!"  And  thus  they  argue, 
pocket-books  in  hand,  while  the  waiting  conductor  is 
inwardly  wishing  them  some  terrible  fate.  If  your 
friend  offers  to  pay  your  fare,  consent  to  her  doing  so. 
You  will  probably  have  an  opportunity  to  return  the 
favor.  If  you  design  paying  for  both,  it  is  the  most 
polite  way  to  have  the  exact  change  ready,  and  pass 
it  to  the  conductor  without  any  reference  to  it. 

TAKE  TIME  TO  LEAVE    THE  CAR. 

When  the  train  has  reached  its  destination,  do  not 
rush  wildly  out,  pushing  your  fellow  passengers  out  of 
the  way.  It  is  both  selfish  and  ill-bred.  Be  prompt 
to  assist  a  young  child  or  an  aged  person  from  the  oar. 


TRAVELING  MANNERS.  115 

TRAVELING  IN  THE  NIGHT. 

A  lady  should  try  and  arrange  her  trip,  when  with- 
out an  escort,  so  that  she  will  not  be  compelled  to 
change  cars  in  the  night.  If  she  has  to  do  so,  she 
must  place  herself  under  the  care  of  the  conductor,  or 
some  married  couple,  until  the  transfer  is  made. 
The  reasons  are  obvious.  There  are  always  "wolves 
in  sheep's  clothing,"  who  would  direct  her  wrong,  par- 
ticularly in  large  cities. 

If  she  arrives  in  the  place  where  she  is  to  stop  at 
night,  and  her  friends  have  failed  to  meet  her,  or 
may  not  know  she  is  coming  on  that  train,  she  had 
better  not  take  a  hack.  Choose  rather  a  'bus  or 
street-car,  where  there  are  plenty  of  people. 

PRESENCE  OF  MIND. 

Always  maintain  your  presence  of  mind  under  all 
circumstances.  Do  not  become  excited  at  any  emer- 
gency, but  keep  your  wits  about  you.  There  are 
always  good  people  who  will  advise  and  assist  you. 

If  these  simple  rules  are  observed,  any  lady  may 
take  a  journey  unattended,  without  an  unpleasant 
incident.  A  quiet,  lady-like  manner  will  command 
respect.  Occasionally  a  rough,  impertinent  fellow 
may  be  encountered,  who  will  annoy  a  lady,  but  if  her 
dignified  reserve  does  not  check  his  advances,  she  will 
always  find  defenders  who  will  teach  him  his  place. 


lib  TR4I/ELING  MANNERS. 

STEAMER  ACQUAINTANCES. 

On  a  steamer  where  people  are  thrown  together  for 
days,  many  pleasant  acquaintances  spring  into  exist- 
ence, and  some  warm  friendships  which  have  stood 
the  test  of  time  have  been  formed. 

But  even  here  where  much  freedom  is  allowed,  it  is 
conceded  that  a  certain  degree  of  reserve  should 
obtain  on  the  part  of  a  lady,  and  that  no  familiarity 
should  be  permitted;  also  that  an  acquaintance 
formed  here  need  not  proceed  any  further  than  the 
place  which  gave  it  countenance. 

Good-breeding  forbids  that  you  monopolize  the 
steamer  piano  or  do  all  the  talking  in  the  ladies' 
cabin. 

Pay  some  regard  to  the  comfort  of  those  who  retire 
earlier  than  you  care  to.  Boisterous  laughter  and 
loud  talking  are  contrary  to  that  politeness  which 
springs  from  a  kind  heart. 

EATING  HASTILY. 

At  the  table  do  not  eat  hastily  and  greedily.  It  is 
not  only  ill-mannered,  but  it  is  not  a  healthy  prac- 
tice. Time  is  ample  here,  and  you  have  not  the  excuse 
of  a  hastily-eaten  meal  at  a  railway  station.  Besides, 
the  hundred  or  more  pairs  of  eyes  that  are  observing 
you,  will  comment  unfavorably. 

Never  allude  to  sea-sickness  at  the  table.     Most 


TRAVELING  MANNERS.  11? 

every  one  is   squeamish  on   the  water,  and    any  allu- 
sion of  this  sort  is  in  bad  taste. 

Remember    here,   as    elsewhere,    to    avoid   giving 
offense,  and  regard  the  rights  of  all. 


CHAPTER  XL 

CONVERSATION    AN   ART. 

EILE  says — "Reason  and  speech  have  seemed  so 
[_®     inseparable  to  some  that  it  has  been  maintained 
that  man  would  not  be  man  without  speech.      Hence 
Shelley's  well-known  lines: 

"  '  He  gave  man  speech,  and  speech  created  thought, 
Which  is  the  measure  of  the  universe.'  " 

We  think  there  are  few  who  do  not  ardently  desire 
to  become  good  conversationalists.  To  be  able  to 
hold  the  attention  of  a  circle  of  listeners,  many  of 
whom  are  strangers  to  you,  and  to  make  them  anxious 
to  hear  more  from  your  lips,  is  a  gift  that  few  pos- 
sess. And  yet  it  lies  within  the  power  of  all  to  contrib- 
ute to  the  pleasure  of  any  group,  by  uttering  some 
suggestive  thought,  which  in  its  turn  may  set  another 
train  of  thought  in  motion,  and  stimulate  to  better 
things. 

CONVERSING    WELL. 

The  ability  to  converse  interestingly  has  been  the 
stepping-stone  to  many  a  man's  success  in  life. 

118 


AGREEABLE    CONVERSATION. 


CONVERSATION  AH  ART.  119 

There  is  not  a  human  being  in  the  possession  of  his 
faculties  who  cannot  amuse  and  instruct  others. 
Social  contact  is  a  mental  stimulant,  which  modern 
society  sets  its  stamp  of  approval  upon,  as  is  evi- 
denced by  the  ready  welcome  which  the  intelligent 
talker  receives  everywhere. 

TALK  NOT  CONVERSATION. 

But  talk  alone  is  not  conversation.  There  must 
be  a  clear  brain,  a  keen  perception  of  the  fitness  of 
things,  a  swiftness  at  grasping  ideas  and  adapting 
them  to  the  company  in  which  one  is  placed,  to  con- 
stitute conversation.  Some  people  have  so  great  a 
love  for  the  sound  of  their  own  voices,  that  they  rattle 
off  the  veriest  nonsense,  with  the  volubility  of  a  chat- 
tering magpie,  and  after  all  their  torrent  of  words, 
they  have  said  nothing.  Such  talkers  can  be  found 
in  all  places,  and  are  not,  in  spite  of  the  ugly  sar- 
casms which  would-be  wits  fling  at  them,  confined  to 
the  gentler  sex. 

The  most  graceful  conversationalists  are  those  whose 
thoughts  are  spontaneous.  Contact  with  other  minds 
broadens  and  develops  our  own,  arid  thus  widens  the 

field  of  thought. 

\ 

A  GOOD  MEMORY   NECESSARY. 

The  first  essential  in  becoming  a  good  talker  is  to 


120  CONVERSATION  AN  ART. 

have  a  good  memory.  The  mind  must  become  a 
storehouse  of  good  things,  from  whence  to  draw  for 
the  enjoyment  of  others.  When  a  good  lecture  or  a 
sermon  is  heard,  it  is  well  to  commit  the  most  strik- 
ing points  to  memory,  and  the  various  deductions 
drawn  therefrom  either  by  the  speaker  or  yourself, 
can  be  used  for  material.  A  good  book  should  be  well 
studied,  much  of  it  committed  to  memory,  and  that, 
too,  will  serve  as  a  fund  from  which  to  educe  ideas, 
which,  communicated  to  others,  will  bring  forth  new 
ones  from  them,  and  thus  the  conversation  becomes 
general,  and  wit  and  fancy  flow  freely.  But  do  not 
pass  these  thoughts  off  upon  the  company  as  original 
— allude  to  their  authors  and  give  them  due  credit. 

DO  NOT    CRAM. 

It  is  unpardonable  to  "cram"  yourself  previous  to  a 
social  gathering;  that  is,  to  read  up  any  special  sub- 
ject, for  the  purpose  of  astonishing  your  hearers  with 
your  erudition.  You  might  possibly  meet  some  one 
who  knew  more  on  the  subject  than  you  did  and  who 
might  expose  your  superficial  information  at  exactly 
the  moment  when  you  fancied  yourself  the  most 
secure. 

SHOWING  OFF. 

It  is  very  ill-bred  to  exhibit  any  accomplishments 
for  the  sake  of  display,  and  beget  ill-feeling  among 
those  whom  you  desire  to  dazzle. 


CONVERSATION  AH  ART.  121 

PUNS    ARE  VULGAR. 

A  pun  occasionally  can  be  forgiven,  in  good  society, 
but  the  man  or  woman  who  makes  a  pun  on  every 
other  word,  is  a  terrible  nuisance,  and  the  soul  will 
rise  up  in  arms  against  them.  The  fashion  of  pun- 
ning dates  from  the  times  of  the  early  Greeks,  but  its 
age  does  not  entitle  it  to  veneration.  Their  chief 
objection  is  that  they  continually  break  in  on  agree- 
able conversation,  and  divert  the  mind  from  the  sub- 
ject. A  punster  has  no  regard  for  the  most  sacred 
and  dear  feelings  of  the  heart,  and  would  as  readily 
play  upon  words  at  a  funeral  as  at  a  wedding. 

TACT. 

The  most  exquisite  and  subtle  quality  necessary  to 
a  go©d  talker,  is  tact.  It  is  a  fine  gift  to  know  just 
hew  to  talk,  to  whom,  and  what  is  exactly  the  right 
thing  to  say  ©n  all  occasions.  It  is  only  people  of 
the  most  delicate  perceptions  who  possess  this  gift, 
but  it  can  be  cultivated.  To  the  author  it  is  a  neat 
compliment  to  express  a  fondness  for  books — not  his 
particular  books,  for  that  would  savor  of  broad  flat- 
tery, and  is  offensive.  The  lady  whose  heart  is  in  her 
household  cares,  will  incite  you  to  talk  sympathetic- 
ally with  her  of  the  delights  of  home.  To  the  busi- 
ness man  you  can  find  something  to  say  uf  stocks, 
per  cents. ,  and  he  will  vote  you  a  smart  fellow.  The 


122  CONVERSATION  AH  ART. 

good  talker  must  be  in  a  certain  sense,  "All  things  to 
all  men;"  must  show  an  interest  in  whatever 
pleases  others. 

BE  CAREFUL  NOT  TO  DRAW  COMPARISONS. 

A  person  of  tact  will  never  comment  upon  the  im- 
morality of  the  stage,  when  he  knows  one  of  the  group 
is  a  member  of  that  profession;  nor  attack  any  nation- 
ality or  religion  with  virulence,  in  a  mixed  company, 
where  there  are  liable  to  be  those  whose  feelings  would 
be  wounded  by  such  indiscriminate  remarks.  He 
will  not  ask  effusively  after  an  absent  one  who  may 
be  at  bitter  enmity  with  the  one  with  whom  he  is 

speaking. 

THE  BOASTFUL   TALKER. 

Of  all  talkers,  the  ones  most  to  be  dreaded  are  those 
who  are  forever  expatiating  upon  their  own  exploits; 
their  own  brilliant  judgment,  and  their  heroic  conduct 
upon  some  occasion.  These  people  never  allow  the 
recitation  of  any  one's  doings  but  their  own.  No 
matter  how  adroitly  you  may  lead  them  away  from 
self,  they  will  break  in  upon  you  with  an  account  of 
how  they  conducted  upon  a  similar  occasion,  and  what 
praise  they  received  for  their  performance,  until  their 
listeners  give  up  in  despair,  feeling  that  there  is  no 
escape  from  the  tiresome  repetition  until  the  talker  has 
rung  all  the  changes  upon  himself  which  his  vanity  is 
capable  of. 


CONVERSATION  AX  ART.  133 

INTERESTING    EXPERIENCES. 

There  is  great  pleasure  to  be  had  in  listening  to  the 
experiences  of  those  who  have  traveled,  but  such  nar- 
rations are  solicited.  The  conceit  which  leads  a  man 
to  talk  of  himself  constantly,  soon  makes  his  society 
detested.  His  exploits  are  secretly  sneered  at,  and 
but  half  believed.  No  matter  how  well  he  may  talk, 
as  he  is  the  pivotal  center  on  which  his  conversation 
turns,  he  is  credited  with  nothing  but  egotism. 

TRIFLES    WEARISOME. 

Another  sort  of  conversation  which  is  very  tiresome, 
is  that  which  retails  all  the  trivial  happenings  of  the 
speakers  and  their  family.  While  these  matters  are 
interesting  or  at  least  endurable  to  their  immediate 
friends,  to  the  majority  of  people  they  are  of  no  sort 
of  consequence,  and  become  very  insipid. 

UNFIT  TOPICS. 

The  details  of  the  toilet,  and  physical  ailments,  are 
never  fit  subjects  for  conversation.  Such  topics  should 
be  sedulously  avoided,  as  enlarging  upon  them  can 
neither  interest  nor  please. 

POLISH  OFTEN  A  CLOAK. 

It  has  often  been  said  that  a  man  can  be  polished, 
y  nd  yet  be  a  villain.  That  is  undoubtedly  true.  But 


124  CONVERSATION  AN  ART. 

then  it  does  not  follow  that  because  a  man  is  uncouth 
and  boorish  he  is  honest  and  true.  The  highest  moral 
purity  does  not  excuse  rudeness  and  ill-breeding.  It 
is  far  more  natural  and  consistent  to  associate  gentle- 
ness of  manners,  refinement  and  courtesy  with  genuine 
goodness,  and  we  believe  that  nine  men  out  of  ten  who 
have  the  refinement  which  good  society  gives,  are 
mentally  what  they  should  be — gentlemen  at  heart. 

A  good  talket  shines  best  at  the  dinner-table,  where 
the  flow  of  good  feeling  is  increased  by  pleasant  sur- 
roundings, and  gay  and  animated  discourse  is  so  easily 
maintained. 

THE  ART  OF  LISTENING. 

A  good  talker  makes  a  good  listener.  DuH  people 
can  best  be  brought  out  of  their  reserve  by  saying  as 
little  as  possible  yourself,  but  rather  by  leading  them 
up  to  some  subject  in  which  they  are  at  home.  You 
pay  your  listeners,  by  a  "few  brilliant  flashes  of 
silence"  now  and  then,  the  compliment  of  supposing 
that  they  have  something  to  say,  and  that  you  are 
desirous  of  listening  to  their  views.  It  is  told  of  a 
young  man  who  was  very  shy,  that  a  lady  succeeded 
in  starting  him  on  a  certain  train  of  thought  with 
which  he  was  familiar,  and  he  entertained  the  com- 
pany in  a  charming  manner.  She  spoke  but  seldom. 
He  afterward  remarked  of  her  that  she  was  the  finest 
talker  he  ever  heard. 


CONVERSATION  AN  ART.  135 

WANDERING  ATTENTION. 

Do  not  appear  to  listen  while  your  thoughts  are 
wandering  far  away,  and  you  are  unpleasantly  brought 
back  to  the  present  by  an  unexpected  question  or  a 
sudden  pause.  Listen  intelligently;  pay  strict  atten- 
tion to  what  is  being  said,  and  occasionally  add  a  word, 
or  give  a  quick  smile  of  approval.  It  will  stimulate 
and  awaken  an  exchange  of  ideas  and  kindle  a  flame 
that  will  gladden  the  heart. 

But  in  listening,  do  not  fasten  your  eyes  upon  the 
speaker,  under  the  impression  that  he  will  be  pleased 
by  such  close  attention,  or  let  your  eyes  wander 
around  the  room,  as  though  you  were  meditating 
flight.  Either  one  of  these  things  will  confuse  the 
most  brilliant  talker  who  ever  lived. 

DO  NOT   INTERRUPT. 

Do  not  break  in  upon  the  good  conversationalist. 
He  may  stimulate  you  so  that  ideas  will  rush  to  your 
lips  with  torrent-like  rapidity,  and  you  can  scarcely 
wait  for  the  other  to  finish.  But  you  should  keep 
them  back  until  he  has  done,  else  you  will  give  the 
impression  that  you  have  not  been  listening  at  all, 
only  snatching  ideas  from  him. 

Surely  there  are  topics  enough  in  this  progressive 
age  to  supply  food  for  conversation  in  any  coterie — 
the  grave,  the  gay,  the  learned  or  the  unlearned.  Are 


120  CONVERSATION  /IN  ART, 

not  the  wonders  of  the  universe  spread  out  before  us, 
within  our  very  grasp?  Can  we  not  find  subjects  for 
daily  conversation  in  the  doings  of  the  great  minds  of 
to-day — or  the  latest  book,  and  the  kindly  deeds  of 
heroic  souls?  And  should  not  our  words  uplift  the 
weary  hearted,  cheer  the  sad,  and  bring  rays  of  sun- 
shine into  the  lives  of  all? 

WHO  CONVERSE   EASILY. 

To  some  men  and  women  whose  quick  and  ready 
brain  responds  to  the  lightest  thought,  conversation 
comes  naturally;  it  is  no  effort  for  them  to  converse 
fluently.  To  others  it  is  a  wearisome  task.  They 
think  deeply  and  sensibly;  can  seize  upon  a  subject 
clearly,  but  they  are  slow  in  giving  utterance  to  their 
own  conclusions.  These  can  cultivate  the  art  of  con- 
versation. Patience  and  determination,  assisted  by 
practice  in  putting  your  thoughts  into  words,  will 
develop  the  possibilities  within  yourselves.  Observe 
closely,  fill  your  minds  with  facts  and  the  experiences 
of  others,  accustom  yourselves  to  think  audibly,  and 
you  will  be  surprised  at  the  readiness  with  which  you 
will  express  yourself. 

TRAIN  THE   CHILDREN. 

This  training  properly  belongs  to  the  period  of 
childhood,  when  the  mind  is  easily  impressed.  Par- 


CONVERSATION  AN  ART.  121 

ents  should  encourage  a  child  to  relate  any  thing  which 
has  attracted  its  attention,  and  should  induce  it  to 
tell  it  in  its  own  way.  And  strict  accuracy  should  be 
demanded  of  it  in  the  relation  of  all  incidents.  The 
right  use  of  words  and  phrases  should  be  taught  the 
child,  and  careless  and  improper  language  should  be 
repressed.  The  benefit  of  such  a  course  cannot  be 
overestimated.  The  young  mind  early  acquires  the 
habit  of  observing  and  thinking,  is  educated  to  be 
truthful,  and  these  faculties  grow  and  expand  more 
rapidly. 

USE  FEW  COMPLIMENTS. 

Compliments  should  be  very  sparingly  administered, 
else  they  lose  their  force.  When  they  are  deserved, 
it  is  a  graceful  act  to  pay  them;  it  is  an  acknowledg- 
ment of  something  worthily  done.  But  let  them  be 
sincere,  else  they  become  gross  flattery,  which  is  low- 
ering to  the  giver,  and  an  insult  to  the  one  on  whom 
it  is  bestowed.  It  is  an  admission  that  you  are  dull 
and  unobservant  of  the  merits  of  those  around  you, 
not  to  say  a  fitting  word  of  praise  for  some  good  deed 
they  have  done — and  a  word  of  this  sort  from  you  is 
often  very  gratefully  received. 

NEATNESS    OF    PERSON. 

Neat  personal  appearance  is  absolutely  necessary 
to  the  success  of  a  good  conversationalist.  Much 


128  CONVERSATION  /IN  ART. 

depends  upon  the  personal  magnetism  of  a  talker,  the 
play  of  feature,  the  expression  of  the  eye.  All  these 
fail  to  charm,  if  slovenly  dress,  tumbled  hair,  neglect- 
ed teeth,  kill  their  effect.  Neatness  is  a  passport  to 
the  favor;  the  want  of  it  creates  disgust. 

JOKES    IMMORTAL. 

It  is  asserted  that  jokes  are  immortal.  But  don't 
revamp  all  the  old  jests  and  stories  that  have  trav- 
eled the  rounds  until  they  must  be  weary.  We  will 
remind  our  readers  that  coarse  stories  are  banished 
from  the  society  of  ladies  and  gentlemen.  They  who 
would  be  known  as  ladies  and  gentlemen  are  clean 
in  body  and  soul. 

POLITICS  AND  RELIGION  TABOOED. 

Never  indulge  in  conversation  that  will  lead  to 
heated  debate  in  the  social  circle.  Politics  and  relig- 
ion should  be  tabooed,  for  it  is  almost  irrpossible  to 
avoid  arousing  some  one's  prejudice,  or  touching  some 
sensitive  point.  The  bitterest  quarrels  have  been 
the  outcome  of  what  at  the  start  was  a  mere  differ- 
ence of  opinion,  and  as  such  entitled  to  a  polite  for- 
bearance. If  two  persons  can  engage  in  a  friendly  con- 
troversy on  any  topic,  and  observe  the  rules  of  polite- 
ness such  an  argument  is  enjoyable  to  those  who  list- 
en, for  much  information  can  be  gained.  But  it  is 


CONVERSATION  AN  ART.  139 

wiser  to  maintain  silence  when  either  party  is  so  sensi- 
tive that  a  difference  of  opinion  will  lead  to  a  loss  of 
temper,  and  a  breach  of  good  manners. 

AFFECTATION  IN  SPEECH. 

A  talker  should  not  affect  a  delicacy  of  speech 
which  many  mistake  for  refinement.  Call  things  by 
right  names.  Do  not  say  limb  for  leg,  or  retire  for 
go  to  bed.  There  is  no  true  modesty  in  such  substi- 
tutions. Speak  correct  English.  Use  simple  phrases, 
being  careful  that  your  pronunciation  is  the  standard 
one.  One  had  better  consult  a  dictionary  every  hour 
in  the  day,  than  to  risk  the  secret  ridicule  which  is 
sure  to  follow  the  word  which  is  wrongly  pronounced. 
And  names  of  persons  should  be  correctly  pronounced. 
The  pride  is  easily  hurt  if  liberties  are  taken  with 
one's  name. 

USE  PLAIN  ENGLISH. 

The  language  which  you  speak  should  be  well  un- 
derstood. Odd  words  and  high-sounding  phrases  are 
in  bad  taste.  It  is  ridiculous  to  besprinkle  your  sen- 
tences with  words  from  other  tongues,  and  the  chances 
are  many  that  you  cannot  give  them  their  correct 
pronunciation,  and  you  gain  a  reputation  for  being 
pedantic. 

Slang  is  even  more  dangerous  to  use.  It  will  be 
apt  to  fall  from  the  lips  at  the  most  inopportune 
9 


130  CONVERSATION  AN  ART. 

moment.  Young  ladies  would  shun  slang  phrases  as 
they  would  a  plague,  were  they  aware  of  the  origin  of 
some  of  their  pet  phrases.  The  most  beautiful  lan- 
guage is  that  which  is  the  most  simple.  The  words 
which  have  the  most  value  are  those  which  concisely 
convey  the  thought  to  the  mind  of  the  listener  with 
clearness  and  speed. 

LOUD  TALKING  OFFENSIVE. 

Loud  talking  is  very  offensive.  The  loud  talker  is 
generally  conceited  and  coarse.  He  catches  the  ear, 
but  does  not  engage  the  heart.  The  loud,  swaggering 
talker,  starts  out  upon  the  supposition  that  every  one 
is  interested  in  his  affairs.  He  disturbs  the  circle  into 
which  he  is  thrown.  He  talks  at  people,  and  not  for 
them. 

There  are  occasions  and  places  where   loud  talking 

is  proper.     A  speaker  who  would  hold  his    audience 

must  have  a  voice  that  will  penetrate  to    the  farthest 

corner.     The  actor's  enunciation  must  be  loud,  clear, 

and  distinct.   The  lawyer,  pleading  at  the  bar,  should 

be   heard  by  his  entire    audience.      But   a  man    or 

woman  who  comes  into  a  parlor,  or  the  family  circle, 

;.and  talks  in  a  voice  that  would  command  a  regiment, 

".  is  a  perfect  bomb-shell,  and  creates    similar    feelings 

to  one  in  the  minds  of  his  auditors. 

Home  is  not  the  place  for  noisy  and  loud  dernonstra- 


CONVERSATION  Alt  ART.  131 

tions.  The  play-ground  is  their  proper  location. 
Loud  talking  becomes  a  fixed  habit,  and  the  one  who 
indulges  in  it  becomes  unaware  of  his  own  fault. 
There  is  nothing  so  pleasant  to  the  ear,  as  the  even, 
moderately-pitched  tones;  at  once  we  give  their  pos- 
sessor credit  for  being  well-bred.  And  these  tones 
can  be  cultivated  by  anyone;  even  though  there  may 
be  natural  defects,  they  can  be  overcome,  with 
patience  and  determination. 

A  low  voice  does  not  mean  a  mumbling,  indistinct 
utterance.  Nor  does  a  high-pitched  one  mean  noise. 
The  latter  may  be  very  musical,  while  the  former 
would  be  the  reverse.  But  a  clear,  distinct,  evenly- 
modulated  voice,  sympathetic  and  refined,  is  a  delight 
which  does  double  duty — to  its  possessor  and  to  those 
who  listen  to  it. 

OBSERVE  RESPECT  TO  LADIES. 

A  gentleman  should  always  remember,  in  talking 
with  ladies,  that  they  are  his  equals.  There  is  no 
more  ludicrous  spectacle  than  a  man  vainly  struggling 
with  what  he  thinks  is  "small  talk"  in  the  company  of 
ladies.  He  is  magnanimously  striving  to  come  down 
to  their  level,  while  they  are  measuring  him  mentally, 
and  wondering  if  he  knows  anything. 

It  is  bad  breeding  to  air  one's  business  or  occupa- 
tion in  company.  Relegate  "the  shop"  to  its  own 


133  CONVERSATION  JN  ART. 

place — outside  the  circle  where  one's  private    affairs 
interest  no  one. 

SMALL  TALK  HAS  ITS  USES. 

But  "small  talk"  as  it  is  sneeringly  named,  has  its 
uses  and  its  place.  One  does  not  like  always  to  be 
on  stilts  figuratively  speaking,  and  we  agree  with  the 
following  from  an  author  who  has  said  many  things 
well: 

"After  all,  a  man  may  have  done  a  vast  deal  of 
reading,  may  have  a  good  memory  and  sound  judg- 
ment; he  may  season  his  conversation  with  wit  and 
be  a  walking  encyclopaedia,  and  still  be  a  very  dull 
companion.  All  the  world  do  not  read  books,  and 
some  of  those  who  do,  never  care  about  them.  Every- 
body, however,  loves  to  talk.  When  we  are  wearied 
with  toil,  or  tired  with  thought,  we  naturally  love  to 
chat,  and  it  is  pleasant  to  hear  the  sound  of  one's 
own  voice.  What  we  mean  by  small  talk  is  talk  upon 
common,  everyday  matters,  about  the  little  tri- 
fling and  innocent  things  of  usual  occurrence;  in  short, 
that  vast  world  of  topics  upon  which  every  one  can 
talk,  and  which  are  as  interesting  to  children  and 
simple-minded  persons  as  the  greater  questions  are  to 
the  learned.  Many  affect  a  great  measure  of  wisdom 
by  speaking  contemptuously  of  common-place  talk, 
but  it  is  only  affected.  Real  wisdom  makes  a  man 


CONVERSATION  AN  ART.  183 

an  agreeable  companion.  Talk  upon  those  topics 
which  appear  to  interest  your  hearers  most,  no  matter 
how  common  they  may  be.  The  real  wisdom  and 
power  of  a  conversationalist  is  shown  in  making  a 
commonplace  topic  interesting.  Many  imagine  that 
it  is  an  easy  matter  to  talk  about  nothing  or  every- 
day occurrences,  but  it  requires  an  active  and  observ- 
ant mind,  and  no  small  share  of  invulnerable  good 
humor,  to  say  something  on  everything  to  everybody. 
If  a  man  is  never  to  open  his  mouth  but  for  the  enun- 
ciation of  some  profound  aphorism,  or  something  that 
has  never  been  said  before;  if  he  is  to  be  eternally 
talking  volumes  and  discussing  knotty  problems, ,  his 
talk  becomes  a  burden,  and  he  will  find  that  but  few 
of  his  audience  will  be  willing  to  listen  to  him.  Small 
talk  obviates  the  necessity  of  straining  the  mind  and 
assuming  unnatural  attitudes,  as  though  you  were 
exerting  your  mental  powers.  It  puts  the  mind  at 
ease." 

In  conversation,  as  in  every  other  act  of  life,  due 
respect  should  be  shown  for  others'  opinions  and 
time — offending  not  the  first,  nor  encroaching  too  far 
upon  the  last. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

WEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

N  institution  of  such  antiquity  as  marriage,  and 
invested  with  a  rich  glow  of  romance  and  poesy, 
will  never  go  out  of  fashion.  Since  the  wedding  of 
Cana,  the  ceremonies  and  customs  attending  a  wed- 
ding have  been  fraught  with  continual  interest. 

In  the  face  of  the  contempt  with  which  frivolous  and 
unthinking  people  have  sought  to  invest  marriage, 
and  though  would-be  wits  have  aimed  their  shafts  at 
its  holy  customs,  it  will  ever  hold  an  honored  place  in 
the  minds  of  the  true  and  good,  and  a  work  would  be 
pronounced  as  of  no  value,  that  did  not  have  a  hero 
and  heroine  whose  bounden  duty  it  was,  to  fall  in 
love  and  wed. 

A  WEDDING  IN  A  FAMILY. 

A  wedding  is  an  important  event,  in  any  family.  It 
invests  each  individual  member  with  dignity,  from 
the  paterfamilias  down  to  the  wee  toddler  whose 
big  sister  is  the  heroine  of  the  coming  affair. 

A  book  on  etiquette  would  be  very  incomplete  which 

omitted  some  instructions  upon  the   forms  to    be  ob- 

134 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  135 

served  in  the  conducting  of  a  wedding,  for  marriage  is 
a  religious  as  well  as  a  legal  rite.  These  customs 
have  been  handed  down  from  generation  to  genera- 
tion through  the  churches,  those  conservators  of  so 
many  good  things.  But  even  though  these  forms  are 
in  their  general  outline  ever  the  same,  they  may  be 
varied  to  agree  with  individual  tastes  and  means. 

OUTLAY  OFTEN  TOO  GREAT. 

Sometimes,  in  that  natural  anxiety  which  parents 
feel  to  do  their  loved  ones  all  honor  possible,  they 
exceed  their  means  and  incur  expenses  which  they  can 
ill  afford.  And  yet,  who  would  like  to  censure  them, 
when  it  is  remembered  that  the  great  event  marks  the 
turning  point  in  the  life  of  a  fair  young  daughter  who 
is  so  soon  to  leave  the  home  which  has  sheltered  her  all 
her  life.  She  will  now  become  the  mistress  of  a  new 
home — its  guiding  star.  To  a  couple  who  look  their 
new  duties  squarely  in  the  face,  with  a  correct  and 
conscientious  idea  of  them,  marriage  is  a  solemn  step, 
which  is  never  taken  in  a  light  and  unthinking  manner. 

Therefore,  it  is  not  strange  that  parents  and  friends 
look  forward  eagerly  to  this  joyous  festive  occasion. 
Every  one  looks  on  approvingly,  and  were  but  a  small 
portion  of  the  kindly  wishes  uttered  in  behalf  of  the 
young  couple  fulfilled,  the  marriage  state  would  be 
perpetual  sunshine. 


186  WEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

But  clouds  will  arise — dark  days  will  come.  With 
sincere  love  at  the  helm,  and  an  earnest  mutual  deter- 
mination to  do  right,  and  to  live  lor  each  other,  the 
newly  married  pair  can  smile  at  any  fate. 

THE  BETROTHAL. 

Before  the  wedding,  comes  the  betrothal.  This 
is  a  halcyon  period,  for  then  two  hearts  are  drawn 
closer  to  each  other.  It  is  useless  to  sneer  at  love. 
It  is  not  only  the  universal  passion,  but  it  is  a  holy 
one. 

"He  that  feels 

No  love  for  woman,  has  no  heart  for  them, 
Nor  friendship  or  affection! — he  is  foe 
To  all  the  finer  feelings  of  the  soul; 
And  to  sweet  Nature's  holiest,  tenderest  ties, 
A  heartless  renegade." 

Th«re  is  no  formal  announcement  of  a  betrothal, 
in  this  country;  but  in  other  lands  the  festivities  are 
very  gay.  It  is  usual  here,  however,  for  the  father 
of  the  bride  to  give  a  dinner  and  announce  the  engage- 
ment before  rising  from  the  table,  when  congratula- 
tions are  in  order. 

RECEPTIONS  IN  HONOR  OF  THE  COMING  EVENT. 

After  this  has  been  communicated  to  the  friends, 
those  who  are  in  the  habit  of  entertaining  give  recep- 
tions, dinners  or  theater  parties  to  the  engaged  couple. 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  l87 


THE  BRIDE  NAMES    THE  DAY. 

It  is  the  expected  bride's  prerogative  to  name  the 
"happy  day."  Tastes  are  divided  as  to  the  most 
desirable  months.  May  is  shunned  by  those  who  are 
in  the  least  superstitious,  as  it  is  deemed  unlucky. 
The  ancient  Romans,  who  were  dominated  by  omens 
and  signs,  regarded  it  as  an  unfortunate  month,  and 
Ovid  said — "That  time  too,  was  not  auspicious  for 
the  marriage  torches  of  the  widow  or  of  the  virgin. 
She  who  married  then,  did  not  long  remain  a  wife." 
Just  after  Easter  seems  a  favorite  season  for  wed- 
dings, and  the  fall  months  are  also  much  liked. 

THE  YOUNG  LADY'S  CARDS. 

Immediately  preceding  the  sending  out  of  the  invi- 
tations for  the  marriage,  the  bride  that  is  to  be,  leaves 
her  card  at  the  homes  of  her  friends.  She  leaves 
them  in  person,  but  does  not  call,  unless  she  makes 
an  exception  in  favor  of  an  aged  or  sick  person. 

After  this  formality  has  been  attended  to,  and  the 
invitations  are  distributed,  the  young  lady  should  not 
be  seen  in  public. 

SENDING  OUT  INVITATIONS. 

If  the  ceremony  is  to  take  place  in  church,  and  be 
followed  by  a  reception,  invitations  are  sent  out  to 
friends  t«a  days  in  advance.  It  is  quite  fashionable 


138  BEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

to  be  wedded  in  church,  and  return  to  the  house  to 
don  their  traveling  costume,  and  leave  for  a  matri- 
monial trip. 

THE   FORM    OF   INVITATION. 

The  most  commonly  accepted  form  of  invitation  is 
worded  thus: 

MR.  AND  MRS.  THOMAS  CLARKE 

request  your  presence 

at  the  marriage  of   their  daughter 

GLADYSS, 

to 

CHARLES  W.  ALLEN, 
on  Tuesday  evening,  March  nth, 

at  eight  o'clock, 
Christ  Church,  Indianapolis. 

fhis  invitation  includes  only  the  service  at  the 
church.  Those  friends  whose  presence  is  desired  at 
the  reception  receive  a  card  of  this  nature,  inclosed 
with  the  invitation: 

MR.  and  MRS.  THOMAS  CLARKE 

At  home, 

Tuesday  evening,  March    nth, 

from  half-past  eight  until  eleven  o'clock. 

62  Elizabeth-St. 

A  card  still  more  simple  is  preferred;   as — 
Reception  at  62    Elizabeth-St.  at  half-past  eight. 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  130 

ADMISSION  CARDS  TO  CHURCH. 

An  admission  card  to  a  church  strikes  one  rather 
disagreeably,  and  yet  where  both  parties  have  an 
extensive  acquaintance,  they  are  necessary  to  prevent 
over-crowding,  and  are  worded  thus: 

Christ  Church. 
Ceremony   at  eight  o'clock. 

Invitations  should  be  printed  or  engraved  upon 
note-paper  of  excellent  quality,  and  the  envelope 
must  fit  the  inclosed  invitation  closely. 

MARRYING  IN  TRAVELING  COSTUMES. 

Many  very  fashionable  people  who  dislike  the  excite- 
ment and  display  of  a  public  wedding,  are  wed  in 
their  traveling  costumes,  with  no  one  but  the  family 
and  a  few  very  near  friends  present.  This  is  always 
the  rule,  after  a  recent  death  in  the  family,  or  some 
other  affliction. 

Brides-maids  are  taken  from  the  relatives  or  most 
intimate  friends — the  sisters  of  the  bride  and  of  the 
bridegroom  where  possible.  The  bridegroom  chooses 
his  groomsmen  and  ushers  from  his  circle  of  relatives 
and  friends  of  his  own  age,  and  from  the  relatives  of 
\i\sfiancee  of  a  suitable  age.  The  brides-maids  should 
be  a  little  younger  than  the  bride.  These  must  be 
from  two  to  six  in  number,  and  they  must  exercise 


140  WEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

taste  in  dress,  looking  as  pretty  as  possible,  being 
careful  however,  not  to  outshine  the  bride.  White 
is  the  accepted  dress  for  brides-maids,  but  they  are  not 
limited  to  this,  but  can  select  light  and  delicate  colors, 
showing  care  that  everything  harmonizes.  Pink, 
blue,  sea-green,  ecru,  or  lavender,  makes  a  very  pretty 
contrast  to  the  bride,  who  must  always  be  clothed 
in  white. 

THE  BRIDES-MAID  MUST  FULFILL  HER    ENGAGEMENT. 

A  brides-maid  must  never  disappoint  the  bride  by  a 
failure  to  keep  her  engagement.  Only  severe  sick- 
ness or  death  will  excuse  her.  The  bride  bestows 
some  present  on  each  brides-maid,  while  the  groom 
remembers  each  groomsman  in  a  similar  manner. 

THE  WEDDING-RING. 

The  wedding-ring  is  used  in  the  marriage  service  of 
nearly  all  denominations.  It  is  always  a  plain  gold 
band,  rather  heavy  and  solid.  A  ring  with  a  stone 
set  in  it,  is  preferred  for  an  engagement  ring. 

The  use  of  a  wedding-ring  is  a  very  ancient  custom. 
It  is  probable  that  it  was  used  by  the  Swiss  Lake 
dwellers,  and  other  primitive  people.  In  very  early 
times  it  was  used  by  the  Hebrews,  who  possibly 
borrowed  it  from  the  Egyptians,  among  whom,  as  well 
as  the  Greeks  and  the  Romans,  the  wedding-ring  was 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  141 

used.  An  English  book  on  etiquette,  published  in 
1732,  says,  the  bride  may  choose  on  which  finger  the 
ring  shall  be  placed,  and  it  says  some  brides  prefer  the 
thumb,  others  the  index  finger,  others  the  middle 
finger,  "becauseit  is  the  largest,"  and  others  the  fourth 
finger,  because  "a  vein  proceeds  from  it  to  the  heart." 
The  engagement  ring  is  removed  at  the  altar, 
usually  by  the  bridegroom,  who  passes  the  wedding- 
ring  (which  is  a  plain  gold  band,  with  the  date  and 
the  initials  engraved  inside)  to  the  clergyman,  to  be 
used  by  him  in  the  ceremony.  On  the  way  home  from 
church,  or  as  soon  thereafter  as  convenient,  the  bride- 
groom may  place  the  engagement  ring  again  on  the 
bride's  finger,  to  stand  guard  over  its  precious  fellow. 
Some  husbands  who  like  to  observe  these  pretty  little 
fancies,  present  their  wives  of  a  year's  standing, 
with  another  ring,  either  chased  or  plain,  to  be  worn 
on  the  wedding-ring  finger,  and  which  is  called  the 
keeper.  This,  too,  is  supposed  to  "stand  guard" 
over  the  wedding-ring. 

THE  DUTIES  OF  THE  USHERS. 

The  ushers  at  a  wedding,  of  whom  there  are  four, 
have  a  multitude  of  duties  to  perform.  They  are 
selected  from  among  the  most  intimate  friends  of 
either  groom  or  bride.  One  of  them  is  chosen  master 
of  ceremonies,  and  his  office  is  to  be  early  at  church, 


142  WEDDING  CUSTOMS 

and  having  a  list  of  the  invited  guests,  he  must  allot 
a  space  for  their  accommodation  by  stretching  a  cord 
or  ribbon  (sometimes  a  circle  of  natural  flowers) 
across  the  aisles  for  a  boundary  line.  He  sees  that 
the  organist  has  the  musical  programme  at  hand; 
that  the  stool  on  which  the  bride  and  groom  kneel  is 
in  its  proper  position,  and  covered  with  a  spotless 
white  cloth.  He  escorts  ladies  to  seats,  and  asks  the 
names  of  those  who  are  unknown  to  him,  that  he 
may  by  consulting  his  list,  place  the  relatives  and 
nearest  friends  of  the  bride  by  the  altar. 

USHERS  AT    THE  HOUSE. 

Two  of  the  ushers,  as  soon  as  the  pair  are  made 
one,  hasten  to  the  house  at  which  the  reception  is 
to  be  held,  to  receive  the  newly  wedded  and  their 
guests. 

CONDUCTING  THE  GUESTS. 

Another  duty  of  the  ushers  at  the  house  is  to  con- 
'duct  the  guests  to  the  bride  and  groom,  and  present 
those  who  may  not  have  been  acquainted.  They 
then  introduce  the  guests  to  the  parents.  It  may  be 
that  some  members  of  the  two  families  may  never 
have  met  some  of  the  others '  friends,  through  liv/ng 
at  a  distance;  so  this  becomes  a  necessary  formality. 
In  all  such  cases  the  gentleman  who  is  the  escort  of 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  143 

a  iady  follows  her  with  the  usher,  and  is  in  turn  intro- 
duced. 

The  usher  attends  to  every  lady  who  has  no  escort, 
and  sees  at  supper  that  she  is  well,  served. 

HOW  THE  USHERS  DRESS. 

The  dress  of  the  ushers  must  consist  of  the  regula- 
tion full  evening  toilet — white  neckties,  and  delicately 
tinted  gloves.  They  must  also  be  provided  with 
handsome  button-hole  bouquets. 

PROCEEDING    TO  THE    ALTAR. 

In  proceeding  to  the  altar,  the  brides-maids  enter 
the  church,  each  leaning  on  the  arm  of  a  groomsman, 
while  the  mother  of  the  bride  comes  next,  on  the 
arm  of  the  groom.  The  bride  enters  leaning  on  her 
father's  arm,  or  the  next  male  relative  who  is  much 
her  senior  in  years.  They  pass  to  the  altar,  the 
brides-maids  turning  to  the  left,  the  groomsmen  to 
the  right.  The  groom  places  the  mother  just  behind 
the  brides-maids,  or  seats  her  in  a  front  pew  at  the 
left.  The  father  remains  standing  where  he  can  give 
away  the  bride,  who  stands  at  the  left  of  the  groom. 

LEAVING  THE    ALTAR. 

On  leaving  the  altar,  the  bridal  pair  walk  first,  the 
bride  keeping  her  veil  over  her  face.  The  brides- 


144  WEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

maids  and  groomsmen   follow   next,  the  father  and 
mother  being  last. 

MARRIED  IN  A  TRAVELING    DRESS. 

If  a  bride  is  married  in  her  traveling  dress,  she 
wears  a  bonnet.  The  groom  is  dressed  in  dark 
clothes.  They  do  not  require  brides-maids  or  grooms- 
men, but  have  ushers,  while  the  groom  has  his  "best 
man,"  whose  place  it  is  to  attend  to  everything  nec- 
essary. 

STARING  AT  THE  BRIDAL  PARTY. 

The  guests  should  not  rush  out  of  church  for  the 
purpose  of  collecting  on  the  sidewalk  to  get  a  look  at 
the  bride.  They  should  remain  quietly  in  the  church 
until  the  wedding  procession  has  passed  out. 

THE  RECEPTION. 

At  the  reception  following,  half  of  the  maids  are  on 
the  left  of  the  bride  and  half  on  the  left  of  the  groom. 

Kissing  the  bride  is  fast  going  out  of  fashion,  in  the 
best  circles.  It  is  a  dreadful  ordeal  for  a  young  and 
timid  bride,  and  should  be  laid  on  the  shelf  with  many 
other  ridiculous  customs. 

DRESS  OF  THE  BRIDE. 

The  dress  of  the  bride  should  be  devised  according 
to  her  means — but  it  is  imperative  that  it  is  white, 


BETROTHED. 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  145 

and  may  be  muslin,  silk  or  satin.  A  veil  should  be 
worn;  one  composed  of  tulle  is  more  dainty  in  its 
effect  than  a  lace  one.  But  for  a  very  fleshy  bride 
lace  will  be  best,  as  tulle  has  the  quality  of  making 
one's  proportions' look  larger.  The  orange  blossom 
has  always  been  adopted  for  ornamentation,  and  is 
very  beautiful.  But  if  these  cannot  be  procured,  other 
natural  flowers  can  take  their  place.  If  jewelry  is 
worn,  it  should  be  something  very  elegant  and 
chaste. 

A  bride  is  not  expected  to  dance  at  her  own  wed- 
ding. 

LENGTH  OF  RECEPTION. 

The  reception  should  be  of  two  or  three  hours' 
duration.  When  the  time  of  departure  on  their  wed- 
ding journey  draws  near,  the  young  couple  quietly 
withdraw  from  the  festivities  without  making  any 
adieus.  None  but  the  most  intimate  friends  remain 
to  wish  them  bon  voyage. 

EXHIBITING  WEDDING  GIFTS. 

Wedding  presents  are  no  longer  exhibited  on  the  day 
of  the  wedding,  ticketed  and  labeled  with  the  names  of 
their  givers,  like  dry  goods  in  a  shop  window.  There 
are  so  many  beautiful  articles  which  can  be  fittingly 
sent  as  wedding  gifts,  that  it  is  almost  impossible  to 

particularize.     Among    them   are    pictures,    albums, 
to 


146  WE DOING  CUSTOMS. 

bric-a-brac,  vases,  clocks,  mantel  ornaments,  jewelry, 
books,  and  even  pieces  of  furniture.  Formerly  it  was 
only  thought  proper  to  give  silverware  and  jewelry, 
but  common  sense  has  come  to  the,  front  in  these 
days,  and  ostentatious  display  no  longer  prevails  in 
good  society. 

THE  SECOND  MARRIAGE  OF  A  WIDOW. 

When  a  widow  remarries,  her  wedding  costume 
should  be  of  some  light-colored  silk,  and  she  should 
omit  the  veil.  Neither-  should  she  have  brides-maids, 
but  should  be  attended  by  her  father,  brother,  or  an 
elderly  male  relative.  She  should  remove  her  first 
wedding-ring,  out  of  deference  for  the  feelings  of  the 
groom. 

The  refreshments  at  a  wedding  reception  consists 
of  salads,  oysters,  cold  chicken,  ices  and  confection- 
ery, served  en  buffet.  Coffee  and  tea  are  not  generally 
served. 

Parents  and  friends  who  are  in  mourning  should 
leave  off  their  somber  garments  at  the  wedding.  Of 
course  they  may  be  resumed  after  the  bride's  depart- 
ure. 

THE  WEDDING  TRIP. 

The  wedding  tour  is  no  longer  considered  absolutely 
necessary.  Many  young  couples  who  are  going  at 
once  to  housekeeping,  do  not  take  a  trip,  but  proceed 


H/E DOING  CUSTOMS.  147 

direct  from  the  church  to  their  future  home,  where 
the  reception  is  held.  In  this  case,  the  duties  of  the 
head  usher  are  the  same  as  at  the  reception,  save  that 
he  is  assisted  in  taking  charge  of  ths  guests  by  the 
mother  of  the  bride. 

AVOID  SHOW  OF  AFFECTION  BEFORE  STRANGERS. 

If  a  tour  is  made,  avoid  any  silly  manifestations 
&f  affection  in  public.  Observe  a  respectful  reserve 
toward  each  other;  thus  you  will  not  expose  your- 
selves to  ridicule  by  demonstrations  of  affection  which 
should  be  kept  for  the  sacred  privacy  of  home. 

USE  OF  THE  MIDDLE  NAME. 

A  bride  may  after  her  marriage  drop  her  middle 
name,  and  adopt  her  maiden  name  in  its  place,  as — 
Mrs.  Nellie  Winn  Seymour,  instead  of  Mrs.  Nellie 
Maria  Seymour.  We  think  this  a  good  fashion,  as 
it  helps  to  a  knowledge  of  the  family  to  which  the 
bride  belonged,  ere  her  marriage,  and  saves  confusion. 
Widows  often  retain  the  names  of  their  first  husbands, 
as  Mrs.  Belle  Hopkins  Gill. 

SENDING  WEDDING-CAKE. 

Wedding-cake  is  not  sent  out  as  formerly.  In  lieu 
of  that  it  is  piled  up  in  tasty  little  boxes  on  a  side- 
table  at  the  reception,  and  each  guest  takes  just  one 
box, 


148  WDDING  CUSTOMS. 

WHAT  A  BRIDEGROOM    MAY  PAY   FOR. 

Most  bridegrooms  would  from  the  fullness  of  their 
hearts,  pay  for  everything  connected  with  the  com- 
ing event,  but  this  would  offend  the  delicacy  of  the 
bride  and  her  friends.  There  is  a  law  of  etiquette 
concerning  this,  as  all  other  matters.  We  therefore 
append  a  brief  summing  up  of  what  he  may  pay  for 
without  trespassing  upon  those  customs  which  have 
been  observed  from  earliest  times,  and  which  fall 
within  the  province  of  the  parents  of  the  bride. 

THE  WEDDING    BOUQUET. 

He  should  not  fail  to  send  the  wedding  bouquet  to 
the  bride,  on  the  morning  of  the  ceremony.  He  also 
should  present  the  bride  with  some  article  of  jew- 
elry. 

"All  wedding  cards  should  be  paid  for  by  the  family 
of  the  bride,  and  all  other  expenses  of  the  wedding, 
with  the  following  exceptions:  The  clergyman's  fee 
(this  is  handed  to  the  clergyman  by  the  best  man 
after  the  ceremony).  This  may  consist  of  any 
amount  which  he  thinks  proper;  but  never  less  than 
$5.00.  The  wedding-ring,  the  bride's  bouquet  and 
present,  and  presents  or  bouquets  to  the  brides-maids; 
to  the  ushers  he  may  give  scarf  pins.  To  the  latter 
he  can  also  present  canes,  sleeve  buttons,  or  any 
other  little  remembrance  which  his  ingenuity  may 


WEDDING  CUSTOMS.  149 

suggest.  To  the  brides-maids  fans,  bangles,  lockets, 
or  some  other  souvenir  may  be  presented. 

"The  groom  should  on  no  account  pay  for  the  cards, 
the  carriages,  nor  the  entertainment,  nor  anything 
connected  with  the  wedding. 

"The  reason  for  this  is,  that  an  engagement  may  be 
broken  even  after  the  cards  are  out,  and  it  would  then 
remain  for  the  parents  of  the  bride  to  either  repay  the 
outlay,  or  stand  in  the  position  of  being  indebted  to 
the  discarded  son-in-law. 

"In  the  event  of  the  engagement  being  broken,  the 
bride  should  immediately  return  all  presents. 

"In  addition  to  other  details,  the  parents  of  the  bride 
should  pay  for  the  cards  sent  out  after  marriage.  These 
are  generally  ordered  with  the  announcement  cards." 

WEDDING-CARDS. 

Fashions  in  wedding-cards  are  constantly  changing. 
Any  good  stationer  is  provided  with  the  newest  and 
most  approved  styles.  The  fantastically  ornamented 
cards  of  a  few  years  ago,  are  happily  supplanted  by 
plainer  and  less  showy  ones.  They  should  be  of  a 
fine  quality,  yet  of  heavy  board,  and  engraved  in 
script. 

NO  WEDDING-CARD  RECEIVED. 

If  you  do  not  receive  a  wedding-card,  do  not  call 
upon  a  newly  married  couple.  There  is  a  sort  of  a 


150  tVEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

tacit    understanding   that    only   those  receive    them 
whose  acquaintance  they  wish  to  retain. 

HOME  WEDDINGS. 

Home  weddings  are  much  simpler  affairs,  but  they 
can  be  made  very  beautiful.  An  arch  of  flowers  may 
be  placed  in  the  drawing-room,  under  which  the  young 
couple  stand,  with  the  clergyman  behind  it.  The  bridal 
party  enters,  as  in  church,  and  after  they  have  been 
pronounced  man  and  wife,  they  turn  and  face  their 
guests,  receiving  their  congratulations. 

The  recipients  of  cards  inviting  them  to  be  present 
at  the  church  ceremony  call  or  leave  cards  within  a 
month  after  the  wedding,  while  those  who  attended 
the  reception  call  within  ten  days,  upon  the  parents. 

A    PRIVATE  WEDDING. 

If  the  wedding  has  been  strictly  private  the  bride's 
parents  send  the  following  card  during  the  absence  of 
the  pair  upon  their  bridal  tour: 

MR.  AND  MRS.  JOHN  D.   HOWARD 

announce  the  marriage  of  their  daughter 

LUCIE  CLARK 

to 

JOSEPH  FRENCH  BRYANT 

Thursday,  October  30, 

1890. 


H/EDD1NG  CUSTOMS.  151 

NOTES  OF  CONGRATULATION. 

All  who  receive  such  cards  send  notes  of  congratu- 
lation to  the  parents,  and  also  to  the  bride  and  groom, 
when  intimate  friendship  warrants  it. 

RECEIVING  ON  THE  RETURN  FROM  THE  BRIDAL  TOUR. 

The  newly  married  pair  receive  in  their  new  homa 
on  their  return.  The  announcements  of  such  affairs 
accompany  the  wedding-cards,  and  merely  state  the 
fact  thus: 

Tuesdays  in  November. 

22  Anderson-St. 

If  these  receptions  are  to  be  held  in  the  evening  this 
should  be  stated  also,  as — 

Tuesday  evenings  in  November. 

It  is  very  common  for  the  bride's  parents  to  give 
the  young  couple  a  reception  upon  their  return;  this 
is  followed  by  one  given  them  by  the  parents  of  the 
groom.  At  these  receptions,  the  bride  wears  dark 
silk,  as  rich  and  elegant  as  her  means  permit,  but 
without  any  bridal  ornaments.  If  she  wishes  to,  she 
can  wear  her  wedding-dress  at  parties  or  formal  din- 
ners, but  the  veil  and  flowers  are  worn  no  more. 

A  BRIDE'S  OUTFIT. 
The  bride's  outfit   should  be   selected  with  special 


152  WEDDING  CUSTOMS. 

reference  to  the  position  in  life  she  expects  to  occupy, 
and  the  income  of  her  future  husband.  Rich  and 
extravagant  dressing  is  in  bad  taste  under  any  cir- 
cumstances. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

T"*^ROM  earliest  times  the  pleasures  of  the  table  have 
1®  been  enjoyed,  and  dining  has  been  fashionable. 
Although  no  account  is  given  of  it,  we  have  no 
doubt  that  Adam  and  Eve  ate  their  dinners  with  zest. 

WHAT  HOUR  TO  DINE. 

The  hour  of  dining  varies  with  the  people,  the 
middle  and  working  classes  adopting  the  midday 
hour  for  the  most  substantial  and  elaborate  meals  of 
the  day.  Others  dine  later  in  the  day.  Whether  this 
is  as  healthy  an  hour  as  the  earlier  one,  we  are  not 
prepared  to  discuss;  but  if  the  hour  for  retiring  is 
about  eleven  p.  M.  ,  we  see  no  objection  to  the  seven 
o'clock  dinner. 

TABLE  MANNERS. — CHANGE. 

The  manners  pertaining  to  the  table  have  changed 
greatly,  since  we  are  told  that  although  cooking  had 
reached  a  high  state  of  development,  among  the 
ancient  Egyptians,  still  they  had  not  arrived  at  the 

153 


154  Iff  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

dignity  of  having  separate  dishes  from  which  to  eat, 
but  all  the  guests  sat  round  a  table,  and  dipped  their 
bread  into  a  dish  in  the  center. 

It  is  interesting  and  instructive  to  note  the  various 
customs  of  other  lands.  The  ancient  Greeks  reclined 
at  their  meals;  the  use  of  spoons  and  knives  was 
quite  limited,  while  forks  were  unknown.  The  Spar- 
tans disdained  the  pleasures  of  the  table,  confining 
themselves  to  black  bread  and  broth,  a  violent  con- 
trast to  the  dining-hall  of  Nero,  the  ceiling  of  which 
was  inlaid  with  ivory,  which  slid  back,  and  a  rain  of 
fragrant  waters,  or  rose  leaves  was  showered  on  the 
heads  of  the  carousers.  The  appointments  of  a  Hin- 
doo's table  are  simple,  being  the  large  leaves  of  the 
banana,  which  are  used  in  lieu  of  plates.  Their  fingers 
supply  the  absence  of  knives  and  forks,  while  rice, 
curry,  ghee,  eggs,  milk,  fish  and  fruits  furnish  all  the 
food  they  care  for. 

COOKS  IN  ESTEEM. 

Cooks  have,  in  all  ages  of  the  world,  been  held  in 
high  honor,  and  the  nation  which  has  furnished  some 
of  the  best,  is  also  noted  for  their  frugality  in  manag- 
ing the  culinary  department  of  the  household.  It  is 
said  that  a  family  in  France  live  well  upon  what  many 
an  American  family  wastes. 

Some  of  the  most  famous  men  have  been  epicures. 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  155 

It  is  related  of  the  orator  Hortensitis  that  he  had  a 
large  fish  pond  in  which  he  bred  fish  for  his  table, 
and  if  one  of  them  chanced  to  die,  he  shed  tears. 
The  Romans  bred  oysters  and  snails,  to  gratify  their 
fastidious  appetites,  and  during  that  corrupt  period, 
there  was  a  rage  for  rare  and  costly  food.  One  of  the 
emperors  served  a  dish  of  the  tongues  of  i ,  500  flamin- 
goes, while  peacocks'  tongues  were  esteemed  a  rare 
dish. 

THE  DINNER  PARTY  A  FACTOR  IN  CIVILIZATION. 

Were  the  dinner  party  abolished,  how  much  would 
be  lost  to  civilization.  How  many  great  plans  have 
been  discussed,  how  many  friendships  have  been 
formed,  and  how  many  bright  sayings  and  sparkling 
thoughts  have  had  their  birth  in  the  fostering  influ- 
ence of  the  dinner  table? 

The  great  Talleyrand  declared  the  dinner  the  best 
meal  for  transacting  business.  Campaigns  have  been 
mapped  out,  alliances  between  nations  cemented 
through  these  sociable  gatherings  of  society. 

THE  CHEERFUL  HOME  DINNER. 

The  home  dinner  should  be  a  most  cheerful  meeting 
of  companionable  and  sprightly  members,  all  inter- 
ested in  each  other's  welfare,  all  ready  to  contribute 
their  quota  to  the  general  fund  of  enjoyment.  The 
dining-room  should  be  made  as  bright  and  sunny  as 


156  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

possible.  The  mistress  of  the  house  may  be  troubled 
about  many  things,  but  she  should  wear  her  pleasant- 
esc  smiles  at  the  table,  that  her  husband  and  children 
may  be  refreshed  in  spirit  as  well  as  body.  The  con- 
versation should  be  bright  and  cheery;  the  children 
can  be  taught  very  young  many  lessons  of  etiquette 
that  will  serve  them  well  in  after  years.  These  lessons1 
will  be  an  education  to  them  in  mind  and  manners. 

FORMAL  DINNERS. 

The  more  formal  dinners  given  by  those  who  lovt 
to  entertain  should  be  made  as  elegant  as  possible. 
The  first  step  is  to  study  those  simple  customs 
whose  observance  makes  them  charming.  The  finest 
dressed  man  may  be  a  boor  at  the  table.  Every  din- 
ner should  be  made  as  good  as  possible,  and  this  does 
not  imply  a  great  outlay  of  money,  but  the  expenditure 
of  taste  and  time.  If  a  hostess  practices  method  in 
her  everyday  dinners,  if  she  has  each  one  neatly  pre- 
pared and  well-cooked,  the  giving  of  a  larger  and 
more  ceremonious  dinner  will  not  cause  her  any  more" 
anxiety — only  an  extra  amount  of  time  to  prenare  it, 
and  the  choice  of  a  greater  variety  of  dishes. 

THE  DINING-ROOM  SHOULD  BE  CHEERFUL. 

The  dining-room  should  be  one  of  the  best-lighted 
and  most  cheerful  apartments  in  the  house.  Size  is 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  157 

another  requisite.  Bric-a-brac,  scarfs  and  much 
drapery  are  superfluous,  as  they  are  sadly  in  the  way, 
if  your  guests  are  many.  A  few  pictures  on  the  wall, 
a  sideboard  with  its  sparkling  glass  and  silverware, 
and  a  lounge  and  chairs  are  all  that  are  necesssary, 
as  furnishings. 

HAVE  A  GOOD   TABLE. 

The  table  should  be  firm  and  solid,  and  not  so  shaky 
that  the  guests  fear  some  catastrophe.  Cane-seat 
chairs  should  never  be  used  in  the  dining-room.  They 
catch  beads  and  fringes  and  play  sad  havoc  with  them. 
The  perforated  wood  ones  are  equally  bad.  The 
brass-headed  nails  with  which  they  are  fastened, 
catch  worse  than  the  cane,  and  many  a  delicate  fabric 
has  been  ruined  by  them.  Chairs  upholstered  with 
leather  are  the  nicest,  but  oak  chairs  with  high  backs 
are  deservedly  popular. 

THE  DISHES  SHOULD  SHINE. 

The  table  should  be  set  with  dishes  that  shine. 
When  china  or  glass  has  the  least  roughness  to  the 
touch,  it  is  an  indication  that  it  has  not  been  washed 
clean.  The  table  linen  at  dinner  should  be  snowy 
white,  and  smoothly  ironed.  There  are  some  very 
beautiful  effects  in  cream,  or  white  with  colored  bor- 
ders, that  may  be  used  in  the  place  of  white,  if  the 


158  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

taste  inclines  to  them.  A  cloth  of  cotton  flannel  or 
baize  should  be  laid  under  the  table-cloth,  to  serve  as 
a  protection  from  the  heat  of  the  dishes,  as  also  to 
prevent  that  noisy  clatter  which  is  so  disagreeable. 

Glass  water-bottles  (carafes)  with  dishes  of  clacked 
ice,  should  be  within  reach  of  every  guest. 

NAPKIN  RINGS  NOT  USED. 

Napkin  rings  should  never  be  used,  save  in  the  strict 
privacy  of  home;  for  it  is  an  open  secret  that  the 
use  of  a  napkin  ring  suggests  the  repetition  of  the  use 
of  the  napkin — a  practice  highly  improper  with  our 
guests. 

FLORAL  DECORATIONS. 

Flowers  are  a  great  addition  to  the  beauty  of  a 
table,  and  where  they  can  be  had,  are  as/suitable  for 
the  family  table  as  the  more  fornral  or?e.  In  the 
latter  they  are  indispensable.  % 

The  dishes  may  be  fewer  at  the  home  dinner.  Let 
the  guest  who  is  invited  to  your  home,  feel  that  you 
are  not  making  an  extra  effort  in  his  behalf,  a 
knowledge  which  will  make  a  guest  feel  uncomforta- 
ble. On  the  contrary,  let  them  see  that  you  are  dis- 
pensing your  everyday  hospitality,  and  that  they  are 
heartily  welcome.  As  an  eminent  authority  on  house-, 
keeping  says: 

"Let  no  one  suppose  that,  because  she  lives  in  a 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  159 

small  house  and  dines  on  homely  fare,  the  general 
principles  here  laid  down  do  not  apply  to  her.  A 
small  house  is  more  easily  kept  clean  than  a  palace. 
Taste  may  be  quite  as  well  displayed  in  the  arrange- 
ment of  dishes  on  a  pine  table,  as  in  grouping  the  silver 
and  china  of  the  rich.  Skill  in  cooking  is  as  readily 
shown  in  a  baked  potato  or  johnny-cake  as  in  a  can- 
vas-back duck.  The  charm  of  good  housekeeping  lies 
in  a  nice  attention  to  little  things,  not  in  a  superabun- 
dance." 

SELECTION  OF  GUESTS. 

Much  tact  is  necessary  in  choosing  the  guests  for 
an  informal  dinner.  It  is  so  difficult  to  invite  or 
rather  select  those  whom  you  know  will  harmonize. 
As  the  intercourse  is  free,  and  social,  "only  agreeable 
elements  should  be  brought  together.  The  important 
dishes  are  put  on  the  table,  and  the  hostess  can  dish 
out  the  soup  and  the  host  can  carve.  A  French  roll 
should  be  folded  in  each  napkin.  If  there  is  only  one 
servant  to  wait  on  the  guests,  she  should  be  care- 
fully trained  beforehand,  so  that  no  awkward  mistakes 
will  be  made.  The  plates  should  be  hot,  as  any  din- 
ner is  spoiled  if  hot  meat  is  put  on  a  cold  plate,  and 
the  servant  should  have  a  napkin  around  her  thumb, 
as  even  simple  dinners  are  marred  by  any  lack  of 
neatness.  Before  serving  the  dessert  the  table  should 
be  cleared  of  everything  but  the  fruit  and  flowers, 


160  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

and  the  crumbs  brushed  onto  a  tray  with  a  brush  or 
crumb-scraper — the  latter  is  the  best,  because  usually 
the  neatest.  The  plates,  knives,  spoons  and  forks, 
may  then  be  laid  at  each  plate  for  dessert.  The 
dinner  should  not  last  more  than  an  hour." 

COURSES  FOR  A  SMALL  PARTY. 

A  dinner  for  a  few  friends  can  consist  of  the  follow- 
ing courses:  First,  soup,  then  fish,  a  roast,  with  two 
kinds  of  vegetables,  and  lastly  salad,  cheese,  and  a 
dessert  of  pie  and  pudding.  Apples  and  nuts  may  be 
brought  on,  also.  A  dinner  of  these  materials,  well 
cooked  and  served  up  with  neatness  and  promptness, 
is  ample  for  a  lady  or  gentleman  of  moderate  means 
to  give.  It  is  not  elaborate  dishes  that  please  most, 
but  the  simple  hospitality  and  unaffected  heartiness 
of  the  host  and  hostess,  that  give  zest  to  the  food 
set  before  the  guests. 

The  glass-ware  should  be  sparkling;  the  dishes  pol- 
ished to  the  highest  degree.  Unless  they  are  carefully 
washed  and  rinsed  they  will  have  a  sticky  feeling 
which  makes  a  fastidious  person  feel  uncomfortable. 
A  well-set  table  is  appetizing.  It  is  a  truth  that  the 
eye  should  be  gratified  as  well  as  the  palate. 

DO  NOT  KEEP  YOUR  HOSTESS  WAITING. 

Promptness  at  the  dinner  table  is  one  of  the  first 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  161 

essentials.  No  member  of  a  family  and  no  guests 
has  a  right  to  keep  others  waiting.  Particular  pains 
should  be  taken  that  the  dress  is  suited  to  the  occa- 
sion. Even  though  a  gentleman  may  not  possess  a 
dress-coat,  still  he  can  make  some  change  in  his 
apparel,  in  honor  of  the  affair,  such  as  changing  his 
necktie  or  freshening  his  linen. 

SERVING  THE  FOOD. 

The  meal  can  be  all  placed  upon  the  table  at  once 
before  the  family  is  seated,  or,  where  there  is  a  serv- 
ant, she  should  bring  in  the  courses  in  their  order. 
The  English  style  is  a  very  good  one.  All  the  dishes 
of  a  course  are  brought  in  at  once,  and  those  which 
are  to  be  carved  are  removed  to  a  side-table,  where  a 
servant  performs  that  duty. 

CARVING. 

If  the  carving  is  to  be  done  at  the  table,  the  host 
must  attend  to  it  himself.  He  should  be  prepared 
with  a  sharp  knife  and  strong  fork.  The  steel  should 
be  banished  from  the  table;  it  is  supposed  that  he 
did  all  the  sharpening  before  dinner  was  ready,  and 
it  certainly  is  not  productive  of  much  pleasure  to  sit 
patiently  waiting  to  be  served,  while  the  host  is  whet- 
ting his  knife.  He  should  always  sit  while  carving. 
He  also  indicates  who  is  to  receive  the  first  plate. 


162  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

The  person  receiving  it  should  keep  it,  and  pass  the 
plates  on  as  they  are  designated.  When  one  is  to 
help  himself  from  a  dish,  he  should  do  so  before  offer- 
ing it  to  a  neighbor. 

HOW  TO  USE  A  NAPKIN. 

Lay  your  napkin  across  your  lap,  instead  of  tuck^ 
ing  it  in  your  neck.  At  a  formal  dinner  do  not  fold 
your  napkin  when  through  with  it,  but  leave  it  lying 
loosely  beside  your  plate.  Napkins  should  never  be 
starched.  It  is  an  idea  which  most  likely  originated 
in  hotels  where  the  waiters  are  very  fond  of  twisting 
them  into  fantastic  shapes.  Napkins  can  be  obtained 
which  are  very  beautiful.  It  is  said  that  Queen 
Elizabeth  sent  to  Flanders  for  lace  with  which  to 
have  hers  edged. 

USE  OF  THE  KNIFE. 

Cut  your  food  with  your  knife,  but  convey  it  to  your 
mouth  with  the  fork.  But  do  not  overload  this  little 
implement,  but  merely  take  as  much  upon  it  as  you 
can  hold  with  grace.  The  fork  held  in  the  right 
hand  should  be  used  for  eating  salads,  cheese,  pastry 
and  all  made  dishes. 

EATING   FRUIT. 

It  is  quite  the  thing  to  eat  oranges,  melons,  etc., 
with  a  spoon.  The  side  of  the  spoon  should  be  used 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  163 

in  carrying  soup  to  the  mouth.  But  beware,  lest  you 
make  that  disagreeable  «ound  in  eating  soup,  which 
is  not  only  offensive  to  the  ear,  but  is  a  positive  rude- 
ness. 

In  eating  grapes,  cherries,  and  fruits  with  pits,  do 
not  eject  them  from  the  mouth,  but  remove  them  to 
the  side  of  the  plate  with  the  hand. 

FINGERS  CAN  BE  USED. 

There  are  many  vegetables  and  fruits  which  are 
eaten,  in  which  the  fingers  play  an  important  part. 
Among  them  is  the  artichoke,  which  is  taken 
with  the  fingers,  as  is  also  celery  invariably.  Aspar- 
agus is  taken  in  the  fingers,  unless  it  is  covered  with 
sauce. 

Hard  cheese  is  broken  with  the  fingers.  Nearly 
all  other  vegetables  are  eaten  with  the  fork. 

HOW  TO  EAT  GREEN  CORN. 

Green  corn  is  a  problem,  some  eating  it  from  the 
cob,  others  calling  it  barbarous.  We  think  it  is  the 
proper  way,  however;  and  we  are  borne  out  by  the 
usages  of  good  society. 

Croquettes,  patties,  etc.,  are  eaten  with  a  fork. 

THE  SPOON. 
We  eat  strawberries  with  a  spoon,  but  in  Europe, 


164  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

where  they  are  much  less  lavish  with  them,  they  are 
passed  around  on  the  stem,  and  each  berry  is  dipped 
into  sugar  as  it  is  eaten. 

A  spoon  is  used  in  eating  Roman  punch.  Ices  are 
sometimes  eaten  with  a  fork,  but  usually  with  a  spoon. 

In  eating  lettuce,  the  knife  and  fork  must  both  be 
used  if  the  leaf  is  large,  but  the  fork  must  be  used  to 
convey  it  to  the  mouth.  A  piece  of  bread  may  be 
used  in  gathering  the  lettuce  onto  the  fork. 

With  salad,  bread,  butter  and  cheese  are  served, 
and  a  salad  knife  and  fork  are  important.  It  is  in 
bad  form  to  cut  up  salad  very  fine  on  one's  plate. 
Let  that  be  done,  if  at  all,  before  it  is  brought  to  the 
table. 

Olives  may  be  placed  on  the  table  before  the  guests 
arrive,  or  they  may  be  brought  on  after  the  soup  is 
served.  They  may  be  taken  with  a  spoon  from  the 
dish  in  which  they  are  served,  and  eaten  with  a  fork 
or  with  the  fingers.  It  is  considered  equally  proper 
to  eat  them  either  way. 

Canned  tomatoes,  corn,  etc.,  are  eaten  with  a 
spoon  usually,  although  with  the  growing  use  of  the 
fork  some  people  now  use  that. 

Pine-apple  is  cut  with  the  knife  and  conveyed  to  the 
mouth  with  a  fork. 

A  silver  knife  is  used  in  eating  apples  and  pears. 
They  are  peeled,  cut  into  quarters,  and  eaten  with 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  165 

the  fingers  usually,  but  if  the  fruit  is  very  juicy,  like 
some  pears,  it  is  better  to  use  a  fork.  It  is  always 
better  to  use  a  fork,  even  at  the  peril  of  seeming 
affected,  than  to  offend  the  taste  of  another  by  mak- 
ing a  mess  with  the  fingers,  as  some  careless  people 
often  do.  A  steel  knife  is  never  used  in  eating  fruit 
because  the  juice  stains  the  steel,  and  it  gives  an  un- 
pleasant flavor  to  the  fruit. 

Oranges  are  peeled  and  separated  into  their  natural 
sections,  although  they  are  sometimes  cut  instead. 
They  are  often  pared  with  a  spoon  by  English  people. 
To  eat  an  orange  gracefully  requires  some  practice 
and  skill. 

Bananas  are  peeled  and  sliced  with  a  knife  and 
eaten  with  a  fork. 

EATING  EGGS. 

Eggs  that  are  boiled  in  the  shell  should  be  placed 
in  an  egg  cup,  the  shell  broken  at  one  end,  and  then 
eaten  from  the  shell. 

Break  bread  with  the  fingers,  in  place  of  cutting  it. 
It  can  be  laid  on  the  table-cloth  by  the  side  of  the 
plate. 

THE  CEREMONIOUS  DINNER. 

The  ceremonious  dinner  demands  much  more  prep- 
aration and  care  than  the  simple  family  gathering. 
The  invitations  to  such  dinners  are  sent  out  a  week 
previous.  These  read  thus: 


186  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

x 

MR.  and  MRS.  FRED  HUNTRESS 

request  the  pleasure  of 

MR.  and  MRS.   JAMES  WESTON'S  company 

at  dinner  on  Wednesday,  March  loth, 

at  seven  o'clock. 

ANSWERING  INVITATIONS. 

An  invitation  of  this  sort  must  be  responded  to  at 
once,  accepting  or  declining.  In  the  latter  event, 
the  cause  should  be  stated  plainly.  If  sudden  illness 
or  any  other  emergency  arises,  to  prevent  attendance 
after  the  invitation  has  been  accepted,  word  should 
be  sent  to  the  hostess,  even  if  but  a  few  minutes  before 
the  hour  appointed. 

ANNOUNCING  DINNER. 

The  dinner  prepared,  and  the  guests  arrived,  prop- 
erly introduced  to  escorts,  the  servant  quietly  an- 
nounces that  dinner  is  ready.  The  host  offers  his 
arm  to  the  oldest  lady,  or  to  the  one  in  whose  honor 
the  dinner  is  given,  the  hostess  following  with  the  most 
honored  gentleman.  The  younger  guests  should  per- 
mit the  older  ones  to  precede  them.  The  host  and 
hostess  may  sit  at  the  two  ends  of  the  table,  or  oppo- 
site each  other  in  the  middle  of  the  table.  Each  lady 
si*  at  the  right  of  her  escort. 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  167 

OYSTERS — HOW    SERVED. 

Raw  oysters  are  served  on  majolica  plates,  and 
placed  at  each  plate  before  the  guests  are  seated.  If 
they  cannot  be  obtained  they  can  be  omitted  and 
the  first  course  may  then  be  soup.  Everyone  is  not 
fond  of  soup,  but  those  who  are  not  cannot  decline 
it,  but  should  make  a  pretense  of  partaking  of  it. 
Those  who  are  fond  of  it  must  never  ask  for  a  second 
supply,  and  the  plate  must  not  be  tilted  in  partaking 
of  it. 

REFUSING  WINE. 

If  the  host  provides  wine,  and  you  are  disinclined 
to  drink  it,  you  can  refuse  it  without  giving  offense. 

LADIES  LEAVING  THE  TABLE. 

At  a  sign  from  the  hostess,  the  ladies  all  rise  from 
the  table,  and  repairing  to  the  drawing-room,  leave 
the  gentlemen  to  their  own  devices.  But  it  is  a 
healthy  sign  that,  the  gentlemen  soon  follow  them.  In 
France  the  gentlemen  and  ladies  all  leave  the  dinner 
table  together,  as  indeed  they  do  here,  at  an  informal 
or  family  dinner. 

Whether  an  invitation  to  a  dinner  is  accepted  or 
not,  all  those  invited  should  make  an  after-call  within 
a  very  short  time  after  the  entertainment.  Sending 
a  card  is  not  a  sufficient  acknowldgement  of  an  invi- 
tation to  a  dinner. 


168  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

LADIES'  TOILETS. 

Ladies'  toilets  for  dinner  should  be  very  elegant, 
while  the  gentlemen  appear  in  full  dress.  Gloves 
are  removed  at  the  table,  and  are  not  replaced. 
These  formal  dinners  are  always  given  in  the  evening. 

A  GOOD  NUMBER   AT  TABLE. 

Ten  is  a  very  good  number  to  seat  at  dinner. 
Some  people  foolishly  fear  the  dreaded  thirteen.  It 
is  a  superstition  which  probably  has  its  rise  in  the  fact 
that  at  the  Last  Supper  there  were  thirteen.  Many 
firmly  believe  that  should  this  number  meet  at  table, 
one  of  the  company  will  die  before  the  expiration  of 
the  year — an  idea  which  has  no  foundation  in  fact. 

Guests  should  be  prompt,  arriving  at  least  ten  min- 
utes before  the  hour  set  for  dining.  Fifteen  minutes 
is  the  limit  of  time  allowed  for  the  hostess  to  keep  the 
remainder  of  the  guests  waiting  the  arrival  of  a  tardy 
one. 

"All  remain  standing  until  the  hostess  is  seated, 
when  they  take  the  seats  assigned  them.  This  is  usually 
indicated  by  a  card  (the  guest  card)  laid  at  each  place, 
on  which  is  the  name  of  the  guest  for  whom  that  seat 
is  designed.  Many  fanciful  designs  are  often  prepared 
for  these  cards.  They  may  be  hand-painted,  with 
figures  of  flowers,  landscapes  or  birds,  or  have  beau- 
tiful etchings,  or  bronze  and  silver  ferns,  or  have 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM-  169 

some  design  in  consonance  with  the  giving  of  the  din- 
ner." 

WHAT  A  HOSTESS  SHOULD  AVOID. 

A  lady  must  never  lose  her  self-possession.  She 
should  never  reprove  servants  before  others.  The  oc- 
casion should  be  made  as  pleasant  as  possible.  The 
hostess  should  never  allow  her  plate  to  be  removed, 
until  all  the  guests  have  finished  eating. 

THE  HOST'S  DUTIES. 

"The  host  must  be  ever  on  the  alert  to  assist  the 
hostess.  He  must  watch  the  conversation,  suggest 
new  topics  when  it  flags,  direct  it  away  from  un- 
pleasant topics,  draw  out  the  reticent  and  encourage 
the  shy.  He  must  always  aim  to  bring  out  others, 
while  he  should  never  shine  supreme  at  his  own  table. 
He  should  possess  a  knowledge  of  the  world  that 
nothing  can  surprise,  and  a  calmness  and  suavity  that 
nothing  can  ruffle.  As  far  as  possible  the  wants  of 
all  should  be  anticipated." 

On  leaving,  each  guest  should  express  the  pleasure 
they  have  received  in  as  few  words  as  may  be. 

LUNCHEONS. 

Luncheons  are  such  sociable  affairs  that  they  are 
very  popular  with  many  ladies  who  dread  the  cere- 
mony of  a  dinner,  and  yet  who  desire  to  entertain 


170  IN  THE  DINING-ROOM. 

their  friends.  Any  meal  between  the  regular  ones  is 
called  a  luncheon,  and  the  invitations  may  be  by  card, 
or  even  verbally.  Colored  table-cloths  may  be  pressed 
into  service,  and  there  is  a  fine  opportunity  for  the 
display  of  handsome  china. 

INVITE  AS  MANY  AS  YOU  CHOOSE. 

Any  number  of  guests  can  be  invited,  and  if  the 
ladies  outnumber  the  gentlemen,  it  does  not  matter. 
Sometimes  there  are  no  gentlemen  at  all,  as  these 
luncheons  are  day-time  affairs,  when  men  are  gener- 
ally engrossed  in  business. 

There  is  scarcely  any  formality  observed. 

WEARING  HATS   AT  TABLE. 

Hats  and  bonnets  can  be  worn  at  the  table  by  the 
ladies,  and  they  sit  wherever  they  please.  At  lunch- 
eon the  menu  card  is  never  used.  Guests  help  them- 
selves, and  one  another. 

BILL   OF   FARE. 

The  bill  of  fare  may  be  varied.  Cold  meats,  tea 
and  coffee,  with  loaf  cake,  puddings,  ice-cream  and 
tarts  are  usual,  though  some  have  hot  meats  served. 

Music  and  conversation  follow  the  lunch. 

Calls  are  made  after  a  luncheon  the  same  as  after  a 
dinner. 


IN  THE  DINING-ROOM.  171 

As  many  ladies  may  be  partial  to  the  luncheon,  we 
quote  a  bill  of  fare  suited  to  this  meal,  as  also  the  in- 
vitation: 

MRS.  MAURICE   MYER 

Luncheon  at  1 1  o'clock, 
May  2Oth. 

Raw  oysters  on  half-shell. 

Bouillon. 
V  o  1  s-a  u-v  e  n  t   of  Sweet-breads. 

Lamb-chops,  Tomato  Sauce. 
Chicken    Croquettes,    French    Peon. 

Salad  of  Lettuce. 

Neufchatel  Cheese,     Milk   Wafers  toasted. 

Chocolate   Bavarian  cream,  moulded  in  small  cups,  with    a  spoonful  of 
Peach     Marmalade     on     each    plate. 
Vanilla  Ice-cream,    Fancy   Cakes. 
Fruit. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

TABLE     MANNERS. 

NO  surer  gauge  of  the  native  refinement  of  any 
person  can  be  found  than  the  manners  which 
they  show  at  the  table.  It  is  incumbent  upon  par- 
ents to  train  their  children  in  those  niceties  of  etiquette 
which  will  grow  with  their  growth,  and  make  their 
progress  through  life  far  easier. 

Who  does  not  feel  compassion  for  that  young  per- 
son who  is,  at  the  very  outset  of  his  career,  confront- 
ed with  the  dread  lest  he  make  an  exhibition  of  his 
lack  of  good  manners?  By  commencing  to  instill 
simple  forms  of  good-breeding  into  the  child  in  its  ear- 
liest years,  they  become  habitual,  and  their  perform- 
ance a  second  nature. 

CHILDREN   SHOULD   BE    INSTRUCTED. 

Children  should  be  early  brought  to  the  table,  that 
they  may  benefit  by  association  with  those  whose 
manners  are  fixed.  By  such  association  they  will 
acquire  an  ease  and  readiness  which  will  serve  them 

172 


TABLE  MANNERS.  173 

well  when  they  in  turn  become  entertainers,  in   their 
after  life. 

POLITENESS    TO    ALL. 

The  enjoyment  of  the  family  meal  is  greatly 
enhanced  when  each  member  is  polite  and  attentive 
to  the  others;  when  parents  and  children  alike  are 
cheerful,  agreeable  and  look  after  each  other's  com- 
fort. 

CHILDREN  ALLOWED  TO  TALK  AT  TABLE. 

The  children  in  a  household  should  be  encouraged 
to  talk,  but  not  permitted  to  show  off,  and  say  smart 
things.  There  is  a  great  temptation  on  the  part  of 
fond  parents  to  tell  the  bright  sayings  and  doings  of 
their  offspring  to  strangers,  in  their  presence;  this 
should  never  be  indulged  in,  as  it  not  alone  makes 
the  little  one  have  an  undue  idea  of  its  own  impor- 
tance, but  it  becomes  annoying  to  strangers,  who, 
although  they  may  be  very  partial  to  a  bright  child, 
do  not  want  to  hear  its  praises  sounded  continually. 

MANNERS  OF  THE  LITTLE  ONES. 

Children  should  wait  quietly,  until  their  elders  are 
served.  This  will  be  difficult  for  them  no  doubt,  for 
nearly  all  children  are  gifted  with  healthy  appetites, 
but  if  the  habit  of  waiting  is  enforced,  it  will  become 
easy  to  them. 


174  TABLE  MANNERS. 

ASKING  POLITELY. 

Require  them  in  asking  for  an  article  out  of  their 
reach  to  preface  the  request  with,  "Please  pass  me 
the  salt,"  and  also  to  call  the  one  whom  they  address 
by  his  name,  as  "Mr.  Willis,  will  you  please  pass 
the  salt?"  When  they  are  invited  to  have  more  of 
an  article,  which  they  do  not  desire,  they  should  an- 
swer politely,  "I  do  not  wish  any  more,  thank  you." 
The  youngest  child  can  be  taught  these  simple  rules. 

Precept  and  the  example  of  their  elders  will  work 
wonders.  It  is  related  of  a  lady  who  asked  a  physi- 
cian when  she  should  begin  to  instruct  her  three- 
year-old  child  in  manners  and  morals,  that  he  an- 
swered— "Madam,  you  have  lost  two  years  already\" 

LOUD  TALKING  PROHIBITED. 

Loud  talking  on  their  part  should  be  prohibited,  as 
also  interrupting  conversation.  They  should  not 
whisper,  however,  or  glance  around  the  table  and 
giggle.  Neither  should  an  older  child  reprove  the 
wee  ones  aloud  for  any  breach  of  good  manners,  or 
direct  the  attention  of  the  mother  to  it  in  the  presence 
of  others.  A  look,  or  low-spoken  word  will  remind 
the  offending  one  and  save  it  mortification. 

WHEN  CHILDREN  LEAVE  THE  TABLE. 

If  children  are  compelled  to  leave   the  table  before 


TABLE  MANNERS.  175 

the  rest  of  the  family,  so  as  to  reach  school,  they 
should  rise  quietly,  ask  to  be  excused  and  leave  the 
apartment  so  as  not  to  disturb  anyone. 

DO  NOT  LET  THEM  EAT  GREEDILY. 

They  should  not  eat  greedily,  cramming  their 
mouths  full,  nor  smack  their  lips,  tilt  their  chairs  back, 
or  drop  their  knives  carelessly  on  the  table-cloth. 
The  knife  and  fork  should  be  laid  across  the  plate, 
with  the  handles  to  the  right,  when  the  meal  is  fin- 
ished. 

GROWN  PEOPLE  AT  FAULT. 

While  children's  manners  are  thus  alluded  to,  we 
regret  to  say  that  they  are  not  the  sole  violators  ol 
good-breeding.  To  any  one  who  observes  much,  it  is 
astonishing  that  so  many  well-dressed  people,  who 
seem  to  know  so  much,  are  so  shockingly  rude  at  the 
table.  Such  people  are  sometimes  guilty  of  acts 
which  are  revolting.  The  well-bred  will  always  regard 
the  prejudices  of  those  around  them,  and  try  not  to 
offend  in  any  manner. 

BEGGING    COMPLIMENTS. 

Don't  solicit  compliments  for  your  food,  by  laying 
stress  upon  the  care  with  which  it  is  prepared.  If 
it  is  good,  the  guest  will  not  be  slow  in  compliment- 
ing you,  although  this  should  be  done  without  ap- 


176  TABLE  MANNERS. 

preaching  to  flattery.  It  would  be  a  great  shock  to 
one's  self-love  if  some  blunt,  ill-bred  guest  should 
agree  with  you  when  you  declared  that  such  and  such 
a  dish  was  scarcely  worth  eating.  You  were  sorry  that 
you  had  no  better  to  offer.  Say  nothing  about  the 
food  you  set  before  your  guests;  but  by  its  abundance 
and  the  welcome  you  give  him,  will  he  measure  its 
value. 

REFUSING  AN  ARTICLE  OF  FOOD. 

If  a  guest  does  not  care  for  a  certain  article  on  the 
table,  or  for  some  reason  does  not  wish  to  partake  of 
it,  he  should  not  refuse  it  by  stating  that  "Cheese 
don't  agree  with  me,"  or  "I  can't  endure  tomatoes," 
but  simply  say — "I  do  not  care  for  any,  thank  you." 
We  well  remember  the  horror  and  disgust  with  which 
an  apparently  well-bred  lady  filled  her  listeners  at 
the  table  by  declining  a  certain  dish  with  the  asser- 
tion that  "It  took  too  long  to  digest,  and  her  doctor 
had  forbidden  it." 

RUDENESS  AT    TABLE. 

There  are  many  little  rudenesses  which  can  be 
avoided  at  the  table,  and  which  a  little  thought  would 
instinctively  pronounce  offensive.  Among  these  are 
coughing  or  breathing  into  your  neighbor's  face. 
Fidgeting  in  your  seat,  or  moving  about  restlessly; 
drumming  upon  the  table  with  your  fingers;  whisper-. 


TABLE  MANNERS.  Yll 

ing  confidentially  with  your  neighbor;  emphasizing 
your  remarks  by  flourishing  your  fork,  to  the  risk  of 
your  neighbor's  eyes;  leaning  the  elbows  upon  the 
table;  standing  up  and  reaching  across  the  table  in 
place  of  requesting  that  what  you  want  be  passed 
you.  All  these  acts  of  ill-breeding  or  thoughtlessness 
we  have  seen  perpetrated  by  those  who  should  know 
better. 

MANNERS  AT  TABLE. 

Sit  upright  at  the  table  without  bending  over  or  low- 
ering your  head  to  partake  of  your  food.  Do  not  sit 
either  too  far  away  or  too  near  the  table.  Don't  sit 
with  one  arm  lying  on  the  table,  your  back  half  turned 
to  your  left-hand  neighbor,  while  you  eat  with  a 
voracity  that  is  only  equaled  by  those  who  are  much 
at  railroad  eating-houses,  where  "ten  minutes  for 
lunch"  is  the  rule. 

When  oysters  are  served  for  the  first  course,  it  is 
proper  to  commence  eating  at  once. 

If  you   do   not   like   soup,  allow  it  to   remain  un- 
touched until  the  servant  removes  it. 
,      Keep  your  mouth  closed  as  much  as  possible  while 
you  are  masticating  your  food. 

THINGS  TO  AVOID. 

Do  not  eat  onions  or  garlic  before  going  into  com- 


178  TABLE  MANNERS. 

pany.  They  may  be  very  healthy,  but  they  are  also 
very  offensive. 

Do  not  talk  loudly  or  boisterously,  but  be  cheerful 
and  companionable,  not  monopolizing  the  conversa- 
tion, but  joining  in  it.  Never  butter  a  slice  of  bread 
and  bite  into  it  like  a  hungry  school-boy,  and  do  not 
cut  the  slice  into  halves  or  quarters  with  your  knife, 
but  break  off  a  piece,  when  wanted,  and  then  butter 
and  eat  it.  Do  not  break  the  bread  into  your  soup. 

As  in  serving  the  courses,  each  plate,  with  a  knife 
and  fork  upon  it,  is  set  before  you,  remove  the  knife 
and  fork  instantly,  and  lay  them  beside  the  plate. 
To  neglect  this  will  force  the  servants  to  remove 
them,  and  delay  the  progress  of  the  dinner. 

Do  not  twirl  a  goblet,  or  rattle  the  knife  and  fork, 
or  show  anything  which  will  look  like  impatience  or 
eagerness  to  commence  the  meal. 

Bones  and  fragments  should  be  deposited  on  the 
edge  of  your  plate,  so  as  not  to  soil  the  table-cloth. 
If  you  by  accident  spill  coffee  or  tea,  do  not  apologize. 
It  is  understood  that  you  did  not  do  it  intentionally. 
The  servant  should  at  once  spread  a  clean  napkin 
over  the  stain. 

Never  turn  tea  or  coffee  into  your  saucer  to  cool  it. 
If  you  wish  a  second  cup,  place  the  spoon  in  the 
saucer  before  passing  it  to  be  refilled.  Do  not  stand  a 


TABLE  MANNERS.  179 

dripping  cup  on  the  table-cloth.  Never  blow  soup  to 
make  it  cool. 

It  is  very  rude  to  pick  your  teeth  at  the  table  after 
a  meal  is  completed. 

Napkins  are  to  wipe  the  mouth  with,  not  to  mop 
the  forehead  or  nose. 

Never  put  your  own  knife,  fork  or  spoon  into  a  dish 
from  which  others  are  to  be  helped. 

DRESS  FOR  THE  OCCASION. 

The  table  being  a  meeting  place  where  everything 
should  be  nice  and  conducive  to  good  manners,  a  gen- 
tleman will  never  appear  at  it  in  his  shirt  sleeves.  If 
it  is  excessively  warm  weather,  and  he  wishes  to 
enjoy  the  freedom  of  his  own  home  table,  he  can  don 
a  light  coat  of  seersucker,  farmer's  satin,  or  similar 
material;  but  in  public  he  will  always  retain  the  coat 
which  he  wears  through  the  day,  save  of  course,  on 
dress  occasions,  of  which  we  have  spoken  else- 
where. 

A  lady  should  observe  the  same  care  in  her  dress. 
Untidy  hair  and  dirty  nails  are  especially  repellant. 

SERVING  AT  TABLE. 

The  one  who  serves  at  table,  should  not  help  too 
abundantly,  or  flood  food  with  gravies.  Many  do 
not  like  them;  and  it  is  better  to  allow  each  guest  to 


180  TABLE  MANNERS. 

help  himself.  Water  is  poured  at  the  right  of  a  guest 
— everything  else  is  passed  from  the  left. 

Do  not  watch  the  dishes  as  they  are  uncovered. 
Or  talk  with  the  mouth  full. 

If  you  discover  something  objectionable  in  the  food 
do  not  attract  the  attention  of  others  to  it,  but  quietly 
deposit  it  under  the  edge  of  your  plate. 

DO  NOT  SOP  GRAVY,   ETC. 

Never  sop  up  your  gravy  or  preserves  with  bread. 
And  do  not  scrape  your  plate  so  as  to  obtain  the 
last  bit,  or  drink  as  though  you  were  dying  of  thirst. 
It  is  quite  an  art  to  drink  gracefully.  Don't  throw 
your  head  back  and  raise  the  glass  perpendicularly, 
but  carry  the  glass  to  your  lips,  and  by  lifting  it  to  a 
slight  angle,  you  easily  drain  its  contents. 

Be  careful  not  to  stretch  your  feet  across  the  room, 
under  the  table.  It  .is  very  disagreeable  to  be  kicked, 
even  accidentally. 

In  leaving  the  table,  if  business  or  an  engagement 
compels  you  to,  excuse  yourself.  It  is  only  in  hotels 
or  boarding-houses  that  this  is  permitted  to  pass  un- 
noticed. 

It  is  rude  to  handle  the  bread  or  cake  which  is 
offered  you.  Only  touch  the  piece  which  you  intend 
to  eat. 


TABLE  MANNERS,  181 

EAT  WHAT  YOU  WISH  AT  THE  TABLE. 

Never  carry  fruit  or  confectionery  away  from  the 
table.  Eat  what  you  wish  while  there. 

"There  is  difference  of  opinion  as  to  who  should  be 
first  served  at  table,  many  insisting  that  the  old  fash- 
ion of  serving  the  hostess  first  should  be  continued; 
but  as  this  originated  in  the  days  when  people  were  in 
the  habit  of  poisoning  guests  by  the  wholesale,  as  a 
convenient  way  of  ridding  themselves  and  the  world 
of  them,  there  seems  to  be  no  reason  why  it  should 
be  observed  now.  Then  guests  preferred  that  the  host- 
ess should  show  her  confidence  in  the  viands  set  before 
them,  before  partaking  themselves;  but  the  natural 
instincts  of  propriety  seem  to  indicate  that  the  most 
honored  guest,  that  is,  the  lady  at  the  right  of  the 
host,  should  be  first  served." 

WHOM  A  GENTLEMAN  SHOULD  SERVE. 

A  gentleman  seated  by  a  lady  or  an  elderly  person 
passes  the  water  or  whatever  may  be  required  by  his 
neighbor  at  the  table. 

DO  NOT  READ  AT  TABLE. 

Never  bring  a  book  or  paper  to  the  table  to  read. 
It  is  allowable  at  a  hotel  or  restaurant,  where  you 
are  not  anxious  to  form  promiscuous  acquaintances, 


182  TABLE  MANNERS. 

but  among  friends,  the  gaps  should  be  filled  in  by 
cheerful  and  enlivening  conversation. 

Remove  fish  bones  before  eating,  but  should  one  get 
into  the  mouth,  remove  it  by  placing  the  napkin 
before  the  mouth. 

Everything  that  it  is  possible  to  cut  or  break  with 
a  fork  should  be  eaten  without  a  knife. 

OBJECTING    TO    WINE. 

Should  you  have  scruples  about  taking  wine  at  the 
dinner  table,  it  is  not  necessary  to  enter  into  an 
explanation  of  them,  and  thus  bring  around  your 
unfortunate  head  a  veritable  "hornet's  nest"  of  ridi- 
cule and  argument  from  unthinking  people.  Merely 
decline  it,  in  a  quiet  and  respectful  manner.  Those 
whose  opinion  is  worth  having,  will  see  nothing  sin 
gular  in  the  fact  that  you  do  not  use  wine. 

Eat  slowly,  as  a  measure  of  health,  as  well  as  man- 
ners. 

MAKE  YOUR  PLATE  PALATABLE-LOOKING. 

Do  not  mix  your  food  on  your  plate  with  the  knife. 
It  looks  as  though  you  set  no  score  by  the  nice  care 
with  which  the  various  articles  had  been  prepared. 
It  were  all  the  same  to  you,  whether  it  were  fish  or 
fowl — it  was  only  made  to  be  devoured,  not  eaten. 

PARING  FRUIT. 

Never  pare  fruit  for  a  lady,  unless  asked  to  do  so, 


TABLE  MANNERS.  183 

and  then  hold  it  upon  the  fork  which  belongs  to  her. 
Apples  should  be  pared  with  silver  fruit  knives,  and 
quartered  and  each  slice  carried  to  the  mouth  on  the 
point  ot  the  knife.  Still,  there  are  many  well-bred 
people  who  only  enjoy  apples  when  they  can  eat 
them  as  they  did  in  their  childhood's  days,  without 
the  aid  of  a  knife  or  fork. 

A  FEW  WORDS  ON  DINNERS. 

We  close  this  chapter  with  the  words  of  one  who 
has  written  much  upon  dinners  and  the  manners  cur- 
rent at  them.  It  is  well  understood  that  the  forms  we 
have  given  are  those  observed  in  larger  cities,  but 
they  are  intended  also  for  smaller  circles  and  towns. 
The  same  rules  of  etiquette  prevail  everywhere. 
Common  sense  will  teach  what  modifications  are  to 
be  made  in  some  of  these  customs,  so  as  to  best 
adapt  them  to  the  needs  of  a  smaller  community. 
The  truth  is,  that  no  one  should  suppose  that  ina- 
bility to  give  elaborate  dinners  releases  him  or  her 
from  "the  obligations  of  hospitality.  Each  owes  it 
to  society  and  to  himself,  for  the  cultivation  of  his  bet- 
ter nature,  to  give  as  many  and  as  good  entertain- 
ments as  is  possible,  circumstances,  and  a  proper  reg- 
ulation of  expenses  to  income  being  considered.  It 
is  a  duty  incumbent  on  each  to  bear  a  due  share  of 
social  burdens;  indeed,  when  given  in  the  true  spirit 


184  TABLE  MANNERS. 

of  hospitality  and  not  simply  as  an  irksome  payment 
of  a  social  debt,  an  entertainment  is  a  pleasure,  and 
not  a  burden.  Too  many  people  do  not  give  parties 
or  dinners,  because  they  cannot  afford  to  give  such 
stylish  ones  as  their  neighbors  afford,  as  if  good  fel- 
lowship was  a  matter  of  numberless  courses  or  costly 
viands.  There  is  a  wise  saying  that  'a  dinner  of 
herbs  where  love  is,  is  better  than  a  stalled  ox  and 
hatred  therewith;'  and  the  simplest  dinner,  served  in 
friendship,  has  in  it  more  that  softens  and  refines, 
than  the  most  stately  banquet,  with  its  satiety  and 
dull  formalities,  if  unseasoned  by  the  subtle  spirit  of 
friendly  interest  and  feeling.  Grand  dinners  are  not 
always  selfish  and  inhospitable  affairs,  nor  are  all 
simple  dinners,  given  by  plain  people,  served  in  the 
true  spirit  of  kindly  hospitality.  Not  all  the  hearty 
friendship  of  the  world  is  monopolized  by  the  poor; 
the  rich  and  cultured,  as  well  as  plainer  people,  some- 
times have  warm  places  in  hearts,  and  give  warm  wel- 
comes to  their  friends.  There  are  those,  too,  in  the 
humbler  walks  of  life,  whom  the  struggle  with  the  world 
has  not  taught  charity;  but  there  is  no  more  reason 
why  the  rich  should  claim  and  monopolize  all  the 
refinements  of  the  table,  than  that,  as  Wesley  put 
it,  'the  devil  should  have  all  the  best  tunes.'  Rich 
or  poor,  it  is  possible  for  all  to  cultivate  kindly  feel- 
ings, and  to  offer  such  hospitality  as  is  within  their 
means  and  fitting  in  their  station." 


CHAPTER  XV. 

GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS. 

•"INHERE  are  certain  fixed  rules  laid  down  by  society, 
which  apply  to  a  gentleman  in  a  small  place  with 
the  same  force  as  in  a  large  city. 
Cowper  says: 

"Man  in  society  is  like  a  flower 
Blown  in  its  native  bed.     'Tis  there  alone 
His  faculties  expanded  in  full  bloom 
Shine  out — there  only  reach  their  proper  use." 

AN  AID    TO    A  GENTLEMAN. 

Not  every  man  can  tell  whether  he  is  at  fault  on 
small  points  of  etiquette,  and  therefore  such  will  be 
grateful  to  those  who  settle  these  matters  for  them. 
A  gentleman  feels  diffident  in  regard  to  the  code  of 
calling,  lest  he  trespass  upon  some  established  rule 
which  he  should  have  known,  and  which  will  be  a 
guide  for  his  conduct. 

CALLING  ON  A  LADY. 

A  gentleman  cannot  consider  himself  privileged  to 
call  upon  a  lady  upon  the  strength  of  an  introduction 

185 


186  GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS. 

alone.  He  may  desire  very  much  to  do  so,  but  waits 
to  be  invited.  If  the  invitation  does  not  come,  and 
he  is  anxious  to  prosecute  the  acquaintance,  he  may 
leave  his  card  at  her  residence.  If  he  is  acceptable, 
the  young  lady's  mother  will  send  him  an  invitation 
to  visit  the  family,  or  ask  his  presence  at  some  enter- 
tainment to  be  given  at  their  home.  After  that,  it  is 
plain  sailing,  and  the  gentleman  can  feel  that  he  has 
a  right  to  call  occasionally. 

If  his  card  receives  no  acknowledgment,  he  may 
conclude  that  for  some  reasons  best  known  to  them- 
selves, they  do  not  wish  to  extend  their  acquaintance. 
And  in  this  case,  he  must  wait  when  next  they  meet 
in  public,  for  a  recognition  at  their  hands,  as  would 
any  stranger. 

DO  NOT  ACCEPT  CARELESS  INVITATIONS. 

If  a  lady  carelessly  invites  a  gentleman  to  call, 
without  specifying  the  particular  tinfe,  he  may  deem 
it  no  invitation  at  all,  as  she  is  more  than  likely  to  be 
out  or  engaged,  should  he  avail  himself  of  such  an 
off-hand  permission.  But  if  she  states  the  time 
when  he  may  call  he  should  be  prompt  in  keeping  his 
engagement.  If  anything  prevents  his  coming  he 
should  dispatch  a  messenger  with  a  note  explaining  his 
absence.  Carelessness  of  this  sort  has  checked  many 
a  friendship. 


GENTLEMEN'S 


GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS.  187 

THE  FIRST  CALL. 

On  making  a  first  call  he  must  have  a  card  for  each 
lady  of  the  houshold.  When  there  are  several  sis- 
ters in  a  family,  and  the  mother  is  living,  two  cards 
will  answer — one  for  the  mother,  and  one  for  the 
daughters. 

The  cards  which  a  gentleman  uses  often  are  indi- 
;ations  of  his  character.  They  are  to  be  as  simple 
AS  possible.  The  following  will  serve  as  a  model,  and 
is  to  be  either  written  or  engraved — preferably  the 
latter,  as  all  gentlemen  do  not  write  a  legible  hand: 

MR.  ALLEN  HAGUE, 

634  Belmont  Avenue. 

The  prefix  "Mr."  should  not  be  used,  if  the  card 
is  written  by  its  owner,  but  in  an  engraved  one,  it  is 
adopted.  The  card  must  be  of  the  finest  texture,  and 
lusterless. 

HOUR  FOR  CALLING. 

A  gentleman  whose  time  is  his  own  can  call  be- 
tween 2  and  5  P.  M.  But  as  business  engrosses  nearly 
all  our  gentlemen,  from  8  to  half-past  8  in  the  even- 
ing is  the  proper  time  to  make  a  social  call.  If  he 
calls  before  that  hour  he  may  interfere  with  some 
previous  engagement  she  may  have,  and  will  surely 
displease  his  hostess  by  his  eagerness. 


188  GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS. 

A  FORMAL   CALL. 

In  formal  calls  a  gentleman  asks  to  see  all  the  ladies 
of  the  family.  If  he  calls  upon  a  young  lady  who  is 
visiting  people  whom  he  has  never  met,  he  should 
send  in  a  card  for  the  hostess  at  the  same  time  that 
he  sends  in  one  for  the  young  lady.  The  lady  of  the 
house  should  enter  the  room  before  his  departure,  to 
give  him  the  assurance  that  any  friend  of  her  guest  is 
welcome,  to  her  house. 

ASK  FOR  SOME  MEMBER  OF    THE    FAMILY. 

A  gentleman  should  in  all  cases  inquire  for  the 
mother  or  chaperon  of  any  young  lady  whom  he  calls 
on,  and  if  she  appears  he  should  address  his  conversa- 
tion to  her  principally.  But  if  she  makes  a  practice 
of  entering  the  parlor  and  remains  there  during  his 
entire  call,  no  matter  how  often  he  comes,  he  should 
conceal  his  annoyance  under  a  well-bred  manner. 
But  the  wisest  way  would  be  to  take  the  hint  thus 
afforded,  and  act  upon  it. 

CUSTOM  ABROAD. 

In  Europe  the  constant  presence  of  an  elder  lady 
during  a  gentleman's  visits  would  be  deemed  only  a 
necessary  observance  of  etiquette,  but  the  customs  of 
our  land  are  totally  different. 


GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS.  189 

All  invitations  sent  to  a  gentleman  of  any  sort  are 
promptly  accepted  or  declined. 

CALLING  ONCE  A  YEAR. 

A  gentleman  never  should  neglect  to  make  a  yearly 
call,  when  friends  have  returned  from  a  summer  vaca- 
tion. If  he  does  not  attend  to  this  duty,  he  need  not 
feel  hurt  if  he  is  left  out  of  the  invitations  for  the 
entertainments  of  his  lady  friends  the  coming  season. 

A  gentleman  can  make  an  informal  call  on  intimate 
friends  at  any  hour  which  does  not  encroach  upon  their 
convenience.  Don't  go  so  often,  however,  that  they 
enjoy  your  absence. 

NEW  YEAR'S  CALLS. 

These  calls  are  observed  with  varying  degrees  of 
ardor.  One  year  they  are  general,  the  next  we  hear 
that  they  are  not  observed.  But  when  they  are  not 
made  the  pretext  for  forcing  oneself  upon  people 
who  are  almost  strangers,  it  seems  a  most  delightful 
custom.  There  is  necessarily,  more  latitude  permitted 
in  calling  on  that  day,  but  still  it  is  a  good  old  cus- 
tom. 

CALL  ONLY  WHERE  WELCOME. 

The  gentleman  who  calls  on  the  first  day  of  the 
New  Year  confines  his  calls  to  those  houses  where  he 
is  sure  of  a  welcome,  and  to  those  ladies  who  are 


190  GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS. 

acquaintances  of  the  ladies  of  his  own  family.  He  may 
also  venture  to  accept  an  invitation  given  him  by 
another  gentleman. 

MAKE  YOUR    CALL  BRIEF. 

A  call  on  this  day  should  be  limited  to  ten  or  fifteen 
minutes,  for  the  hostess  presumably  has  an  extensive 
list  of  friends  to  entertain,  and  cannot  devote  much 
time  to  any  particular  ones. 

If  she  does  not  recognize  a  stranger  who  is  intro- 
duced to  her  at  such  a  time,  when  meeting  him  again, 
he  must  not  feel  aggrieved. 

GENTLEMEN'S  TOILET. 

The  dress  of  a  gentleman  making  New  Year's  calls 
should  be  a  morning  costume  of  dark  coat,  vest  and 
tie,  and  dark  or  light  pants.  Dress  suits  are  for  even- 
ing calls.  His  gloves  should  be  of  a  sober  tint. 

DECLINING  OFFERED  REFRESHMENTS. 

He  has  a  right  to  decline  refreshments.  He  should 
never  accept  wine  or  spirituous  liquors,  however  hos- 
pitably they  may  be  pressed  upon  him.  He  cannot 
afford  to  risk  his  reputation  as  a  gentleman  by  using 
liquors  promiscuously  at  every  house  at  which  he  calls, 
knowing  that  the  result  would  be  intoxication. 


GENTLEMEN'S  C4LLS.  191 

TAKING  A  FRIEND  WITH  HIM. 

A  gentleman  should  never  take  the  liberty  to  invite 
another  gentleman  to  call  on  a  lady  (save  on  New 
Year's  Day)  without  first  asking  her  permission. 

In  making  a  ceremonious  call,  the  hat  and  cane 
are  retained  in  the  hand,  but  an  umbrella  is  left  in 
the  hall. 

If  you  chance  to  call  when  a  lady  is  just  going  out, 
make  your  stay  brief,  and  say  that  you  will  call  on 
another  time. 

CARRYING  CARD-CASES. 

Card  cases  are  used  only  by  ladies.  Gentlemen 
carry  their  cards  loose  in  their  pockets,  or  in  those 
leather  memorandum  books  now  so  popular. 

EVENING    CALLS. 

I 

An  evening  call  should  not  be  too  long.  Three 
hours  can  scarcely  be  dubbed  a  call — it  is  rather  more 
of  a  Visit.  Two  hours  is  sufficient;  and  an  hour 
will  answer  in  most  cases,  and  will  be  more  likely  to 
leave  an  agreeable  impression  behind  them. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

A  long-drawn-out  leave-taking  is  tiresome  and  im- 
polite to  the  hostess,  as  she  must  stand  after  he  has 
risen  to  go,  until  he  has  left  the  room.  If  there  ar* 


192  GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS. 

several  ladies  in  the  room,  he  should  bow  most  deci- 
dedly to  the  lady  of  the  house,  and  make  a  less  formal 
inclination  to  the  other  members  of  the  party. 

DO  NOT  CALL  AT  LUNCH  HOUR. 

A  gentleman  should  carefully  avoid  calling  during 
the  lunch  or  dinner  hour,  even  upon  friends,  without 
he  has  been  told  to  call  at  those  hours,  on  any  day.  It 
is  often  said,  "We  dine  (or  lunch)  at  such  an  hour — 
come  and  see  us  and  you  will  find  us  at  home."  If 
you  call  at  that  hour,  and  find  a  lady  at  lunch,  send 
in  word  that  you  will  wait  till  she  is  through  with  the 
meal.  If  she  comes  out  and  invites  you  to  the  table, 
either  go  in  or  take  your  leave  at  once.  But  don't 
keep  her  away  from  lunch  by  remaining  to  pay  a 
visit,  and  compel  her  to  go  without  her  meal.  It  is 
often  done  from  want  of  thought. 

LOOKING  AT  THE  WATCH. 

A  gentleman  should  not  look  at  his  watch,  while 
making  a  call,  unless  he  has  to  catch  a  train,  or  has 
another  engagement.  In  that  event,  he  should  apolo- 
gize. 

Gentlemen  may  call  on  married  ladies  with  the 
knowledge  of  their  husbands. 

GENTLEMEN  CALLING. 

When  calling  on  another  gentleman  at  a  hotel  send 


GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS.  19* 

up  your  card,  and  wait  for  an  invitation  to  the  room. 
Announce  yourself  by  a  rap  on  the  door,  and  do  not 
burst  in  upon  your  friend  without  warning.  The 
most  intimate  friendship  does  not  warrant  this  free- 
dom. If  it  is  a  lady  on  whom  you  call,  send  up  your 
card,  and  wait  her  appearance  in  the  reception  room. 
In  calling  you  should  not  wait  for  an  invitation  to 
be  seated,  but  take  the  most  convenient  seat  within 
range  of  the  ladies  on  whom  you  call. 

CALLING  ON  THE   SICK. 

In  calling  upon  a  sick  friend,  send  in  your  card,  and 
wait  until  you  hear  how  the  invalid  is. 

In  leaving  a  ca*rd  when  you  call,  turn  down  one  cor- 
ner of  the  visiting  card,  to  signify  that  you  called  in 
person. 

ENGAGED. 

If  you  are  met  at  the  door  of  a  friend's  house  with 
the  statement  that  they  are  "engaged,"  or  "not  at 
home,"  which  too  often  means  the  same  thing,  do  not 
urge  to  be  admitted,  even  though  the  family  were 
among  your  dearest  friends.  You  have  no  right  to 
an  exception  in  your  favor,  if  they  do  not  care  to 
receive  you  on  that  day. 

DOGS  SHOULD  BE  LEFT  AT  HOME. 

Do  not  take  your  pet  dog  with  you  when  making  a 


194  GENTLEMEN'S  C4LLS. 

call.  It  is  not  to  be  expected  that  your  hostess  would 
extend  her  hospitality  to  dumb  animals  which  perhaps 
she  does  not  like.  Dogs  have  no  place  in  a  parlor. 

If  ladies  accompany  a  gentleman  when  he  is  call- 
ing, they  should  precede  him  both  on  entering  and 
leaving  the  room. 

Do  not  suggest  to  a  lady  that  the  room  is  chilly  or 
draw  too  close  to  the  fire  when  making  a  call,  unless 
it  is  a  very  cold  day,  and  she  invites  you  to  do  so. 

DO  NOT  QUESTION  CHILDREN  OR    SERVANTS. 

If  you  are  left  alone  for  a  moment,  and  a  child  or 
servant  comes  into  the  room,  do  not  presume  upon 
good-breeding  to  ask  them  any  questions  about  the 
family.  A  man  who  would  do  this  should  be  debarred 
from  the  hospitality  of  any  home. 

LEAVE  THE  CARD-BASKET  UNTOUCHED. 

Do  not  examine  the  cards  in  the  card-basket.  You 
have  no  right  to  investigate  as  to  who  calls  on  a  lady. 

It  is  usual  to  wear  the  morning  dress  in  calling — a 
dark  suit,  with  gloves  of  a  dark  shade.  Light-colored 
suits  are  permissible  in  warm  weather.  Overshoes, 
if  at  all  soiled  must  be  removed  in  the  hall. 

Be  cool  and  self-possessed.  Listen  rather  more 
than  talk.  There  is  a  happy  medium  between  talk- 
ing too  much  and  talking  too  little,  and  the  man  who 
finds  it  is  a  fortunate  being. 


GENTLEMEN'S  C4LLS.  195 

A  FIFTEEN-MINUTE     CALL. 

A  formal  call  should  not  exceed  fifteen  minutes, 
and  when  that  time  has  expired,  rise  and  depart 
gracefully. 

If  on  making  a  call  where  all  are  strangers,  at  once 
announce  your  name,  and  upon  whom  you  have  called. 

If  you  call  on  a  lady  and  find  her  absent,  and  she 
expresses  her  regret  at  the  occurrence  when  next 
you  meet,  reciprocate  her  regret,  and  do  not  carelessly 
remark  that  it  made  no  difference. 

THROW  AWAY  YOUR  CIGAR. 

If  you  have  been  smoking  on  your  way  to  make  a 
call,  throw  away  your  cigar  before  you  ring  the  bell. 
It  is  not  very  polite,  however,  to  call  on  a  lady  with 
your  clothes  permeated  with  tobacco  smoke. 

A  married  gentleman  should  always  speak  of  his 
wife  as  ''Mrs."  never  as  "my  wife." 

GENTLEMEN    RECEIVING    CALLS  ON    NEW  YEAR'S  DAY. 

On  the  first  New  Year's  day  after  his  marriage  a 
gentleman  receives  calls  at  his  own  home,  in  company 
with  his  wife.  He  does  not  make  any  calls  on  that 
day. 

Clergymen  do  not  make  calls  upon  New  Year's  Day, 
but  receive  friends  at  their  own  residence. 


190  GENTLEMEN'S  C4LLS. 

CALLING    ON    BUSINESS    MEN. 

In  calling  on  a  business  man,  remember  that  to  him 
time  is  valuable,  and  do  not  take  up  any  more  of  it 
than  is  absolutely  necessary.  The  same  rule  should 
be  observed  in  calling  upon  ladies  who  are  engaged 
in  business.  Use  as  little  of  their  time  as  possible. 

CALLS    OF    CONDOLENCE. 

A  call  of  condolence  should  be  made  within  ten 
days,  if  you  are  on  an  intimate  footing  with  the 
bereaved  ones.  If  you  are  not,  at  least  a  month 
should  elapse.  When  you  are  admitted,  do  not  allude 
to  the  sad  event,  unless  those  you  call  on,  seem  anx- 
ious that  you  should.  A  silent  pressure  of  the  hand, 
a  tender  and  delicate  deference  of  manner  will  speak 
far  more  effectively  than  words  which  are  too  apt  to 
tear  open  the  wound.  It  is  in  good  taste  to  send  a  few 
flowers,  or  a  book,  or  a  simple  message,  to  the  aching 
hearts,  such  as  "I  send  you  deepest  sympathy,"  "My 
love,  dear  friend,"  or  "God  be  with  you."  These 
will  reach  down  deep  into  the  hearts  of  the  mourning 
friends  and  bring  them  a  grateful  consciousness  that 
you  remember  them  in  their  affliction. 

A   CONGRATULATORY   CALL. 

0 

When  a  friend  has  distinguished  herself  by  some 
special  act,  or  has  written  some  especially  fine  article, 


GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS.  107 

or  has  been  called  to  some  position  of  trust,  it  is  only 
a  pleasant  duty  to  call  on  her  and  delicately  offer  your 
congratulations.  We  all  like  to  be  appreciated,  and 
when  we  have  done  anything  worthily,  it  is  not  pleas- 
ant to  have  our  effort  ignored. 

Should  several  guests  arrive  during  a  gentleman's 
call,  it  is  a  nice  time  to  avail  himself  of  the  oppor- 
tunity and  pay  his  respects  to  his  hostess  and  leave. 

He  can  do  this  less  awkwardly  than  if  he  waits 
until  they  also,  depart. 

A    NEWLY    MARRIED    MAN'S    LIST   OF   FRIENDS. 

When  a  wedding  has  been  limited  to  a  few  rela- 
tives, or  has  been  strictly  private,  the  bridegroom 
should  send  his  card  to  those  of  his  gentlemen  friends 
whom  he  wishes  to  introduce  to  his  new  home.  The 
recipients  of  such  cards  should  call  upon  the  bride 
within  two  weeks. 

"After  one  has  been  invited  to  a  dinner  party,  one 
must  call  within  a  week  after  the  occasion, — call  in 
person,  and  ask  if  the  hostess  is  at  home.  A  dinner 
party  is  one  of  the  most  solemn  obligations  of  society; 
if  you  accept  an  invitation  to  one,  only  death  or  mor- 
tal illness  is  a  legitimate  excuse  for  not  attending  it, 
and  you  must  have  nearly  as  good  a  reason  for  not 
calling  promptly  after  it." 

The  gentleman  who  moves  in  society  will  readily 


198  GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS. 

see  the  fitness  of  these  simple  rules  and  profit  by  the 
hints  they  convey.  Calling  is  the  surest  way  to  main- 
tain agreeable  acquaintances,  and  foster  those  friend- 
ships which  brighten  life. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

LADIES'  CALLS. 

@  vALLING  is  so  intimately  interwoven  in  society's 
laws,  that  not  to  know  when  to  call,  how  to 
call  and  on  whom  to  call,  would  be  an  unpardonable 
breach  of  etiquette.  Society  exacts  of  woman  minute 
attention  to  little  formalities  which  would  be  excused 
in  a  man  in  this  land,  where  the  sterner  sex  are 
almost  to  a  unit  immersed  in  business  or  politics. 

Formal  calls  in  the  city  are  intended  to  serve  in 
lieu  of  the  more  genial  and  lengthy  visits  which  are  a 
part  of  country  life;  and  are  designed  to  cement  the 
acquaintance  with  all  whom  you  admit  to  your  circle. 

MORNING   CALLS. 

These  do  not  mean,  as  the  title  would  imply,  calls 
made  in  the  forenoon,  but  embrace  the  hours  from  I 
to  5  p.  M.  They  are  generally  of  fifteen  or  twenty 
minutes'  duration.  Should  another  lady  call,  make 
your  own  stay  even  more  brief  than  this.  Conversa- 
tion should  be  had  on  agreeable  topics.  Inquire  first 

after  all  the   inmates   of  the  home,  then  passing  on 

199 


200  LADIES'  CALLS. 

to  the  daily  subjects,  the   last   new    book,  or  latest 
fashion  in  dress. 

SUBJECTS  FOR  CONVERSATION. 

Never  canvass  an  absent  acquaintance,  or  repeat 
anything  which  has  happened  in  another  house  where 
you  have  been  received  as  a  gue&t. 

ON  LEAVING. 

When  you  are  ready  to  go,  say  so,  and  rise  at  once 
and  take  leave  of  your  hostess,  who  may  accompany 
you  to  the  door.  If  there  is  a  servant,  the  hostess 
will  most  likely  ring  for  her  to  show  you  to  the  door, 
meanwhile  keeping  you  engaged  in  conversation  until 
the  very  moment  of  your  departure. 

WHAT  NOT  TO  DO. 

Do  not  declare,  the  moment  you  enter,  that  you 
cannot  stay  an  instant.  You  came  to  make  a  call. 
Let  it  be  agreeable  and  free  from  fussiness,  and  do 
not  make  your  leave-taking  a  prolonged  one.  We 
have  seen  many  people  who  were  going  at  once,  and 
yet  who  would  compel  their  hostess  to  stand  for  sev- 
eral minutes,  while  they  lengthened  their  parting  into 
quite  a  visit,  and  wore  the  patience  and  good -breed- 
ing of  their  entertainer  almost  threadbare. 


LADIES'  CALLS. 


LADIES1  CALLS.  201 

KEEPING  A    MEMORANDUM. 

When  your  list  of  acquaintances  is  an  extensive  one, 
it  is  a  wise  plan  to  keep  a  regular  visiting  book.  Any 
little  blank  book  can  be  made  of  use,  by  ruling  off 
spaces  for  the  names  of  your  friends,  calls  made  and 
to  be  made,  also  leaving  room  for  future  engage- 
ments. 

EVENING    CALLS. 

Calls  in  the  evening  are  made  from  8  to  9,  and 
should  be  of  an  hour's  duration.  The  hostess  rises 
on  the  entrance  of  her  visitors,  and  offers  them  her 
hand,  leading  them  to  a  seat.  She  must  have  tact 
and  geniality,  so  as  to  draw  out  the  best  ideas  from 
her  visitors.  Most  women  possess  this  quality,  and 
therein  lies  their  charm. 

REMAINING  AT  WORK. 

If  you  are  engaged  upon  any  piece  of  work  when 
callers  come,  lay  it  aside.  But  when  an  informal 
friend  or  one  of  long  standing  enters,  sewing,  crochet- 
ing or  fancy  work,  may  be  continued,  if  it  does  not 
interfere  with  friendly  conversation, 

NOT  AT  HOME. 

That  polite  fib  "Not  at  home"  should  be  shut  out 
of  good  society.  It  is  far  more  honest  to  send  word 
that  one  is  engaged.  A  lady  need  not  deny  herself 


202  LADIES1  CALLS. 

to  any  one,  if  she  will  have  regular  days  for  receiving. 
The  dress  should  be  very  handsome  on  these  days; 
and  the  lady  who  calls  should  be  equally  richly 
attired. 

Delay  in  proceeding  to  the  parlor  is  rude,  unless 
engaged  in  some  important  occupation  which  cannot 
be  laid  aside.  If  that  is  the  case,  send  word  that  you 
will  be  at  leisure  in  a  few  moments  and  make  your 
appearance  promptly  at  the  time  specified. 

KEEPING  ON  ONE'S  WRAPS. 

The  outer  wraps  are  retained  while  making  calls, 
the  brief  time  allowed  for  remaining  making  it  unnec- 
essary. If  a  lady  is  fearful  of  taking  cold  by  keeping 
her  wraps  on,  she  may  ask  permission  to  remove 
them,  and  they  can  be  laid  on  any  convenient  chair. 

CONDUCT  WHILE  WAITING. 

While  waiting  in  the  parlor  for  the  lady  on  whom 
you  call,  to  appear,  the  piano  must  remain  untouched, 
as  also  the  bric-a-brac.  Sit  quietly  in  the  place  the 
servant  has  assigned  you,  and  rise  when  the  hostess 
enters. 

CALLING  FIRST. 

In  the  country  and  at  watering-places  those  who 
Vfere  there  first  call  upon  the  later  comers.  In 
England  the  lady  highest  in  rank,  calls  first.  Here 


LADIES'  CALLS.  203 

the  older  lady  has  the  precedence,  and  she  can  make 
the  first  advances  by  inviting  the  younger  one  to  call, 
or  sending  her  an  invitation  to  some  entertainment. 

CONGRATULATORY    CALLS. 

Calls  of  congratulation  upon  a  young  lady  after  her 
engagement  is  announced.  All  those  who  have  re- 
ceived cards  should  call  upon  the  parents  of  the  bride 
as  well  as  upon  the  young  couple  themselves.  A  call 
made  upon  a  happy  mother  should  not  be  made 
within  a  month  after  the  advent  of  the  little  one. 

CALLS  OF    CONDOLENCE. 

Calls  of  this  nature  are  made  usually  within  ten 
days  after  a  death  has  occurred,  if  you  are  on  terms 
of  intimacy  with  the  family,  but  not  for  two  weeks 
under  other  circumstances.  But  no  allusion  should 
be  made  directly  to  the  sorrow  which  has  come  to 
them.  Your  silence  is  the  most  delicate  sympathy 
you  can  manifest. 

INVITING  ANOTHER  LADY. 

A  lady  can  take  the  liberty  to  invite  another  lady  to 
accompany  her  in  calling.  A  gentleman  never  should 
do  so,  without  first  asking  permission  of  those  whom 
he  intends  calling  on. 


204  LADIES'  CALLS. 

CALLING  ON     STRANGERS. 

l 

When  a  stranger  comes  into  a  town,  the  residents 
should  call  on  her.  In  a  city,  the  immediate  neigh- 
bors should  pay  her  the  compliment  of  calling, 
although  we  regret  to  say  that  many  ladies  neglect 
this  act  of  hospitality  under  the  pretext  that  they 
don't  know  anything  about  their  standing.  This  is 
a  flimsy  excuse.  They  should  call  first,  and  if  the 
parties  are  not  desirable  as  acquaintances,  it  is  a  very 
easy  matter  to  drop  them. 

CALLING  ON  THE  SICK. 

When  calling  on  the  sick  do  not  ask  to  be  admitted 
to  the  sick  room.  Your  card  can  be  sent  to  the  inva- 
lid, whose  quiet  will  not  thus  be  intruded  upon.  If 
it  is  proper  for  you  to  enter  the  chamber  of  the  sick 
person,  you  will  receive  an  invitation  to  do  so  from 
the  friends. 

CALLING  CARDS. 

The  style  of  calling  cards  changes  so  frequently  that 
a  set  form  cannot  be  laid  down.  But  the  English  and 
German  text  and  the  fancifully  ornamented  cards  so 
much  affected  at  one  time  have  yielded  the  field  to  a 
more  elegant  and  chaste  fashion  which  seems  to  suit 
the  growing  taste  so  well  that  there  is  little  danger 
of  any  very  striking  changes  being  made  in  that 


LADIES'  C4LLS. 


205 


direction,  at  least  for  a  long  time  to  come.  A  card 
is  but  a  bit  of  pasteboard,  and  would  seem  to  be  of 
no  consequence,  and  yet  it  is  a  silent  messenger  which 
vouches  for  the  cultivation  and  familiarity  with  good 
usages,  of  its  owner. 

QUALITY   OF   CARD. 

The  first  desideratum  in  a  card  is  fineness  of  text- 
ure; then  size  and  shape.  The  lettering  must  also 
be  selected  with  care.  There  should  be  no  glazing 
upon  the  card,  and  the  engraving  should  be  done  in 
the  finest  script.  Some  ladies  write  their  own  cards, 
but  this  requires  a  fine  penman. 

GENTLEMEN'S  CARDS. 

The  card  carried  by  gentlemen  should  be  rather 
small.  A  fac-simile  of  their  autograph  is  often 
printed,  but  this  smacks  a  little  of  vanity.  This  is 
the  proper  size  for  a  gentleman's  card: 


MR.  WILLIAM  BARBER, 

26  Gross  Terrace. 


If  he  has  a  title  it  should  be  placed  before  his 


306  LADIES'  CALLS, 

name.  It  is  said  that  the  Hon.  Daniel  Webster 
and  also  Henry  Clay  both  preferred  their  names 
printed  upon  their  cards  thus — "Mr.  Webster;"  "Mr. 

Clay." 

WIDOW'S  CARDS. 

A  widow  should  not  use  the  initials  of  her  husband 
upon  her  cards.  She  should  use  the  following  form: 

"Mrs.  Lizzie  Stevens." 

But  during  her  husband's  lifetime  her  card  should 

read: 

"Mrs.  Edward  Stevens," 

The    object  being  to    prevent  confusion  should  there 
be  other  sons  in  the  same  family  who  were  married. 
Husbands  and  wives  no  longer  use  the  same  cards, 
but  each  has  a  separate  visiting  card. 

PREFIXES. 

It  is  an  undeviating  rule  that  young  ladies  prefix 
the  "Miss"  to  their  names  upon  their  cards,  and  never 
use  nicknames.  The  same  rule  applies  to  a  married 
lady,  who  should  never  omit  the  prefix  "Mrs." 

MOTHER  AND  DAUGHTER'S  CARD. 

When  a  mother  has  a  daughter  who  is  just  entering 
society,  the  card  made  use  of  is  worded  thus: 


LADIES'  CALLS.  207 


MRS.  JOHN  DAY  HOWARD. 
Miss  LUCY  HOWARD. 


A  young  lady  can  have  a  card  of  her  own  after  hav- 
ing been  in  society  a  year. 


RECEPTION  CARDS. 


When  a  lady  has  certain  days  set  apart  on  which 
she  receives  friends,  her  card  should  indicate  it  by 
the  following  form: 


Miss  MABEL  OSBORNE. 


Tuesdays 
•lo  6. 


CHANGING  RESIDENCE. 


When   a  lady  removes  her  residence,  she  should 
leave  a  card  with  her  new  address,  with  those  whose 


208  LADIES'  CALLS. 

turn  it  is  to  call  upon  her.     But  she  can   send  these 
cards  by  mail  to  all  upon  whom  she  called  last. 

p.   P.   c.   CARDS. 

When  leaving  town  for  a  protracted  absence  P.  P. 
C.' cards  are  sent,  but  they  are  not  sent  when  leaving 
for  a  short  absence  only — as  for  a  trip  to  the  sea-shore, 
or  to  the  country.  The  initials  P.  P.  C.,  stand  for 
the  French  words  Pour  prendre  conge  (meaning  to 
take  leave)  and  are  always  in  the  lower  right  hand  cor- 
ner of  the  card,  and  in  capitals.  It  is  wrong  to  use 
the  small  letters,  p.  p.  c.  The  initals  P.  D.  A., 
(Pour  dire  adieu]  mean  the  same,  but  they  are  not 
often  used.  These  cards  may  be  sent  by  mail.  Many 
cards  are  sent  by  mail  now.  In  England  a  card  sent 
through  the  postoffice  is  considered  equivalent  to  a 
visit. 

MOURNING   CARDS. 

Those  who  are  in  mourning  should  have  cards  with 
a  black  border.  Cards  should  be  left  for  people  who 
are  in  mourning,  but  only  intimate  friends  should 
seek  admittance. 

WHEN    CARDS   ARE   SENT. 

A  stranger  arriving  in  a  city  sends  cards  to  his 
friends  that  they  may  call  upon  him.  Business  cards 
should  not  be  made  use  of  in  making  a  call.  When 


LADIES'  CALLS. 


209 


attending  receptions  cards  should  be  left  in  the  hall 
on  entering,  so  as  to  help  the  hostess  to  remember 
who  has  called.  In  sending  fruits,  flowers,  books, 
etc.,  the  card  of  the  sender  should  accompany  them. 
On  recovering  from  an  illness,  or  when  the  period  of 
mourning  is  ended,  a  card  should  be  sent  to  each  one 
who  has  called  during  these  times.  The  following 
is  a  good  form: 


MRS.  JOSEPH  RAND, 


With  thanks  for 
Miss  Neat's  kind  inquiries. 


NEW   YEAR  S   CALLS. 

The  fashion  of  calling  on  New  Year's  Day  fluctu- 
ates. One  year  it  is  announced  that  there  will  be 
very  little  calling  done,  the  next  year  it  seems  as 
popular  as  ever.  There  is  no  doubt  that  the  gener- 
ous hospitality  of  the  glad  season  has  been  greatly 
abused  by  the  boldness  of  young  men  who  avail  them- 
selves of  the  custom  to  intrude  where  they  have  no 
claim.  And  yet  it  is  a  beautiful  custom,  for  this  is 
the  time  when  resentments  are  laid  aside,  friendships 
are  renewed,  and  the  pages  of  life  are  freshened: 
'4 


210  LADIES'  CALLS. 

"The  practice  of  publishing  in  the  newspapers  lists 
of  ladies  who  will  receive  calls  on  New  Year's  Day, 
has  often  been  criticised,  but  in  some  localities  it  has 
the  sanction  of  the  best  society.  It  has  many  com- 
mendable features,  and  is  best  left  to  the  good  taste 
of  those  most  interested.  When  a  lady  receives  with 
a  friend,  instead  of  at  her  own  home,  cards  are  sent 
to  her  friends,  to  notify  them  of  the  fact,  and  give 
them  her  address.  Cards  may  also  be  sent  out  when 
she  has  changed  her  residence  or  returned  from  a  pro- 
longed absence  from  home." 

CALLING    HOURS. 

On  this  day  the  hours  for  calling  are  from  10  A.  M. 
till  ii  P.  M.  But  if  a  lady  becomes  too  fatigued, 
she  can  instruct  the  servant  to  admit  no  more  callers. 
"In  the  villages  and  small  towns,  where  no  special 
formalities  are  observed,  but  gentlemen  call  on  their 
friends  and  tender  their  hearty  good  wishes  for  the 
opening  year,  the  day  is  often  enjoyed  far  more  than 
in  our  busy  centers  of  population,  where  more  cere- 
mony becomes  necessary." 

HINTS. 

We  cannot  close  our  chapter  more  pertinently  than 
to  quote  from  a  well-known  author  things  not  to  do 
when  calling: 


LADIES'  CALLS.  211 

"Never  make  a  long  call  if  the  lady  is  dressed  ready 
to  go  out. 

"Never  bring  your  waterproof  or  umbrella  into  the 
drawing-room  when  making  a  social  call. 

"Never,  if  you  are  a  lady,  call  on  a  gentleman  save 
on  business. 

"Never  make  an  untidy  or  careless  toilette  when 
visiting  a  friend. 

"Never  call  at    the  luncheon  or  dinner  hour." 

LENGTH  OF    CALL. 

For  a  formal  call,  about  fifteen  minutes  is  usually 
considered  the  proper  length  of  time;  one  may  pro- 
long it  to  half  an  hour  occasionally,  but  only  under 
"favorable  circumstances, "  since  it  is  far  better  to  take 
one's  leave  before  people  begin  to  wish  that  one  would 
go.  Emerson  says:  "'Tis  a  defect  in  our  manners,  that 
they  have  not  reached  the  prescribing  a  limit  to  visits. 
That  every  well-dressed  lady  or  gentleman  should  be 
at  liberty  to  exceed  ten  minutes  in  his  or  her  call  on 
serious  people  shows  a  civilization  still  rude." 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

APPEARANCE  IN    PUBLIC. 

WE  are  all  dependent  in  a  measure  for  our  happi- 
ness upon  the  estimate  which  people  place  upon 
us.  It  is  foolish  and  selfish  to  say  we  do  not  care 
what  strangers  think  of  us.  A  proper  regard  for  the 
good  opinions  of  others  serves  as  a  wholesome  check 
upon  us.  Our  friends  who  know  us  may  overlook 
a  trifling  error  committed  against  good  breeding,  but 
strangers  are  more  exacting. 

Even  a  child  instinctively  feels  who  is  the  lady  or 
the  gentleman.  The  same  rules  of  conduct  in  public 
places  apply  with  equal  force  to  both  sexes.  What 
is  etiquette  for  a  lady  with  reference  to  appearing 
in  public  is  the  same  etiquette  which  should  be  ob- 
served by  a  gentleman. 

GOING  TO  CHURCH. 

Present  yourself  at  church  before  the  services  com- 
mence, if  possible.  If  you  are  late,  walk  quietly  to 
your  pew,  and  enter  without  creating  any  noise  or 
forcing  others  who  may  already  be  there,  to  move. 

212 


SUMMER     PLEASURES. 


APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC  213 

If  it  is  occupied  it  is  unnecessary  for  the  gen- 
tlemen to  file  out  into  the  aisle,  that  a  lady  may  enter. 
Indeed,  it  is  painfully  embarrassing  for  her  to  thus  fee 
made  an  object  of  attention.  They  should  rather 
rise  noiselessly  and  allow  her  to  enter  in  the  same 
way.  It  is  customary  where  seats  are  rented,  to 
notify  the  sexton  whether  he  can  take  the  liberty  of 
putting  strangers  into  your  pew.  But  if  they  have 
already  taken  possession,  to  your  discomfort,  show 
no  resentful  feelings,  but  take  your  seat  as  usual,  or 
if  there  is  not  room,  retire  to  the  nearest  pew  which 
offers  a  seat. 

ATTENTION   TO   STRANGERS. 

Always  offer  the  prayer-book  or  hymnal  to  a  stran- 
ger, open  at  the  proper  place.  It  is  polite  to  pass  a 
fan,  or  push  a  footstool  to  any  occupant  of  the  pew. 
Do  not  stare  at  the  congregation.  We  have  seen 
persons  deliberately  turn  their  backs  upon  the  clergy- 
man, when  rising  for  singing  or  prayer,  and  indulge 
in  a  prolonged  stare.  These  are  the  same  sort  of 
people  who  giggle  in  church,  turn  over  hymn-books 
and  write  on  the  blank  pages,  whisper  to  their  com- 
panions, smile  knowingly  when  the  minister  does  not 
suit  them,  and  declare  aloud  when  leaving  the  church, 
that  "that  minister  was  the  biggest  fool  who  ever 
lived." 


214  APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC. 

CONFORMING  TO  CUSTOMS. 

It  is  proper  to  conform  with  the  customs  or  forms 
in  use  in  a  strange  church,  whether  you  are  in  con- 
sonance with  them  or  not.  When  the  congregation 
rises,  rise  with  them;  kneel  when  they  do,  and  in  all 
ways,  observe  an  outward  respect  for  their  usages. 

ATTENDING   A  LADY. 

A  gentleman  precedes  a  lady  in  walking  down  the 
aisle,  but  when  he  reaches  the  pew,  he  should  step  a 
little  aside  and  allow  her  to  enter  first. 

FANNING. 

Do  not  use  a  fan  so  vigorously  that  your  neighbors 
in  the  pew  are  chilled.  Do  not  rustle  the  fan  so  that 
you  can  be  heard  in  all  parts  of  the  church.  Fanning 
is  very  obnoxious  to  a  delicate  person,  who  cannot 
endure  draughts. 

KEEP  BABIES  AT  HOME. 

Keep  babies  who  are  liable  to  cry,  and  small  children 
who  cannot  be  made  to  sit  still,  at  home.  We  are 
aware  that  there  are  infants  who  are  remarkably  quiet 
in  public.  But  no  one  has  a  right  to  do  anything  to 
annoy  those  who  attend  to  worship,  by  diverting  their 
thoughts  from  their  purpose. 


APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC.  215 

VISITING  ART  GALLERIES. 

When  visiting  an  art  gallery  or  a  picture  store,  do 
not  criticise  the  works  of  art  in  a  loud,  egotistical 
tone.  Indeed,  no  matter  how  well  versed  you  may  be 
in  such  works,  it  is  neither  wise  nor  modest  to  draw 
attention  to  that  fact,  by  displaying  that  knowledge 
before  strangers,  who  will  mentally  accuse  you  of 
pedantry.  Whatever  you  may  find  to  say  about  the 
pictures  to  your  companions,  do  so  in  a  low  voice,  ad- 
dressing yourself  to  them  only.  Do  not  touch  the 
pictures.  You  can  point  out  their  beauties  or  defects, 
without  placing  your  hand  upon  them.  So  careless 
are  some  people  in  this  particular,  that  it  is  against 
the  rule  in  most  art  galleries,  for  visitors  to  carry  um- 
brellas or  canes  into  them. 

VISITING  A  STUDIO. 

If  an  artist  kindly  asks  you  to  his  studio,  it  is  not 
in  good  taste  to'cverwhelm  him  with  fulsome  praise. 
You  can  express  your  appreciation  of  his  work  in  sim- 
ple language.  Do  not  make  your  visit  too  long. 
Time  is  precious  to  him,  as  certain  lights  are  essen- 
tial to  painting,  and  you  may  be  using  up  the  very 
moments  which  are  the  most  valuable.  Do  not  in- 
quire his  price  for  a  painting,  unless  you  intend  pur- 
chasing. It  is  impolite  to  touch  any  object  in  his 
studio,  as  a  bit  of  drapery,  a  picture,  or  anything 


2N5  APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC 

else  which  he  may  have  spent  some  time  in  arranging. 

Do  not  watch  an  artist  at  his  work.  It  makes 
some  people  very  nervous  to  be  observed.  Go  quietly 
about  inspecting  his  pictures,  and  do  not  annoy  him 
in  any  way. 

Do  not  take  a  small  child  into  such  a  place.  It 
might  not  be  agreeable  to  the  painter,  who  would 
dread  lest  some  of  his  cherished  work  would  come  to 
grief.  And  if  you  own  a  dog  who  is  the  most  "won- 
derful" dog  that  ever  lived,  leave  him  at  home  also 
when  paying  visits. 

AT  THE  HOTEL. 

In  a  hotel  parlor,  a  lady  must  be  very  circumspect 
in  her  conduct.  You  do  not  know  whom  you  may 
meet,  and  a  proper  reserve  is  necessary.  Should  you 
require  any  information,  ring  for  the  clerk  or  some 
employe,  whose  duty  it  is  to  answer  any  questions 
which  any  of  the  guests  may  put  to  him. 

A  lady  should  not  sit  down  to  the  piano  in  a  hotel 
parlor,  and  sing  or  play  unsolicited.  Unless  you  are 
a  very  fine  performer  you  will  attract  attention  that 
may  lead  to  unfavorable  comments.  If  a  lady  or  gen- 
tleman can  afford  the  other  guests  pleasure  by  their 
performance,  and  they  are  requested  to  favor  them 
with  music,  it  is  a  compliment  to  those  present  to  do 
se. 


APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC.  217 

CALLERS  IN  THE  HOTEL  PARLOR. 

When  gentlemen  call  on  ladies  who  are  obliged  to 
receive  them  in  the  public  reception  room,  they  should 
rise  upon  their  entrance,  as  they  would  in  a  private 
house.  Loud  laughter  and  boisterous  conversation 
are  as  much  out  of  place  here  as  they  would  be  in  the 
privacy  of  the  home.  The  stay  should  be  brief  made 
on  a  lady  in  so  public  a  place. 

AT  FAIRS. 

Church  and  society  fairs  are  places  where  it  is  very 
easy  to  trench  on  good  manners.  There  is  so  large 
a  crowd,  and  the  privileges  are  so  many,  that  gentle- 
men often  thoughtlessly  trespass  in  this  respect. 

The  hat  should  be  removed  on  entering.  He  must 
not  ridicule  the  articles  offered  for  sale,  or  comment 
upon  their  price.  They  are  there  for  sale,  and  it  is 
always  expected  that  the  goods  will  be  somewhat 
dearer  here  than  in  a  regular  store;  but  then  it  is  for 
"sweet  charity's  sake,"  and  gentlemen  must  submit 
gracefully. 

But  the  lady  who  has  a  table  should  not  presume 
too  far  upon  good  nature,  by  coaxing  and  begging 
purchasers;  nor  should  she  ask  an  unreasonable  sum 
for  her  wares.  A  practice  quite  common  with  ladies 
at  bazars  is  that  of  keeping  the  change  if  there  is  any. 
This  is  very  indelicate,  and  should  be  discontinued. 


218  APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC 

SWEARING. 

It  seems  almost  out  of  place  to  allude  to  a  habit  so 
entirely  at  variance  with  all  rules  of  behavior.  And 
yet  we  regret  to  say  that  there  are  men  who  would 
not  breathe  an  unpleasant  word  in  a  lady's  hearing, 
who  will  swear  roundly  in  each  other's  company. 
Begin  right,  boys,  and  you  will  never  swear  when 
you  are  men.  It  is  offensive  to  any  person  of  refine- 
ment, and  an  insult  to  your  Maker. 

No  gentleman  ever  swears.  If  men  could  see  the 
shiver  of  disgust  which  passes  over  a  lady  when  they 
roll  out  an  oath  on  the  street  with  such  gusto,  they 
would  pause  ere  they  repeated  it.  A  well-known 
minister  calls  swearing  a  cancer  which  breaks  out  on 
the  tongue,  showing  it  is  in  the  system  from  head  to 
foot. 

HATS  ON   OR  OFF. 

Garden  parties,  coaching  and  yachting  excursions, 
or  corridors  where  the  draught  is  strong,  allow  a  gen- 
tleman to  keep  on  his  hat,  without  violating  good- 
breeding.  In  the  foyer  of  a  theater  they  may  also  be 
resumed,  as  well  as  when  he  is  waiting  upon  a  lady 
to  her  carriage.  A  very  old  gentleman  may  even  be 
excused  if  he  does  not  raise  his  hat  in  bowing  to  a 
lady;  but  he  can  substitute  a  sort  of  half-military 
salute  by  gracefully  touching  the  hat.  Indeed,  this 


APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC  219 

was  once  the  fashion    for  a  salutation,  but  has  fallen 
into  disuse. 

DO  NOT  KEEP  AN  ESCORT  WAITING. 

When  going  to  the  theater,  lecture  or  church,  be 
ready  when  your  escort  calls.  After  he  has  entered 
the  parlor,  and  had  a  few  minutes  conversation  with 
the  members  of  the  family,  excuse  yourself  and  don 
your  outer  wraps,  returning  without  delay.  Do  not 
in  your  desire  to  be  on  time,  meet  him  at  the  hall 
door.  Allow  him  to  enter  and  exchange  greetings 
with  the  others.  It  was  formerly  the  custom  for  a 
gentleman  to  call  for  a  lady  with  a  carriage;  but  in 
these  days  of  street-cars  and  other  easy  modes  of  con- 
veyance, it  is  dispensed  with,  save  when  a  young  lady 
is  going  to  the  opera  in  full  dress. 

WHAT  TO  WEAR. 

The  opera  demands  handsome  dressing.  Some 
ladies  attend  in  low-necked  dresses,  with  an  opera 
cloak  or  lace  thrown  about  their  necks.  A  young 
lady  should  wear  flowers  and  a  light  dress  and  gloves 
to  an  evening  entertainment.  The  usual  opera  dress 
is  of  some  light-colored  texture,  flowers  and  jewelry, 
with  tiny  little  opera  bonnets  of  white  or  very  deli- 
cate shades. 

Fashion,  however,  permits  a  nice  evening  street 
costume  at  the  theater,  brightened  by  natural  flowers 


220  APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC, 

or  some  bit  of  ornament.  High  hats  are  objection- 
able at  any  entertainment.  They  obstruct  the  view 
of  those  who  are  seated  behind  them,  and  destroy 
their  enjoyment. 

BEHAVIOR  AT  THE  THEATER. 

When  you  have  reached  the  theater,  there  are  many 
things  to  avoid  doing.  Chief  among  them  is  whis- 
pering audibly  or  laughing  during  the  performance  is 
in  progress.  It  is  insulting  to  the  audience  and  to  the 
performers,  and  deserves  a  severe  reprimand.  It  is 
excessively  vulgar  to  eat  candy  or  nuts  in  so  public 
a  place.  It  will  do  for  street  arabs,  but  not  for  ladies 
and  gentlemen. 

Do  not  put  your  feet  upon  the  chair  in  front  of  you, 
or  press  your  knees  against  its  back.  Or  throw  your 
overcoat  over  the  back  of  the  chair  so  that  it  touches 
the  one  sitting  behind.  There  are  places  provided 
under  all  the  seats  for  such  articles,  if  they  are  only 
rolled  compactly. 

GOING  OUT  DURING  THE  EVENING. 

A  gentleman  will  not  go  out  between  the  acts.  It 
is  a  discourtesy  which  a  lady  should  resent.  Rattling 
of  programmes,  and  moving  uneasily  in  the  seat 
annoy  others.  Each  person  who  is  present  has  paid 
his  money  to  see  and  hear  the  entertainment,  and 


APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC.  331 

not  to  be  disturbed  by  the  thoughtlessness  or  rude- 
ness of  others.  Do  not  rush  out  before  the  play  closes. 
We  have  sesn  a  large  portion  of  an  audience,  as  if 
moved  by  one  common  impulse,  clatter  out  of  an 
audience  hall,  and  perhaps  a  most  thrilling  situation 
demanded  the  undivided  attention  of  the  audience  to 
help  them  to  understand  the  play. 

SMOKING  IN  THE  PRESENCE  OF  LADIES. 

A  gentleman  may  smoke  only  when  it  does  not 
offend  others — never  in  the  presence  of  ladies.  We 
think  the  prospects  for  the  future  happiness  of  that 
young  girl  are  small,  who  will  be  seen  in  public  with 
a  gentleman  who  is  smoking.  It  shows  his  unwilling- 
ness to  give  up  his  selfish  pleasure  even  for  a  time. 
In  other  words,  the  enjoyment  he  finds  in  smoking 
outweighs  the  enjoyment  he  takes  in  her  company. 

DO  NOT  JOSTLE. 

In  a  crowd,  there  will  always  be  some  who  will 
push  and  rush.  But  it  is  wrong  to  plant  the  elbows 
in  the  sides  of  one's  fellow-beings,  and  push  and  jos- 
tle in  every  direction.  Any  gentleman  can  quietly  and 
patiently  work  his  way  through  a  crowd,  be  it  ever 
so  dense,  aided  by  a  little  politeness,  and  a  brief 
apology  for  his  haste. 


322  APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC. 

THROWING  FRUIT  SKINS. 

Do  not  eat  fruit  on  the  promenade.  Some  men  peel 
bananas,  apples,  and  like  fruit  and  toss  the  parings 
upon  the  sidewalk,  where  scores  of  people  are  pass- 
ing, thus  endangering  their  limbs,  and  perhaps  their 
lives,  for  no  one  can  tell  what  a  severe  fall  upon  a 
hard  sidewalk  may  lead  to. 

ASHAMED  OF    FRIENDS. 

A  lady  or  gentleman  will  never  hesitate  to  recog- 
nize an  acquaintance  on  the  street,  who  chances  to  be 
poorly  clad,  or  "countrified"  looking.  It  is  contempt- 
ible to  see  the  hurried,  shame-faced  way  in  which 
some  men  and  women  will  acknowledge  the  bow  of 
one  whom  they  fancy  is  below  them  in  the  social 
scale,  or  whose  dress  does  not  betoken  wealth. 

KEEPING  STEP. 

If  a  lady  and  gentleman  are  walking  arm  in  arm, 
they  should  keep  step.  The  gentleman  must  adapt 
his  long  stride  to  her  shorter  steps,  else  they  have  a 
curious  appearance. 

THINGS  TO  OBJECT   TO. 

A  young  lady  should  never  permit  a  gentleman  to 
place  his  arm  across  the  back  of  her  chair,  or  lean 
familiarly  against  her.  He  should  never  call  her  by 


APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC.  223 

her  first  name  in  public,  or  jest  loudly.  No  gentle- 
man ever  links  his  arm  in  that  of  the  lady  with  whom 
he  is  walking,  or  places  it  against  her  back.  It  is 
extremely  vulgar. 

No  one  can  afford  to  lay  aside  the  manners  of  the 
lady  or  the  gentleman.  Although  you  may  be  in  a 
crowd  who  are  entirely  unknown  to  you,  do  not  show 
disrespect  for  them;  your  courtesy  should  not  be  an 
acquirement  for  occasional  use  but  habitual — a  part 
of  your  daily  life,  as  it  were. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

ANNIVERSARIES. 

THE  chief  aim  of  an  anniversary  is  to  bring  back 
the  scenes  or  events  which  to  us  were  occasions 
of  joy  or  some  dear  memory  which  thrills  us  with  the 
vivid  recollection  of  a  time  long  past.  There  are  many 
anniversaries  which  tender  hearts  commemorate:  -the 
birth  of  a  child;  the  hour  which  marked  some  crisis 
in  their  lives;— the  happy  day  when  two  lives  flowed 
into  one;  and  there  are  sad  anniversaries  when  mem- 
ory yields  up  her  rich  treasures  and  we  live  over  those 
mournful  hours  when  a  loved  one  said  good-bye. 
These  we  do  not  celebrate  outwardly — they  are  kept 
in  our  hearts,  where  many  sacred  and  precious  recol- 
lections are  embalmed  forever. 

These  festival  days  are  enjoyed  to  the  utmost. 
Days  when  jollity  and  good  feeling  reign,  and  care  and 
distrust  are  banished  from  the  circle. 

Their  influence  is  beneficent.  They  serve  to  keep 
green  those  halcyon  sports  in  life  "when  all  the  world 
was  young,"  and  they  draw  around  a  group  of  friends 
who  help  to  remind  one  that  e'en  though  the  years 

324 


ANNIVERSARIES.  225 

are  fleeting  by,  they  have  widened  the  circle  of  kindly 
hearts,  and  that  life  has  many  pleasures  yet  for  the 
genial  and  trusting  nature. 

But  the  wedding  anniversary  is  the  one  which 
meets  with  most  favor,  and  is  observed  more  univer- 
sally than  any  other.  It  is  the  event  of  all  others 
which  brought  in  its  train  most  happiness,  and  which 
has  never  lost  its  beauty  and  romance  to  those  who 
started  out  in  life  together,  properly  mated. 

Another  benefit  which  the  wedding  anniversary  be- 
stows is  the  social  reunion  of  the  friends  and  relatives 
of  both  and  husband  and  wife. 

Many  couples  observe  the  annual  return  of  the  wed- 
ding-day in  the  quiet  of  their  own  homes,  with  their 
immediate  family  and  a  few  select  friends;  or  make 
an  excursion,  or  have  an  "outing."  Or  the  husband 
and  wife  exchange  gifts,  and  enjoy  the  day  together, 
by  an  extra  festivity  among  the  dear  ones  of  the 
household.  It  is  a  beautiful  thought  on  the  part  of 
the  children  to  remember  the  recurrence  of  the  day 
by  a  bouquet,  or  some  simple  piece  of  their  own 
handi  work. 

Social  usage  has  decreed  that  the  wedding  anniver- 
saries shall  be  disticntively  named,  and  publicly  cele- 
brated. On  these  occasions,  where  the  bride  has  re- 
tained the  wedding-dress  she  wears  it,  and  it  is  a  very 
pretty  conceit  to  conform  in  every  respect  to  the  fash- 


226  ANNIVERSARIES. 

ion  of  the  original  wedding.  It  is  seldom  possible. 
but  we  heard  of  an  anniversary  of  the  twenty-fifth 
year  of  married  life  where  the  original  brides-maids, 
groomsmen,  and  even  the  clergyman  who  wedded 
them  was  present,  and  took  part  in  the  festivities. 
But  such  opportunities  for  a  genuine  rehearsal  oi 
the  greatest  event  in  life  are  exceedingly  rare. 

The  bride  and  groom  stand  and  receive  their  guests, 
and  refreshments  are  served  as  at  the  usual  recep- 
tions held  at  weddings. 

The  supper  may  be  served  by  all  being  seated  at  a 
table,  or  can  be  passed  round  on  salvers  to  each 
guest.  If  the  former  style  is  adopted  the  couple 
whose  anniversary  is  being  celebrated,  occupy  the 
position  of  honor,  and  the  bride  cuts  the  wedding- 
cake  which  is  made  for  the  occasion. 

If  there  is  dancing,  the  bridal  couple  should  have 
their  position,  and  lead  off  in  the  first  set.  If  the 
bride  does  not  care  to  wear  her  original  wedding- 
,  dress  she  may  assume  a  light  colored  one — something 
pretty  and  stylish.  If  she  has  attained  to  twenty  or 
more  years  of  marriage,  a  cinnamon-brown  or  silver- 
gray  is  very  becoming — but  never  wear  black  at  a 
wedding,  either  as  a  guest  or  principal. 

The  actual  wedding  ceremony  is  sometimes  repeated 
at  some  of  these  anniversaries.  We  think  this  is  in 
questionable  taste.  Marriage  is  too  solemn  a  rite  to 


ANNIVERSARIES.  227 

counterfeit.  Good-breeding  would  decide  against 
the  repetition  of  the  ceremony. 

There  is  one  objection  to  these  pleasant  occasions 
which  leads  many  to  suffer  them  to  fall  into  disuse; 
and  that  is  the  feeling  which  seems  to  obtain  that  it 
is  obligatory  upon  friends  who  attend  them  to  make 
presents.  This  is  not  necessary  or  expected;  and 
especially  is  it  discouraged  in  the  older  celebrations, 
such  as  the  "silver"  and  "golden"  and  "diamond" 
weddings,  where  none  but  the  closest  friends  and 
kindred  should  bestow  gifts  on  the  husband  and  wife. 

A  few  words  on  this  subject  from  the  pen  of  an- 
other will  express  our  meaning: 

"There  is  a  palpable  reason  why  gifts  ought  not  to 
be  received  from  those  who  bring  them  as  a  compul- 
sory contribution  because  it  is  'expected'  of  them. 
While  a  souvenir  from  a  near  relative  or  an  old  friend 
imposes  no  obligation  on  the  recipient,  because  the 
motive  of  affection  and  esteem  which  prompted  it 
makes  the  act  a  pleasure  to  the  giver,  the  acceptance 
of  a  gift  from  one  who  is  forced  to  confer  it  by  a  social 
custom,  does  impose  an  obligation  to  return  it  at  the 
first  opportunity,  in  value  if  not  in  kind,  and  no  sen- 
sitive man  or  woman  will  fail  to  respond,  when  a  sim- 
ilar card  of  invitation  gives  the  opportunity  to  make 
all  things  even.  Many  a  husband  and  wife,  who 
looked  over  costly  wedding-gifts  with  real  pleasure, 


228 

have  regretted  them  again  and  again,  as  days  of  reck- 
oning in  the  shape  of  wedding-days  of  friends  came 
round,  and  demanded  costly  expenditures  that  could 
be  ill  afforded,  to  cancel  the  debts  incurred.  No 
thoughtful  person  will  impose  such  an  obligation  on 
another,  and  no  wise  man  will  accept  such  a  debt 
when  it  can  be  courteously  avoided." 

At  the  same  time,  where  inclination  prompts  the 
bestowing  of  gifts,  it  is  perfectly  proper  to  do  so. 
Only  they  must  be  in  keeping  with  the  character  of 
the  anniversary. 

NO  PRESENTS    RECEIVED. 

The  invitations  to  these  anniversaries,  when  presents 
are  not  wished,  often  bears  the  legend,  "No  presents 
received."  Others  again,  do  not  let  the  invitation 
express  the  nature  of  the  gathering,  but  make  it  a 
sort  of  surprise  by  announcing  after  the  guests  are 
assembled,  the  fact  that  it  is  a  wedding  anniversary. 

THE  PAPER    WEDDING. 

The  first  celebration  is  known  as  the  "paper"  wed- 
ding, and  is  held  at  the  end  of  one  year  of  wedded 
life.  Suitable  gifts  can  be  procured  for  this  event, 
since  there  are  so  many  beautiful  things  in  paper, 
from  dainty  boxes  of  stationery,  poetry,  novels,  fan, 
glove  boxes,  pictures,  etchings,  book-marks,  etc.,  all 
of  which  may  be  accepted.  » 


229 
THE   COTTON   WEDDING. 

The  invitations  to  this  are  printed  on  fine  white  mus- 
lin, or  delicate  figured  calico.  This  marks  the  second 
anniversary.  The  presents  to  be  made  will  readily 
suggest  themselves. 

THE  LEATHER  WEDDING. 

This,  the  third  anniversary,  we  hear  very  little 
about.  Perhaps  on  account  of  the  difficulty  of  select- 
ing presents.  The  leather  sachels,  trunks,  paper  fold- 
ers, desks,  slipper  cases,  perpetual  calendars,  port- 
folios, music  rolls,  dining-chairs,  etc.,  would  seem  tc 
afford  a  wide  latitude  in  this  material. 

THE  WOODEN  WEDDING.    (FIFTH    ANNIVERSARY) 

This  is  the  signal  for  a  general  frolic.  Anything 
may  be  sent  from  a  wooden  nutmeg  and  a  saw  horse 
to  a  sofa  or  piano.  The  invitations  are  sometimes 
sent  on  birch  bark.  Quaint  little  fancies  in  carved 
wood  as  brackets,  wall-pockets,  easels,  footstools, 
piano  stools,  (their  coverings  being  in  plush  velvet  or 
satin  worked  in  with  floss  or  wool)  are  nice  offerings; 
also  powder  or  hairpin  boxes,  thimble  cases,  comb 
cases,  of  handsome  painted  or  natural  grained  wood. 
The  Japanese  ware  never  is  out  of  fashion. 

THE  TIN  WEDDING. 

This  is  a  reminder  that  ten  years  of  alternate  sun- 


230 

shine  and  shade  have  rolled  on.  A  happy  time  of 
merry-making  is  had.  Fun  reigns  triumphant.  Some 
issue  invitations  on  tin,  but  they  are  clumsy,  and  a 
fine,  strong  paper  is  preferable.  The  presents  on  this 
occasion  partake  of  the  comical  and  useful,  as  they 
belong  to  the  kitchen  rather  than  the  parlor.  They 
may  be  made  as  ridiculous  as  can  be. 

THE  CRYSTAL  WEDDING. 

This  occurs  on  the  fifteenth  anniversary.  An  elab- 
orate entertainment  is  provided,  and  handsome  glass- 
ware may  be  brought  by  friends.  The  articles  in  order 
here  are  countless.  Epergnes,  berry  dishes, 
lamps,  mirrors,  goblets,  wine-glasses,  finger  bowls, 
vases,  bouquet  holders,  cake  dishes,  pickle  jars,  all 
are  useful.  For  the  'bride's  dressing-room  vinaigrettes, 
hand  mirrors,  ivory  brushes  with  looking-glass  backs, 
toilet  bottles,  and  even  bottles  of  perfume  are  all 
included  in  the  "crystal"  part  of  the  event. 

THE   CHINA   WEDDING. 

A  wedding  which  takes  place  on  the  twentieth  an- 
niversary has  a  flavor  of  solidity,  and  the  presents 
are  in  keeping.  Sets  of  china  dishes,  porcelain  orna- 
ments, bisque  figures,  plaques,  hand  painted,  are  very 
elegant.  There  is  a  division  of  opinion  upon  this 
wedding,  some  calling  it  the  "floral"  wedding.  If 


4NN1YERS4R1ES.  231 

the  latter  is  preferred,  the  gifts  must  be  flowers  in 
every  form,  until  the  house  becomes  a  bower  of 
beauty.  We  trust  there  will  be  none  found  who 
believe,  as  do  some  people,  that  it  is  unlucky  to  ob- 
serve the  twentieth  anniversay,  and  that  either  hus- 
band or  wife  will  die  within  the  year  if  any  notice  is 
taken  of  it. 

THE   SILVER   WEDDING. 

A  couple  who  have  lived  together  for  twenty-five 
years  are  entitled  to  consideration  in  these  days  of 
loose  and  irreverent  treatment  of  the  marriage  tie. 
This  wedding  is  indeed  an  important  event,  and  the 
celebration  should  be  in  good  taste.  Flowers,  music 
and  lights  are  necessary  accessories;  the  invitations 
are  to  be  in  silver  letters  on  fine  white  paper. 

This  is  a  good  form: 

1866.  1891. 

MR.  AND  MRS.  WEBB 

request  the  pleasure  of  your  presence 

on  Thursday,  December  22d, 

at  eight  o'clock. 

SILVER  WEDDING. 

Cyrus  Webb.  Annie  Marsh. 

The  names  at  the  end  can  be  left  off. 
Another  form  which  some  prefer  is  this: 


232  JNMYERSARIES. 

MR.  AND  MRS.  JAMES  BARBER 

request  the  pleasure  of  your  presence 

on  Monday  evening,  March  23,  at  eight  o'clock, 

to  celebrate  the 

twenty-fifth  anniversary  of  their  marriage. 
No  gifts  received.  No.  21  Carpenter  St. 

Many  people  who  wish  to  spare  their  friends  the 
necessity  of  bringing  a  present  which  perhaps  their 
means  would  forbid,  use  the  latter  form,  while  still 
others  use  the  first  one,  and  also  inclose  a  small  card 
with  the  words,  "It  is  preferred  that  no  presents  be 
offered." 

If  presents  are  made  by  the  relatives,  they  are 
costly,  consisting  of  silverware,  candelabras,  card- 
cases,  purses,  silver  ornaments,  silver  headed  canes, 
silk  umbrellas  richly  ornamented,  silver  for  the  table, 
for  the  toilette  and  for  all  occasions.  Silver  coins 
have  also  been  given,  but  this  is  not  in  good  taste. 

An  effort  is  made  to  have  as  many  of  the  very  old 
friends  present  as  can  be  found.  The  congratulations 
are  many,  the  supper  fine.  The  bride  and  groom 
imitate  as  closely  as  they  can,  the  fashion  of  their 
early  years.  A  wedding-cake  is  baked,  a  ring  inclosed, 
and  it  is  said  that  the  unmarried  lady  to  whom  this 
falls,  will  be  a  bride  within  a  year. 


AHNIYERSAR.1ES.  233 

THE  GOLDEN    WEDDING. 

This  is  an  anniversary  which  is  vouchsafed  to  few. 

Fifty  years  of  life  with  the  one  beloved!  A  half 
century  of  varied  experiences.  When  it  does  come, 
great  are  the  rejoicings,  and  many  the  good  wishes  of 
those  who  partake  of  the  glad  occasion.  The  prep- 
arations are  even  more  extensive  than  they  are  for 
the  silver  wedding.  The  form  of  invitation  is  the  same, 
except  that  they  are  printed  in  gold  letters,  and  the 
words  thereon  are  "Golden  Wedding."  The  presents 
are,  of  course,  composed  of  that  precious  metal  gold, 
and  the  reader  needs  no  assistance  in  choosing  them. 

THE  DIAMOND     WEDDING. 

But  if  the  couple  who  have  lived  fifty  years  together, 
awaken  our  envy  and  admiration,  what  shall  we  say 
of  those  who  journey  together  for  seventy -five  years? 
This  occurs  to  but  very  few.  And  when  the  anni- 
versary is  observed,  the  gifts  must  be  precious  stones 
and  valuable.  .  Some  authorities  say  that  this  is  the 
sixtieth  anniversary  in  the  place  of  the  seventy-fifth, 
and  it  assuredly  seems  more  likely.  Old  age  can  be 
made  very  lovely,  and  the  pair  who  have  spent  sixty 
years  in  each  other's  company  are  honored  pilgrims 
in  life's  pathway. 

There   are    other  anniversaries,  to  which  we  will 
briefly  allude,  but  which  are  very  little  observed: 


234 

The  seventh,  or  woolen  anniversary;  the  twelfth, 
silk  %x\.&fine  linen;  the  thirtieth,  pearl  wedding;  the 
thirty-fifth,  or  coral;  fortieth,  or  ruby ;  forty-fifth,  or 
bronze;  the  sixty-fifth  or  crown  wedding.  Each  of 
these  suggests  the  offerings  to  be  made.  But  there 
is  little  if  any  attention  paid  them. 

WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES. 

For  the  ready  reference  of  our  readers  we  append 
the  list  of  these  important  affairs,  in  the  order  in  which 
they  occur: 

First  Anniversary Paper  Wedding 

Second  Anniversary Cotton  Wedding 

Third  Anniversary Leather  Wedding 

Fifth  Anniversary Wooden   Wedding 

Seventh    Anniversary Woolen  Wedding 

Tenth  Anniversary Tin  Wedding 

Twelfth  Anniversary Silk  and  Fine  Linen    Wedding 

Fifteenth  Anniversary Crystal  (sometimes  the  Iron)  Wedding 

Twentieth     Anniversary China  (sometimes  the  Floral)  Wedding 

Twenty-fifth  Anniversary Silver  Wedding 

Thirtieth  Anniversary Pearl   Wedding 

Thirty-fifth  Anniversary Coral  Wedding 

Fortieth  Anniversary Ruby  Wedding 

Forty-fifth  Anniversary Bronze  Wedding 

Fiftieth  Anniversary Golden  Wedding 

Sixty-fifth  Anniversary Crown   Wedding 

Seventy  fifth  Anniversary Diamond  Wedding 

The  wedding-ring  is  of  Roman  origin,  and  was  given 
by  the  bridegroom  to  the  bride  as  a  pledge  of  their 


285 

j^R 

engagement.  In  Juvenal  we  read  that  a  man  always 
placed  a  ring  on  the  finger  of  the  lady  to  whom  he 
was  betrothed.  In  those  days  kings  and  other  digni- 
taries gave  rings  as  pledges  of  good  faith,  and  much 
importance  was  attached  to  them  as  a  means  of  iden- 
tification, or  as  pledges  of  promises  made.  Then,  as 
now,  the  ring  was  placed  upon  the  woman's  left  hand, 
and  so  universal  is  this  custom  among  both  Jews  and 
Christians  that  the  plain  gold  circlet  worn  on  the  third 
finger  of  the  left  hand  has  become  the  outward  sign 
of  marriage,  and  with  many  it  is  still  considered  a 
bad  omen  to  remove  it  after  it  has  been  placed  there 
at  the  altar. 

Among  the  most  pleasant  observances,  is  the  anni- 
versary marking  the  birthdays  of  children.  These  are 
green  spots  in  their  little  lives.  The  early  Puritans 
would  not  permit  them  to  be  noticed,  and  classed  them 
among  the  other  sinful  indulgences  forbidden  by  their 
austere  belief.  They  are  kept  in  these  later  days,  and 
are  always  held  in  grateful  remembrance.  A  pretty 
litt'e  device  is  the  birthday  cake,  around  the  edge  of 
which  is  fitted  a  rim  of  tin  in  which  are  placed  wax  can- 
dles. These  are  lit,  and  are  exactly  of  the  same  num- 
ber of  years  as  the  child  whose  birthday  is  being  cel- 
ebrated. Little  boxes  of  candy  are  presented  each  child 
to  take  home  with  them,  as  a  memento  of  the  occasion. 

The  young  man  who  reaches  his  twenty-first  birth- 


236  4NNIYERSARIES. 

day  receives  an  ovation  in  the  shape  of  a  dinner  or 
some  other  festivity.  He  is  made  quite  a  conspicu- 
ous feature,  especially  if  he  is  the  only  boy  amid  a 
bevy  of  sisters. 

The  birthdays  of  the  older  members  of  the  family 
are  celebrated  quietly,  and  are  usually  marked  by  gifts 
from  the  near  and  dear  ones. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY.  —  TIMIDITY. 


is  no  more  distressing  sight  than  the 
timidity  of  the  novice  in  society.  One  who  is 
continually  anguished  lest  he  commit  some  blunder 
which  will  taboo  him  in  the  circle  in  which  he  is 
placed.  Timidity  and  awkwardness  go  hand  in  hand. 
Is  it  not  strange,  too,  that  this  bashfulness  belongs 
more  commonly  to  that  sex  to  which  women  look  for 
protection  and  strength  of  character?  It  is  equally 
strange  that  few  women  are  bashful,  to  the  verge  of 
awkwardness.  No  matter  how  modest  or  shrinking 
they  may  be  by  nature,  they  have  ever  an  innate 
sense  of  the  fitness  of  things,  a  happy  blending  of 
timidity  and  self-possession  that  puts  them  at  ease. 
This  bashfulness  has  gone  through  life  with  some 
men.  They  could  not  shake  it  off.  It  clung  to  them 
like  a  garment.  Society  is  to  such  a  prolonged  tort- 
ure, and  its  exactions  become  unendurable;  and  yet 
they  realize  more  fully  than  the  easy,  comfortable, 
self-possessed  man,  the  great  benefits  that  mingling 
with  their  fellows  will  bring  to  them, 

237 


238  THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY. 

WHAT  CAUSES    BASHFULNESS? 

From  what  does  this  bashfulness  spring?  From 
an  inherent  modesty  that  makes  them  shrink  from 
contact  with  those  whose  manners  are  more  polished 
than  their  own?  We  have  always  been  of  that  opin- 
ion, but  we  see  it  affirmed  that  shyness  is  but  another 
form  of  egotism;  and  the  writer  who  makes  this  asser- 
tion, explains  by  saying  that  it  is  the  egotism  which 
leads  one  to  think  constantly  of  self,  even  though  in 
a  disparaging  fashion.  We  believe  this  view  a  little 
uncharitable,  and  regard  this  shyness  a  sort  of  humility 
that  prompts  a  young  person  of  either  sex  to  dread 
lest  they  be  criticised  unmercifully  for  their  gait,  their 
manners  or  their  personal  appearance. 

ENTERTAINING  A  BASHFUL  PERSON. 

It  is  a  painful  task  to  attempt  to  entertain  a  very 
bashful  person.  One  almost  feels  in  their  presence 
as  if  their  own  light-heartedness  were  but  a  form  of 
coarseness,  so  fiercely  will  the  blood  rush  to  the  face 
of  such  a  person,  at  your  well-intended  sallies  of  wit. 

COMPANIONSHIP    NATURAL. 

It  is  natural  for  men  and  women  to  seek  companion- 
ship. And  a  bashful  man  is  no  exception  to  this  rule. 
He  feels  that  strong  attraction  quite  as  deeply  as  does 
the  one  who  was  never  taken  at  a  disadvantage  in  his 


" 


*-  •- ' 


RATHER  AWKWARD. 


THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY.  239 

life.  The  attrition  of  other  minds,  the  seeking  of  fel- 
lowship is  productive  of  good.  It  develops  the  social 
side  of  the  nature,  and  puts  the  stamp  of  polish  upon 
all  we  do  and  say.  This  contact  teaches  many  useful 
lessons  of  forbearance  and  patience,  without  which 
human  nature  would  be  incomplete. 

BASHFULNESS  NO  DISCREDIT. 

It  is  not  discreditable  to  be  bashful.  It  is  founded 
upon  a  native  delicacy  of  feeling,  which,  properly 
trained,  will  expand  into  a  manly  gentleness.  It  is 
only  the  manifestation  of  it  which  is  to  be  deplored. 
The  young  person  who  cannot  enter  a  room  without 
fancying  all  eyes  are  upon  him,  nor  be  spoken  to  with- 
out stammering  and  trembling  like  a  leaf,  is  sure  to 
become  conspicuous  through  those  very  faults,  and 
thus  they  become  intensified. 

GREAT  MEN  HAVE  BEEN  BASHFUL. 

It  is  a  matter  of  history  that  some  of  the  world's 
greatest  men  have  been  exceedingly  bashful.  George 
Washington  was  timid  in  the  presence  of  ladies  when 
a  youth,  and  yet  he  was  one  of  the  most  courtly  of 
gentlemen  in  after  years.  Both  Sheridan  and  Curran 
were  appalled  at  the  sound  of  their  own  voices  on  the 
occasion  of  their  maiden  speeches.  It  is  related  of 
Cowper  the  poet,  that  he  could  not  pass  any  one  on 


240  THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY. 

the  road,    but   would   make   a  dotour    through    the 
fields,  so  much  did  he  dread  to  meet  strangers. 

These  examples  are  but  a  few  of  the  many  that  may 
be  gleaned  from  history,  but  show  sufficiently  that  it 
is  not  the  humble  or  obscure  alone,  who  are  afflicted 
with  bashfulness. 

PERSONAL  OPINIONS. 

"Young  men  often,  through  real  modesty,  put  forth 
their  remarks  in  the  form  of  personal  opinions;  as, 
with  the  introduction  of,  'I  think  so-and-so,'  or, 
'Now,  I,  for  my  part,  have  found  it  otherwise. '  This 
is  generally  prompted  by  humility;  and  yet  it  has  an 
air  of  arrogance.  The  persons  who  employ  such 
phrases,  mean  to  shrink  from  affirming  a  fact  into 
expressing  a  notion,  but  are  accused  of  designing 
to  extend  an  opinion  into  an  affirmance  of  a  fact." 
This  is  another  form  of  bashfulness  which  must  be 

conquered. 

HOW  AWKWARD! 

The  shy  man  is  forever  committing  some  blunder. 
He  is  either  stepping  on  some  lady's  dress,  or  spilling 
water  on  his  neighbor  at  table,  or  knocking  down 
some  fragile  bit  of  bric-a-brac  with  those  elbows  of 
his  that  are  in  the  way  on  all  occasions.  When  he 
is  presented  to  a  lady,  he  colors  up  violently,  and 
stammers  out  some  inappropriate  response,  or  un- 


THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY.  241 

meaning  question.  He  is  generally  in  a  hurry,  and  if 
asked  to  take  a  lady  in  to  supper,  he  drags  her  in  as 
though  she  were  a  lifeless  bundle,  and  sits  during  the 
meal,  as  silent  as  a  statue. 

MANNERS   OBLIGATORY. 

A  knowledge  of  the  code  of  manners,  so  earnestly 
desired,  and  anxiously  copied,  by  the  timid,  are 
equally  binding  upon  all  who  would  move  in  good 
society.  They  are  needed  in  all  situations,  and  are 
found  everywhere.  Every  race,  every  tribe,  even, 
has  its  own  set  rules  of  daily  conduct  to  which  we 
must  conform  if  we  would  dwell  among  them.  These 
laws  of  etiquette  need  not  be  looked  upon  as  dis- 
agreeable restraints  to  be  fretted  against  and  tossed 
aside  at  will.  Rather  are  they  protections  5gainst 
the  encroachments  of  the  rude,  the  thoughtless,  and 
the  ignorant.  Then  what  wonder  is  it  if  the  mor- 
bidly shy.  and  retiring  person  looks  with  sincere  admi- 
ration upon  that  ease  of  manner  which  his  intimates 
display.  How  he  envies  the  self-possession  of  the 
man  who  can  enter  a  room  full  of  people,  without  a 
tremor,  and  greet  them  calmly  with  no  sign  of  being 
disconcerted.  He  would  give  much  to  be  able  to 
imitate  him. 

SELF-RESPECT  AKIN  TO  HUMILITY. 

It  is  said  that  true  self-respect  cannot  exist   apart 
16 


P42  THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY. 

from  humility.  If  this  be  so,  the  bashful  youtn 
assuredly  has  much  self-respect  for  the  foundation  of 
his  shyness;  a  feeling  which  begets  a  due  considera- 
tion for  others,  and  a  correct  measurement  of  them. 
This  respect,  when  directed  aright,  is  productive  of 
deference  to  superiors  and  especially  to  women.  So 
the  young  man  who  enters  society  with  a  deep-rooted 
dread  lest  he  be  capable  of  some  sin  against  its  tenets, 
when  he  has  trained  himself  to  use  that  society  as  a 
means,  not  an  end,  will  eventually  become  one  of  the 
brightest  ornaments  of  the  social  circle,  whom  it  will 
be  a  pleasure  and  pride  to  know.  And  one  of  the 
first  steps  to  that  training  is  to  place  himself  under 
the  tutelage  of  an  experienced  elderly  lady,  who  will 
kindly  help  him  to  an  understanding  of  what  he 
should  and  should  not  do.  There  is  no  friend  more 
useful  to  a  beginner  in  society's  ways  than  a  gentle, 
thoughtful  woman.  And  the  young  man  who  succeeds 
in  enlisting  the  interest  of  such  an  one  is  certain  of 
social  success. 

HOW  TO  CONQUER   TIMIDITY. 

What  should  the  bashful   man  do  first  in   order  to 
acquire  self-possession?     Forget  self.      He  should  not 
once  think  of   how  he  is  going  to   appear  to   others, 
or  what  he  must  say.    He  must  enter  a  room  quietly, 
and  as  if  there  were  not  another   occupant.     When 


THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY.  243 

he  is  addressed,  he  must  try  and  collect  his  thoughts, 
and  answer  clearly  and  unconcernedly  (of  course, 
politely).  Self-possession  inspires  confidence,  and 
establishes  a  sort  of  free-masonry,  which  places  peo- 
ple on  an  equal  footing.  There  is  no  doubt  that  to  a 
certain  extent  first  impressions  are  lasting.  And  that 
is  another  strong  plea  for  their  being  of  an  agreeable 
character,  Emerson,  who  has  written  forcibly  on  this 
subject,  in  speaking  of  manners  declares  that,  "When 
we  reflect  on  their  persuasive  and  cheering  force:  how 
they  draw  people  together;  how  in  all  the  clubs,  man- 
ners make  the  members;  how  manners  make  the  fort- 
une of  the  ambitious  youth;  that  for  the  most  part, 
his  manners  marry  him,  and,  for  the  most  part,  he 
marries  manners;  when  we  think  what  keys  they  are, 
and  to  what  secrets,  what  high  lessons  and  inspiring 
tokens  of  character  they  convey,  and  what  divina- 
tion is  required  in  us  for  the  reading  of  this  fine  tele- 
graph,— we  see  what  range  the  subject  has,  and  what 
relations  to  convenience,  power  and  beauty.  *  *  * 
The  maxim  of  courts  is  that  "manner  is  power"  A 
calm  and  resolute  bearing,  a  polished  speech,  an  em- 
bellishment of  trifles,  and  the  art  of  hiding  all  uncom- 
fortable feelings  are  essential  to  the  courtier.  *  *  * 
Manners  impress  as  they  indicate  real  power.  A 
man  who  is  sure  of  his  point  carries  a  broad  and  con- 
tented expression,  which  everybody  reads:  and  you 


244  THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY. 

cannot  rightly  train  to  an  air  and  manner,  except  by 
making  him  the  kind  of  man  of  whom  that  manner  is 
the  natural  expression.  Nature  forever  puts  a  pre- 
mium on  reality." 

SELF-DEPRECIATION. 

The  shyness  of  some  people  arises  from  a  fear  that 
they  may  be  thought  inferior  to  those  with  whom  they 
are  associated.  This  fault  can  easily  be  corrected  by 
asking — "Who  is  my  superior?"  and  answering  it 
thus —  No  one  merely  from  the  accident  of'position 
or  circumstances.  Only  he  is  superior  who  is  so  by 
grandeur  of  character,  noble  deeds  and  lofty  impulses. 

And  some  again  decline  to  make  an  effort  to  be 
polite  and  deferential  lest  they  may  be  deemed  serv- 
ile. There  is  no  servility  in  courtesy.  Some  strong, 
self-contained  natures  may  set  at  defiance  some 
minor  social  laws,  but  such  natures  would  possess 
still  greater  influence,  did  they  add  the  charm  of  good 
manners  to  their  other  good  qualities.  It  is  often 
asserted,  as  an  excuse  for  some  glaring  deficiency  in 
this  regard,  "But  he's  a  rough  diamond."  But  would 
not  that  same  diamond  be  far  more  brilliant  and 
beautiful  if  it  were  polished  and  cut? 

SHYNESS  BECOMES  AWKWARDNESS. 

When  shyness  is  carried  to  excess,  it  degenerates 


THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY.  245 

into  awkwardness.  The  feeling  that  you  are  about 
to  do  something  clumsily,  precipitates  the  very  catas- 
trophe so  much  dreaded.  The  awkward  man  will  drop 
anything  he  tries  to  hand  to  a  lady,  stumbles  over 
hassocks,  opens  windows  when  he  should  close  them; 
to  be  brief,  he  is  the  terror  of  the  ladies,  for  they 
know  that  he  is  liable  to  imperil  their  comfort  in  some 
unexpected  manner  at  any  moment.  At  the  table  he 
creates  confusion  and  ill-concealed  merriment,  until 
the  unfortunate  cause  is  ready  to  fly  forever  from  a 
scene  where  he  is  so  out  of  place. 

SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS. 

There  is  another  class  who  are  self-conscious. 
This  is  as  disagreeable  as  it  is  foolish.  Those  who 
have  this  fault  are  ever  holding  up  the  mirror  to  their 
own  personality.  When  they  converse,  it  is  of  self 
they  are  thinking.  They  never  forget  themselves  for 
an  instant,  and  are  always  posing  that  others  may 
admire.  Their  gaze  is  perpetually  wandering  to  catch 
an  expression  of  how  they  are  valued.  Such  people 
impress  one  very  unpleasantly.  They  are  self-con- 
stituted "lions."  They  grow  dogmatic,  opinionated, 
and  repel  when  they  fancy  they  astonish. 

SHYNESS  DETRIMENTAL. 

Every   man  can  become   a    gentleman.     And  an 


246  THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY. 

acquaintance  with  the  laws  laid  down  for  social  eti- 
quette is  the  shortest  road  to  this  end.  Clearly  then 
it  is  a  duty  the  timid  man  owes  to  himself  to  conquer 
his  weakness.  A  shy  person  will  throw  a  restraint 
over  a  group  of  people,  and  cause  the  most  sparkling 
conversation  to  flag.  It  is  impossible  to  become 
friendly  and  chatty  with  such  an  individual.  He 
never  thaws  out.  His  presence  will  have  the  effect  of 
dampening  the  pleasure  of  others,  or  else  they  become 
indifferent  to  him,  and  leave  him  to  his  own  resources. 
This  is  unkind,  for  as  we  said  before,  the  man  or 
woman  who  is  shy  is  painfully  modest,  and  will  go 
through  life  misunderstood  and  unappreciated.  He 
needs  the  most  delicate  sympathy.  He  should  be  en- 
couraged to  talk,  but  it  must  be  done  in  so  careful  a 
manner  that  he  will  not  be  conscious  of  your  intent, 
else  will  his  pride  take  alarm,  and  he  will  retreat  from 
the  field. 

INHERITED    BASHFULNESS. 

Bashfulness  is  often  an  inheritance,  and  children 
who  are  its  victims  are  not  properly  trained.  The 
boy  or  girl  who  is  sensitive  should  not  be  ridiculed  by 
the  more  courageous  brothers  and  sisters.  Every 
opportunity  should  be  given  them  to  mingle  with  their 
elders.  They  should  be  taught  dancing,  gymnastics 
and  all  similar  accomplishments.  The  physical  grace 
and  poise  these  impart  to  a  youth,  will  extend  to  the 


THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  ANQ  SHY.  247 

• 

mind  as  well,  and  give  him  confidence  in  his  own 
ability.  A  youth  thus  educated,  grows  graceful — his 
carriage  bespeaks  a  healthy  dignity  born  of  a  freedom 
from  pretense. 

Take  boys  who  are  bashful  into  the  parlor  when 
guests  are  present,  but  do  not  force  them  into  promi- 
nence. Watch  them,  but  do  not  let  them  feel  that 
they  are  the  objects  of  solicitude.  Leave  them  un- 
concerned and  free  from  restraint.  Present  them 
quietly  to  the  guests  as  if  it  were  an  everyday  event, 
and  leave  them  to  wander-, through  the  rooms  at  their 
own  pleasure.  They  will  soon  grow  accustomed  to 
their  surroundings,  and  the  feeling  that  nothing  is  ex- 
pected of  them  will  soon  lead  them  to  wonder  why 
this  is  so.  From  wondering,  they  will  commence  ex- 
amining self,  then  imitating  others,  and  this  silent 
training  will  soon  show  good  effects  in  the  outward 
demeanor. 

DO  NOT  BECOME  AFFECTED. 

But  it  is,  after  all,  so  easy  to  be  rid  of  bashfulness, 
the  means  are  so  plainly  within  reach,  that  we  would 
impress  upon  a  young  man  that  he  should  guard 
against  the  opposite  extreme — assuming  an  ease  which 
is  not  felt;  an  affectation  of  well-bred  indifference 
which  becomes  an  impertinence,  such  as  lounging  in 
company,  pretending  to  suppress  a  yawn,  humming 
to  oneself,  staring  blankly  at  people,  or  carelessly 


243  THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY. 

nodding  to  them.  These  "airs"  are  too  transparent, 
and  will  never  be  mistaken  for  that  familiarity  with 
good  society,  which  they  would  have  us  believe  they 
possess. 

A  WORD   OF   ADVICE. 

To  the  really  shy  we  would  say:  Give  close  atten- 
tion to  what  is  going  on  around  you;  store  your 
mind  with  the  current  thought  of  the  day.  Deter- 
mine to  make  the  best  of  every  circumstance.  Min- 
gle with  well-bred  people.  Social  friction  is  absolutely 
necessary  would  you  become  polished.  Do  not  be  in 
a  hurry  about  anything.  This  is  fatal  to  the  highest 
politeness.  Select  a  good  model  from  among  those 
who  shine  in  society,  and  follow  it.  Goldsmith  says 
— "People  seldom  improve  when  they  have  no  other 
model  but  themselves  to  copy  after."  Remember, 
that  by  patient  effort  alone  can  you  cast  aside  that 
shyness  which  makes  society  and  its  demands  so  op- 
pressive. We  think  that  these  words  are  fitting  and 
timely: 

"Let  the  shy  man  remember  that  people  are  not 
thinking  about  him  nearly  as  much  as  he  supposes,— 
they  are  all  too  busy  thinking  about  themselves.  Let 
him  especially  avoid  nervous,  awkward  tricks — play- 
ing with  his  cane  or  his  hat  or  his  watch-guard.  If 
he  can  once  learn  to  sit  perfectly  still,  he  has  done  a 
great  thing,  although  he  must  beware  of  a  repose  that 


THE  TIMID,  THE  AWKWARD  AND  SHY.  249 

is  too  stiff,  and  he  must  not  look  as  if  he  had  been 
frozen  into  one  special  attitude.  We  Americans  are 
too  nervous  and  too  energetic  to  care  to  sit  entirely 
quiet  for  more  than  a  very  short  time;  and  yet  the 
ability  to  do  so  in  company  and  malice  prepense 
shows  one  has  reached  the  high-water  mark  of  good- 
breeding." 


CHAPTER  XX. 

THE  GUEST  CHAMBER. 

^PINIONS  and  customs  have  changed  considera- 
bly within  the  past  few  years,  on  many  points. 
Once  it  was  thought  absolutely  necessary  to  have  a 
room  set  apart  for  the  honored  guest,  whose  splendid 
appointments  should  eclipse  the  remainder  of  the 
sleeping  rooms.  When  there  were  no  visitors  at  the 
house  it  was  shut  up  and  left  to  its  silence  and  loneli- 
ness. These  chambers  were  made  quite  elegant,  but 
they  somehow  lacked  the  home  feeling  of  the  more 
modern  room  provided  for  friends. 

A  more  sensible  and  just  feeling  is  growing  that  one's 
household  should  all  be  cared  for,  and  that  no  special 
outlay  should  be  made  with  reference  to  any  partic- 
ular portion  of  the  dwelling.  But  every  house  should 
have  a  room  or  two  set  apart  for  the  use  of  the  cher- 
ished guest  within  your  gates,  and  this  can  be  made 
both  cheery  and  inviting,  by  the  exercise  of  a  little 
taste  and  small  ^expense. 

CHILDREN'S  ROOMS. 

We  would  have  the  little  one's  rooms  so   near  to 

250 


THE  GUEST  CHAMBER.  251 

the  mother,  that  she  could  exercise  constant  supervis- 
ion of  them.  A  room  next  the  mother's  should  be 
devoted  to  them,  with  a  door  cut  between  the  two; 
and  thus  she  would  have  ready  access  to  them,  at 
the  first  call.  Children  should  never  be  put  to  sleep 
with  servants  or  a  very  old  person,  no  matter  how 
cramped  for  sleeping  room  you  may  be. 

SELECT   A  PLEASANT  ROOM. 

The  guest  chamber  should  be  one  of  the  pleasantest 
rooms  in  the  house.  A  large  and  nicely  furnished 
apartment  so  that  a  guest  would  not  be  made  uncom- 
fortable for  want  of  room.  It  should  not  be  too  far 
away  from  the  other  members  of  the  family,  or  a 
sense  of  loneliness  and  isolation  will  be  induced.  Nor 
should  it  be  so  near  that  the  noise  and  stir  of  housekeep- 
ing will  disturb  their  rest  too  early  in  the  morning. 

CARING   FOR   GUESTS. 

Every  care  should  be  taken  to  make  the  guest  feel 
that  he  is  surrounded  with  kind  and  loving  guardian- 
ship. But  the .  ordinary  routine  of  the  home-life 
should  not  be  so  disarranged  that  the  presence  of  a 
guest  will  come  to  be  considered  almost  an  infliction. 
It  is  injurious  to  children  to  allow  any  intrusion  or 
interruption  of  the  daily  routine  of  their  lives  and  is 
especially  displeasing  to  them. 


262  THE  GUEST  CHAMBER. 

VENTILATION  OF  SLEEPING  ROOMS. 

All  chambers  should  be  well  ventilated  from  the 
outside.  A  room  where  the  morning  sun  streams  in 
is  to  be  preferred,  when  it  is  obtainable,  and  in  point 
of  health  has  advantages  over  the  dark,  close,  rooms 
lit  by  side  lights,  found  in  many  of  the  city  houses. 

NOT  ROOM    ENOUGH. 

There  are  many  times  when  one  or  two  guest  cham- 
bers will  not  suffice  for  the  number  the  family  may  be 
entertaining.  In  that  case,  the  children  may  be  dis- 
posed of  by  occupying  less  roomy  quarters,  and  sacri- 
ficing their  personal  comfort  to  that  of  their  parent's 
friends.  It  can  be  made  a  source  of  pleasant  contriv- 
ing how  to  crowd  a  dozen  people  into  the  space  where 
less  than  half  that  number  are  placed  usually,  and  the 
children  will  get  a  great  deal  of  fun  out  of  the  affair. 

NOT  TOO  ELABORATE. 

We  do  not  wish  to  be  understood  as  inferring  that 
the  guest  chamber  may  not  be  made  p.  pleasant  rest- 
ing place;  but  we  do  object  to  their  being  made  so 
elegant  as  to  utterly  eclipse  all  the  other  apartments. 
We  would  have  every  sleeping  room,  from  the  little 
ones  up  to  the  oldest  member  of  the  home  circle  made 
attractive  as  taste  can  make  it.  We  do  not  admire 
such  violent  contrasts  as  are  afforded  occasionally, 


A   CRITICAL   GUEST. 


THE  GUEST  CHAMBER.  253 

where  the  family  occupy  rooms  scantily  and  even 
meanly  furnished,  and  no  effort  is  made  to  beautify. 
The  cracked  glass  or  comb  with  half  the  teeth  gone, 
rickety  chairs,  torn  towels,  etc.,  are  relegated  to 
these  apartments,  for  "they  are  good  enough  for  home 
use,"  while  most  elaborate  pains  are  bestowed  upon 
the — show-room  we  had  almost  said — guest  cham- 
ber; thus  making  the  room  intended  for  company,  and 
which  is  only  in  use  now  'and  then,  a  veritable 
"bower  of  beauty." 

A    DETRIMENT  TO  CHILDREN. 

This  course  will  have  a  bad  effect  upon  the  minds 
of  the  children  of  a  household.  It  tends  to  make 
them  unrefined  and  careless  of  outward  appearances, 
and  they  learn  to  do  their  daily  tasks  in  a  slipshod, 
half-finished  way.  Seeing  no  attempt  at  making  the 
home  attractive,  they  do  not  take  pride  in  it,  them- 
selves. A  feeling  of  discontent  is  engendered.  They 
visit,  in  their  turn,  and  seeing  the  taste  and  cultiva- 
tion displayed  elsewhere,  they  ask — "Why  can  we  not 
have  a  pretty  room  like  this?"  It  has  still  more 
injurious  effects  in  the  example  that  is  set  of  putting 
on  a  "company  dress"  as  it  were,  and  curtailing  the 
comforts  that  belong  to  the  occupants  of  the  home. 
If  parents  cannot  afford  much,  let  them  have  that 
little  all  the  time,  and  cordially  invite  your  friends  to 


254  THE  GUEST  CHAMBER- 

share  with  you.  Each  membe  r  will  thus  take  a 
interest  in  all  that  pertains  to  the  welfare  of  home, 
and  will  mutually  strive  to  adorn  and  brighten  its  sur- 
roundings. 

WHAT  SHOULD  IT  BE  ? 

The  guest  chamber  should  be  noticeable  for  three 
things:  The  taste  and  judgment  shown  in  its  fur- 
nishing; its  air  of  home-like  comfort  and  ready  access; 
and  the  scrupulous  cleanliness  which  should  prevail. 

SUITABILITY  OF  FURNISHING. 

Every  room  in  a  house,  no  matter  whether  attic  or 
parlor,  should  be  planned  and  furnished  with  an  eye 
to  harmony.  The  articles  of  furniture  should  cor- 
respond to  the  size  and  shape  of  the  room,  and  the 
position  in  that  room  which  the  furniture  is  to  occupy. 
The  same  regard  must  be  paid  to  the  colors  of  the 
walls,  the  draperies,  and  all  other  things.  Sleeping 
rooms  should  always  be  decorated  with  light,  pleasing 
tints.  Nothing  somber  or  gloomy  should  have  a  place 
here.  One  involuntarily  shivers  when  he  recalls  the 
pomp  and  massiveness  of  the  state  chambers  of  days 
gone  by — the  funeral  hangings  of  velvet,  the  lofty 
couch,  the  armored  knights,  the  dim  light  of  wax  tapers 
casting  their  flickering  shadows  into  the  gloomy 
depths.  A  thousand  times  more  desirable  are  the 


THE  GUEST  CHAMBER.  255 

guest  chambers  of  to-day,  with  bright   draperies,  and 
sunny  outlook! 

If  one's  taste  inclines  him  to  dark  furniture  these 
light  shades  of  wall  and  ornaments  will  harmonize 
very  well;  but  our  individual  preference  would  always 
be  for  light-colored  furniture  for  a  sleeping  room. 

ARRIVAL  OF  A  GUEST. 

When  a  guest  arrives,  at  once  show  him  to  the 
room  he  is  to  occupy,  that  he  may  remove  the  dust 
of  travel,  and  prepare  for  the  meal  which  should  fol- 
low at  once  for  his  special  refreshment,  unless  it 
chances  that  the  usual  family  meal  is  close  at  hand. 

The  chamber  should  be  in  perfect  order,  and  pro- 
vided with  plenty  of  towels,  a  hair-brush  and  comb, 
and  fine  soap. 

THE  BED. 

This  should  be  wholesome  and  clean,  the  mattress 
thick  and  soft.  The  sheets  should  be  snowy-white, 
and  the  clothing  for  the  couch  should  be  ample.  The 
outside  spread  should  be  of  pure  white  material,  or 
else  a  delicate  blue,  gray  or  pink.  Red  and  somber 
counterpanes  should  be  banished  from  our  chambers. 
The  pillows  should  be  large  and  square,  of  down 
or  hair.  The  latter  are  much  liked  by  people  who 
are  subject  to  headaches. 

An  extra  pair  of  blankets  or  a  comforter  should  be 


256  THE  GUEST  CHAMBER. 

neatly  folded  and  laid  across  the  foot  of  the  bed,  or 
on  a  chair  at  hand,  for  the  use  of  the  guest,  should 
the  usual  covers  be  insufficient. 

LAMPS. 

All  sleeping  rooms  should  be  provided  with  a  small 
night  lamp,  for  those  who  do  not  like  a  dark  room. 
A  small  lamp  is  preferable  to  a  gas-jet  turned  down 
low,  as  the  least  draft  from  outside  is  liable  to  extin- 
guish that,  and  the  odor  from  escaping  gas  is  intoler- 
able. A  small  lamp  is  better,  but  do  not  turn  that 
down;  the  flame  from  a  lamp  with  a  tiny  tube,  is 
not  sufficiently  bright  to  disturb  one's  slumbers.  It 
can  easily  be  shaded  by  a  paper  or  book. 

FURNITURE  IN  A  CHAMBER. 

A  room  for  sleeping  should  never  be  overcrowded 
with  furniture.  But  there  are  some  articles  that  are 
indispensable,  as  a  lounge,  for  the  comfort  of  the 
guest  in  the  day-time.  A  rocker  is  a  very  nice  adjunct, 
and  few  can  resist  the  temptation  of  using  them,  in 
spite  of  what  physicians  say  against  them.  They  are 
also  very  handy  if  the  visitor  happens  to  be  a  lady 
with  a  young  child. 

CHAIRS. 

These  should  be  light  and  graceful,  and  decorated 
with  embroidered  scarfs  with  fringed  ends  or  trimmed 


THE  GUEST  CHAMBER.  257 

with  chenille  balls  which  are  so  reasonable  in  price. 
The  pretty  little  Madras  scarfs  are  very  charming, 
and  not  at  all  expensive.  They  may  be  knotted 
loosely  over  the  chair  or  back  of  the  lounge,  and  give 

it  a  picturesque  look. 

PICTURES. 

There  should  not  be  many  pictures,  and  those  which 
are  hung,  should  be  chosen  from  simple  subjects. 
Children's  heads  and  still-life  are  the  most  appropri- 
ate. 

CURTAINS. 

Some  people  are  partial  to  heavy  draperies,  but  in 
that,  as  all  the  other  accessories,  lightness  and  cheer- 
fulness are  more  in  keeping.  Use  light  and  floating 
material,  and  make  the  curtains  hang  so  full  that 
when  draped  they  will  serve  the  double  purpose  of 
softening  the  glare  of  the  morning  light,  and  seclud- 
ing the  inmates  of  the  room  from  view.  Swiss  muslin, 
gay  Madras,  or  some  of  the  prettily  striped  cheese 
cloth,  looped  with  bright-colored  ribbons,  has  a  good 
effect. 

TINTED   WALLS. 

The  walls  should  be  in  subdued  and   delicate  tints. 
A  narrow  border  helps  ornament  them.     When  car- 
pets are  used,  they  must  be  bright  and  cheerful,  and 
the  pattern   rather  small.   Many  ladies  object  to  car- 
n 


258  THE  GUEST  CHAMBER. 

pets,  considering  them  harborers  of  dust;  they  are 
also  heavy  to  remove  and  cleanse;  both  of  which 
objections  are  reasonable.  Oiled  floors,  straw  mat- 
ting, and  heavy  rugs  are  substituted  for  carpets  in 
many  homes  of  means. 

WHAT  IS  NEEDED. 

Among  the  useful  additions  to  the  guest's  chamber 
is  a  sewing  basket,  a  few  shelves  for  books,  a  dressing 
case,  and  a  footstool.  It  is  not  merely  a  place  where 
your  guest  passes  the  night,  but  must  be  made  con- 
venient and  alluring,  so  that  should  he  or  she  be  so 
inclined,  a  rest  can  be  obtained  during  the  busy  hours 
of  day. 

WRITING    MATERIALS. 

A  stand  or  small  desk  well-stocked  with  stationery, 
for  the  use  of  those  who  come  unprepared  with  writ- 
ing materials,  would  be  appreciated.  Such  additions 
to  the  room  give  it  a  more  home-like  air. 

ACCESSORIES  NECESSARY. 

On  the  dresser  should  be  found  a  nail-brush,  comb, 
shoe-buttoner,  hair-brush  and  pincushion.  The  hair- 
brush can  be  kept  clean  by  adding  spirits  of  ammonia 
to  a  basin  of  water,  and  passing  the  brush  through  it 
several  times;  then  rinse  and  stand  it  upright,  resting 
on  the  point  of  the  handle,  to  drain. 


THE  GUEST  CHAMBEk.  259 

At  least  a  couple  of  drawers  in  the  bureau  should 
be  left  empty,  for  the  convenience  of  the  visitor  who 
may  make  a  prolonged  stay. 

Do  not  forget  a  small  basket  for  scraps  of  paper  and 
combings  of  hair.  This  should  be  emptied  every 
morning. 

And  the  match-box — keep  it  filled.  What  a  lovely 
feeling  it  will  give,  if  you  are  restless  and  wish  to 
rise;  you  try  to  light  the  gas,  and  there  are  no 
matches  to  be  found.  The  careful  hostess  will  look 
to  it  that  all  these  simple  details  are  attended  to. 

A  WATER  BOTTLE. 

A  water  bottle  is  better  adapted  for  drinking  water, 
as  it  is  less  exposed  to  the  air  of  the  sleeping  room 
than  a  pitcher.  The  water  and  a  tumbler  should  be 
sent  into  the  room  fresh,  just  before  retiring. 

It  is  to  be  hoped  that  the  hostess  will  not  forget  to 
prepare  her  windows  with  screens,  and  the  bed  with 
a  netting,  to  keep  out  those  pests  of  city  and  country 
— mosquitoes. 

The  etiquette  which  pertains  to  every  department 
of  social  life  is  to  be  observed  here.  The  guest  must 
be  made  welcome  to  the  comforts  provided.  The 
articles  specified  are  all  necessary  to  promote  that 
comfort,  and  although  many  expensive  ones  can  be 
added,  still  those  we  have  described  can  be  made  by 


260  THE  GUEST  CHAMBER. 

home  ingenuity  and  a  moderate  outlay  in  money,  and 
should  have  a  place  in  every  sleeping  room,  increas- 
ing the  pleasure  of  the  family  as  well  as  that  of  the 
guest. 

Beautify  to  your  hearts'  content,  but  not  at  the 
expense  of  other's  comfort,  and  never  sacrifice  taste 
to  display. 

Have  the  best  you  can  afford — but  let  the  home 
circle  share  it  each  day.  Your  guest  will  thus  never 
take  you  at  a  disadvantage,  but  will  find  you  ever 
ready  to  dispense  your  hospitality  in  a  simple,  un- 
affected manner. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

LETTER  WRITING. 

THE  man  or  woman  who  can  talk  well,  can  write 
a  letter  equally  well.  The  thoughts  that  enable 
one  to  shine  in  conversation  can  be  transferred  to 
paper  and  win  for  the  writer  the  same  amount  of  ad- 
miration. There  is  only  this  difference — that  words, 
as  they  fall  from  the  lips,  have  an  airy  grace  of  their 
own,  aided  by  the  tone  of  voice,  and  play  of  feature, 
which  written  down  in  set  phrases,  is  lacking.  Any 
person  can  write  a  social,  friendly  letter.  Indeed, 
the  chief  charm  of  these  epistles  is,  that  they  con- 
sist of  airy  nothings,  which  are  not  brought  under  any 
set  rules.  But  letters  to  strangers  and  letters  of  busi- 
ness must  partake  of  a  more  formal  character;  as  also 
letters  of  regret  and  those  written  to  congratulate  a 
friend.  For  these  there  are  certain  forms  which  re- 
quire to  be  observed. 

INK   TO  USE. 

Never  use  fancy  colored  inks.     Though  once  very 
fashionable,  they  are   no  longer   deemed  elegant.     A 

261 


262  LETTER.  WRITING. 

clear  black  ink  is  the  accepted  standard.  Purchase 
an  ink  that  flows  freely,  without  sinking  into  the  paper, 
and  will  not  gum  the  pen.  A  rusty  brown  black  is 
very  offensive  to  the  eye. 

PAPER    AND  ENVELOPES. 

The  style  and  size  and  shape  of  paper  changes  con- 
tinually. These  matters  are  always  within  the  prov- 
ince of  the  stationers  who  supply  them,  and  who 
always  keep  the  "latest."  But  the  quality  never  varies. 
Always  a  fine,  firm  white  paper  is  in  demand.  If 
you  have  a  preference  for  tints,  they  should  be  of  the 
most  delicate  cream,  or  gray,  so  faint  as  scarcely  to 
be  observable.  Learn  to  write  on  unruled  paper.  It 
is  very  easy  to  do  so.  Ruled  paper  is  only  suitable 
for  business.  If  you  find  it  too  difficult  to  write  with- 
out lines,  a  sheet  of  heavily  ruled  paper  placed  under- 
neath will  serve  you  as  a  guide.  A  paper  with 
your  monogram  is  allowable,  and  in  England, 
where  they  do 'many  things  sensibly,  it  is  the  custom 
to  have  one's  address  printed  at  the  head  of  the  sheet. 

This  stands  in  lieu  of  writing  it  in  the  body  of  the 
letter,  an  omission  which  many  are  guilty  of.  Envel- 
opes are  square,  and  should  exactly  fit  the  paper,  so 
that  it  need  not  be  doubled  but  once.  Ladies  may 
use  delicately  perfumed  paper,  but  gentlemen  should 
not.  Black-edged  paper  is  in  vogue  with  those  who 


R.   S.   V.    P. 


LETTER  WRITING.  263 

are  in  mourning.  Some  people  do  not  use  it,  how- 
ever. In  writing  a  letter  of  condolence  to  one  who 
is  in  mourning,  you  should  not  adopt  a  mourning 
paper.  Make  use  of  the  stationery  you  have.  It 
is  rude  to  write  to  a  friend  or  stranger  on  a  half-sheet 
of  paper,  or  on  a  torn  sheet.  In  business  houses,  the 
half-sheet  is  always  used,  but  it  is  printed  for  that 
special  purpose.  Crossing  your  pages  is  positively  an 
insult.  Some  ladies  write  across  the  proper  way,  then 
turn  and  recross,  until  it  would  need  the  patience  of 
the  famous  Job,  to  decipher  them.  The  writer  remem- 
bers, when  a  girl,  of  receiving  such  a  letter  from  a  very 

dear  cousin.      It   was   crossed   and    criss-crossed  in 

% 

every  conceivable  direction,  and  in  so  fine  a  hand 
that  it  rivaled  the  intricacies  of  a  spider's  web.  It  is 
needless  to  say,  that  to  this  day  the  contents  of  that 
letter  are  unknown  to  the  recipient.  It  awoke  the 
same  feelings  as  expressed  by  a  hero  of  a  novel,  who 
says — in  speaking  of  a  similar  infliction — "Give  me 
any  other  torture  than  this,  to  read  a  woman's  plaid 
letter."  Paper  that  is  thin  or  full  of  specks,  is  untidy 
and  cheap  looking.  So  are  blots,  erasures  and  inter- 
lining. Long  letters  are  only  welcome  to  friends  who 
take  deep  interest  in  us,  and  even  there  "Brevity  is 
the  soul  of  wit,"  for  few  have  the  rare  gift  of  writing 
lengthy  epistles  that  will  not  weary. 


264  LETTER  WRITING. 


USE   OF   FIGURES   AND   ABBREVIATIONS. 

Business  people,  to  save  time,  date  their  letters — 
"2-4-'9i — "  meaning  fourth  day,  second  month  of 
1891.  It  is  impolite  in  friendly  correspondence. 
Addresses  should  be  in  figures,  as  "No.  21,  Carpenter 
St.;"  the  day  of  the  month  also,  as  "Sept.  3."  Nu- 
merals are  not  proper  in  letters.  Were  you  to  speak 
of  the  century,  it  would  be  "the  nineteenth  century." 
The  age  should  be  spelled  out,  as  "He  is  sixty  to-day." 
The  titles  of  persons  preceding  their  name,  should  be 
abbreviated — "Hon.  Reverdy  Johnson,"  "Rev.  Dr. 
Bacon."  States  are  abbreviated  when  the  town  pre- 
cedes them,  as  "Boston,  Mass. ;"  "Viz."  for  videlicit, 
meaning  "  namely, "  or  "  to  wit ; "  "  i.  <?. "  for  id  est  (it  is ; ) 
"e.  g."  for  exempli  gratia  ("for  example;")  "ult" 
for  ultimo — last  month;  "prox."  for  proximo — next 
month;  "inst.  "  for  instant — the  present  month; 
"etc.  "  for  et  ccetera,  "and  the  rest,"  or  "and  so  on;" 
"v."  or  "vs."  for  versus;  "vol."— volume;  "chap." 
—chapter;  "A.  M.,"  "M.,"  and  "P.  M."  for  forenoon, 
noon,  and  afternoon.  Figures  are  used  in  denoting 
sums  of  money,  or  large  quantities — as  "$200,000;" 
"175,000  barrels;"  per  cent.,  "30  per  cent.;"  degrees 
of  latitude  longitude  or  temperature,  unless  the 
degree  sign  is  used,  are  spelled  out;  also  fractions,  in 
correspondence  as  "three-fourths,"  "seven-eighths." 


LETTER.  WRITING.  3G5 

STYLE  OF  WRITING. 

Directions  cannot  be  given  for  the  matter  of  which 
a  letter  should  consist.  That  depends  wholly  upon 
the  writer.  The  form  of  commencing  a  letter,  "Dear 
Friend,  I  take  my  pen  in  hand  to  let  you  know  I  am 
well,"  has  long  ago  become  stereotyped  and  tiresome. 
It  also  argues  egotism  on  the  part  of  the  writer.  Would 
you  have  your  correspondent  imagine  that  your  sole 
motive  for  writing  is  to  inform  her  of  the  state  of  your 
health?  And  then  an  unnecessary  piece  of  informa- 
tion is  to  state  that  you  take  your  pen  in  hand.  Of 
course  she  will  suppose  that  you  have  done  so,  by 
the  result.  Be  original  in  that,  as  in  all  things  else. 
Write  as  you  would  talk  were  your  correspondent 
present.  Try  and  think  over  what  you  design  writing 
and  say  it  in  the  most  natural  way  you  can. 
This  is  the  highest  art — to  do  everything  in  so  artistic 
and  finished  a  manner,  that  it  will  have  the  appear- 
ance of  being  a  second  nature. 

IMPROPERLY  ADDRESSED. 

It  is  estimated  that  four  million  letters  find  their 
way  to  the  dead  letter  office  annually,  because  they 
are  improperly  addressed.  This  is  a  matter  for 
serious  consideration.  It  is  best  to  give  the  county 
as  well  as  the  town,  save  for  large  cities  that  are  so 


266  LETTER.  H/RIT1NG. 

well  known.  There  are  so  many  names  common  to 
towns  that  unless  this  precaution  is  taken,  the  letter 
is  often  missent.  We  present  some  forms  of  address: 

Mr.  Henry  C.  Martin, 

27  Lafayette  St., 

Salem,  Mass. 

Mrs.  Lydia  A.  Farnum, 

44  Easton  Ave., 
Union  Co.  Marysville,  O. 

Address  the  Governor  of  a  State,  thus: 

His   Excellency, 

Gov.  Joseph  Fifer, 

Springfield,  111. 

To  the  President,  when  a  personal  letter  is  sent: 

To  the  President, 

Executive  Mansion, 

Washington,   D.  C. 

A  gentleman  who  bears  an   honorary  title  can  be 
addressed  thus: 

Rev.  A.  C.  Hill  D.  D.,  LL.D., 

Chancellor  of  University, 

Troy,  N.  Y. 

A  letter  to  any  member  of  the  President's  cabinet 
will  reach  him  thus: 


LETTER  WRITING.  26? 

Hon.  T.  W.  Talbot, 
Secretary  of  the  Navy,  (Army,  Treas- 
ury, etc.)  Washington,  D.   C. 

A  letter  of  introduction  is  always  left  unsealed  and 
the  envelope  is  addressed  thus: 

Col.  Robert  O.  Ellis, 

Zenia,  O. 
Introducing  Mr.  Fred  Osmun. 

Business  letters  are  universally  printed  now  with  a 
line  or  two  like  the  following,  on  the  upper  left-hand 
corner: 


If  not  called  for  in  10  days, 

return  to  ADAMS  &  Co.,  STAMP. 

48  La  Salle  St..  Chicago. 


MR.  WILLIAM  HILTON, 

Mishawaka, 

Ind. 


A  note  intrusted  to  the  care  of  another  to  be  deliv- 
ered personally,  is  addressed  thus: 

Miss  Mabel  Evans, 

City. 
Kindness  of  Mr.  Warren  Hastings. 

FRENCH  PHRASES. 

There  are  some  phrases  from  the  French  which  are 


268  LETTER  WRITING. 

often  met  in  notes  and   invitations.     We  add  those 
most  commonly  used: 

FRENCH  PHRASE.  ABBREVIATION.  MEANING. 

Repondez  s'ilvous  plait.  R.  S.  V.  P.         Reply  if  you  please. 

Pour  prendre  conge.  P.  P.  C.  To  take  leave. 

Pour   dire  adieu.  P.  D.  A.  To  say  farewell. 

En  mile.  E.  V.  In  the  town  or  city. 

Costume  de  rigueur.  Costumes  to  be  full  dress- 

Fete  champetre.  A  country  (or  rural)  enter- 

tainment. 

Soiree  dansanle.  A  dancing  party. 

Bal  masque.  A  masquerade  ball. 

Sairee  musicale.  A  musical  entertainment, 

ADDING  POSTSCRIPTS.  — UNDERSCORING. 

It  is  charged  against  ladies  that  they  will  add  post- 
scripts. This  is  not  alone  a  fault  of  the  fair  sex.  We 
have  seen  a  long,  rambling  letter  written  by  one  of 
the  sterner  sex  which  contained  the  pith  of  the  whole 
matter  in  the  postscript.  It  is  in  bad  taste  in  either 
sex.  Underscoring  is  still  more  to  be  deprecated.  It 
is  well  called  "the  refuge  of  the  feebly  forcible." 
Where  it  is  indulged  in  too  lavishly  it  weakens  the 
point  of  what  the  writer  aims  to  say,  and  means  noth- 
ing. The  occasional  use  of  an  italic  word  sometimes 
conveys  an  idea  a  little  more  directly,  but  the  habit, 
of  underscoring  is  best  never  practiced. 

A  FEW   HINTS. 

Do  not  attempt  a  letter  unless  you  have  something 
to  say. 


LETTER  WRITING.  269 

Never  write  an  anonymous  letter.  It  is  cowardly. 
The  recipient  of  such  a  letter  should  quietly  burn 
it.  The  man  or  woman  who  dares  not  sign  his  or  her 
name  is  unworthy  of  notice. 

Do  not  write  a  letter  while  in  anger.  You  will 
surely  say  too  much,  which  you  will  regret.  Writ- 
ten words  stand  as  living  witnesses  against  you  and 
cannot  be  recalled. 

Address  your  superiors  with  respect.  Do  not  write 
flippantly  to  any  one.  Even  with  friends  you  should 
maintain  a  certain  reserve. 

Do  not  commit  a  secret  to  paper.  You  can  never 
tell  what  use  may  be  made  of  it,  or  into  whose  hands 
it  may  fall. 

In  writing  to  another,  making  an  inquiry,  or  on 
any  business  of  your  own,  inclose  a  stamp  for  reply. 
See  that  any  letter  you  write  is  fully  prepaid.  It  is 
humiliating  to  one's  pride  to  learn  that  another  was 
compelled  to  make  up  his  deficiency. 

HEADING  FOR    LETTERS. 

Commence  a  business  letter  near  the  top;   a  social 
letter  should  be  begun  about  one-third  the  way  down. 
Here  are  several  forms: 

CHICAGO,  111.,  Dec.  22,  1890. 
Or  the  county  may  be  added: 


270  LETTER  WRITING. 

CHICAGO,  Cook  Co.,  111.,  Dec.  22,  1890. 
Full  address  is  addsd  sometimes: 

384  W.  Congress  St., 

Chicago,    111. , 
Dec.  22,  1890. 

When  writing  from  a  college,  or  a  hotel,  those 
places  may  be  affixed  also.  A  more  ceremonious 
mode  is  to  place  the  date  at  the  close  of  the  letter: 

Yours  sincerely, 

HATTIE  WHITE. 
CHICAGO,  Aug.  24,  1890. 

The  name  of  the  person  to  whom  the  letter  is  ad- 
dressed is  placed  on  the  next  line  below  the  heading, 
and  if  to  a  stranger  or  a  business  man  this  is  the  fash- 
ion: 

MR.  HORATIO  WINTERS, 
25  Genesee  St., 
Batavia,  N.  Y. 

Dear  Sir: — Having  received,  etc. 

LETTERS  TO  FRIENDS  AND  OTHERS. 

If  letters  to  familiar  friends,  the  salutation  begins 
the  letter,  and  their  full  name  and  address  are  written 
at  the  lower  left-hand  corner  of  the  last  page.  Many 
titles  are  sanctioned  by  usage.  A  minister  is  ad- 


LETTER.  WRITING.  271 

dressed  as  Rev.  Jerome  Wellington,  without  any  ad- 
ditional title.  He  may  be  saluted  as  Reverend  Sir, 
or  Dear  Sir.  A  doctor  of  medicine  is  C.  B.  Wallace, 
M.  D. ,  or  Dr.  C.  B.  Wallace.  A  lawyer  is  the  only 
person  entitled  to  the  "Esq.,"  although  many  fool- 
ishly imagine  that  they  are  adding  dignity  to  a  plain 
citizen  by  addressing  him  as  "Esq."  Nothing  is  more 
absurd  or  uncalled  for. 

SALUTATIONS  USED. 

Business  men  can  be  addressed  as  "Gentlemen, "or 
"Sirs;"  others  are  "Dear  Sir,  "or  "Sir,"  or  "Hen.  John 
Brown — Dear  Sir."  Any  of  these  are  sanctioned  by 
usage.  To  a  married  lady  one  should  address  himself 
as  "My  Dear  Madam,"  or  omit  the  "My."  "My  Dear 
Mrs.  Hatch."  Friends  who  have  known  each  other 
for  years  will  naturally  adopt  more  familiar  salutations, 
which  are  decided  by  themselves  on  the  strength  of 
their  acquaintance  and  good  sense.  So,  also,  mem- 
bers of  a  family,  schoolmates,  college  chums  and  lov- 
ers are  not  expected  to  be  bound  by  any  particular  for- 
mulas, but  should  avoid  any  silly  and  effusive  terms  of 
endearment. 

An  unmarried  lady  may  be  addressed  as  "My  Dear 
Miss  Felton,"  or  among  friends,  as  "Dear  Marian." 
It  is  a  pity  that  our  language  does  not  afford  us  a 
designation  for  an  unmarried  lady  similar  to  the 
French  word  "Mademoiselle." 


378  LETTER  WRITING. 

SIGNATURES. 

To  prevent  confusion  a  lady  should  sign  herself  by 
her  title,  as  Mrs.  Jennie  Smith, "  or  "J/z.y.y  Flora  Har- 
low,"when  writing  to  strangers  or  answering  business 
correspondence.  Never  sign  initials  alone,  as  "F. 
Smith."  That  would  lead  most  people  to  believe  that 
the  writer  was  a  gentleman. 

RECEIPTS. 

Many  ladies  do  not  know  exactly  how  a  receipt 
should  be  made  out.  We  give  two  as  the  correci 

forms: 

NEW  HAVEN,  Ct.,  May  i,  1889. 
$25. 

Received  from   Henry  Harvey  twenty-five  dollars 

to  apply  on  account. 

GREEN,  STEPHENSON  &  Co. 

MEMPHIS,  Tenn.,  Oct.  4,  1888. 
$50. 

Received  from  Charles  Bliss  fifty  dollars  in  full  of 

all  demands  to  date. 

ZEIGLER,  WATERS  &  Co. 

There  are  printed  forms  for  bank  checks,  drafts, 
notes,  etc. ,  which  render  it  superfluous  to  give  them 
here. 

REPLYING  TO  LETTERS. 

A  reply  should    promptly  follow  the  receipt  of   a 


LETTER  WRITING.  ?73 

letter;  it  cannot  be  civilly  delayed  for  any  great  length 
of  time.  It  is  customary  to  begin  a  reply  by  noticing 
the  date  of  the  letter  to  which  an  answer  is  given. 

One  of  the  following  forms  is  generally  adopted: 

"I  hasten  to  answer  the  letter  which  you  did  me 
the  honor  of  writing  on  the ." 

"I  have  received  the  letter  with  which  you  favored 
me  on  the ." 

"I  have  not  been  able,  until  this  moment,  to  an- 
swer the  letter  which  you  did  me  the  honor  of  writing 
on  the  -  — ." 

"I  will  not  burden  my  letter  with  useless  apologies, 
but  confess  frankly  that  I  have  been  a  little  dilatory, 
and  hope  that  you  will  pardon  me." 

CLOSING  A  LETTER. 

This  is  a  matter  which  also  depends  upon  the  near- 
ness of  friendship  or  familiarity.  Either  of  these 
forms  are  made  use  of — "Yours  sincerely,"  "Ever 
yours,"  "Truly  yours,"  "Yours  respectfully,"  "Cor- 
dially yours,"  "Very  respectfully,"  "I  have  the  honor 

to  be 

"Your  obedient  servant, 

"DAVID  MACK." 

The  proper  form  will  naturally  suggest  itself. 

USE  OF  THE  THIRD  PERSON. 

Many  people  confuse  the  first  and  third  persons. 
18 


374  LETTER  WRITING. 

The  custom  of  using  the  third  person  is  confined  to 
notes  of  invitation,  and  those  who  cling  to  old  cus- 
toms. But  if  the  third  person  is  made  use  of,  adhere 
to  it.  Don't  write  "Miss  Clara  Lake  regrets  that 
she  cannot  accept  Mrs.  Hunt's  kind  invitation,  /am 
away  from  the  city."  Or,  "Mrs.  Collins  will  call  at 
Mr.  Peck's  store  on  Saturday  to  look  at  some  rings. 

"Very  truly  yours, 

"HARRIET  COLLINS." 

Such  a  note  requires  no  signature  at  all.  These 
are  errors  that  the  best  informed  people  are  apt  to 
make,  but  must  be  guarded  against. 

POSTAL  CARDS. 

It  is  almost  considered  an  insult  by  some  people  to 
receive  a  postal  card.  They  are  very  useful  for  busi- 
ness purposes,  or  for  sending  orders  by  mail,  but  for 
social  correspondence  are  improper.  It  is  not  good 
manners  to  send  personal  notes  that  are  open  to  in- 
spection. 

SEALING  WAX  AND  WAFERS. 

The  use  of  sealing  wax  is  again  coming  into  favor. 
"Fastidious  people  prefer  wax,  but  it  is  much  bet- 
ter to  use  the  regular  gummed  envelope  than  to  make 
a  great  slovenly  seal  on  an  envelope.  Every  lady 
should  learn  how  to  seal  a  letter  neatly.  A  good  im- 
pression may  be  obtained  by  covering  the  face  of  the 


LETTER  WRITING.  275 

seal  with  linseed  oil,  dusting  it  with  rouge,  and  then 
pressing  it  firmly  and  rapidly  on  the  soft  wax.  Either 
red  or  black  wax  is  proper,  but  wafers  should  never 
be  used." 

A  NEAT   LETTER. 

No  matter  whom  you  are  writing  to,  no  degree  of  in- 
timacy excuses  a  slovenly,  blotted  letter,  which  is  half 
full  of  erasures.  Attention  to  neatness  and  legibility 
is  of  the  greatest  importance.  Write  a  plain  hand, 
free  from  flourishes.  An  ornamental  hand  will  do  for 
a  copy-book  or  a  writing-master,  but  few  of  your  cor- 
respondents will  care  for  gymnastics  in  your  handwrit- 
ing. Errors  in  grammar  and  spelling  expose  the 
writer  to  sharp  criticism. 

Married  women  are  addressed  by  the  names  of  their 
husbands.  The  use  of  the  first  or  baptismal  name 
signifies  that  the  lady  is  single  or  else  a  widow.  No 
letter  should  be  sealed  up  until  it  has  been  read  over, 
and  any  error  or  doubtful  statement  corrected. 

ABBREVIATING  WORDS. 

Abbreviations  of  titles,  states,  offices,  etc. ,  are  cor- 
rect; but  to  abbreviate  common,  everyday  words,  as 
some  do,  such  as  "dr."  for  "dear,"  ans.  "  for  "an- 
swer," "&"  for  "and,"  is  in  bad  taste.  They  call  it 
"phonetic" — it  should  rather  be  dubbed  foolish.  Fig- 
ures are  out  of  their  place  when  used  in  a  sentence  to 


276  LETTER  WRITING. 

shorten  it,  as  "He  visited  4  houses/'  for  "four  houses." 

WRITING    TO  STRANGERS. 

Young  gifls  often  thoughtlessly  begin  a  correspond- 
ence with  strangers.  A  romantic  girl  whose  training 
has  been  neglected  may  begin  this  dangerous  amuse- 
ment. But  it  had  best  be  discontinued  at  once.  The 
young  man  who  writes  thus  to  a  young  girl  is  usually 
lacking  in  lady  friends,  and  a  young  lady  must  be 
wanting  in  self-respect  to  permit  such  a  breach  of 
propriety.  He  is  sure  to  show  her  letters,  and  boast 
of  his  conquest,  and  perhaps  even  attack  her  good 
name. 

In  a  book  devoted  to  the  best  usages  prevalent  in 
society  we  cannot  give  a  "model  letter- writer,"  and 
therefore  we  must  content  ourselves  with  the  hints  we 
have  given.  But  a  few  words  on  what  is  required  in  the 
composition  of  a  letter  are  not  amiss:  "Purity,  pro- 
priety and  precision,  chiefly  in  regard  to  words  and 
phrases;  and  perspicuity,  unity  and  strength  in  regard 
to  sentences.  He  who  writes  with  purity  avoids  all 
phraseology  that  is  foreign,  uncouth,  or  ill-derived; 
he  who  writes  with  propriety  selects  the  most  appro- 
priate, the  very  best  expressions,  and  generally  dis- 
plays sound  judgment  and  good  taste;  he  who  writes 
with  precision  is  careful  to  state  exactly  what  he 
means,  all  that  he  means,  all  that  is  necessary,  and 
nothing  more." 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

0NE  of  the  first  duties  a  young  girl  owes  to  her- 
self is  to  make  herself  attractive  personally.  No 
living  human  being  can  afford  to  sneer  at  personal 
appearance,  nor  neglect  to  care  for  such  gifts  as 
nature  has  bestowed. 

It  is  taught  and  drilled  into  boys  from  their  earliest 
years  that  they  must  be  strong,  manly  and  self-reliant. 
Why  should  not  girls  be  taught  with  equal  consistency 
that  they  owe  it  to  themselves  to  enhance  the  charms 
they  may  possess,  and  render  themselves  more  engag- 
ing by  being  fittingly  attired? 

It  is  not  necessary  that  the  item  of  expense  should 
enter  into  the  matter  at  all.  The  best-dressed  women 
are  many  times  those  who  are  very  economical  in 
their  outlay  of  money,  but  who  devote  time,  thought 
and  genius  to  the  production  of  a  toilet  which  shall,  be 
becoming  and  adapted  to  their  position  in  life. 

DRESS  AND  MANNERS. 

To  be  well-dressed  gives  one  an  ease  of  manner  that 

277 


278  TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

is  pleasant  to  see.  It  is  the  experience  of  everyone 
that  the  consciousness  of  being  well-dressed  gives  a 
self-possession  that  they  can  never  have,  if  they  feel 
that  they  are  shabby-looking  or  that  their  clothes  are 
unbecoming.  They  forget  self  in  the  first  instance; 
in  the  second  they  cannot  banish  self. 

It  is  an  obligation  owed  society  to  be  attractive 
outwardly  as  well  as  mentally;  to  be  careful  not  to 
offend  correct  taste  by  the  exhibition  of  glaring  col- 
ors and  inharmonious  contrasts. 

BEAUTY  A  COMMON  GIFT. 

Beauty  is  a  gift,  and  everyone  can  lay  claim  to 
some  share  of  this  inheritance,  whether  it  lie  in  a 
symmetrical  form,  beautiful  eyes,  a  sweet  voice,  of 
a  fine  contour.  When  these  charms  are  increased 
by  careful  attention  to  the  details  of  dress,  and  a  due 
regard  for  good  taste,  coupled  with  an  agreeable  man- 
ner, men  cry  out — "How  beautiful!" 

BE  CONSIDERATE. 

No  one  should  tell  a  young  girl  that  she  is  plain  and 
forbidding.  In  oversensitive  natures  it  implants  a 
shrinking  timidity  that  results  in  utter  indifference  to 
self,  and  soon  neglectful  habits  creep  in.  They  slight 
their  teeth,  or  their  complexion.  They  allow  their 
hands  to  grow  coarse  and  rough,  and  many  other 


EVENING   COSTUMES. 


TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS.  279 

equally  untidy  habits  follow.  Boys  as  well  as  girls 
who  are  plain  should  study  the  little  graces  of  dress 
and  manner  even  more  closely  than  their  more  beau- 
tiful neighbors.  The  social  circle  who  are  outwardly 
plain,  but  whose  cultivation  and  taste  have  given  them 
a  beauty  of  their  own,  which  is  far  superior  to  mere 
physical  loveliness  alone. 

A  QUESTION  ABOUT  DRESS. 

The  questions  a  lady  should  ask  herself  are — "Is 
my  dress  suitable  to  the  occasion?"  and — " Is  it  becom- 
ing?" Americans  have  the  reputation  of  being  among 
the  best-dressed  people  on  earth;  that  is,  they  wear 
the  richest  materials.  But  there  is  often  a  sad  incon- 
gruity between  their  apparel  and  their  position  in  life. 
By  this  we  do  not  mean  that  they  should  wear  a  dress 
which  would  serve  as  a  badge  of  their  social  status, 
but  they  should  adapt  their  dress  to  their  circum- 
stances and  occupation.  The  young  lady  in  business 
should  not  wear  a  dress  to  and  from  her  office  suitable 
only  for  a  drawing-room,  nor  should  a  gentleman  don 
a  dress-coat,  and  elegant  necktie  while  he  carried  his 
lunch  box  in  one  hand,  and  held  on  to  the  strap  in  a 
street-car  with  the  other.  Ladies  when  shopping, 
assume  their  most  expensive  garments,  and  the  girl  of 
all-work  leaves  the  house  by  the  back  door,  dressed 
in  such  close  imitation  of  her  mistress  that  it  puzzles 


280  TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

%  stranger  to  place  her.  These  errors  of  judgment  on 
the  part  of  both  are  easily  remedied.  Dress  according 
to  the  occasion.  No  matter  how  rich  the  material, 
or  how  elegantly  it  is  fashioned,  if  it  is  not  proper  for 
the  time  and  season,  no  lady  is  well  dressed. 

DRESSMAKERS    NOT  INFALLIBLE. 

Too  many  ladies  accept  the  dictum  of  a  dressmaker 
or  milliner,  and  are  persuaded  into  adopting  styles  of 
dress  that  are  very  unsuitable  to  them,  merely  because 
they  are  "fashionable."  It  is  the  province  of  a  dress- 
maker to  bring  to  her  customer's  notice  the  newest 
fashion,  and  not  to  inquire  whether  they  are  likely  to 
make  her  look  like  a  fright  or  not.  Ladies  should  think 
for  themselves,  and  study  their  individual  features  and 
forms;  they  will  then  make  fashion  their  subject,  and 
not  their  tyrant. 

LOVE  OF  DRESS. 

We  do  not  intend  to  say  that  women  should  make 
love  of  dress  a  ruling  passion.  It  is  apt  then  to  be- 
come a  fatal  love,  bringing  misery  and  woe  in  its  train. 
But  they  should  study  dress  as  a  means,  and  not  as 
an  end,  that  they  may  become  artistic  and  inventive. 
Mrs.  S.  who  is  slight,  fair,  with  dark  eyes  and  hair, 
wears  a  crimson  dress,  which  brightens  her  clear  skin; 
Mrs.  J.  who  is  short,  fat,  freckled,  with  red  hair,  ad- 


TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS.  281 

miring  her  friend's  dress,  at  once  procures  its  counter- 
part, and  the  effect  can  be  imagined. 

OVERDRESSING. 

Avoid  overdressing.  A  lady  should  not  serve  as  a 
lay  figure,  on  which  her  whole  wardrobe  is  displayed. 
It  has  a  bad  moral  effect,  and  is  the  mark  of  a  vul- 
gar mind.  It  exposes  young  girls  to  unfair  criticisms, 
and  makes  older  women  appear  ridiculous.  Over- 
dressing is  particularly  an  error  into  which  school-girls 
are  liable  to  fall.  A  writer  on  this  point,  who  assumes 
that  boys'  schools  are  vastly  superior  to  girls,  not 
only  in  the  manner  of  teaching,  but  in  the  comfort 
and  care  of  the  students,  refers  to  the  cost,  thus: 
"It  takes  from  one  to  two  thousand  dollars  a  year  to 
support  a  girl  at  these  schools,  including  the  expense 
of  dresses."  The  concluding  lines  are  so  apropos,  and 
so  fully  state  the  case,  that  we  give  them  without 
comment:  "There  are  a  great  many  young  ladies  in 
American  boarding-schools  whose  dress  costs  a  thou- 
sand dollars  a  year,  or  even  more  than  that  sum.  The 
effect  of  this  overdressing  on  the  spirit  and  manners 
of  those  who  indulge  in  it,  as  well  as  those  who 
are  compelled  to  economical  toilets,  is  readily  ap- 
prehended by  women,  if  not  by  men.  Human 
nature  in  a  girl  is,  perhaps,  as  human  as  it  is  any- 
where, and  so  there  comes  to  be  a  certain  degree  of 


282  TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

emulation  or  competition  in  dress  among  school-girls 
and  altogether  too  much  envy  and  heart-burning." 

The  parents  enter  into  this  feeling,  and  strain 
every  nerve  that  their  girls  may  appear  as  well-dressed 
as  their  companions.  What  is  the  result?  The  girl 
leaves  school,  her  mind  not  half-fitted  for  the  practi- 
cal life-work  before  her,  with  a  love  of  dress  para- 
mount to  other  and  more  important  interests. 

JUDGED   BY  STRANGERS. 

While  expensive  dressing  or  that  beyond  our  means 
must  not  be  our  aim,  still  a  certain  regard  for  looks 
is  a  duty  we  owe  ourselves.  It  is  certain  that  we 
are  judged  by  strangers,  on  the  strength  of  our  per- 
sonal appearance.  It  is  related  of  some  great  painter 
that,  calling  on  a  man  who  stood  high  in  Napoleon's 
council,  and  being  shabbily  dressed,  he  met  with  a  cold 
reception.  But  his  host,  after  conversing  with  him 
awhile,  discovered  talent  and  sense,  and  on  the  young 
artist's  departure  accompanied  him  to  the  antecham- 
ber. The  change  in  manner  awoke  a  surprise  which 
must  have  written  itself  upon  the  artist's  face,  for  the 
great  man  did  not  wait  for  an  inquiry,  but  said — "My 
young  friend,  we  receive  an  unknown  person  accord- 
ing to  his  dress;  we  take  leave  of  him  according  to  his 
merit." 


TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS.  283 

A  GENTLEMAN'S  DRESS. 

A  gentleman  should  give  the  same  scrupulous  atten- 
tion to  neat  dressing  that  a  lady  does.  He  need  not 
be  a  dandy,  but  he  cannot  afford  to  neglect  his  per- 
sonal appearance.  His  clothes  should  fit  him  per- 
fectly, his  hat  and  shoes  must  be  faultless.  His  hair 
does  not  call  for  the  attention  which  a  lady's  requires, 
because  it  is  short,  and  always  cut  in  one  fashion,  but  it 
should  be  regularly  brushed  and  cared  for.  His  beard 
should  be  kept  trimmed  and  well-combed,  and  his 
finger  nails  should  be  scrupulously  clean.  His  linen 
should  be  changed  as  soon  as  soiled,  and  his  ties 
should  be  neat  and  tasteful,  not  loud  and  flashy.  A 
man  of  sense  can  always  please,  but  he  is  just  as 
dependent  on  outward  appearance  for  first  impres- 
sions, as  any  lady. 

DRESS  ACCORDING  TO  AGE. 

It  is  no  doubt,  a  hard  matter  to  grow  old  grace- 
fully. But  both  sexes  should  learn  to  modify  their 
dress  with  approaching  age.  The  tints  of  complexion 
and  outlines  of  form  change,  and  the  dress  should 
change  also.  A  man  who  has  worn  a  beard  all  his  life, 
and  who,  when  he  is  fifty  suddenly  shaves  it  off,  and 
dons  a  jockey  cap  or  a  "crush"  hat,  looks  quite  as  silly 
in  his  affectation  of  youthfulness,  as  does  the  woman 
of  the  same  age,  who  assumes  a  girlish  hat  or  a  brill- 


S84  TASTE  4ND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

iant-hued  dress.  There  is  a  certain  beauty  belong- 
ing to  each  year  of  life,  and  the  woman  who  dresses  in 
consonance  with  her  age,  her  figure  and  her  face,  no 
matter  whether  she  be  young  or  middle-aged,  will 
never  excite  the  smile  of  derision. 

CONSISTENCY  IN    MATERIALS. 

It  is  a  great  mistake  to  put  cheap  trimming  on  a 
handsome  dress,  or  expensive  ornaments  on  a  cheap 
and  flimsy  material.  A  fine  bonnet  is  entirely  out 
of  place  with  a  shabby  dress.  Here  as  elsewhere, 
everything  should  be  in  accord.  And  do  not  when 
you  go  to  market,  or  shopping,  wear  a  dress  rich 
enough  for  the  opera,  under  the  impression  that  only 
rich  dress  will  stamp  your  social  status,  and  prove  to 
the  world  that  you  belong  to  "the  upper  ten."  Neither 
is  the  house  of  God  the  place  for  such  fine  dressing. 
Showy  dresses  are  not  proper  save  at  receptions, 
theater,  opera,  or  like  places. 

CHILDREN'S  FASHIONS. 

If  Kate  Greenaway  accomplished  nothing  else,  by 
her  introduction  of  the  charming  little  costumes  for 
children,  she  has  put  the  mothers  on  the  sensible  road, 
and  we  see  no  longer  the  frail  little  morsels,  with  dress- 
es to  their  knees,  limbs  shivering,  exposed  to  the  cold 
in  a  manner  that  would  bring  tears  to  the  eyes,  were 


4ND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS.  285 

those  little  ones  the  offspring  of  the  poor,  and  neces- 
sity compelled  it.  Warm  dressing  in  childhood  lays 
the  foundation  for  a  healthy  maturity.  We  hear  no 
more  of  "hardening  children."  Sensible,  warm  gar- 
ments for  winter,  the  universal  use  of  woolen  under- 
wear, and  the  adoption  of  those  pretty,  long  "grand- 
ma" dresses  and  cloaks,  has  effected  a  wonderful  revo- 
lution in  favor  of  better  health  for  the  future. 

DRESS  NEATLY  AT  HOME, 

If  a  lady  would  retain  her  influence  with  her  hus- 
band, she  will  never  appear  untidily  dressed.  No 
man  is  pleased  with  careless,  or  slovenly  dress.  And 
no  woman  can  respect  an  untidy  husband.  Both 
should  dress  for  each  other's  eyes,  and  not  neglect 
those  little  efforts  to  beautify  themselves,  that  pleased 
so  much  when  they  were  single.  The  most  sensible  and 
hard-headed  of  men  take  pride  in  their  wives'  and 
daughters'  appearance.  And  it  is  with  a  feeling  of 
certainty  that  he  invites  a  friend  to  accompany  him 
home  at  any  time,  knowing  that  he  will  not  be  mor- 
tified by  finding  his  wife  not  presentable. 

A  LADY'S  EVENING  DRESS. 

As  an  "evening"  dress  is  designed  for  all  manner  of 
festivities,  it  should  be  of  as  rich  material  and  as 
elegantly  made,  as  can  be  afforded.  The  colors 


286  TASTE  4ND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

should  be  harmonious;  the  dress  should  not  be  so 
low  in  the  neck  as  to  excite  remark.  Jewelry  is 
worn;  diamonds  or  pearls  are  especially  adapted  to 
evening  wear.  The  dress  should  be  cut  in  the  latest 
fashion,  but  as  that  changes  with  every  moon,  it  is 
impossible  to  give  directions  on  this  point. 

DRESS  FOR  YOUNG   GIRLS. 

Young  girls  do  not  look  well  in  plush  or  velvet. 
Dresses  of  these  goods  are  too  heavy  and  luxurious 
for  their  fresh  young  faces,  which  should  be  set  off 
with  graceful,  clinging  fabrics.  Many  girls  select 
materials  that  ..re  too  old  for  them.  Older  charms 
can  wear  garments  of  heavy  texture.  We  have 
spoken  of  the  useless  display  which  school-girls  make, 
and  which  is  prejudicial  to  that  freedom  of  thought 
and  action  which  is  the  chief  charm  of  girlhood. 
Simple  fabrics,  of  small  figures,  prettily  trimmed,  and 
fitting  the  lithe  young  forms  neatly,  but  never  tightly, 
are  best  for  the  young. 

BALL  DRESS. 

Here  the  taste  for  elegant  dressing  can  be  gratified 
to  the  utmost,  as  it  is  expected.  Those  who  dance 
much,  however,  should  wear  something  of  light  mate- 
rials. There  is  no  limit  to  colors.  The  more  varied, 
the  more  brilliant  is  the  scene  under  the  glow  of  the 


TAS  TE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS.  287 

gas-light.  Jewelry  is  worn,  but  young  people  should 
wear  natural  flowers.  Elderly  ladies  do  not  wear  low- 
necked  dresses,  and  those  who  do,  throw  a  lace  scarf 
or  shawl  over  the  shoulders.  Steele  once  said  that 
"Diamonds  may  tempt  a  man  to  steal  a  woman,  but 
never  to  love  her."  This  may  be  some  consolation 
to  those  ladies  who  do  not  own  them. 

OPERA    DRESS. 

The  dress  may  be  very  elegant  for  operas,  consist- 
ing of  a  full  evening  costume,  and  the  hair  should  be 
dressed  with  flowers  or  ornaments.  Bonnets  are  not 
worn. 

MORNING  DRESS. 

The  dress  should  be  simple  and  inexpensive,  but 
made  nicely,  and  linen  cuffs  and  collars  are  worn,  or 
ruches.  Jewelry  is  forbidden  by  good  taste.  On 
special  reception  days  a  lady  may  dress  more  expen- 
sively. A  lady  engaged  in  household  affairs  may  see 
her  callers  in  her  morning  dress,  but  it  must  always 
be  neat. 

WALKING    DRESS. 

These  dresses  should  be  made  for  service;  never  so 
long  that  they  will  sweep  the  walk.  Black  or  brown 
or  slate  are  nice  relieved  by  bright  colors  in  modera- 
tion. The  gloves  should  match  in  color.  Fashion  is 
sensible  in  many  respects,  and  ladies  are  no  longer 


288  TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

afraid  to  clothe  their  feet  in  strong,  serviceable 

RIDING  HABIT. 

"A  riding  habit  should  fit  neatly  without  being  too 
tight.  Too  great  length  of  skirt  is  dangerous;  it  is 
best  when  full  enough  to  cover  the  feet.  If  too  long 
its  entanglement  may  throw  the  rider,  and  at  best  it 
will  be  bespattered  with  mud  or  covered  with  dust. 
Water-proof  material  is  the  best,  though  for  summer 
something  lighter  may  be  substituted,  in  which  case 
a  row  or  two  of  shot  should  be  stitched  into  the  bot- 
tom of  the  breadths.  The  waist  should  be  buttoned 
to  the  throat  and  the  sleeves,  close-fitting,  should 
extend  to  the  wrists,  with  linen  cuffs  under  them.  If 
not  too  warm  the  riding  skirt  may  be  buttoned  over 
an  ordinary  skirt,  so  that  when  dismounted  the  former 
may  be  removed  and  a  complete  walking  suit  remain. 
The  hat  varies  in  shape  and  style  with  the  season, 
but  the  neat  jockey  caps  now  worn  are  both  sensible, 
convenient  and  secure.  Whatever  the  style,  the 
trimming  should  be  plain  and  simple,  and  so  arranged 
that  it  cannot  blow  into  the  rider's  eyes  or  incon- 
venience her  by  coming  off." 

DRIVING  DRESS. 

In  a  close  carriage  a  lady  may  suit  herself  as  to  her 
dress.  Delicate  or  bright  colors  will  not  withstand 


TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS.  289 

the  sun  and  dust  of  an  open  carriage,  and  preserve 
their  freshness.  Navy-blue  flannels,  brown  cash- 
meres or  dark  silks  are  best  for  these  occasions. 

GARDEN  PARTY  DRESS. 

The  dress  should  be  of  mere  walking  length,  that 
is,  to  clear  the  ground.  Light  wool,  grenadine,  or 
lawn  are  pretty;  the  color  should  be  pretty,  and  the 
fit  graceful.  The  hostess  receives  on  the  lawn,  and 
wears  her  hat  or  bonnet. 

TRAVELING    DRESS. 

Comfort  and  protection  from  dust  are  the  require- 
ments of  a  traveling  dress.  Soft,  neutral  tints  may 
be  chosen,  and  a  smooth-surfaced  material  which 
does  not  retain  the  dust.  The  dress  should  be  made 
plain,  and  quite  short.  Collars  and  cuffs  are  worn. 
A  gossamer  and  warm  woolen  shawl  must  be  carried, 
as  also  a  sachel  containing  a  change  of  collars,  cuffs, 
gloves,  handkerchiefs,  toilet  articles  and  towels.  A 
traveling  dress  should  be  well  supplied  with  pockets. 

LAWN-TENNIS  SUIT. 

The  pretty   stripes,    soft   flannels,    and    delicately 

shaded  plaids  are  worn  for  lawn-tennis,  croquet  and 

archery  suits.     A  very   handsome  suit   can  be    made 

up  at  very  little  cost.-    The  skirt  should  be  short,  and 

19 


290  TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 

the  boots  or  shoes  worn  very  handsome,  but  service- 
able, as  these  games  are  admirably  adapted  for  show- 
ing off  a  pretty  foot.  The  waist  is  generally  made 
blouse  shape,  as  it  gives  greater  freedom  of  motion. 

A  FEW   HINTS. 

Black  silk  is  in  place  on  every  occasion.  A  lady 
should  always  count  a  black  cashmere  among  her 
possessions.  They  are  always  useful  and  appropriate. 
White  can  only  be  worn  by  young,  slender,  and  pretty 
women.  Little  women  should  affect  small  figures, 
delicate  spotted  linen,  etc.  Large  ones  cannot  wear 
coquettish  little  bonnets  and  doll-like  hats.  Stripes 
give  height  to  a  person,  and  plaids  apparently  reduce 
the  size.  A  short,  squatty  woman  looks  clumsy  in  a 
shawl.  Tall  figures  are  able  to  wear  them. 

Another  matter  that  requires  judgment  is  the  color 
chosen.  Any  color  that  makes  the  complexion  pale 
and  sickly  will  mar  beauty.  A  thin  woman  looks  still 
more  pinched  in  black.  A  full  figure  should  have  the 
waist  of  the  dress  trimmed  in  vest  or  bretelle  style. 
Dark  colors  are  becoming  to  large  people. 

A  tiny  woman  should  not  wear  a  very  large  hat.  A 
large  woman  looks  well  in  one.  It  is  very  difficult 
to  tell  what  colors  will  harmonize.  V/e  give  a  full 
list  of  those  which  do,  and  hope  it  will  be  of  some 
assistance  to  ladies  in  making  up  a  costume: 


T4STE  4ND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS. 


291 


Blue  and  salmon  color. 

Blue  and  drab. 

Blue  and  orange. 

Blue  and  white. 

Blue  and  straw  color. 

Blue  and  maize. 

Blue  and  chestnut. 

Blue  and  brown. 

Blue  and  black. 

Blue  and  gold. 

Blue,  scarlet  and  purple 

Blue,  orange  and  black. 

Blue,  orange,  and  green. 

Blue,  brown,  crimson  an.  1  gold. 

Blue,  orange,  black  and  \  'hite. 

Black  and  white. 

Black  and  orange. 

Black  and  maize. 

Black  and  scarlet. 

Black  and  lilac. 

Black  and  pink. 

Black  and  slate  color. 

Black  and  drab. 

Black  and  buff. 

Black,  yellow  and  crimson. 

Black,  orange,  blue  and  scarlet. 

Crimson  and  drab. 

Crimson  and  gold. 

Crimson  and  orange. 

Crimson   and  maize. 

Crimson  and  purple. 

Green  and  scarlet. 

Green,  scarlet  and  blue. 


Green,  crimson,  blue  and  gold. 

Green  and  gold. 

Green  and  yellow. 

Green  and  orange. 

Lilac  and  crimson. 

Lilac,   scarlet,  black  and  white. 

Lilac,  gold  and  crimson. 

Lilac,  yellow,  scarlet  and  white. 

Lilac  and  gold. 

Lilac  and  maize. 

Lilac  and  cherry. 

Lilac  and  scarlet. 

Purple,  scarlet  and  gold. 

Purple,  scarlet  and  white. 

Purple,    scarlet,    blue  and   orange. 

Purple,    scarlet,   blue,   yellow    and 

black. 

Purple  and  gold. 
Purple  and  orange, 
Purple  and  maize. 
Purple  and  blue. 
Red  and  gold. 
Red  and  white. 
Red  and  gray. 
Red,  orange  and  green. 
Red,  yellow  and  black. 
Red,  gold,  black  and  white. 
Scarlet  and  slate  color. 
Scarlet,  black  and  white. 
Scarlet,  blue  and  white. 
Scarlet,  blue  and  yellow. 
Scarlet,  blue,  black  and  yellow. 
White  and  scarlet. 


292 


TASTE  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS 


White  and  crimson. 
White  and  cherry. 
White  and  pink. 
White  and  brown. 
Yellow  and  chestnut. 
Yellow  and  brown. 


Yellow    and      red. 
Yellow  and  crimson. 
Yellow  and  black. 
Yellow,  purple  and  crimson. 
Yellow,  purple,  scarfet  ana    Diue. 
Yellow  and  purple. 
Yellow  and  violet. 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME. 

boys  and  girls  are  the  pride  of  the  happy 
homes,  as  well  as  the  hope  of  our  nation.  The 
young  people  of  America  are  the  favored  of  the  world. 
Here  every  youth  is  invited  to  as  proud  a  place  as  he 
can  attain  to  by  force  of  mental  powers.  There  is 
no  limit  to  his  opportunities.  The  humblest,  by 
energy  and  application,  may  become  the  greatest; 
poverty  may  lose  itself  in  the  golden  luster  of  wealth; 
obscurity  may  blossom  into  fame;  the  newsboy  may 
become  a  hero;  the  tailor's  apprentice  a  President. 

Intellect,  principle  and  character  are  the  founda- 
tion stones  of  greatness.  Nature  bestows  the  first  of 
these,  but  the  last  two  are  molded  by  yourselves; 
and  without  them,  intellect,  although  it  dazzles  like 
the  sun  at  noonday,  will  not  achieve  lasting  success 
or  renown. 

From  the  beginning  of  life  to  the  present  hour  the 
long  pathway  is  strewn  with  the  wrecks  of  men  and 
women  who,  but  for  want  of  principles,  might  have 
enshrined  their  memories  in  the  hearts  of  their  fellow- 

293 


294  THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME. 

creatures.  Our  land  is  full  of  the  dark  disfiguring 
shadows  cast  by  the  records  of  brilliant  men  whose 
unprincipled  lives  have  saddened  all  who  watched 
theij  careers.  They  start  out  from  the  list  of  the 
pure  and  true  like  black  clouds  and  are  mute  but  elo- 
quent warnings  to  the  young  against  neglecting  the 
formation  of  character. 

Every  boy  and  girl  must  be  taught  that  it  is  char- 
acter that  determines  their  usefulness.  It  is  a  rock 
on  which  to  build,  feeling  sure  that  the  fabric  can 
never  be  shaken.  When  temptation  comes,  it  finds 
all  vulnerable,  just  in  proportion  to  the  strength  of 
character  possessed. 

Character  does  not  mean  reputation.  Many  have 
fair  reputations,  and  yet  are  destitute  of  character — 
that  firm  and  abiding  principle  which  gives  them 
power  and  strength  to  judge  between  right  and  wrong, 
and  to  act  according  to  its  decisions. 

So  many  court  the  "bubble,  reputation,"  with  no 
care  to  build  up  a  character,  so  that  they  stand  well 
in  the  eyes  of  the  world,  that  it  is  no  wonder  that 
their  downfall  is  often  speedy  and  sudden. 

Boys  and  girls  are  too  apt  to  forget  how  much  they 
are  indebted  to  their  parents  for  all  that  helps  to 
brighten  their  lives.  They  take  the  good  things  that 
fall  to  their  share,  as  if  they  were  their  unquestioned 
right,  and  never  ask  how  much  of  toil  and  sorrow  are 


BOYS    AND    GIRLS   AT    HOME. 


THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME.  295 

involved  on  the  part  of  the  parents.  To  a  certain 
degree  it  is  their  duty  to  provide  many  things — a  com- 
fortable home,  an  education,  and  moral  instruction. 
But  most  kind  parents  go  far  beyond  the  fulfillment 
of  those  duties  in  their  anxiety  to  do  all  they  can  for 
the  children  of  their  love. 

Such  parents  subject  themselves  to  hard  and  con- 
stant labor  (or  if  not  actual  labor  to  perpetual  anxiety) 
that  they  may  accumulate  something  for  their  boys 
and  girls.  There  is  scarce  a  father  who  when  asked 
why  he  makes  life  such  a  continual  grind,  but  will 
answer,  "I  want  to  have  my  children  provided  for — 
I  don't  want  them  to  have  as  hard  a  time  as  I  have." 

It  is  a  generous  motive,  but  it  is  unjust  to  them- 
selves and  to  the  children.  Unjust  to  themselves  as 
it  deprives  them  of  the  chance  for  rest  and  mental 
culture.  They  become  mere  machines,  losing  all 
taste  for  social  enjoyments,  and  unfitting  themselves 
for  companions  to  the  ones  for  whom  they  are  striv- 
ing. The  injustice  to  the  boys  and  girls  lies  in  the 
fact  that,  finding  a  fortune  laid  by  ready  for  them, 
they  seldom  care  to  acquire  those  stern  habits  of 
industry,  self-reliance  and  thrift  necessary  to  pilot 
them  through  the  world.  Thus  a  twofold  evil  is 
wrought,  and  the  home,  business  life  and  the  State, 
are  equally  losers. 

Boys  and  girls  should  be  liberally  provided  with 


296  THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME. 

those  home  pleasures  which  make  it  a  place  to  love 
to  be.  And  among  them  ranks  music  first.  We 
never  met  one  who  did  not  appreciate  musical  sounds, 
from  the  little  babe  whose  eyes  turn  so  swiftly  to  the 
uncomprehended  sounds,  to  the  feeble  old  man,  whose 
ears  are  growing  dim. 

To  some,  the  word  music  conveys  the  idea  of  an 
expensive  instrument,  and  a  fine  performer  to  bring 
out  the  tones  of  that  instrument.  These  are  agree- 
able to  have,  but  many  homes  where  these  cannot  be 
obtained,  can  have  the  music  of  blended  voices  and 
sweet  harmony. 

Home  is  the  spot  where  music  is  the  expression  of 
the  purest  emotions,  for  it  is  within  every  heart. 

The  trees,  rustling  perpetually,  breathe  music. 
The  birds  are  Nature's  songsters.  Dreams  of  a  fairer 
world  are  filled  with  celestial  harmony.  And  in  the 
home  sweet  songs  should  have  their  part  in  strength- 
ening its  ties,  and  drawing  nearer  those  who  dwell 
therein. 

There  are  many  lessons  which  the  young  girl  must 
take  home  to  herself,  ere  she  is  prepared  to  go  into 
'  society.  One  of  the  commonest  faults  is  that  freedom 
of  manner  which  passes  for  friendliness.  Earl  Duf- 
ferin  once,  when  making  an  address  to  the  young 
ladies  of  a  school  at  Quebec,  gently  reproved  them  for 
using  pet  names  in  public.  The  subject  might  have 


THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME.  297 

been  pursued  further,  for  there  exists  too  great  free- 
dom of  manner  between  the  young  people  of  to-day. 
A  young  lady  should  frown  down  any  young  man  who 
addresses  her  with  that  air  of  coarse  familiarity 
which  some  assume.  They  mistake  freedom  of  speech 
for  frankness;  familiarity  for  ease  of  manner;  and 
adopt  the  habit  of  calling  their  lady  friends  by  their 
Christian  names,  before  strangers,  which  is  undigni- 
fied and  ill-bred. 

Primness  or  prudishness  are  distasteful,  and  arouse 
antagonism.  But  there  is  a  gentle  dignity,  a  serenity 
of  manner  which  implies  a  warm  and  gentle  nature, 
which  does  not  conflict  with  friendly  mirth  and  enjoy- 
ment. 

The  young  girl  who  unites  these  genial  qualities 
with  refinement — who  is  mirth-loving,  dignified  and 
affable;  who,  while  she  has  a  large  circle  of  ardent 
friends  of  either  sex,  does  not  expose  herself  to  the 
faintest  approach  to  rudeness,  and  whose  principles 
are  fixed,  her  heart  tender  and  true,  and  her  manners 
gentle,  is  indeed,  in  truth  and  in  spirit,  a  real  lady! 

Don't  talk  slang.  There  are  girls,  and  just  as 
many  boys,  who  think  they  must  have  a  stock  of  slang 
phrases  at  hand  to  embellish  conversation  with,  or 
else  they  will  be  deemed  lacking  in  worldly  knowl- 
edge. If  that  is  really  your  idea,  it  would  not  be  a 
bad  plan  to  write  out  all  the  popular  phrases  of  the 


298  THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME. 

day,  and  keep  your  brothers  at  hand  to  lay  them  in 
between  the  pauses,  as  you  would  make  sandwiches. 
It  would  save  the  listener  the  shock  of  hearing  them 
from  your  lips,  although,  as  we  said,  slang  is  not  as 
elegant  from  their  lips  as  plain,  straightforward  lan- 
guage. 

These  phrases  have  usually  been  coined  by  unculti- 
vated persons,  or  have  been  random  utterances,  appli- 
cable to  some  occurrence  entirely  foreign  to  the  com- 
mon use  of  the  saying. 

How  unsuited  to  all  conceptions  of  womanly  char- 
acter to  hear  such  repulsive  words  from  the  sweet  and 
delicate  lips  of  a  young  girl.  It  is  a  shock  to  the 
finer  feelings  of  a  young  man,  no  matter  if  he  is  a  trifle 
given  to  that  style  of  speech  himself,  and  his  respect 
for  womanly  delicacy  is  immeasurably  lowered.  He 
has  been  told  that  girls  are  modest,  retiring,  and  art- 
less. How  does  he  reconcile  this  with  the  answer 
some  timid  appearing  little  Miss  may  give  to  some 
question — "Not  for  Joe!"  or  "I  can't  see  it!"  or  to 
hear  her  declare  to  some  other  fairy-like  creature, 
alluding  to  some  one  who  has  offended  her,  that  she 
"will  go  for  him!" 

Slang  imparts  a  flippant,  impertinent  air,  which  is 
never  the  mark  of  a  true  lady,  and  she  cannot  pass 
current  in  society  as  such. 

Be  as  witty,    cheerful,  light-hearted  as  you  can. 


THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME.  299 

Say  all  the  funny  things  which  come  into  your  mind, 
so  they  are  simply  uttered.  But  wherever  you  are, 
no  matter  how  strong  the  temptation,  abjure  slang 
phrases. 

Boys,  be  equally  careful  to  discard  coarseness  and 
profanity.  A  boy's  language  should  be  chosen  with 
a  view  to  correct  speaking,  and  clearness.  Rough 
phrases  are  the  outgrowth  of  a  rough  nature,  and  will 
stamp  those  who  utter  them  as  low  and  debased. 
The  contact  a  boy  has  with  rough  companions  makes 
him  careless  and  thoughtless,  but  it  is  his  duty  to 
guard  his  tongue,  vigilantly.  Show  respect  to  your 
elders;  avoid  rough  and  boisterous  intimates,  and 
attach  yourselves  to  your  homes.  Be  as  jolly  as  you 
please.  It  is  healthful  to  have  a  merry  boy  or  girl  in 
the  home,  ready  to  laugh  at  anything  ludicrous,  and 
able  to  create  sport  for  the  rest.  There  are  enough 
to  reflect  the  sad  side  of  life,  or  its  irritable  side,  or 
its  sober  side.  There  should  be  some  to  awaken  the 
mirth  that  often  trembles  just  below  the  surface  of 
painful  experiences.  A  real,  impetuous  laugh  dissi- 
pates the  darkness,  and  brings  genuine  daylight.  But 
the  fun  must  be  sincere — the  laugh  no  dry,  half- 
hearted one.  It  should  be  spontaneous,  irresistible, 
infectious.  Such  laughs  are  catching,  for  it  is  hard 
not  to  be  joyous  when  we  see  others  so,  who  are  in 
earnest  about  it. 


300  THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME. 

If  the  boys  and  girls  prize  their  homes  as  they 
should,  they  will  value  the  priceless  opportunities 
afforded  them  of  becoming  useful  and  renowned. 
May  they  study  the  causes  of  failure  of  those  who  have 
preceded  them,  and  shun  them  as  they  love  their 
own  good  names,  and  hope  for  an  honored  future. 

Be  true,  honest,  faithful  and  industrious.  Live  so 
that  the  world  will  need  you,  and  the  parents  who 
love  you  will  be  proud  of  your  success. 

Who  knows  how  far  to  trust  a  friend, 

How  far  to  hate  a  foe? 
Just  when  to  speak  a  kindly  Yes, 

And  when  a  sturdy  No? 
Who  knows — the  grim  old  Grecian  sage 

Says  gravely,  from  my  shelf, 
The  wisest  man  in  all  the  world 

Is  he  who  knows  himself. 


CHAPTER  XXIV.      , 

THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

customs  of  society  have  undergone  a  remark- 
^  able  change  within  the  last  decade.  A  few  years 
ago  death  and  its  surroundings  were  terribly  somber 
and  gloomy.  Death  will  ever,  so  long  as  the  world 
stands,  be  associated  with  dread  and  anguish,  for  to 
die  is  to  take  a  step  into  that  unknown  land,  and 
true  hearts  that  are  bereaved  will  mourn  deeply  and 
long.  The  human  mind  will  ever  be  appalled  at  its 
solemn  silence,  and  only  the  eye  of  faith  can  pierce 
the  gloom. 

It  is  a  healthy  sign  when  the  customs  of  a  people 
begin  to  lose  their  forbidding  character,  and  the  sur- 
roundings are  made  more  beautiful — more  comforting. 

PARADE  OF  GRIEF. 

Ostentation  is  forbidden  by  good  taste.  The 
mourner  who  exhibits  an  unseemly  fear  lest  her  bon- 
net will  not  be  becoming,  has  not  that  tender  affec- 
tion which  will  live  long  after  its  object  has  gone 
hence,  and  we  need  not  fear  that  her  heart  will  break. 

301 


302  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

But  to  the  grief-stricken  one  who  will  not  be  com- 
forted, like  Rachel,  "because  they  are  not,"  few 
words  can  be  said.  It  is  kinder  to  leave  them  to 
weep,  only  praying  that  He  who  holds  them  tenderly 
in  His  hands,  may  bring  them  peace. 

ATTENDING  TO  TRIFLES. 

Many  people  are  shocked  at  the  attention  to  trifling 
details  which  some  sorrowing  mourners  show.  This  is 
no  evidence  of  a  lack  of  grief ;  it  merely  shows  that  the 
habit  of  attending  to  daily  matters  goes  right  on. 
And  to  such  it  is  a  blessing  that,  in  the  first  prostra- 
tion of  a  great  grief  these  purely  mechanical  matters 
can  engage  their  attention  and  divert  them,  if  even 
for  a  short  time,  from  sorrow. 

BEFORE  THE  FUNERAL. 

The  manner  of  caring  for  the  dead  is  growing  grad- 
ually into  a  closer  imitation  of  life,  and  we  see  the 
dear  ones  now  lying  in  that  peaceful  repose  which 
gives  hope  to  those  who  view  them.  No  longer  does 
the  gruesome  and  chilling  shroud  enwrap  the  form. 
The  garments  worn  in  life  have  taken  its  place,  and 
men  and  women  are  dressed  as  in  life.  It  gives  a  feel- 
ing of  comfort  to  see  them  thus,  for  it  imparts  a  nat- 
ural look  which  could  never  accompany  the  shroud. 

Flowers  are  strewn  about  the  placid  face,  and  one 


FLORAL     MEMORIAL. 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING.  303 

cannot  but  remember  those  grand  lines  from  Bryant: 

"He  wraps  the  drapery  of  his  couch  about  him, 
And  lies  down  to  pleasant  dreams.' 

WATCHING  THE  DEAD. 

It  is  no  longer  the  custom  to  watch  the  dead — an 
excellent  omission,  for  many  of  those  vigils  were  un- 
seemly in  their  mirth.  Some  friend  or  relative  or 
friend  sits  up  in  order  to  give  the  dead  any  attention 
necessary.  The  preparation  of  the  deceased  is  always 
attended  to  by  some  kind.ly  friends  who  are  not  mem- 
bers of  the  family,  and  that  agonizing  duty  is  spared 
the  afflicted  ones.  It  i^  more  thoughtful  for  someone 
to  volunteer  to  remain  with  the  family,  through  the 
long  sad  night  hours.  It  makes  the  grief  and  loneli- 
ness of  the  house  less  oppressive. 

CRAPE  ON  THE    DOOR. 

"Ring  the  bell  softly, 

There's  crape  on  the  door." 

Black  crape  tied  with  white  ribbon  is  placed  upon 
the  door  or  bell  knob,  as  an  indication  that  the  dread 
visitor  has  entered  the  home,  and  borne  away  another 
prize.  This  should  deter  the  caller  from  ringing,  if 
it  is  possible  to  bring  the  attendant  to  the  door  with- 
out doing  so.  No  one  knows  save  those  who  have 
passed  through  a  sorrow,  how  the  clang  of  a  bell, 


304  THE  HOUSE  Oh'  MOURNING. 

with  its  noisy  reminder  of  active  life,  jars  upon  the 
nerves.  In  many  houses,  the  hall  door  is  left  ajar, 
that  friends  may  enter  quietly.  The  kindly  instincts 
of  the  heart  tell  them  to  speak  softly,  and  be  helpful 
and  sympathetic. 

White  crape  looped  with  white  ribbon  is  appropri- 
ate for  a  child  or  young  person.  For  the  aged,  black 
crape  and  black  ribbon  are  used. 

PALL-BEARERS. 

From  six  to  eight  pall-bearers  are  chosen  from  the 
immediate  friends  of  the  deceased,  and  near  to  him 
in  age.  A  very  young  girl  may  be  conveyed  to  the 
hearse  by  girls  of  her  own  age.  The  duty  of  the  pall- 
bearers is  to  carry  the  coffin  from  the  house  to  the 
hearse — also  from  the  hearse  to  the  grave.  The  car- 
riage in  which  they  ride  precedes  the  hearse.  They 
are  provided  with  black  gloves  and  crape  for  the  arm, 
when  attending  an  elderly  person,  but  wear  white 
gloves  and  white  crape  for  a  young  person.  These 
are  furnished  by  the  family  through  the  undertaker. 
Notes  are  sent  to  those  who  are  to  act  in  this  capac- 
ity, requesting  their  services. 

AT  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

When  the  sad  event  has  become  known,  friends 
call  to  offer  their  services,  but  the  afflicted  ones  are 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING.  305 

not  expected  to  see  any  save  their  most  particular 
friends,  whose  duty  it  is  to  make  all  arrangements 
for  the  burial,  consulting  with  those  most  interested 
about  the  details,  receive  those  who  call,  or  fulfill 
any  and  every  requirement  that  may  arise.  Visits 
of  condolence  are  not  made  until  after  the  funeral. 

CARRIAGES. 

The  family  decides  about  how  many  it  wishes  to  in- 
vite to  the  interment,  and  provides  carriages  for  them. 
A  list  is  made  out,  and  given  to  the  undertaker,  that 
he  may  know  about  how  many  carriages  will  be 
needed,  and  in  what  order  to  arrange  them.  Many 
bring  their  own  carriages,  but  a  certain  number  is 
provided  by  the  family,  among  which  are  those  for 
the  pall-bearers,  and  clergyman,  when  he  accompanies 
the  dead  to  the  grave. 

FUNERAL    INVITATIONS. 

In  cities  and  towns  where  death  notices  are  in- 
serted in  the  papers,  the  words  "Friends  invited,"  is 
sufficient  invitation  to  the  funeral.  But  in  smaller 
places,  it  becomes  necessary  to  issue  invitations  to 
those  whose  presence  is  desired.  The  invitations 
are  engraved  on  small-sized  note  paper,  with  wide 
black  border,  in  this  manner: 

"Yourself  and  family   are  respectfully    invited  to 


306  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

attend  the  funeral  of  Miss  Stella  Mason,  from  her  late 
residence  (number  of  residence  or  the  church,  if  the 
services  are  to  be  held  there  may  be  placed  here) 
on  Wednesday,  July  I4th,  at  1 1  o'clock  A.  M  .  Burial 
at  Forest  Home  Cemetery." 

Do  not  slight  an  invitation  to  a  funeral. 

FUNERAL  SERVICES. 

When  the  funeral  is  held  at  the  house,  the  family  do 
not  view  the  remains  after  the  people  have  begun  to 
assemble.  Just  before  the  clergyman  begins  the  serv- 
ices the  mourners  are  seated  near  the  casket,  the 
nearest  one  at  the  head,  and  the  others  following  in 
order  of  kinship.  If  it  is  possible,  they  are  placed 
in  a  room  adjoining,  where  the  words  of  the  service 
can  be  heard.  They  are  thus  spared  the  pain  of  giv- 
ing way  to  their  grief  before  strangers. 

Those  who  are  present  should  look  at  the  dead 
before  they  take  their  seats  for  the  service,  although 
it  is  customary  for  the  master  of  ceremonies  (usually 
the  undertaker)  ere  the  coffin  lid  is  closed,  to  invite 
all  who  so  desire,  to  take  a  last  look,  ere  parting  for- 
ever. 

The  casket  is  never  opened  at  the  church,  unless  it 
is  the  funeral  of  a  prominent  man  and  numbers  go  to 
the  church  for  that  purpose,  whom  the  house  would 
not  accommodate. 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING.  307 

The  family,  together  with  those  who  are  to  be  pres- 
ent at  the  interment,  should  be  allowed  to  pass  from 
the  house  or  church  before  the  others  do. 

"FUNERAL  PRIVATE." 

This  announcement  has  caused  many  to  remain 
away  from  a  funeral,  lest  they  intrude.  But  it  merely 
means  that  the  interment  will  be  private,  only  a  few 
near  friends  accompanying  the  remains  to  the  grave; 
but  at  the  services  all  who  choose  to  come  will  be 

welcome. 

FLOWERS. 

How  tenderly  these  emblems  of  purity  and  beauty 
speak  to  the  mourning  heart.  They  are  the  tokens  of 
sympathy  sent  by  friends  to  comfort  the  lonely  ones. 
Their  fragrance  mingles  with  the  memory  of  the 
dear  one  who  has  gone.  How  fitting  that  their 
exquisite  beauty  and  perfume  should  mingle  with  the 
last  sad  rites  and  consolation  be  found  by  silently 
breathing  the  heart's  emotions  in  their  blossoms,  for 

"They  are  love's  last  gifts;  bring  flowers,  pale  flowers." 
ORDER  OF  FUNERAL. 

The  carriages  containing  the  clergyman  and  pall- 
bearers come  first.  The  hearse  follows,  and  behind 
that  are  the  carriages  of  the  immediate  mourners,  in 
their  proper  order.  At  the  place  of  burial  the  minister 


308  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

precedes  the  coffin.  An  undertaker  who  is  compe- 
tent, always  directs  all  the  details,  so  that  the  family 
have  no  part  in  any  such  painful  duty. 

MILITARY    FUNERALS. 

The  sword  and  sash  of  an  army  or  navy  officer  are 
laid  across  the  coffin  lid,  and  the  national  flag  is 
draped  over  him.  When  the  deceased  is  buried  with 
Masonic  or  other  honors,  the  lodge  or  body  to  which 
he  belongs,  conducts  the  funeral  according  to  its  own 
formulas.  In  case  the  deceased  is  a  member  of  an 
organization  that  expects  to  conduct  the  services, 
prompt  notice  should  be  sent  them,  so  that  they  may 
have  time  to  prepare  for  the  funeral. 

HOW  LONG  MUST  MOURNING  BE  WORN? 

A  widow's  bonnet  should  be  of  heavy  crape,  with 
white  crape  or  tarletan  border,  and  the  veil  must  be 
worn  over  the  face.  At  the  end  of  three  months  she 
may  wear  the  veil  depending  from  the  back  of  her  bon- 
net. This  deep  veil  must  be  worn  a  year,  and  mourn- 
ing must  be  worn  two  years.  Many  widows  never 
return  to  gay  colors,  and  some  wear  mourning  the  rest 
of  their  lives. 

A  widower  wears  mourning  for  a  year.  His  mourn- 
ing must  consist  of  a  black  suit,  black  gloves  and 
necktie,  and  a  deep  weed  on  his  hat.  Those  who 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING.  309 

are  very  punctilious  in  such  matters,  wear  black- 
edged  linen  and  black  studs  and  cuff-buttons. 

For  parents  or  children  deep  mourning  is  worn  for 
a  year.  After  that,  though  mourning  is  worn  another 
year,  the  material  is  changed,  and  crape  is  dispensed 
with. 

A  sudden  transition  at  the  end  of  the  period  of 
mourning  from  black  to  glaring  colors,  should  not  be 
made.  Any  change  of  this  nature  should  be  gradual. 

Crape  and  soft  woolen  goods  for  brothers  and  sis- 
ters are  worn  for  six  months;  after  that  gray,  black 
and  white  can  be  adopted. 

Of  course  there  are  no  set  limits  to  the  period  of 
wearing  mourning,  for  these  matters  vary  with  the 
individual  tastes  and  feelings  of  the  wearer.  Custom 
has  laid  down  certain  rules,  which,  however,  can  be 
widely  departed  from  at  will. 

For  uncles,  aunts,  cousins  and  grandparents,  black 
suits  without  crape  are  worn. 

Children  wear  mourning  for  a  parent  one  year.  It 
seems  an  unnatural  custom  to  put  very  small  children 
into  deep  black,  even  for  so  near  a  friend  as  a  parent. 
The  little  ones  do  not  comprehend  the  loss  that  has 
come  to  them;  why  teach  them  the  meaning  of  their 
sad  garb? 

Gentlemen  in  mourning  wear  weeds,  whose  depth 
is  proportioned  to  the  closeness  of  their  relationship 


310  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

to  the  dead.     Their  mourning  is   adhered  to    only  as 
long  as  the  ladies  of  their  household  wear  it. 

ATTENDING  PLACES  OF  AMUSEMENT. 

A  person  in  deep  mourning  does  not  go  into  society, 
or  receive  or  pay  visits.  Neither  are  they  found  at 
the  theater  or  other  public  places  of  amusement,  un- 
less it  is  a  musical  or  concert,  for  six  months.  For- 
merly, a  year's  seclusion  was  demanded  of  a  mourner; 
as  also  was  the  fashion  of  wearing  purple,  or  "half- 
mourning"  on  leaving  off  deep  black.  There  are  some 
natures  to  whom  this  isolation  long  continued,  would 
prove  fatal.  Such  may  be  forgiven,  if  they  indulge 
in  innocent  recreations  a  little  earlier  than  custom 
believes  compatible  with  genuine  sorrow. 

It  is  not  in  good  taste  to  attend  a  funeral  in  gay  col- 
ors. You  are  not  expected  to  assume  mourning,  but 
nearly  every  one  has  a  plain,  dark  suit  that  is  less 
noticeable. 

WEARING  MOURNING. 

There  are  many  who  do  not  believe  in  wearing 
mourning  at  all.  Such  have  a  right  to  refuse  it — it 
concerns  no  one  but  themselves.  On  the  other  hand, 
much  can  be  said  in  favor  of  the  custom.  A  mourn- 
ing dress  is  a  protection  against  thoughtless  or  cruel 
inquiries.  It  is  also  in  consonance  with  the  feelings 
of  the  one  bereaved,  to  whom  brightness  and  raerri- 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING.  311 

ment  seem  almost  a  mockery  of  the  woe  imo  which 
they  have  been  plunged.  With  such,  garments  of 
mourning  are^"an  outward  sign  of  an  inward  sorrow," 
and  they  cling  to  them  as  the  last  token  of  respect 
and  affection  which  they  can  pay  the  dead. 

CARDS  AND  WRITING-PAPER. 

Gentlemen  or  ladies  in  mourning  use  black-bordered 
cards  and  stationery  for  their  social  correspondence, 
until  the  period  of  mourning  expires.  The  width  of 
this  border  is  a  matter  of  taste.  But  if  they  write 
any  letters  upon  business,  they  use  plain  white  sta- 
tionery. 

MEMORIAL  CARDS. 

Sometimes  the  bereaved  ones  send  cards  announc- 
ing their  loss  to  friends.  It  is  far  less  harrowing  than 
to  write,  especially  when  one's  circle  of  acquaintance 
is  large.  They  should  say  very  little: 

In  Memoriam: 

HELEN  LANGDON 

Died  in  Chicago,  March  25,  1891, 

Aged  23  years. 

The  words  "In  affectionate  remembrance"  may  be 
substituted  for  "In  Memoriam." 

CALLS  OF  CONDOLENCE. 


312  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

friends  within  ten  days  of  the  death,  but  mere  acquaint- 
ances should  not  call  until  the  family  have  appeared 
at  their  place  of  worship. 

When  those  who  are  in  mourning  feel  able  to  re- 
ceive visits,  they  announce  the  fact  by  sending  out 
black-edged  cards  inclosed  in  envelopes  to  those  who 
have  called  upon  them.  This  custom  is  not  general, 
although  a  very  excellent  one. 

It  is  best  not  to  allude  to  the  sorrow  unless  it  is 
seen  that  it  is  expected  of  them  to  do  so.  It  is  a 
relief  with  some  people  to  talk  of  the  departed,  while 
it  proves  a  torture  to  others,  and  only  reopens  the 
wound. 

SECLUDING  ONE'S    SELF. 

It  is  better  for  the  sorrowing  ones  to  mingle  with 
their  fellow-creatures  as  soon  as  they  can  endure  com- 
pany. Their  own  feelings  are  their  best  guides.  To 
some  dispositions  seclusion  is  a  sweet  and  gentle  minis- 
try— they  are  never  alone.  But  to  others  the 
monotony  and  loneliness  strike  a  chill,  and  they 
must  have  some  change  to  keep  them  from  a  settled 
melancholy. 

It  is  not  usual  to  give  or  attend  entertainments 
within  a  year  of  the  death  of  a  near  relative;  but  if 
the  custom  is  broken  by  the  young,  it  should  not 
excite  unkind  remarks.  Older  people  should  not 
expect  younger  ones  to  observe  such  strict  rules  as 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING,  313 

they  lay  down  for  themselves.  The  "young  suffer  in- 
tensely, but  it  is  a  wise  provision  of  nature  that  it  is 
not  as  lasting  as  the  grief  of  maturer  years.  They 
should  pay  a  suitable  respect  for  the  relatives  they 
have  lost;  but  do  not  ask  them  to  seclude  themselves 
until  their  lives  are  lastingly  shadowed.  We  owe  love 
and  remembrance  to  the  dead;  but  we  also  owe  a 
duty  to  the  living.  And  if  we  would  hallow  the  mem- 
ory of  those  we  have  lost,  we  should  be  more  tender 
toward  those  who  are  left  us  to  love  and  cherish. 

"There's  a  beautiful  face  in  the  silent  air 

Which  follows  me  ever  and  near, 
With  smiling  eyes  and  amber  hair, 
With  voiceless  lips,  yet  with  breath  of  prayer, 

That  I  feel,  but  cannot  hear. 

"The  snow-white  hand  and  head  of  gold 

Lie  low  in  a  marble  sleep — 
I  stretch  my  arms  for  the  clasp  of  old, 
But  the  empty  air  is  strangely  cold, 

And  so  my  vigil  alone  I  keep! 

"There's  a  sinless  brow  with  a  radiant  crown, 

And  across  laid  down  in  the  dust; 
There's  a  smile  where  never  a  shadow  comes  now, 
And  tears  no  more  from  those  dear  eyes  flow — 
So  sweet  in  their  innocent  trust. 

"Ah,  well!  the  summer  is  coming  again, 

Singing  her  same  old  song; 
But  oh,  it  sounds  like  a  sob  of  pain 
As  it  floats  in  the  sunshine  and  the  rain 
O'er  the  hearts  of  the  world's  great  throng. 


314  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

There's  a  beautiful  land  beyond  the  skies, 

And  I  long  to  reach  its  shore; 
For  I  know  I  shall  find  my  darling  there — 
The  beautiful  eyes  and  amber  hair 

Of  the  loved  one  gone  before." 

"What  a  pleasant  thought,  that  when  we  come  to 
die  people  will  show  us  respect,  that  they  will  gather 
round  the  casket  and  tenderly  lay  our  remains  away 
in  the  earth  for  the  angels  to  watch  over  till  the 
morning  of  the  resurrection.  Tears  will  fall  upon  our 
grave,  and  appreciative  words  will  be  uttered.  But 
would  it  not  be  well  if  honors  were  not  entirely  post- 
humous? if  a  part  of  the  love  and  affection  that  is  so 
freely  given  to  the  dead,  had  encircled  them  when 
living?" 

"I  sometimes  think  that  it  would  be  best 

If  the  hands  that  labor  were  folded  o'er 
The  silent  breast  in  the  last  sweet  rest, 

When  I  think  of  the  friends  who  have  gone  before; 
Who  have  crossed  o'er  the  river's  rolling  tide 
And  reached  the  home  on  the  other  side. 

"It  seems  so  far  to  the  wished-for  day, 

And  weary,  and  lonely,  and  lost  I  roam; 
I  feel  like  a  child  who  has  lost  his  way, 

And  is  always  longing  for  home,  sweet  home! 
But  I  say  to  my  yearning  heart:     "Be  still, 
We'll  go  home  when  it  is  God's  will." 

"The  night  is  long,  but  the  day  will  break 

When  the  light  of  Eternity,  streaming  down 
On  the  cross  we  bear  for  the  Master's  sake, 


THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING.  316 

Will  guide  our  steps  to  the  promised  crown. 
A  little  while,  and  the  gate  is  passed — 
Home,  and  heaven,  and  rest  at  last!" 

— F.  L.  Stanton. 

"Death  does  not  change  the  nature,  it  does  not 
destroy  the  affections.  Think  you  those  who  clasped 
us  in  their  arms  but  yesterday  are  careless  of  us  be- 
cause they  have  gone  beyond  the  veil?  Not  at  all. 
The  purest  affection  is  the  holiest  affection.  The 
mother's  love  is  taken  as  the  type  of  heavenly  love; 
but  has  that  mother  who  watched  over  me  for  years, 
and  was  a  mother  always — now  that  she  has  gone  into 
the  heavenly  world — has  she  ceased  to  be  a  mother 
still?  No,  she  is  in  the  cloud.  Gazing  up  into  glory, 
she  sees  the  face  of  Jesus.  Gazing  down  on  earth, 
she  sees  the  forms  of  those  she  loves.  *  *  *  * 
*  *  You  do  not  see  the  loved  ones,  because  your 
duties  here,  all  your  energies,  are  to  be  employed  in 
doing  what  you  can.  You  are  to  look  at  present  duty. 
They  are  resting,  and  gaze  down  upon  you.  It  is 
time  enough  for  you  to  enter  upon  that  beautiful  vision 
when  you  become  victors." — Bishop  Simpson. 

"Ours  is  the  grief  thy  face  no  more  to  see; 
Thine  to  look  ever  on  the  Lamb  of  Calvary. 

Ours  the  regret  for  hasty  words  once  said; 
Thine  the  forgiveness  bought  by  Him  who  bled. 

Ours  still  to  feel  the  sting  of  venomed  tongue; 
Thine  rapt  to  listen  to  the  angels'  song. 


316  THE  HOUSE  OF  MOURNING. 

Ours  still  to  toss  on  life's  tempestuous  tide; 
Thine  anchored  in  the  harbor  safe  to  ride. 

We  would  not  call  thee  back,  though  tears  fast  flow, 
But  pray  in  Gird's  good  time  also  to  go." 

"The  child  that  enters  life  comes  not  with  knowledge  or  intent; 
So  those  who  enter  d<;ath  must  go  as  little  children  sent; 
Nothing  is  known;  but  I  believe  that  God  is  overhead, 
And  as  life  is  to  the  living,  so  death  is  to  the  dead." 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

ETIQUETTE   OF  VISITING. 

TTOSPITALITY  is  enjoined  upon  us  by  the  teach- 
[  ings  of  sacred  lore,  and  by  the  practice  of  all 
nations.  Oriental  hospitality  is  proverbial.  In  the 
far-off  east  the  customs  which  were  in  vogue  in  the 
ages  gone  by,  are  found  still  in  use,  in  all  their  primi- 
tive simplicity. 

Each  land,  in  our  more  modern  ideas,  has  its  own 
peculiar  tenets  of  hospitality.  An  Englishman  makes 
the  guest  within  his  domicile  feel  free  to  enjoy  perfect 
freedom,  and  he  gives  him  generously  from  his  own 
abundance.  The  Frenchman,  who  loves  conversa- 
tion better  than  aught  else,  amuses  his  guest  with  an 
unlimited  amount  of  talk,  and  regards  the  mere  eating 
and  drinking  as  a  very  small  part  of  true  hospitality. 
And  we  think  he  is  right.  For  there  must  be 
something  higher  in  life  than  the  bare  pleasure  of 
the  table,  and  if  a  host  can  only  bestow  the  latter, 
how  empty  and  unsatisfactory  is  a  sojourn  beneath 
his  roof! 

In  ancient  Greece  hospitality  was  a  part  of  their 

317 


318  ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING. 

religion.  The  same  sense  of  protection  to  a  guest 
was  felt  among  the  ancient  Romans.  Coming  down 
to  our  own  times,  we  as  a  people,  err  on  the  side  of 
kindness.  We  strive  so  hard  to  please  and  amuse 
our  guests,  that  we  are  in  danger  of  wearying  them 
by  the  number  and  variety  of  amusements  that  we 
provide  for  them. 

STATED  TIME  FOR  VISITS. 

Once  the  fashion  was,  when  society  had  more  of 
a  free,  off-hand  character,  and  did  not  impose  so  many 
duties  upon  its  votaries,  to  say  to  a  friend — "Come 
and  see  me  any  time,  and  stay  as  long  as  you  wish." 
But  this  is  often  the  cause  of  much  inconvenience. 
A  friend  who  comes  in  upon  you  unexpectedly,  may 
disarrange  your  plans  by  his  inopportune  appearance. 
Society  regulates  these  matters  better  now,  by  add- 
ing to  the  invitation  a  stated  time  for  the  visit,  as 
"Come  next  Monday,  and  remain  with  us  a  week  (or 
month)." 

MEETING  A  GUEST. 

When  you  expect  a  guest  send  some  member  of 
the  family  to  the  railway  station  to  meet  him.  Even 
though  this  may  not  be  a  first  visit,  your  duty  is  the 
same  in  this  respect.  When  they  reach  the  house, 
give  them  a  cordial  welcome.  Make  them  feel  that 
the  invitation  was  not  an  empty  compliment.  Show 


ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING.  319 

them  to  the  room  they  are  to  occupy,  and  have  every 
arrangement  for  their  comfort  made  beforehand. 

LENGTH  OF  VISIT. 

The  length  of  time  consumed  in  a  visit  depends 
greatly  upon  the  friendly  relations  between  the  par- 
ties, as  also  the  distance  the  guest  has  come.  A  vis- 
itor of  a  thousand  miles  would  be  expected  to  stay 
much  longer  than  one  whose  home  was  only  twency 
miles  distant.  The  guest  should  at  an  early  moment 
inform  the  hostess  just  how  long  will  be  the  stay,  and 
by  this  means,  she  will  know  what  plans  to  form  foi 
entertaining.  Besides,  her  own  affairs  may  be  seri- 
ously changed,  if  she  is  in  ignorance  as  to  how  long 
a  friend  intends  to  remain.  No  one  likes  to  ask  how 
long  another  is  going  to  stay,  for  it  savors  of  iiahos- 
pitality,  and  yet  it  is  imporant  to  know. 

BOTH    INVITED. 

It  is  well  understood  that  an  invitation  to  a  wife  to 
pay  a  visit  includes  her  husband,  and  one  to  a  hus- 
band is  extended  to  his  wife. 

UNEXPECTED  VISITS. 

If  a  visitor  is  invited  to  select  his  own  time  for  a 
visit,  it  is  only  courteous  for  him  to  apprise  his  in- 
tended host  beforehand  when  he  will  come.  It  is  any- 


330  ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING. 

thing  but  pleasant  to  be  surprised  by  his  advent.  It 
is  quite  au  fait  to  "drop  in"  for  dinner  once  in  a  while, 
but  to  come  without  warning  to  make  a  prolonged 
stay,  is  quite  a  different  thing.  Possibly  at  the  very 
time  chosen  the  hostess  might  have  her  house  full,  or 
might  be  preparing  to  leave  home  herself.  So  the 
plans  for  enjoyment  may  be  disarranged  or  wholly  laid 
aside  by  this  unexpected  coming. 

INSINCERE  INVITATIONS. 

No  one  should  invite  another  to  make  a  visit,  unless 
they  sincerely  wish  their  company.  And  it  is  unkind 
to  ask  people  when  you  cannot  make  them  comfort- 
able. And  it  is  very  foolish  to  ask  those  who  are 
accustomed  to  a  much  more  elaborate  way  of  living 
than  you  can  offer  them.  A  fashion  of  throwing  gen- 
eral invitations  in  a  careless  way  has  a  very  insincere 
look.  We  once  heard  a  lady  say  to  another — "If 
ever  you  come  my  way,  call  and  see  me;"  as  if  it 
were  an  ordinary  walk  before  breakfast — they  were 
only  1,000  miles  apart.  The  emptiness  of  such  an 
invitation  strikes  one  at  once.  And  yet  it  was  given 
with  the  intention  of  being  friendly. 

OBSERVING  EVERYTHING. 

A  guest  should  not  see  or  hear  everything  happen- 
ing in  the  house  to  which  he  has  been  made  welcome. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING.  321 

If  ne  should  by  accident  learn  any  family  secrets,  he 
will  never  appear  to  know  them,  and  under  no  cir- 
cumstances will  he  allude  to  them.  This  would  be 
an  unpardonable  breach  of  hospitality.  A  guest  will 
not  order  the  servant  to  wait  upon  her,  or  ask  ques- 
tions of  either  children  or  help,  or  find  fault  with  any 
service  performed,  or  make  remarks  about  the  be- 
havior of  children. 

HELPING  THE  HOSTESS. 

In  a  family  where  a  few  or  perhaps  no  servants  are 
kept,  it  is  very  graceful  on  the  part  of  a  lady  to  offer 
to  assist  with  any  light  work,  and  she  should  keep 
the  room  assigned  to  her  neat,  making  her  own  bed. 
If  not  permitted  to  do  this,  she  need  not  remain  in 
her  hostess'  way,  but  can  take  a  ramble  around  the 
place,  or  a  short  walk,  until  the  bulk  of  the  morning 
work  has  been  performed,  and  her  hostess  has  leisure 
to  "visit"  with  her. 

BE  PUNCTUAL  AT  MEALS. 

It  is  etiquette  to  be  prompt  at  meals.  It  is  usual 
for  a  host  or  hostess  to  say,  "Our  meals  are  usually 
had  at  such  and  such  an  hour,"  which  allows  the  visitor 
an  opportunity  to  so  arrange  her  own  time  that  she 
will  be  present  at  the  meals.  The  aim  of  the  visitor 
should  be  to  make  as  little  trouble  as  she  can;  to 


322  ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING. 

conform  in  every  respect  with  the  rules  of  the  house- 
hold, such  as  hours  for  retiring,  rising,  and  having 
meals.  Any  little  amusement  will  be  agreeable  to 
her,  such  as  cards,  games,  etc.  She  should  acquiesce 
in  any  plans  formed  for  her  amusement,  and  join  in 
them  to  the  extent  of  her  strength. 

KEEPING  ONE'S  ROOM. 

It  is  a  good  plan  to  retire  to  one's  room  for  a  por- 
tion of  each  day,  thus  relieving  the  hostess  of  the  task 
of  entertaining.  At  the  same  time  it  is  rude  to  seclude 
oneself  for  a  long  time;  it  looks  unsocial,  and  as 
if  you  were  indifferent  to  the  efforts  made  to  enter- 
tain you. 

VISITING  WITH  YOUR   HOSTESS. 

When  the  hostess  is  invited  out,  it  is  expected  that 
the  visitor  should  accompany  her.  But  it  is  not  prop- 
er for  the  guest  to  make  engagements  or  plan  visits 
on  her  own  responsibility.  She  is  the  guest  of  an- 
other, and  should  regulate  her  own  conduct  by  the 
customs  of  the  family  of  which  she  has  become  a 
temporary  inmate. 

GOING  TO  CHURCH. 

"It  is  not  now,  as  formerly,  necessary  that  guests 
should  accompany  the  family  party  to  church,  or  vice 
versa.  Perfect  liberty  is  allowed  in  this  matter,  and 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WS1TING.  323 

) 

each  attends  his  or  her  customary  place  of  worship. 
A  friendly  invitation  to  accompany  them  is  always 
extended  by  the  host  and  hostess,  but  with  no  expec- 
tation that  it  will  be  accepted,  unless  the  guest  pre- 
fers. It  is,  however,  always  a  pleasant  attention,  es- 
pecially to  a  stranger  in  town,  or  to  an  elderly  lady, 
for  one  of  the  members  of  the  family  to  accompany 
her  to  the  church  of  her  preference." 

THE  GENTLEMAN  GUEST. 

A  gentleman  can  usually  entertain  himself  at  least 
a  portion  of  the  time,  else  he  will  be  very  much  in 
the  way.  He  can  drive  around  the  place,  if  the  family 
have  a  hors^;  he  can  amuse  himself  by  reading, 
looking  over  the  garden;  a  solitary  walk,  or  many 
other  methods  of  filling  in  the  time,  will  suggest  them- 
selves to  him.  And  then  most  gentlemen  have  that 
never-failing  solace,  a  quiet  smoke.  When  his  visit 
is  ended,  he  should  express  himself  as  gratified  at 
the  visit,  and  on  reaching  home,  should  inform  his 
friends  of  his  safe  arrival,  once  more  thanking  them 
for  their  hospitality,  and  inquiring  after  each  mem- 
ber of  the  family. 

YOUNG  GIRLS'  VISITS. 

Young  girls  have  an  idea  that,  because  they  are 
without  any  experience,  their  presence  is  useless  to  a 


324  ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING. 

friend  in  time  of  trouble  or  sickness.  This  is  one  of 
the  greatest  mistakes  a  girl  can  make.  A  woman 
turns  instinctively  to  one  of  her  own  sex  in  the  hour  of 
sorrow  or  suffering.  Her  voice,  her  presence,  a  ready 
word  of  sympathy,  are  inexpressibly  precious  to  her. 
By  thus  aiding,  they  can  render  themselves  very  dear 
to  a  married  friend.  You  will  also  gain  that  insight 
into  the  heart  which  will  add  gentleness  to  your  own 
natures,  and  stand  in  the  place  of  experience  or 
skill. 

Another  matter  we  would  direct  the  young  girl's 
attention  to:  Never  from  policy  or  convenience,  visit 
or  stay  at  the  houses  of  persons  whom  you  do  not  es- 
teem. If  you  do,  you  give  them  the  right  to  claim 
you  as  friends;  for  you  assume  the  duties  of  a  friend, 
without  having  the  sentiments  of  one,  and  thus  place 
yourself  under  obligations  which  you  cannot  dis- 
charge. 

YOUR    HOST'S  FRIENDS. 

Do  not  display  your  sentiments  with  regard  to  any 
friends  of  your  host  whom  you  may  meet.  Even  if 
they  are  distasteful  to  you,  conceal  your  dislike,  and 
never  criticise  them,  after  their  departure. 

If,  while  visiting,  you  chance  to  break  an  article 
of  bric-a-brac  or  anything  else,  replace  it  quietly  with- 
out making  any  allusion  to  it. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  YlSlTING.  325 

URGING  GUESTS  TO  STAY. 

Do  not  tease  a  guest  to  prolong  the  visit  beyond 
the  specified  time.  Ask  them  kindly  to  remain,  but 
do  not  persistently  urge  them.  Let  them  understand 
that  they  are  truly  welcome,  but  do  not  become  im- 
portunate. 

MAKING  PRESENTS. 

The  guest  who  feels  prompted  to  make  some  mem- 
ber of  the  family  a  present,  should  bestow  it  upon 
the  hostess  or  the  youngest  child. 

VISITING  THE  SICK. 

When  visiting  the  sick,  do  not  urge  an  entrance  into 
the  sick  room.  There  may  be  many  reasons  why  it 
is  not  wise  to  admit  friends.  Sick  people  are  proverb- 
ially nervous,  and  the  effect  of  even  pleasant  conver- 
sation, may  be  injurious  to  them.  Call,  and  wait  to 
hear  how  they  are;  but  do  not  expect  an  invitation  to 
their  bedside,  or  feel  hurt  if  you  do  not  receive  one. 

THE  MODEL  HOSTESS. 

The  model  hostess  must  unite  a  frank  and  gener- 
ous nature  with  a  calmness  and  serenity  that  are 
almost  marvelous.  She  must  be  really  fond  of  enter- 
taining; her  bounty  must  flow  out  with  unstinted  meas- 
ure. She  must  be  able  to  smile  even  though  her 
very  soul  is  wearied  beyond  endurance.  She  must 


826  ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING. 

possess  the  rare  gift  of  blending  in  one  harmonious 
whole,  the  varying  elements  about  her.  To  enter- 
tain must  be  a  perpetual  delight,  and  her  good  nature 
and  friendly  wit  must  gladden  all  who  come  in  con- 
tact with  her.  Such  a  hostess  never  finds  her  invita- 
tions slighted,  for  to  visit  at  her  home  is  to  be  certain 
of  enjoyment. 

MAKE  ALL  GUESTS  EQUAL. 

Make  no  distinction  in  your  treatment  of  the  guests 
you  are  entertaining.  They  should  be  all  equal  for 
the  time,  and  should  all  have  an  equal  claim  upon 
your  courtesies.  Those  of  the  humblest  condition 
must  receive  full  as  much  attention  as  the  rest,  in 
order  that  you  may  not  make  them  feel  their  in- 
feriority in  point  of  station.  Devote  all  the  time  you 
can  possibly  spare  to  the  entertainment  of  your 
guests. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

The  custom  in  England  is  always  to  invite  guests 
for  a  definite  length  of  time,  and  when  the  limit  of 
the  visit  is  reached,  the  carriage  is  ordered  and  the 
guests  are  conveyed  to  the  station  or  their  homes, 
without  any  thought  of  asking  the  guests  to  remain 
longer.  To  our  less  exact  ideas  this  almost  savors  of 
a  summary  dismissal  of  a  guest;  and  yet  it  is  the 
most  frank  and  proper  way.  A  guest  always  receives 
a  most  cordial  invitation  to  repeat  the  visit. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING.  327 

OVERSTAYING  THE  TIME. 

Guests  should  be  very  careful  not  to  overstay  the 
time  set  for  a  visit.  When  the  time  comes  to  leave, 
the  hostess  may  politely  remark  that  she  is  sorry  her 
guest  must  go.  This  is  the  least  one  could  say  with 
politeness;  but  do  not  allow  yourself  to  remain  on  the 
strength  of  what  is  merely  a  compliment. 

In  this  country  it  would  be  deemed  very  impolite  to 
take  a  valet  or  a  maid  when  going  to  pay  a  visit  at  a 
friend's  house.  In  England  or  on  the  Continent  a 
lady  or  gentleman  would  never  think  of  going  with- 
out them.  Thus  customs  differ  with  different  people. 

PAYING  A  GUEST  ATTENTION. 

When  a  lady  expects  a  guest  for  a  visit,  it  is  right 
that  she  should  inform  her  circle  of  friends  before 
her  coming,  that  they  may  have  time  to  call  on  her 
as  soon  as  she  arrives,  and  pay  her  such  attentions 
as  they  may  be  inclined  to.  It  is  inhospitable  to 
delay  this,  until  the  visit  is  almost  concluded,  as  it 
gives  but  scant  time  to  show  her  any  attentions, 
and  robs  her  of  much  pleasure  she  might  have  en- 
joyed. 

VISITING  IN  THE  COUNTRY. 

The  visitor  at  a  country  home  must  remember  that 
the  hours  for  rising  and  for  meals  is  earlier  than  in 


328  ETIQUETTE  OF  VISITING. 

the  city,  and  adapt  themselves  to  those  customs, 
They  should  not  make  too  heavy  demands  upon  the 
time  of  their  hostess,  for  drives  and  excursions.  All 
efforts  to  make  her  stay  pleasant  must  be  accepted 
with  a  thankful  spirit. 

And  the  hostess  herself,  whether  in  town  or  coun- 
try must  remember  that  "True  hospitality  consists  in 
freely  and  cheerfully  giving  your  visitor  the  best  you 
have  in  the  way  of  rooms,  provisions,  and  other 
means  of  entertainment.  Having  done  this,  make 
no  apologies  because  you  have  no  better.  Your  gen- 
eral demeanor  toward  your  guests  will  do  more  toward 
making  them  feel  at  home  and  enjoy  their  visit  than 
any  amount  of  grandeur  and  luxury.  Devote  as 
much  time  as  you  can  to  the  amusement  and  society 
of  your  visitors,  and  let  them  feel,  from  your  kind- 
ness and  cheerfulness,  that  you  enjoy  their  presence." 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 

A  SHORT    CHAPTER  ON  BUSINESS. 

THE  average  American  is  a  business  man.  In 
this  land,  where  titles  and  hereditary  estates  do 
not  give  him  the  leisure  and  excuse  for  idling  away 
his  time  which  so  many  Europeans  have,  he  is  im- 
mersed in  some  business  which  is  his  life-work.  Even 
when  wealth  flows  in  upon  him,  he  seldom  retires 
from  active  pursuits,  to  enjoy  the  rest  which  is  his 
right,  until  failing  health  warns  him  that  life  is  per- 
haps dependent  upon  his  retirement.  This  is  due  en- 
tirely to  the  nervous,  restless  energy  of  the  typical 
American,  who  is  impelled  by  his  ambition  to  acquire 
that  wealth  and  business  reputation  which  give  us 
standing  with  other  nations.  Business  is  here  the 
quintessence  of  energy,  and  the  highway  to  honor  and 
fame.  So  our  men  go  on  toiling  and  adding  to  their 
countless  millions,  and  piling  them  up,  for  future  gen- 
erations to  enjoy. 

Business  rules  cannot  be  laid  down  that  would  be 
infallible,  for  each  man  has  a  system  of  his  own;  but 
a  few  rules  bearing  upon  the  etiquette  due  to  others 

329 


230  A  SHORT  CHAPTER  ON  BUSINESS. 

in  the  transacting  of  his  daily  affairs,  have  a  fitting 
place  in  a  book  which  aims  to  cover  the  ground  of 
good  forms  as  applicable  to  every  department  of  life. 

POLITENESS  TO  STRANGERS. 

Politeness  is  the  key  to  success.  An  establishment 
where  employers  and  employes  are  polite  and  attent- 
ive will  command  the  trade  of  the  best  customers. 
Many  employers  fondly  imagine  that  if  they  adopt  a 
brusque,  abrupt  manner  toward  a  customer,  it  will 
be  believed  that  they  are  doing  an  immense  business, 
and  have  no  time  for  idle  ceremony.  Nothing  will 
injure  a  business  man  more  than  this.  We  have  seen 
a  stranger  enter  an  office  where  several  clerks  were 
employed,  and  stand  abashed,  waiting  for  some  one 
to  address  him  as  to  his  business,  until  the  delay  was 
painful.  The  proper  thing  to  do  was  for  some  one 
to  step  forward  and  inquire  his  business,  and  call  the 
person  whose  place  it  was  to  attend  to  him. 

LOSING  THE    TEMPER. 

Never  lose  your  temper  in  discussing  business  mat- 
ters. The  moment  you  do  that,  you  place  yourself  at 
a  disadvantage.  Besides,  you  get  the  reputation  of 
being  an  unpleasant  person  to  deal  with. 

BUSINESS  AND  SENTIMENT. 

Keep  your  business  strictly   to  yourself.     And  do 


A  SHORT  CHAPTER  OH  BUSINESS.  331 

not  allow  your  social  habits  to  intrench  upon  your 
hours  of  business.  Deal  in  a  straightforward,  upright 
manner  with  all.  Sentiment  is  very  nice  in  its  place, 
but  it  has  no  place  in  business;  and  if  you  permit 
yourself  to  be  governed  by  its  dictates,  you  will  do 
many  things  which  will  retard  your  success.  You 
should  use  judgment  and  discretion  in  all  things. 
Have  a  plan  of  action  founded  on  correct  business 
rules,  and  do  not  deviate  from  it. 

HOW  TO  BE    SUCCESSFUL. 

Choose  a  business  for  which  you  have  a  liking,  and 
which  you  can  understand.  Having  mastered  it,  do 
not  change  lightly.  Some  men  are  in  a  dozen  differ- 
ent lines  in  half  that  many  years;  they  never  make  a 
success  of  any  one  of  them.  Control  or  rather  plan 
and  regulate  the  labor  of  others.  A  man  who  has  a 
large  force  of  employes  and  who  deals  with  them  fairly, 
is  always  sure  of  good  services,  and  from  their  labors 
will  win  a  competence.  Control  your  own  invest- 
ments, and  know  exactly  their  results.  Do  not  trust 
too  implicitly  to  others. 

CALLS  IN  BUSINESS  HOURS. 

No  one  should  make  a  friendly  call  in  business 
hours.  Some  unthinking  persons  will  visit  a  friend 
who  is  engaged  in  some  business  house.  The  friend  is 


333  A  SHORT  CHAPTER  ON  BUSINESS. 

glad  to  see  you,  and  there  is  scarce  a  firm  but  is  will- 
ing that  its  employes  should  spare  a  few  moments 
occasionally  in  such  a  case.  But  when  that  call  is 
prolonged  into  an  hour,  or  even  more,  and  the  employe 
is  in  mental  torture  lest  his  emloyer  may  reprimand 
him,  the  pleasure  is  much  dampened.  Such  callers 
are  always  "afraid  they  are  taking  up  too  much  time," 
and  the  poor  victim,  who  seldom  has  backbone 
enough  to  tell  them  frankly  that  they  are,  assures 
them  thus:  "Oh,  no,  glad  to  see  you."  Those  who 
are  not  engaged  in  business  cannot  comprehend  that 
the  time  of  one  who  is,  does  not  belong  to  any  one 
but  the  employer,  who  pays  for  the  work  accomplished 
in  a  given  time.  Meanwhile,  that  work  is  accumu- 
lating, and  the  employe  sees  the  gathering  storm,  and 
knows  that  he  must  pay  the  price  of  a  friendly  "call" 
by  extra  efforts  to  "catch  up"  with  his  daily  task. 
There  are  occasions  where  a  call  is  excusable,  as  for 
instance  if  a  friend's  stay  in  town  is  too  limited  to 
allow  of  his  calling  at  the  house,  or  he  does  not  know 
the  home  address.  But,  as  a  rule,  no  one  should 
intrude  upon  the  hours  devoted  to  business,  or  if  it 
cannot  be  avoided,  make  your  stay  so  short  that  your 
farewell  will  not  be  "a  consummation  most  devoutly 
wished." 

PAYING  BILLS. 

All  bills  should  be   paid  when  presented.     If  you 


CONTENTMENT. 


A  SHORT  CHAPTER.  ON  BUSINESS.  333 

compel  a  creditor  to  call  a  second  or  even  third 
time  with  a  bill,  your  credit  will  be  impaired.  Be 
particular  to  thank  a  man  when  you  collect  a  bill. 

BUSINESS  ENGAGEMENTS. 

When  you  make  an  engagement,  meet  it  promptly. 
Never  make  an  agreement  at  random.  But  having 
made  one,  adhere  to  it  implicitly. 

NEVER  DECEIVE. 

Never  misrepresent  any  business  transaction.  Do 
not  deceive  a  customer  with  reference  to  the  quality 
of  goods.  State  just  what  they  are.  If  you  once,  in 
your  zeal  to  sell  an  article,  declare  it  to  be  what  it  is 
not,  you  forfeit  the  good-will  and  confidence  of  that 
customer  permanently.  It  is  the  best  plan  to  say 
frankly  that  it  is  not  exactly  what  the  customer  wishes, 
even  if  you  lose  a  sale  by  so  doing. 

POLITE  TO  ALL. 

Use  all  customers  alike.  Make  no  distinction  be- 
tween the  one  who  makes  a  large  purchase  and  the 
small  buyer.  And  never  make  remarks  disparaging 
any  one  with  whom  you  transact  business. 

MEET  YOUR    BILLS. 

All  bills  and  drafts  must  be  met  promptly.  If  you 
find  you  cannot  do  so,  it  is  proper  to  notify  your 


334  A  SHORT  CHAPTER  ON  BUSINESS. 

creditor  and  tell  him  frankly,  stating  a  time  when 
you  can  do  so.  You  will  usually  find  he  will  accom- 
modate you,  if  you  are-  straightforward  in  your  busi- 
ness methods. 

DO  NOT  PRY. 

Never  glance  over  another's  accounts  or  books  if 
you  chance  to  see  them  open.  Do  not  attempt  to 
learn  the  business  of  a  rival  firm.  Have;  or  at  least, 
suppress  all  curiosity  about  anything  which  does  not 
concern  you  individually.  Never  listen  when  two 
men  are  holding  a  conversation. 

REPLY  TO  LETTERS. 

Reply  to  all  letters  at  once.  Delay  is  unbusiness- 
like. In  asking  for  information  from  any  one,  inclose 
a  stamp  for  reply.  When  you  call  on  a  man  on  busi- 
ness, transact  it  as  quickly  as  you  can.  Busy  people 
have  no  time  to  waste. 

PAYING  OUT  MONEY. 

When  you  pay  out  money,  if  it  be  a  large  sum, 
insist  upon  the  person's  counting  it  in  your  presence. 
On  the  other  hand,  never  receive  a  sum  of  money 
without  counting  it  in  the  presence  of  the  one  from 
whom  you  receive  it. 


A  SHORT  CHAPTER  ON  BUSINESS.  335 

REPROVING  EMPLOYES. 

If  an  employer  has  occasion  to  reprove  one  in  his 
employ,  he  should  do  so  privately.  A  kind,  forbear- 
ing manner  will  accomplish  more  than  a  pompous, 
churlish  tone.  A  little  interest  shown  in  the  welfare 
of  employes,  will  win  more  valuable  service  from 
them. 

LADIES    CALLING    ON  BUSINESS. 

When  a  lady  calls  on  business  intent,  she  should  state 
it  as  explicitly  as  possible,  and  leave  at  once.  Some 
very  young  girls  who  are  unused  to  the  ways  of  the 
world,  will  call  on  young  men  whom  they  know,  at 
their  places  of  business.  This  is  a  very  bad  practice, 
and  will  expose  the  most  innocent  to  unfavorable 
remarks. 


CHAPTER  XXVII. 

PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN. 

is  no  relationship  so  beautiful,  so  endur- 
J[  ing  as  that  which  exists  between  parents  and 
children.  It  is  the  most  binding  of  ties,  and  yet  is 
often  disregarded  by  the  thoughtless  and  inconsider- 
ate. Parents  are  far  oftener  remiss  in  their  duty  to 
their  children,  than  they  think.  It  may  seem  an  un- 
warranted assertion,  but  parents  whose  means  are 
ample,  and  opportunities  large,  are  sadly  neglectful 
of  them  in  many  cases.  This  does  not  mean  that 
they  starve  them,  or  chastise  them  cruelly;  there 
are  graver  wrongs  than  these,  even. 

The  parent  who  neglects  the  early  training  of  a 
child,  who  allows  it  to  grow  up  as  a  weed,  its  moral 
faculties  suffered  to  lie  untrained,  and  its  mental 
capacities  left  undeveloped,  does  that  child  a  wrong 
that  no  mere  care  and  ample  provision  for  the  creat- 
ure comforts  can  ever  atone  for. 

Every  child  has  a  right  to  an  education.  Educa- 
tion does  not  alone  mean  the  schooling  of  the  intel- 
lect. The  heart,  with  its  fine  affections,  the  moral 

336 


PLEASURES    FOR    BOYS    AND    GIRLS. 


PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN.  337 

nature  with  its  powers  of  good  and  evil,  must  keep 
equal  place  with  the  cutivation  of  the  brain,  else  the 
child  is  mentally  one-sided;  it  is  not  well-poised,  so 
to  speak. 

Many  parents  honestly  believe,  when  they  have 
provided  the  necessities  of  life  with  a  liberal  hand, 
and  placed  no  barrier  to  the  indulgence  in  all  proper 
pleasures,  that  they  have  fulfilled  their  duty,  and  are 
entitled  to  credit. 

FILIAL  RESPECT. 

The  first  lesson  a  child  should  be  taught,  is  filial  re- 
spect, and  a  deferent  yielding  of  its  own  wishes  to 
those  of  its  parents.  -  This  does  not  imply  a  slavish 
submission,  or  a  crushing  out  of  individuality.  It 
means  that  the  tie  between  parent  and  child  should 
be  so  strong,  and  the  confidence  so  great,  that  there 
•would  be  no  chance  for  the  clashing  of  will.  The 
child  would  look  up  to  its  parents  with  respect,  and 
they  in  turn  would  consult  with  the  fresh  young 
minds  growing  into  maturity  under  their  tender  care, 
and  thus  the  ideal  home  would  be  made  an  actual 
possibility — a  realization. 

A  HAVEN  OF  REST. 

Peace  should  be  found  in  one  spot  of  earth — home; 
also  comfort  and  appreciation.  All  that  is  worth 

22 


338  PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN. 

learning  in  the  earliest  years,  should  be  taught  here. 
The  best  principles  to  guide  the  future  life  and  con- 
duct are  inculcated — here  the  sweet  courtesies  of  life 
are  shown.  The  little  child  knows  nothing  beyond 
what  its  mother  teaches;  her  word  is  its  article  of 
faith — her  views  the  only  ones  worth  accepting. 
How  the  heart  thrills  to  hear  a  child  say — "I  know 
it's  so,  for  my  mother  says  so!"  What  a  priceless 
charge  the  care  and  training  of  children  is;  how  nec- 
essary that  the  home  should  be  made  cheerful  by  love 
and  sympathy,  that  it  may  be  a  shelter  and  protec- 
tion in  childhood,  and  a  sanctuary  to  which  they  can 
retreat  in  maturer  years. 

One  thing  many  homes  lack — the  sunshine  of  ap- 
preciation. As  flowers  cannot  grow  without  sunlight, 
neither  can  the  young  thrive  without  they  are  treated 
with  consideration,  and  assistance  rendered  them. 

If  a  boy  likes  to  "waste"  his  time  in  getting  up  in-' 
ventions,  trying  to  utilize  the  commonest  things  of  life, 
or  making  models  which  are  destined,  he  thinks,  to 
astonish  the  world  some  day,  do  not  sneer  at  his  crude 
efforts,  and  dismiss  them  with  a  majestic  frown  or  a 
shrug  of  the  shoulders!  Parents  ought  to  know  that 
these  trifles  are  as  precious  in  a  boy's  eyes  as  the 
most  treasured  work  of  art  is  to  the  world-famed 
painter.  Out  of  the  mass  of  faint,  half-formed  ideas 


v  PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN.  339 

the  boys  may  work  something  you  may    be  proud  to 
indorse  some  day. 

And  the  girls — how  their  eager  faces  flush  with  joy 
as  they  master  some  difficult  problem  or  some  allotted 
home  task,  and  hasten  to  make  their  triumph  known 
to  father  and  mother!  How  cruelly  some  parents 
ignore  or  even  repulse  their  efforts.  We  do  not  envy 
the  parents  who  never  have  a  word  of  praise  for 
their  children — who  deny  a  bit  of  approval  or  a  wel- 
coming smile  to  their  own,  although  they  are  gener- 
ous enough  with  both  to  strangers.  They  do  not 
know  what  they  are  doing — they  are  chilling  the 
warmest  feelings  of  the  heart.  They  are  withering 
the  bright  blossoms  of  love  and  confidence  which  can- 
not live  without  careful  nurture. 

DARE  TO  BE  TRUE. 

It  has  been  well  said  that  "the  mother's  heart  is 
the  children's  school-room."  Then  be  yourselves  just 
what  you  would  have  your  children  be.  Never  stoop 
to  pander  with  expediency.  If  a  question  of  right  or 
wrong  comes  up  for  decision,  meet  it  squarely.  Let 
your  children  feel  that  mother  and  father  are  always 
found  on  the  side  of  the  right,  and  not  policy.  Never 
use  coarse  or  rude  language.  If  the  home  conversa- 
tion is  pure  and  elevating,  the  children  will  imbibe 
the  same  tone  of  thought,  and  home  will  be  the  fount- 


340  PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN. 

ain-head  of  all  that  is  ennobling;  the  spot  where 
pure  affection  has  its  birth.  The  hearthstone  must 
be  the  shrine  of  purity,  of  generous  teachings,  the 
repository  of  the  virtues.  In  its  shelter  are  taught 
those  lessons  which  make  the  girls  and  boys  who  go 
from  its  walls,  good  women  and  men,  who  will  leave 
their  impress  upon  the  world. 

BANISH  UNPLEASANTNESS. 

In  the  home,  bickerings  and  distrust  and  petty  jeal- 
ousy must  be  banished.  Children  who  grow  up  under 
the  baleful  dissensions  of  discordant  homes,  will  learn 
to  doubt  the  existence  of  a  peaceful  home,  their  faith 
in  goodness  will  grow  weak,  and  their  fondness  for 
the  home  circle  dim.  This  is  not  the  true  idea.  It 
should  be  a  sheltering  retreat,  where  the  suspicious 
world  is  shut  out,  and  where  their  dear  ones  will  be 
fitted  for  contact  with  the  hard  realities  of  life,  and 
grow  and  ripen  spiritually  for  the  world  to  come. 

MAKE  YOUR  CHILDREN  HONEST. 

Teach  children  honesty  in  all  things.  Make  them 
love  truth  and  hate  deception.  If  they  commit  a  fault, 
do  not  terrorize  them,  but  reason  gently  and  plainly 
with  them.  Instill  a  moral  courage  into  their  minds 
which  makes  it  unnatural  for  them  to  tell  a  lie,  or 
fear  to  act  up  to  their  convictions.  Exact  obedience; 


PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN.  341 

allow  no  insubordination.  The  boy  who  disregards 
home  government,  sneering  at  its  dictates,  will  be- 
come a  law-defying  man.  Obedience  to  authority 
and  discipline  is  the  foundation  of  governmental  and 
social  order. 

WATCH  YOUR  CONVERSATION. 

Parents  should  watch  their  own  expressions  most 
vigilantly  that  no  vulgar  or  flippant  conversation  is 
indulged  in.  It  is  a  hard  task  to  train  the  young  in 
this  matter,  for  they  are  apt  to  catch  slangy  language 
from  the  streets,  or  from  other  children  who  are  not 
checked,  and  unless  it  is  forbidden,  such  things  will 
taint  the  purity  of  the  home. 

PUNISHING    CHILDREN. 

There  may  be  instances  where  corporal  punishment 
may  be  necessary  in  restraining  certain  dispositions. 
But  there  must  be  something  lacking  in  the  parent 
who  resorts  to  it,  except  as  an  extreme  measure. 
The  child  who  has  been  carefully  instructed,  from 
earliest  childhood,  to  do  right,  seldom  needs  chastise- 
ment of  this  sort.  A  prominent  educator  says,  on 
this  point: 

"Corporal  punishment  is  a  moot  question,  and 
probably  will  always  remain  so,  while  so  much  may 
be  said  both  for  and  against  it.  There  can  be  no 
doubt  that  it  has  in  many  instances  been  administered 


342  PARENTS  4ND  CHILDREN. 

unwisely,  and  often  with  cruelty.  There  are  children 
whose  nervous  system  and  moral  tone  never  recover 
from  the  shock  of  a  caning  that  is  forgotten  in  an 
hour  by  a  sturdier  urchin.  Teachers  in  general  are 
too  selfishly  alive  to  the  imputation  of  partiality  to 
make  due  allowance  for  the  difference  in  organiza- 
tions, and  hence  they  are  prone  to  inflict  corporal 
punishment  in  cases  where  it  is  unnecessary  or  injuri- 
ous. The  genial  and  humane  Sir  Richard  Steele  says, 
'I  am  confident  that  no  boy  who  will  not  be  allured  to 
letters  without  blows  will  ever  be  brought  to  anything 
with  them;'  and  he  quotes  a  pertinent  observation  of 
Quintilian,  that  'if  any  child  be  of  so  disingenuous  a 
nature  as  not  to  stand  corrected  by  reproof,  he,  like 
the  very  worst  of  slaves,  will  be  hardened  even 
against  blows  themselves. '  Dullness  can  never  be 
corrected  by  stripes,  which  therefore  are  no  adequate 
penalty  for  failures  that  proceed  from  want  of  capac- 
ity. Nevertheless,  there  are  cases  where  the  rod, 
properly  administered,  is  the  only  efficacious  and 
therefore  the  only  righteous  punishment.  Yet  to 
sensitive  and  refined  natures  this  mode  of  correction 
is  so  objectionable,  and  frequent  resort  to  it  is  so 
degrading  both  to  judge  and  culprit,  that  if  after  one 
or  two  trials  the  rod  work  no  amendment  it  may  safe- 
ly be  abandoned;  for  if  it  do  no  good,  it  will  surely 
do  harm.  Parents,  who  hold  supreme  control  ovei 


PARENTS  4ND  CHILDREN.  843 

their  own  children,  may  substitute  other  punishments; 
and  teachers,  whose  control  is  limited,  may  exercise 
the  right  of  expulsion." 

We  believe  a  cause  for  these  whippings  lies  back  of 
them  in  the  fact  that  the  little  ones  are  given  too 
much  notice  when  quite  small.  Their  pranks  are 
considered  "cute"  and  are  repeated  in  their  presence, 
to  every  visitor.  The  child,  greedy  of  praise,  is  en- 
couraged to  play  more  startling  tricks,  till  they  become 
offensive,  and  a  sound  castigation  follows.  The  per- 
formance that  looked  so  smart  at  three  isn't  so  amus- 
ing at  ten.  The  child  does  not  realize  its  changed 
conditions,  and  a  bitter,  rebellious  feeling  springs  up, 
which  is  the  first  step  toward  that  estrangement  often 
met  with,  between  father  and  son. 

And  yet  there  are  worse  punishments  than  this. 
Scolding,  finding  fault,  recrimination  are  even  below 
the  dignity  of  punishment,  yet  many  who  deny  the 
rod  do  hot  hesitate  to  resort  to  this  unworthy  and 
pernicious  form  of  punishment.  Nothing  will  rasp 
and  embitter  the  soul  more  deeply  than  a  railing, 
"nagging"  tongue. 

DO  NOT   FEAR  TO  PRAISE. 

Many  parents  think  it  will  make  a  child  vain,  to 
compliment  it.  This  is  a  mistake.  Children  are 
sensitive,  timid,  and  distrustful  of  themselves  by 


344  PA 'RENTS  AND  CHILDREN. 

nature,  and  need  the  stimulus  of  a  little  judicious 
appreciation  to  bring  them  out.  It  is  not  necessary 
to  overpraise,  or  lead  them  to  think  they  are  wonder- 
fully smart,  for  this  would  make  them  vain,  and  even 
pert.  But  any  parent  who  takes  the  trouble  to  study 
that  fresh,  unsullied  page — a  child's  heart — will  not 
fall  into  this  error.  Don't  be  afraid  of  loving  them 
too  much;  encourage  them  when  they  grow  up,  and 
make  them  feel  indeed  that  "there's  no  place  like 
home."  The  world  will  wound  soon  enough;  and  if 
to  this  is  added  coldness  and  lack  of  appreciation  at 
home,  dreary  indeed  would  life  become.  Then  show 
the  young  people  of  your  household  that  you  respect 
their  efforts,  and  aid  them  with  your  riper  judgment 
and  they  will  strive  harder  to  be  worthy  of  the  trust 
you  put  in  them;  love  will  grow  stronger,  and  home 
will  become  an  "earthly  Paradise." 

Such  homes  as  these  become  fond  memories  which 
will  strengthen  the  tired  soul  in  its  conflict  with  life. 
They  furnish  the  models  for  the  young  man  or  young 
woman  when  they  in  turn  have  a  hand  in  the  formation 
of  other  homes.  From  their  portals  come  forth  the 
earnest  workers, the  great  statesmen,  the  pious  divines; 
and  greater  still,  come  the  people,  upon  whose  intelli- 
gence, patriotism  and  morality  the  perpetuity  of  the 
state  depends. 

And  as  everything  good  has  its  rise  in  religion,  so 


PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN.  345 

train  them  that  they  will  love  the  house  of  God. 
Then  will  they  be  spared  many  temptations,  and  the 
true  spirit  of  warm  and  earnest  love  will  glow  in  their 
hearts,  and  shine  forth  in  their  daily  lives. 

PURSUIT  IN  LIFE. 

When  children  have  reached  a  certain  age,  they 
begin  to  consider  what  pursuit  they  shall  engage  in. 
It  is  unwise  to  bias  the  mind  of  the  young  in  this 
matter.  Whatever  their  natural  tastes  incline  them 
to,  should  become  their  life-work.  The  majority  of 
parents  decide  these  questions  for  their  children,  and 
dissatisfaction  arises,  and  continually  they  feel  that 
they  are  misplaced.  Watch  the  bent  of  the  young 
minds;  converse  with  them  as  to  their  predilections. 
They  will  learn  any  business  more  readily  if  they  are 
interested  in  it.  Let  this  determine  you  to  leave 
them  unfettered  in  their  choice,  and  they  will  be  far 
more  certain  in  their  pursuit,  when  it  is  self-chosen. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

AFTER    MARRIAGE. 

MARRIAGE  is  the  holiest  relation  into  which  two 
beings  can  enter.  It  is  a  solemn  step,  but 
when  taken  with  a  correct  appreciation  of  its  duties, 
and  a  determination  to  fulfill  its  obligations,  it  seldom 
fails  to  confer  happiness.  Though  cynics  sneer,  and 
point  to  the  fast-multiplying  records  of  unhappy 
unions,  the  fact  still  remains  that  the  number  of 
marriages  that  are  blessed  of  heaven,  is  countless. 
It  is  only  the  loathsome  debris  of  misery  that  is  cast 
up  on  the  surface.  The  calm,  majestic  river  flows 
on,  and  bears  blessings  unnumbered  in  its  train. 

MARRIAGE  EQUALIZES. 

The  little  inequalities  of  temper,  the  slight  differ- 
ences of  opinion  which  repel  in  a  stranger,  in  the 
lamily  circle  become  endurable,  and  even  precious, 
so  long  as  there  is  mutual  faith  and  affection.  There 
is  a  community  of  interests,  an  interdependence, 
which  draws  the  souls  more  closely  together;  and 
faults  which  once  seemed  glaring  and  unpardonable, 

346 


IN   THE    NEW   HOME. 


AFTER  MARRIAGE.  347 

by  the  exercise  of  that  forbearance  which  is  born  of 
love,  sink  into  insignificance.  Marriage  teaches  each 
to  be  less  selfish  and  exacting;  to  expect  less  perfec- 
tions, and  to  yield  individual  opinions  gracefully  where 
principle  is  not  concerned. 

OVERLOOKING  FAULTS. 

Husbands  and  wives  must  not  ignore  the  plain  truth 
that  imperfections  exist,  which  it  should  be  their 
pleasure,  as  well  as  their  interest,  to  overlook.  Daily 
companionship  will  reveal  them,  and  they  should  be 
met  in  a  spirit  of  frankness  and  patience.  These  tri- 
fling faults  are  often  hard  to  bear;  their  very  little- 
ness makes  them  more  exasperating.  Thus  the  temp- 
tation comes  to  speak  sharp  and  bitter  words  to  those 
who  are  nearest  and  dearest;  and  only  a  strong  self- 
control  and  regard  for  politeness  will  keep  in  check 
the  rising  anger. 

HAVE  A   HOME   OF  YOUR   OWN. 

No  young  couple  starting  out  on  life's  journey 
should  begin  it  in  a  boarding-house.  These  places 
are  banes  to  wedded  happiness.  The  gossip,  frivolity 
and  lack  of  privacy  in  a  boarding-house  will  have  an 
evil  effect  on  nearly  ever  woman;  few  have  steadfast 
moral  courage  sufficient  to  throw  off  their  contamina- 
ting influences.  Many  commence  married  life  by 


348  AFTER  MARRIAGE. 

boarding  because  their  means  are  limited.  That  is 
the  very  reason  why  they  should  have  a  home  that  is 
all  their  own,  where  they  can  have  that  true  family 
life,  which  is  impossible  in  the  public  boarding- 
house. 

If  a  young  couple  are  poor,  they  should  begin  hum- 
bly, content  with  what  the  purse  affords.  Love  will 
sweeten  any  sacrifices,  and  the  true  wife  will  find  her 
chief  delight  in  planning  and  devising  how  to  make 
the  little  home  a  resting-place  for  her  husband,  where 
order,  refinement  and  content  shall  dwell. 

LIVE  BY  YOURSELVES. 

Still  less  wise  is  it  to  share  housekeeping  with  an- 
other family.  That  destroys  the  privacy  and  sanctity 
of  wedded  life.  Have  the  home,  even  though  it  con- 
sist of  but  three  rooms,  all  to  yourselves. 

"A  mighty  little  cottage  one  family  will  do; 
I've  never  seen  one  yet  that's  big  enough  for  two!" 

A  NEAT  HOME. 

Those  husbands  are  to  be  pitied  whose  love  of  neat- 
ness is  hourly  offended  by  an  untidy  home.  Perhaps 
that  husband  came  from  a  family  circle  where  neat- 
ness, thrift  and  quiet  reigned  supreme.  The  contrast 
disturbs  him.  He  unconsciously  compares  his  wife's 
carelessness  with  his  mother's  tidy  habits,  and  he 


AFTER  MARRIAGE.  849 

begins  to  complain  that  "his  mother  did  so  and  so." 
A  feeling  of  resentment  is  aroused,  and  bickerings 
and  sometimes  bitter  quarrels  ensue;  the  home  is 
turned  into  a  pandemonium.  A  neatly  kept  house, 
where  everything  gives  a  feeling  of  restfulness,  awak- 
ens a  sense  of  comfort.  Men  like  ease  more  than 
show  or  excitement,  and  the  wife  who  neglects  every 
chance  to  make  herself  and  the  home  attractive,  will 
soon  lose  her  influence  over  him.  Most  men  marry 
that  they  may  have  a  home.  Do  not  give  them  the 
power  to  say  that  they  have  been  disappointed. 

KEEP   YOUR  WIFE  INFORMED  AS  TO  YOUR  INCOME. 

A  wife  should  know  very  nearly  what  her  husband's 
income  is.  Some  husbands  consider  that  knowledge 
entirely  outside  of  a  wife's  province.  How  then,  is 
she  to  regulate  her  expenditures,  unless  she  is  in- 
formed as  to  what  he  can  afford?  Ignorance  on  this 
point  is  often  the  cause  of  extravagance  in  women. 
They  do  not  understand  the  value  of  money  (save 
those  who  have  happily  had  a  business  training),  and 
they  spend  it  almost  recklessly.  It  is  natural  for 
ladies  to  take  pleasure  in  managing  finencial  matters, 
and  they  will  use  money  judiciously  if  they  are  not 
kept  In  the  dark  with  reference  to  a  husband's  means. 

Deal  fairly  with  your  wife.  Tell  her  just  what 
amount  you  can  devote  to  household  expenses,  in 


350  AFTER  MARRIAGE. 

your  early  married  life.  As  your  fortunes  grow  bet- 
ter, you  can  expend  with  more  liberality.  This  sense 
of  responsibility  placed  upon  the  young  wife,  aided 
by  a  little  appreciation  of  her  good  intentions,  will 
cure  extravagant  habits,  and  cause  her  to  be  happy 
and  satisfied  in  the  new  relation  which  she  has  as- 
sumed. 

PAY   ATTENTION  TO  DRESS. 

A  wife  should  pay  as  much  attention  to  her  dress, 
and  exhibit  the  same  taste  and  care  as  before  mar- 
riage. She  should  aim  to  please  his  eyes — to  look  pre- 
sentable on  all  occasions.  If  a  woman  keeps  all  her 
fine  dressing  for  society,  and  the  strangers  whom  she 
chances  to  meet,  and  shows  herself  to  her  husband  in 
the  garb  of  a  slattern,  she  has  no  right  to  be  surprised 
if  he  becomes  indifferent  and  careless,  neglecting 
those  little  attentions  that  won  her.  He  sees  her 
courting  the  good  opinion  of  others,  by  making  her- 
self as  charming  as  possible.  She  has  invited  the 
neglect  and  coldness  which  ordinarily  follow,  and  she 
should  suffer  in  silence. 

Men  are  not  guiltless  in  this  respect.  The  man 
who  would  not  appear  in  society  unless  he  were  fault- 
lessly dressed,  will  lounge  around  his  home  with  soiled 
linen,  collar  absent,  slipshod  shoes,  his  hair  uncombed, 
and  a  general  air  of  dilapidation  pervading  him.  This 


4FTER  MRRRIAGE.  351 

sort  of  carelessness  is  distasteful  to  a   fastidious,  re  - 

fined  lady. 

HAVE  NO  CONFIDANTS. 

The  affairs  of  your  home  life  belong  entirely  to  your- 
selves, and  under  no  circumstances  should  any  third 
party  be  made  a  confidant.  It  robs  the  marriage  re- 
lation of  its  delicacy,  to  reveal  any  of  the  occurrences 
of  your  daily  life  to  another.  The  misunderstandings 
which  will  start  up,  even  in  the  most  harmonious 
household,  if  repeated,  are  exaggerated  and  distorted. 
If  they  are  buried  in  the  sanctuary  of  the  heart,  they 
are  soon  forgotten.  By  dwelling  on  them,  they  be- 
come magnified,  and  a  very  small  disagreement  grows 
into  a  huge  grievance.  ' 

Do  not  permit  any  stranger  of  either  sex  to  dis- 
parage your  husband,  or  offer  you  "advice"  as  to  how 
to  manage  him.  There  are  plenty  of  persons  who 
seem  as  if  they  were  prompted  by  a  malicious  envy 
to  give  you  this  kind  of  counsel.  Politely  inform 
these  indiscreet  meddlers,  that  you  prefer  to  trust  to 
your  husband's  desire  to  do  what  is  right  without 
attempting  to  outwit  or  rule  him. 

Every  married  pair  has  faults  and  foibles.  When 
you  betray  these  weaknesses  to  one  who  has  no  right 
to  know  them,  you  are  placing  a  weapon  in  their 
hands  which  will  endanger  your  own  peace  of  mind. 


352  AFTER  MARRIAGE. 

CONCEAL  NO  BILLS. 

It  is  a  very  dangerous  beginning  of  wedded  life  to 
conceal  the  expenditures  you  make,  or  to  contract 
bills  without  the  knowledge  and  consent  of  your 
husband.  Young  housekeepers  are  frequently  tempt- 
ed into  this  course  by  seeing  some  article  which  they 
ardently  desire,  or  through  overpersuasion  of  a  sales- 
man. It  seems  to  them  so  easy  to  pay  from  whatever 
money  they  may  handle,  from  week  to  week.  There 
are  some  contingencies  which  arise,  to  prevent  the  ful- 
fillment of  her  expectations.  Soon  a  larger  bill  is  in- 
curred, and  then  when  it  has  to  come  to  the  knowledge 
of  the  husband,  as  come  it  must,  eventually,  his  sur- 
prise and  annoyance  are  great.  He  is  now  informed  for 
the  first  time  of  a  practice  which  he  cannot  but  con- 
demn, and  he  accuses  her  of  a  reckless  disregard  of  his 
burdens,  by  adding  the  one  of  secret  debts  to  them. 
This  practice  is  often  the  first  step  toward  lack  of 
confidence. 

TOO  MUCH  EXPECTED. 

The  first  rude  shock  which  the  young  husband  feels 
is  when  he  discovers  that  his  idol  is  quite  human; 
that  she  has  fits  of  temper,  and  sulks  occasionally; 
nay,  she  even  descends  to  scolding.  He,  too,  affords 
her  an  unpleasant  awakening.  He  slams  the  door 
in  a  hurry,  he  forgets  to  praise  her  for  something  she 


AFTER  MARRIAGE.  353 

did  do  or  he  chides  her  for  something  she  did  not  do. 
Both  make  the  astounding  discovery  that  the  other 
isn't  half  so  sweet  as  was  imagined.  Now  is  the  time 
to  use  those  high  privileges  which  make  their  com- 
panionship one  of  mutual  content — the  privilege  of 
forbearing.  They  must  clasp  hands,  and  promise 
over  again  to  "love  and  honor."  They  must  yield, 
each  to  the  other,  and  these  dark  spots  on  the  fair 
horizon  of  their  early  wedded  life  will  vanish.  Home 
will  then  become  a  place  to  which  their  best  thoughts 
and  efforts  will  be  devoted. 

BE  A  LADY. 

The  wife  must  be  a  lady.  In  the  retirement  of  her 
own  home  she  must  never  countenance  a  rude  word,  or 
a  mean  action.  To  her  husband  she  should  be  frank, 
gentle  and  refined.  Coarse  allusions  and  suggestive 
stories  must  be  strangers  to  her  household.  Duplic- 
ity must  have  no  place  there.  She  should  so  govern 
that  all  ideas  and  opinions,  expressed  upon  any  topic, 
will  receive  courteous  attention,  insuring  the  same 
respect  that  would  be  granted  strangers.  The  veriest 
trifles  "light  as  air,  "are  often  sources  of  great  unhap- 
piness.  Only  by  remembering  that  home  is  her 
kingdom,  and  that  her  reign  is  made  firmer  by 
loving  firmness  and  sweet  courtesies  toward 
all. 


854  AFTER  MARRIAGE. 

THE  HUSBAND'S  DUTY.   • 

The  man  who  takes  upon  himself  the  name  of  hus- 
band has  many  duties  to  fulfill,  if  he  intends  to  deserve 
the  name.  He  has  first  of  all  the  care  and  keeping 
of  another's  happiness,  and  the  building  of  a  home. 
She  looks  to  him  for  her  happiness.  And  a  man  of  a 
strong,  manly  nature  regards  her  love  as  a  precious 
trust.  He  will  be  patient  toward  her  caprices.  He 
comprehends  that  to  her  this  is  a  new  life  upon  which 
she  has  entered,  and  he  sympathizes  with  the  strug- 
gle she  makes  to  conform  to  its  requirements,  and  he 
gives  her  gentle  and  courteous  treatment. 

GOVERNING  CHILDREN. 

"Whatever  care  is  used  in  the  education  of  children," 
said  a  distinguished  French  mother,  "it  is  still  too 
little  to  answer  the  end." 

In  governing  and  instructing  children  there  should 
be  perfect  harmony  between  the  parents.  Any  clash 
of  authority  or  allowing  children  to  appeal  from  one 
to  the  other  will  destroy  all  government,  and  be  a 
serious  detriment  to  the  children.  Perfect  obedience 
should  be  required,  and  a  firm,  but  uniformly  pleas- 
ant manner  maintained  that  will  allow  their  exuberant 
spirits  much  liberty,  without  running  into  license. 
Children  are  quick  to  notice  and  imitate  their  par- 
ents, and  the  influence  of  example  is  often  more 


AFTER  MARRIAGE.  355 

potent  than  words.  See,  therefore,  that  they  have 
good  examples  to  follow.  An  impious,  profane  or 
vulgar  thought  may  leave  a  stain  on  a  child's  char- 
acter that  will  blot  it  for  years." 

POLITENESS  A  HABIT. 

A  person  who  aims  to  be  polite  in  society  must 
make,  politeness  a  habit.  A  civility  that  is  only  used 
in  society,  because  it  prevents  friction,  and  is  dropped 
when  in  the  family  circle,  is  founded  on  selfishness. 
How  charming  the  home  where  rudeness  is  unknown. 
Here,  the  father  receives  a  deference  shown  no  other. 
His  advice  is  sought  and  his  opinions  listened  to  with 
respect.  To  the  mother  is  given  unreserved  homage. 
All  who  enter  that  home  are  met  with  attention.  In 
conversation,  subjects  are  selected  that  interest  all. 

No  one  is  ever  defamed  there.  Neither  are  the 
faults  of  friends  or  neighbors  made  current  comment. 
The  children  raised  in  such  a  home,  believe  in  the 
existence  of  honesty  and  virtue,  for  they  have  been 
taught  it,  by  "example  and  precept." 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

FLORAL   LANGUAGE. 

IN  Eastern  lands  where  women  are  kept  in  strictest 
privacy,  they  have  devised  a  language  of  their  own, 
which  is  as  legible  to  those  who  make  use  of  it,  as  is 
the  printed  language  of  other  lands.  It  is  nature's 
alphabet;  and  Lady  Montague,  in  alluding  to  it, 
says — "There  is  no  color,  no  flower,  no  weed,  no 
fruit,  herb,  pebble,  or  feather,  that  has  not  a  verse  be- 
longing to  it;  and  you  may  quarrel,  reproach,  send  let- 
ters of  passion,  friendship,  or  civility,  or  even  of  news, 
without  even  inking  your  ringers."  The  charm  of  the 
language  of  flowers  lies  in  the  romantic  method  of 
conveying  ideas  in  a  hidden  and  mysterious  fash- 
ion. 

This  language  was  not  brought  to  Europe  until  the 
reign  of  Charles  XII.  The  Greek  girls  find  much 
amusement  in  casting  these  emblems  of  scorn  or  es- 
teem upon  passers-by,  from  their  latticed  windows. 
The  growth  of  the  flower  language  has  been  gradual; 
a  growth  like  the  spoken  language  of  other  nations, 
and  not  an  arbitrary  investiture.  Many  a  burning 

356 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  35? 

declaration  of  love  has  been  made  through  their  silent 
meanings. 

"O'er  smiling  lawn,  through  shady  grove 
Our  dreaming  poets  pensive  rove 
And  strive  to  read  their  language  rare, 
And  learn  the  lesson  latent  there." 

Abelia Gratitude. 

Abronia Delicacy.     Refinement. 

Abutilon Grace  and  Dignity. 

Acacia,  yellow Concealed  love. 

Acacia,  rose Friendship. 

Acacia,  green  leaves  of My  heart   is  buried.     Affection  be- 
yond the  grave. 

Acanthus Artifice. 

Anchania  Malvaviscus Reserve. 

Achimines Such  worth  is  rare. 

Aconitum  Napellus An  enemy  in  disguise. 

Adam's  needle Natural  charms. 

Adonis Sad  memories. 

^Ethiopian  Lily Magnificent  beauty. 

African  Marigold Cruelty. 

Agave  Americana  (Century  Plant).  .Grief. 

Ageratum Undying   affection. 

Agrimony Gratitude. 

Allamanda Good  disposition. 

Almond,  flowering Hope. 

Aloe Religious  superstition. 

Althea  frutex Consumed  by  love. 

Althea  officinalis Beneficence.     To  cure. 

Alyssum,  sweet Worth  beyond  beauty. 

Amaranth,  globe Immortality.     Unfading  love. 

Amaranthus    caudatus     (Love-lies- 
bleeding)  Hopeless,  not  heartless. 


358  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Amaryllis Coquetry.    Pride. 

Ambrosia Love  returned. 

American  Cowslip You  are  my  divinity. 

Andromeda Self-sacrifice. 

Anemone,  garden Forsaken. 

Anemone,  wood Anticipation. 

Angelica Inspiration.     Magic. 

Antirrhinum I  am  flattered  with  false  hopes. 

Apocynum  (Dogs-bane^ Deceit.     Falsehood. 

Apple  blossom Preference. 

Aquilegia  purple I  cannot  give  theeup. 

Arbor  Vitse Thy  friend  till  death. 

Arbutus,  trailing Budding  beauty. 

Arethusa I  could  weep  for  thee. 

Argemone By  hook  or  by  crook. 

Aristolochia  (Birch-wort) Friendship. 

Artemisia  Vulgaris Good  luek.     Happiness. 

Artillery  plant Your  shafts  are  pointless. 

Arum Ardor  Zeal. 

Asclepias  tuberosa Conquer  your  love. 

Ash,  Mountain With  me  you  are  safe. 

Aspen  tree Fear.     Excessive  sensibility 

Asperula Agreeableness. 

Asphodel My  thoughts  follow  thee  beyond  the 

grave. 

Aster,  garden Afterthought. 

Aster,  wild Social  worth.     Beauty  in  retirement. 

Azalea Temperance. 

Balm Sympathy. 

Baptisia Deceit. 

Bachelor's  Button Single  blessedness. 

Balm  of  Gilead You  have  cured  my  pain. 

Balsam   Impatience.     Touch  me  not. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  359 

Barberry Sharp  temper. 

Bartonia  aurea All  is  not  gold  that  glistens. 

Basil,  sweet Good  wishes. 

Bay Glory. 

Bee  Orchis Industry. 

Begonia Deformity. 

Belladonna Falsehood. 

Bellflower,  blue Constancy. 

Bellis  perennis  (daisy) Innocence. 

Bittersweet Truth. 

Black  Hellebore Relieve  my  anxiety. 

Blanket  Flower Good  sense. 

Bluebell Constancy. 

Borage Bluntness. 

Boston  Smilax ." Loveliness. 

Bouvardia I  am  no  summer  friend. 

Box Constancy. 

Bramble Envy. 

Branch  of  Thorns Severity.     Rigor. 

Bridal  rose Happy  love. 

Broom . . ,  Humility.     Neatness. 

Browallia Could  you  bear  poverty? 

Brunf  elsia. Beware  of  false  friends. 

Bryony Be  my  support. 

Buck  Bean Calm.     Repose. 

Bud  of  White  Rose A  heart  ignorant  of  love. 

Bugloss Falsehood. 

Burdock Importunity. 

Buttercup Riches. 

Cactus ; Warmth. 

Calla  Lily Magnificent  beauty. 

Calandrinia Fidelity. 

Calceolaria I  offer  you  pecuniary  assistance. 


360  FLORAL  LANGUAGE 

Calendula,  Garden  Marigold. Grief.  Chagrin. 

Calliopsis Vanity. 

Callirhoe, Benevolence. 

Calycanthus Benevolence. 

Camellia  Japonica,  red, Admiration. 

Camellia  Japonica,  white Perfect  loveliness. 

Campanula,  blue, Constancy. 

Campanula,  white Gratitude. 

Campion,  rose, Only  deserve  my  love. 

Canna,  Indian  shot Revenge.  Retaliation. 

Candytuft, Indifference. 

Cape  Jasmine, My  heart  is  joyful. 

Cardinal  Flower Distinction. 

Cardiospermum  Halicacabum,  Love- 

in-a-puff. Kiss  and  make  up. 

Carnation,  white Innocence. 

Carnation,  yellow .Disdain. 

Cassia Amiability. 

Castor-oil  Plant Detestation. 

Catchfly I  am  a  willing  prisoner. 

Celandine,  small Future  joy. 

Bachelor's  Button Single  blessedness. 

Centauridium Blissful  ignorance. 

Centardenia Abundance. 

Cerastium,  Mouse-ear  Chick-weed. . .  Simplicity. 

Cercis,  Judas  Tree Unbelief.     Betrayal. 

Cereus,  night-blooming Transient  beauty. 

Cestrum Suspicion. 

Chamapeuce Handsome  but  dangerous. 

Chamomile Cheerfulness  in  adversity. 

Chaste  Tree,  Vitex Coldness.     Indifference. 

Cherry  blossoms Native  charms. 

Cherry,  Jerusalem Deception. 

Chick-weed    Let  us  meet  again. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  361 

Chinese  Pink Perseverance. 

Chili  Jessamine A  snare. 

Chionanthus,  (White  Fringe  Tree}. Candor. 

Chorozema  varium You  have  many  lovers. 

Christmas  Rose Relieve  my  anxiety. 

Chrysanthemum,  rose  or  red ,Love. 

Chrysanthemum,  white Truth. 

Chrysanthemum,  yellow Slighted  love. 

Cineraria Always  delightful. 

Cinquefoil Maternal  affection. 

Circea I   shall  beware   of    your    enchant- 
ments. 

Cistus  or  Rock  Rose Popular  favor. 

Clematis Mental  excellence. 

Cleome Good  but  odd. 

Clerodendron Beware. 

Clover,  four-leaved Be  mine. 

Clover,  white Think  of  me. 

Cobcea Gossip. 

Cockscomb You  are  a  fop. 

Colchicum My  best  days  are  past.. 

Collinsia Domestic  virtues. 

Colt's  Foot Justice  shall  be  done  you. 

Columbine,  purple I  cannot  give  thee  up. 

Colutea,  Bladder  Senna Conceit. 

Convolvulus  minor Repose.     Night. 

Coreopsis Always  cheerful. 

Coriander Hidden  worth. 

Corn  Flag,  Gladiolus Ready  armed. 

Coronilla Success  crown  your  wishes. 

Cosmelia  rubra The  charm  of  a  blush. 

Cotoneaster Sincerity. 

Cowslip  or  Primrose Unconscious  beauty. 

Crape  Myrtle Eloquence. 


362  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Cress Stability. 

Crocus,   garden Cheerfulness. 

Crocus  sativa.  Saffron Beware  of  excess. 

Crowfoot Ingratitude. 

Cuphea Oddity. 

Cuscuta,  Dodder Meanness. 

Cypress Death.     Mourning. 

Cypress  and  Marigold Despair. 

Cypripedium Capricious  beauty. 

Daffodil Regard. 

Dahlia Elegance  and  dignity. 

Daisy,  white Innocence. 

Daisy,  wild I  will  think  of  it. 

Daisy,  oxeye Disappointment. 

Dandelion .- Smiling  on  all. 

Daphne  Mezereum Glory.    Immortality. 

Darnel, Vice. 

Datura  Stramonium,  Thorn-apple . . .  Deceitful  charms. 

Day  Lily,    blue Coquetry. 

Day  Lily,  white Fleeting  beauty. 

Dead  leaves Sadness. 

Deadly  Nightshade Falsehood. 

Deutzia Joyful  innocence. 

Devil-in-a-bush „ Perplexity. 

Dew  Plant Serenade. 

Dianthus  barbatus Gallantry. 

Dianthus  Chinensis,  Chinese  Pink.. Repulsed,  but  not  in  despair. 
Dicentra  spectabilis,  Bleeding  /fazr/.Compassion. 
Dicentra  cucullaria,  Dutchman's 

Breeches Family  authority. 

Diosma Your  simple  elegance  charms  me. 

Dipladenia  crassinodia You're  too  bold. 

Dodecatheon You  are  my  divinity. 


FLORAL   LANGUAGE.  863 

Dogwood False  pretensions. 

Dolichos Rustic  beauty. 

Eglantine,  Sweet  Brier I  wound  to  heal. 

Elder , Compassion. 

Elecampane Tears. 

Elm,  English Dignity. 

Elm,  American Patriotism. 

Endive Frugality. 

Epigsea  repens,  Trailing  Arbutus .  .Budding  beauty. 

Erythrina,   Coral  Plant Pride. 

Eucharis  Amazonica A  maiden's  charms. 

Euonymus,    Spindle    Tree Your  image     is  engraved    on     my 

heart. 

Eupatorium Delay. 

Euphorbia .' Deception 

Eutoca Cheerfulness. 

Everlasting  Flower Unceasing  remembrance. 

Everlasting  Pea Lasting  pleasure. 

Evening  Primrose Inconstancy. 

Fern ; Fascination. 

Flax Domestic  industry. 

Flos  Adonis Sad  memories. 

Forget-me-not True  love. 

Four-o'clock Timidity. 

Foxglove Insincerity. 

Francisceaor  Brunfelsia Beware  of  false  friends. 

Fraxinus,  Ash ...  .Grandeur. 

Fraxinella Fire. 

French  Honeysuckle Rustic  beauty. 

French  Marigold Jealousy. 

Fritillaria Persecution. 

Fuchsia Proposal  of  marriage. 


364  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Gaillardia Good  sense. 

Gardenia  florida My  heart  is  joyful. 

Geissomeria Duplicity. 

Genista,  Broom Humility.    Neatuess. 

Gentian Hope. 

Geranium,  Apple Present  preference. 

Geranium,   horseshoe Thou  art  changed. 

Geranium,  Ivy-leaved Bridal  decoration. 

Geranium,  Nutmeg I  expert  a  meeting. 

Geranium,  Oak-leaved True  friendship. 

Geranium,  rose-scented You  excel  all. 

Geranium,  silver-leaved Recall. 

Gilliflower Bonds  of  affection. 

Gloxinia .Love  at  first  sight. 

Goat's  Rue Reason 

Golden-rod Precaution 

Goldf  ussia Fame. 

Gomphrena  globosa,  Amaranth Immortality.     Unfading  love. 

Goosef  oot Goodness. 

Gorse  or  Furze Endearing  affection. 

Gourd Bulk. 

Grape,  wild Charity. 

Grass Submission.     Utility. 

Guelder  Rose,  Snowball Age.     Thoughts  of  Heaven. 

Halesia,  Silver  Bell Good  News. 

Hamamelis,  Witch  Hazel A  spell. 

Harebell Submission.     Grief. 

Hawthorn Hope.      , 

Hazel Reconciliation. 

Heartsease,  Pansy Thoughts.     Remembrance. 

Heath Solitude. 

Heliotrope Devotion. 

Hemlock You  will  cause  my  death. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  365 

Hemp Fate. 

Hepatica,  Liverwort Confidence. 

Herb  Robert Aversion. 

Hibiscus Delicate  beauty. 

Hoarhound Imitation. 

Holly Domestic  happiness. 

Hollyhock .  Ambition. 

Honeysuckle Faithful  affection. 

Honeysuckle,  French Rustic  beauty. 

Hop Injustice. 

Horse  Chestnut Luxury. 

House  Leek Domestic  economy. 

Houstonica Contentment. 

Hoya,  Wax  Plant .Susceptibility. 

Humea  elegans Elegance  and  dignity. 

Hunnemania Insincerity. 

Hyacinth,  purple Sorrow. 

Hyacinth,  white Unobtrusive  loveliness. 

Hyacinth,  yellow. Jealousy. 

Hydrangea Assuming.     Heartlessness. 

Hypericum Superstition. 

Hyssop Cleanliness. 

Ice  Plant Your  looks  freeze  me. 

Indian  Jasmine Timid  worth. 

Indian  Shot Revenge.     Retaliation. 

Indigo,  false Imperfection. 

Iris A  message  for  you. 

Ivy Friendship.    Fidelity.    Marriage. 

Japan  Quince Delusion.     Fairies  Fire. 

Jasmine,  Indian Timid  worth. 

Jerusalem  Cherry  Tree Deception. 

Jonqu'u  , .  t    Affection  returned. 

Juniper I  live  for  thee. 


366  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Kaulfussia Happiness  in  humble  life. 

Kennedya Mental  beauty. 

Laburnum Pensive  beauty. 

Lantana Rigor. 

Lady's  Slipper Capricious  beauty. 

Lagerstroemia,  Crape  Myrtle Eloquence. 

Lapageria  rosea There  is  no  unalloyed  good. 

Larch Audacity.     Boldness. 

Lark-spur,  pink  and  white Fickleness. 

Laurel   Glory. 

Laurustinus A  token  of  love. 

Lavender Confession  of  love. 

Lechenaultiasplendens You  are  charming. 

Lemon .Discretion. 

Lemon  blossoms .Tidelity  in  love. 

Leonura,  Motherwort Secret  love. 

Leptosiphon Hope. 

Labonia Admiration. 

Lichen Solitude. 

Lilac First  Love. 

Lily,  water Purity  of  heart. 

Lily,  white Purity.     Sweetness. 

Lily,  yellow False  and  gay. 

Lily  of  the  valley Unconscious  sweetness. 

Linaria  cymbalaria,  Kenilworth  Ivy.. Remember  me. 

Linum,  Flax Domestic  Industry. 

Linden  or  Lime Conjugal  love. 

Live  Oak Liberty. 

Liverwort Confidence. 

Lobelia,  blue Malevolence. 

Lobelia  cardinalis Distinction. 

Locust  leaves,  green Affection  beyond  the  gravf 

London  Pride. .,,,,,., Frivolity. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  36* 

Lopezia , True  in  trouble. 

Lotus Eloquence. 

Love-lies  bleeding. Hopeless,  not  heartless. 

Lucerne Life. 

Lunaria,  Satin  Flower Honesty.     Fascination. 

Lungwort Thou  art  my  life. 

Lupine Dejection. 

Lychnis,  scarlet Wit. 

Madder Calumny. 

Maderia  Vine Charms. 

Magnolia Nobility  of  character. 

Malcomia  maritima True  friendship. 

Mallow Mildness. 

Mallow,  marsh Beneficence.     Kindness. 

Mandrake Horror.     Rarity. 

Manettia Fickleness. 

Maple Reserve. 

Marigold,  African Cruelty. 

Marigold,  French Jealousy. 

Marigold,  garden Grief.     Chagrin. 

Marigold  and  Cypress Despair. 

Marjoram Blushes. 

Marvel  of  Peru Timidity. 

May  Flower .Budding  beauty. 

Meadow  Saffron My  best  days  are  passed. 

Melissa  officinalis,  Balm Sympathy. 

Mesembryanthemum   tricolor,     Dew 

Plant A  serenade. 

Millefoil To  heal  a  wounded  heart. 

Mimosa Sensitiveness. 

Mignonette Moral  and  intellectual  worth, 

Mimulus Fun.     Jollity. 

Mint  ..,.,,..,.....,,.,,,, Virtu?. 


363  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Mirabilis  Jalapa,  Four  o'clock Timidity. 

Mistletoe I  surmount  difficulties, 

Mitraria  coccinea Indolence.     Dulness. 

Mock  Orange I  cannot  trust  you. 

Monarda Whims. 

Moneywort Acquisitiveness. 

Monkshood An  enemy  in  disguise. 

Moonwort Forgetf  ulness. 

Morning  Glory Bonds. 

Moss Maternal  love. 

Motherwort Secret  love. 

Mourning  Bride Unfortunate  attachment. 

Mouse-ear  Chick-weed . . . . Simplicity. 

Mugwort Good  Luck.     Happiness. 

Mulberry,  black I  will  not  survive  you. 

Mulberry,  white Wisdom 

Mullein Good  nature. 

Musk  plant Weakness. 

Myrtle Love. 

Myrtle,  withered Love  betrayed. 

Narcissus Egotism.     Over-confidence. 

Nasturtium Honor  the  brave. 

Nettle Cruelty.     Slander. 

Night-blooming  Cereus Transient  beauty. 

Nightshade ." Suspicion.     Artifice. 

Oak Hospitality. 

Oak  Leaves ; Bravery. 

Oak,  Live Liberty. 

Oats Music. 

Ohio  Beauty You  are  my  divinity. 

Oleander. . . Beware.     Discretion  the  better  par' 

of  valor. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  3d9 

Olive Peace. 

Opuntia,  Prickly  Pear Satire. 

Orange  blossoms Bridal  festivities. 

Orange,   fruit Generosity. 

Orchis Beauty. 

Orchis,    Bee Prosperity. 

Osier Frankness. 

Oxalis,    Wood  Sorrel. Joy. 

Palm Victory. 

Parsley Festivity.     Entertainment. 

Passion    flower Devotion. 

Pea,  garden An  appointed  meeting. 

Pea,  perennial Wilt  thou  go  with  me? 

Pea,    sweet Departure. 

Peach  blossom I  am  yours. 

Pennyroyal Flee  temptation. 

Peony    Ostentation. 

Pepper Your  wit  is  too  keen  for  your  friend- 
ship. 

Peppermint    Warmth  of  feeling. 

Periwinkle Remembrance  of  early  friendship. 

Persimmon Bury  me  amid  nature's  beauties. 

Petunia Your  presence  soothes  me. 

Phaseolus,  Scarlet  Runner Winsome  ways. 

Philadelphus  Syringea I  cannot  trust  you. 

Phlox Our  souls  are  one. 

Pigweed   Goodness. 

Pimpernel Change. 

Pine Time  will  cure. 

Pine,  apple You  are  perfect. 

Pink,  variegated Refusal. 

Pink,   white Artlessness. 

Plumbago Holy  wishes. 

'4 


370  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Poor  man's   weather-glass Change. 

Voplar,  black Courage. 

Poppy,  red Evanescent  pleasure. 

Poppy,  white Forget  the  past  and  hope   for    the 

future. 

Portulacca Love  in  a  cottage. 

Potentilla I  claim  esteem  at  least. 

Pride  of  the  meadow Uselessness. 

Primrose  or  Cowslip Winning  grace. 

Primrose,  evening Inconstancy. 

Privet Prohibition. 

Prunus  triloba Pure  affection. 

Pyrethrum,  Feverfew Consolation. 

Pyrus  Japonica .Delusion.     Fairies'  fire. 

Quaking  Grass Agitation. 

Queen  Plant Supremacy.     Born  to  rule. 

Quince,  common Temptation. 

Quincej  Japan Delusion.     Fairies'    fire. 

Ranunculus,   garden Radiant  with  charms. 

Ragged  Robin,  Scarlet  Lychnis  . . .  Wit. 

Red  Bud,  Indas  tree Unbelief.     Betrayal. 

Rhododendron Danger.     Beware. 

Richardia  Af  ricana,   Calla Magnificent  beauty. 

Ricinus Detestation. 

Rose  Acacia •» Friendship. 

Rondelctia Intellectual  but  heartless. 

Rosebud,    moss Confession  of  love. 

Rosebud,    white Girlhood. 

Rose,  dog  or  wild Let  not  the  world  deceive  you. 

Rose,  red Love. 

Rose,  tea Always  lovely. 

Rose,  white My  heart  is  free. 

Rose,  yellow.- Jealousy. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  371 

Rose,  Bay Danger.     Beware. 

Rose,  bridal Happy  love. 

Rose  campion Only  deserve  my  love. 

Rue Disdain. 

Ruellia Constant  remembrance. 

Rush Docility. 

Saffron Beware  ot  excess. 

Sage Domestic  virtues. 

Sambucus,  Elder Compassion. 

Saponaria Humility. 

Scarlet  Runner Winsome  ways. 

Scypanthus Light  hearted. 

Sensitive  Rose O'eryoung  to    leave  my  mother  yet 

Service  Tree Prudence. 

Shad    flower Prudence. 

Silence     armeria,   Catchfly I  am  a  willing  prisoner. 

Silver  Bells Good  news. 

Siphocampylos Resolved  to  be  noticed. 

Sloe Honesty. 

Snowball Age.     Thoughts  of  heaven. 

Snowdrop Faithfulness.     I     am     no   summer 

friend. 

Snow-on-the-mountain Coldness. 

Solanum  pseudo-capsicum, 

Jerusalem  cherry Deception. 

Solidago,  Golden  Rod Precaution. 

Sollya A  souvenir. 

Sorbus  aucuparia,  Mountain  Ash. .  .With  me  you  are  safe. 

Sorrel,  wild He  makes  a  foe  who  makes   a    jest 

Sorrel,  wood Joy. 

Southernwood Jesting. 

Spearmint Warmth  'of  sentiment. 

Speedwell My  best  wishes. 


372  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Spiderwort Esteem — not  love. 

Spindle-tree Your  image  is  engraven  on  my  heart 

Spironoema Modest  merit. 

Staff  Tree Fortitude. 

Star  of  Bethlehem Reconciliation. 

Statice Formality. 

Stock,  common Lasting  beauty. 

Stonecrop Tranquillity. 

Straw,    broken Rupture  of  a  contract. 

Straw,  whole Union. 

Sumach   Splendid  misery. 

Sunflower Adoration. 

Sweet  Alyssum Worth  beyond  beauty. 

Sweet  Basil Good  wishes. 

Sweet  Brier I  wound  to  heal. 

Sycamore Curiosity. 

Tansy I  declare  war  against  you. 

Tassel  flower Adulation. 

Teasel   Misanthropy. 

Tendrils  of  climbers Ties. 

Thalia  dealbata Good-will. 

Thistle,  common Austerity. 

Thistle,  Scotch Retaliation. 

Thorn-apple    Deceitful  charms. 

Thrift .Sympathy. 

Thunbergia Elegance  of  manner. 

Thyme Activity,  Courage. 

Tigridia,    Tiger-flower For  once  may  pride  befriend   me 

Tradescantia,  Spider-wort Esteem — not  love. 

Tricyrtis Surprise. 

Trillium,  Wake-robin Modest  beauty. 

'Iriptilion    spinosum Be  prudent." 

Tritoma,  Red-hot-poker Forewarned  is  forearmed. 

Tropceolum Patriotism.     Honor  to  the  brave. 


FLORAL  LANGUAGE.  373 

Trumpet-flower Separation. 

Tuberose Personal  charms. 

Tulip,    red Declaration  of  love. 

Tussilago,    Coltsfoot Justice  shall  be  done  you. 

Tweedia Faithful  affection. 

Uvularia,  Bellwort Modesty. 

Venus'  Fly-trap Have  I  caught  you  at  last?. 

Venus'  Looking-glass Flattery. 

Valerian An  accommodating  disposition. 

Verbena Sensibility. 

Vernal  Grass Poor  but  happy. 

Veronica,  Speed-well My  best  wishes. 

Vinca Remembrance  of  early  friendship. 

Vine,  Grape Intoxication. 

Viola  tricolor,    Pansy Thoughts.     Remembrance. 

Violet,  blue Faithfulness. 

Violet,    white I  must  be  sought  to  be  found. 

Violet,  yellow Rural  happiness. 

Violet,    sweet Modesty. 

Virginia   Creepers I  cling  to  you  both  in  sunshine    and 

shade. 

Virginian  Stock True  friendship. 

Virgin's  Bower Filial  affection. 

Volkameria Good  wishes.     May  you  be   happy. 

Wall-  flower Fidelity  in  adversity. 

Walnut  Stratagem. 

Water-lily Purity  of  heart. 

Wax  Plant Susceptibility. 

Weigela Maiden  beauty. 

Wheat-stalk Riches. 

White  Fringe-tree Candor. 

Whitlavia Constancy. 

Whortleberry Treachery. 


374  FLORAL  LANGUAGE. 

Willow,  weeping Mourning. 

Winter  cherry Deception. 

Wisteria Welcome,  fair  stranger! 

Witch-hazel ' A  spell. 

Wolfsbane Misanthropy. 

Woodbine Fraternal  love. 

Wood  sorrel Joy. 

W'ormwood Absence. 

Wreath,  bridal,  Spirea Plighted  love. 

Xanthium,   Clotbur Rudeness.     Pertinacity. 

Xeranthemum,  Chamomile Cheerfulness  in  adversity. 

Yarrow To  heal  a  wounded  heart. 

Yew Sorrow. 

Yucca,  Adam's  needle Natural  charms. 

Zinnia Thoughts  of  absent  friends. 


CHAPTER  XXX. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS    AND    CHRISTENING. 

rHEN  the  birth  of  a  child  is  announced,  it  is 
perfectly  natural  that  all  the  mother's  friends 
should  desire  to  see  the  little  stranger.  But  it  is  not 
etiquette  to  call  until  they  have  sent  in  their  cards 
with  inquiries  after  her  health.  She  returns  her  own 
cards  as  soon  as  she  is  able  to  receive  calls,  with 
"Thanks  for  kind  inquiries  "  written  thereon,  after 
which  friends  call  in  person.  They  do  not  go  to  her 
room,  however,  until  assured  that  she  is  able  to  see 
them. 

Gentlemen  do  not  call  at  all,  but  pay  their  respects 
to  the  father,  and  ask  after  both  mother  and  child. 
Any  friend  of  either  sex  may  send  flowers  or  fruits 
at  such  times  to  the  sick-room. 

BABY'S  CARD. 

Quite  a  new  idea  and  a  very  taking  one,  is  baby's 
card,  which  informs  friends  of  the  coming  of  the 
young  stranger.  This  card  must  be  very  tiny,  and 
read  thus: 

375 


37C  ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING. 


INEZ  FOREST. 


Born  Monday,  Jan.  4, 
1891—4  A.  M. 


Some  prefer  this  winsome  little    inscription   upon 

the  card: 

BABY  FOREST. 
At  home 

40  Ada  St. 

These  cards  must  be  inclosed  in  envelopes  which 
match  the  size  of  the  card,  with  a  fanciful  bow  of 
white  ribbon  tied  around  them.  They  are  distributed 
among  the  friends. 

CHRISTENING  PARTY. 

In  most  Protestant  churches  baptism  and  christen- 
ing take  place  at  one  and  the  same  time.  The  babe 
is  carried  to  the  font  by  the  nurse  or  an  elderly  lady, 
the  sponsors  following,  the  parents  last.  The  god- 
father stands  at  the  right  of  the  little  one,  the  god- 
mother at  the  left.  The  clergyman  asks — "Who  is 
the  sponsor  for  this  child?"  The  godparents  bow 
silently,  thus  acknowledging. themselves  to  be  the 
ones.  The  clergyman  asks  the  child's  intended  name, 
which  should  be  spoken  in  a  clear,  distinct  voice.  It 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  4ND  CHRISTENING.          377 

is  so  easy  to  misunderstand  the  name,  that  a  better 
plan  is  to  hand  it  written  on  a  slip  of  paper  to  the 
clergyman,  before  the  ceremony  begins. 

WHEN  TO  CHRISTEN. 

In  most  churches  the  little  one  is  christened  when 
it  is  about  a  month  old.  In  the  Catholic  church,  if 
the  child  shows  that  it  is  feeble,  the  rite  is  performed 
at  once,  the  priest  being  summoned  to  the  bedside. 
In  olden  times  it  was  the  custom  to  perform  the 
ceremony  when  the  child  was  but  three  days  old.  In 
France  at  the  present  time  every  child  is  taken  before 
the  mayor  to  be  registered  at  that  early  age. 

In  England  the  birth  of  children  in  the  higher  ranks 
is  announced  through  the  papers.  Occasionally  we 
see  it  done  in  this  country,  but  such  publicity  is  re- 
pugnant to  most  people. 

CHRISTENING  A    FESTIVE  OCCASION. 

Originally,  a  christening  was  an  occasion  devoted 
to  merriment  and  feasting.  Afterward  it  partook  of 
a  gloomy,  austere  character,  and  each  church  sought 
to  dedicate  the  babe  to  its  own  peculiar  tenets.  Now 
the  ceremony  is  a  religious  one  of  the  highest  impor- 
tance, but  it  is  interwoven  with  glad  and  tender  sen- 
timents and  made  more  beautiful  by  flowers  and  all 
the  other  accompaniments  of  rejoicing. 


378          ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING. 
LUNCHEON   AT  CHRISTENING. 

Usually,  when  the  child  is  christened  in  church,  the 
friends  disperse  at  the  door.  But  if  the  health  of  the 
mother  will  allow  the  excitement,  the  guests  may  be 
invited  to  the  house,  where  a  light  luncheon  of  coffee, 
wine  and  cake,  or  if  inclined  to,  a  more  extensive  one 
is  preparing  for  them.  These  luncheons  should  not 
consume  much  time,  as  neither  the  mother  nor  babe 
can  endure  the  excitement. 

WHAT  SHALL  BABY  WEAR? 

The  christening  dress  is  always  white,  as  indeed  all 
baby  dresses  should  be — emblem  of  purity  and  inno- 
cence. It  may  be  as  elaborate  as  taste  can  make  it. 
This  dress  is  the  subject  of  many  hours  of  anxious 
thought.  The  more  gossamer  and  fairy-like  it  is,  the 
more  fitting  for  the  little  one  for  whose  tender  limbs 
it  is  designed. 

The  presents  bestowed  upon  the  child  are  given  at 
the  luncheon  or  party  which  follows  the  christening. 
Ladies  give  what  suits  them  best,  but  the  presents 
coming  from  a  gentleman  are  of  silver.  The  babe  is 
the  hero  of  the  hour,  and  reigns  supreme. 

THE   GODPARENTS. 

In  selecting  the  godparents  the  first  choice  falls 
upon  the  near  relatives,  with  great  propriety,  for  as 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING.         379 

this  relationship  often  lasts  through  life,  it  seems  as 
though  the  kindred  were  better  fitted  to  give  aid  and 
counsel  if  it  is  needed.  Either  parent  has  the  right 
to  substitute  a  dear  friend  for  a  relation.  The  grand- 
parents are  often  sponsors,  and  it  is  a  very  pleasant 
office  to  perform  for  the  child. 

A  note  is  sent  to  the  persons  who  are  chosen  for 
godparents,  and  no  one  should  refuse  unless  there 
can  be  a  very  good  excuse  offered.  The  godparents 
often  make  their  young  charge  handsome  gifts,  but 
may  omit  doing  so. 

NUMBER  OF  SPONSORS. 

A  boy  is  sometimes  blessed  with  two  godfathers  and 
one  godmother,  while  a  girl  has  two  godmothers  and 
one  godfather.  But  most  people  content  themselves 
with  one  godmother  and  one  godfather. 

Young  people  are  never  asked  to  stand  as  sponsors 
for  an  infant.  They  are  people  of  mature  years,  who 
comprehend  the  solemn  duties  devolving  upon  them, 
and  if  they  belong  to  the  same  religious  body  as  the 
parents,  they  can  sympathize  better  with  the  cere- 
monial. 

A  CHRISTENING  AT  HOME. 

This  ceremony  is  sometimes  held  at  the  house,  and 
music  and  flowers  lend  their  charms  to  the  occasion. 
The  house  may  be  decorated  for  the  event  with  vases, 


380  ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING. 

trailing  vines  or  banks  of  flowers,  and  symbolical  de- 
signs. Music  plays  an  important  part  in  a  home 
christening.  There  is  no  limit  to  the  decorations. 
Lilies  and  s'milax  may  be  draped  around  the  font, 
which  can  be  improvised  from  a  large  glass  or  china 
bowl,  and  a  dove  with  outspread  wings  may  be  sus- 
pended over  it. 

Singing  by  a  quartette  generally  drawn  from  inti- 
mate friends  or  relatives,  enhances  the  enjoyment  of 
the  occasion. 

THE  CEREMONY. 

At  the  hour  decided  upon  the  babe  is  brought  into 
the  room,  and  the  parents  stand  by  the  font.  The 
sponsors  step  forward,  and  place  themselves  on  each 
side  of  the  father  and  mother.  A  hymn  is  sung,  and 
the  clergyman  proceeds  with  the  rite  in  accordance 
with  the  form  prescribed  by  his  church.  Another 
hymn  or  chant  follows,  and  the  benediction  is  uttered. 
Congratulations  and  greetings  are  now  indulged  in, 
and  the  infant  is  petted  and  admired  till  his  good  nature 
is  worn  out,  when  he  is  carried  from  that  society  which 
has  already  begun  to  pall. 

The  christening  is  a  solemn  consecration  of  the 
child  to  a  pure  life  and  the  sponsors  become  respon- 
sible for  its  instruction  in  all  things  necessary  to  that 
end.  And  the  joyous  accessories  of  the  ceremony  in 
no  way  rob  it  of  its  sacred  meaning. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING.         381 
THE  INVITATION. 

The  invitation  may  be  written  or  engraved,  but  when 
sent,  calls  for  a  response: 
This  is  the  form: 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Philip  Lee  request  the  pleasure  of 
your  presence  at  the  christening  ceremony  of  their 
daughter  (or  son) 

At  five  o'clock,  Wednesday,  Dec.  6,  1890. 

No.  1 8  Belknap  Street. 
Reception  from  four  to  six  o'clock. 

As  with  all  other  invitations,  the  stationery  used 
should  be  of  the  best  quality.  The  toilettes  on  this 
occasion  should  be  rich  and  elegant. 

CAUDLE  PARTIES. 

In  olden  times  it  was  the  custom  to  present  those 
who  called  to  offer  their  congratulations  on  the  arriv- 
al of  a  little  stranger  (three  days  after  its  birth)  with 
a  kind  of  spiced  gruel  flavored  with  Madeira,  and 
known  as  "Caudle."  This  mixture  was  served  in 
china  cups,  used  solely  for  these  occasions,  having  a 
handle  on  each  side,  so  that  they  could  easily  be  passed 
from  one  to  another.  "These  caudle  cups  were  often 
handed  down  as  heirlooms,  and  to-day  they  are  much 
sought  after  as  curiosities.  In  those  good  old  days 
the  husband  also  entertained  his  particular  friends  at 


382          ETIQUETTE  OP  BIRTHS  4ND  CHRISTENING. 

the  end  of  a  fortnight,  if  the  mother  was  doing  well, 
with  a  kind  of  'sugared  toast,'  soaked  in  beer.  Such 
seems  to  have  been  the  origin  of  the  caudle  party." 
They  were  long  out  of  date,  but  in  some  localities  are 
coming  into  favor  again,  with  this  difference,  that 
they  now  are  observed  when  the  child  is  six  weeks 
old.  The  invitations  are  sent  out  a  week  in  advance, 
and  are  in  this  form: 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Anderson  request  the  pleasure  of  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Kenway's  company,  on  Friday  afternoon, 

at  two  o'clock. 

161  No.  Edco  St. 

Caudle.  R.  S.  V.  P. 

"Sometimes  the  words,  'No  presents  are  expected,' 
are  added.  The  plan  of  having  the  christening  and 
caudle  together  has  been  tried  by  some  parents,  but 
the  church  disapproves  of  this.  The  mother  receives 
her  guests  in  some  pretty  convalescent  dress,  or,  if  she 
prefers,  in  an  elaborately  trimmed  robe,  and,  of 
course,  the  visitors  are  shown  'the  handsomest  baby 

in  the  world.'" 

CLERGYMAN'S  FEE. 

The  ceremony  of  baptism  is  performed  gratuitously, 
but  the  parents,  if  able,  make  a  present  of  a  sum  of 
money  to  the  o'fficiating  clergyman,  or  else  donate  it 
through  him,  to  the  poor  of  the  parish,  or  some  church 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING.          383 

work.   A  carriage  is  sent  for  him  to  convey  him  to  the 
house. 

NAMING   THE  BABY. 

Americans  have  a  passion  for  high-sounding  names. 
George  Washingtons  and  Daniel  Websters  are  to 
be  found  in  every  station,  coupled  with  the  most  stupid 
and  unpromising  children.  This  assumption  of  great 
and  renowned  names  springs  from  a  false  idea  that  the 
child  so  named  will  partake  of  the  nature  and  perhaps 
follow  in  the  steps  of  the  illustrious  namesake.  The 
records  of  crime  do  not  bear  them  out  in  their  expec- 
tations. 

Scriptural  names,  never  very  euphonious,  are  still 
less  fitting  for  a  child  in  the  nineteenth  century. 
Jedediah,  Zerubbabel,  Obadiah,  are  not  easy  names 
to  summon  a  boy  from  play  or  his  bed  by,  and  a  child 
who  is  tormented  by  such  cognomens,  has  early 
learned  what  it  is  to  submit  to  mortification  of  the 
spirit. 

Neither  should  diminutives  nor  pet  names  be  select- 
ed. There  should  be  a  fitness  in  all  names;  a  suita- 
bility for  the  years  as  they  pass.  The  sweet  and  gentle 
little  "Lily"  or  "Pearl"  may  become  very  coarse  and 
repellant  in  old  age. 

There  are  many  great  names  in  the  penitentiary. 
Their  titles  did  not  keep  them  out.  There  is  a  strange 
incongruity  often  between  the  first  name  and  the 


384          ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING. 

family  name.  Napoleon  Bonaparte  Jenkins  is  not 
very  harmonious. 

Another  practice  which  is  followed  by  some  is 
that  of  naming  a  child  after  one  of  its  parents. 
It  soon  becomes  natural  to  designate  them  among 
careless  people  as  "old  Harry, ""young  Harry,"  a  very 
disrespectful  way  of  distinguishing  them  apart. 
We  knew  a  family  in  which  there  were  several  sons, 
and  each  son  named  his  eldest  daughter  for  his  mother. 
While  it  showed  a  creditable  desire  to  honor  her  dear 
name  on  their  part,  it  had  a  singular  effect  on  stran- 
gers, to  hear  the  children  spoken  of  as  "Jack's  Mar- 
garet, "Bill's  Margaret,"  and  so  on,  through  the 
whole  list. 

Names  should  be  bestowed  upon  a  child  that  will 
not  awaken  dislike.  The  child  has  no  voice  in  the 
matter,  and  this  calls  for  more  judgment  and  taste  on 
the  part  of  those  who  name  it.  Short,  sensible  names 
are  the  best.  Mary  will  never  lose  its  sweet  simplic- 
ity. Clara,  Annie,  Emily,  Philip,  Fred,  and  scores 
of  similar  names  are  pretty  and  apt. 

Give  your  children  names  that  they  can  carry 
through  life  with  propriety;  names  that  they  will 
cherish;  names  that  are  simple,  which  will  look  well 
when  written,  and  sound  well,  when  spoken. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENING.          385 
CONFIRMATIONS. 

In  the  Episcopal  as  also  the  Catholic  church,  when 
the  children  have  attained  a  certain  age  (from  ten  to 
fourteen)  the  rite  of  confirmation  takes  place.  In 
these  churches  classes  for  instruction  and  preparation 
are  formed  some  weeks  previous  to  the  day  appointed 
by  the  bishop.  The  church  looks  to  the  godparents 
to  attend  to  this  matter,  if  the  parents  are  dead  or  in- 
different to  their  duty.  It  is  a  solemn  and  beautiful 
sight,  and  a  rite  of  great  antiquity. 

Oh,  rare  the  honey-dew  that  drips, 
By  love  distilled  from  baby's  lips; 
And  sweet  the  breath  that  from  them  flows, 
Laden  with  odors  of  the  rose. 
Sleep,  darling,  snugly  folded  up, 
A  rosebud  in  its  mossy  cup — 
Sleep,  baby,  sleep! 

Away  from  earth,  her  spirit  seems 
To  wander  in  the  land  of  dreams; 
But  what  within  that  realm  she  sees 
Is  part  of  nature's  mysteries; 
The  secrets  of  her  deep  repose 
The  baby  never  may  disclose — 
Sleep,  baby,  sleep! 

The  hush  of  evening  deep  and  calm, 
Descends  to  earth  in  tender  balm; 
The  blossoms  fair  their  petals  close, 
And  nod  and  sink  to  soft  repose; 
Sleep,  darling,  till  the  dawn,  and  then 
Bring  glory  to  the  world  again — 
Sleep,  baby,  sleep! 

— Thomas  Dunn  English. 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 

MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

LTHOUGH  the  many  branches  of  etiquette  have 
been  fully  treated,  there  yet  remain  a  few  general 
hints  which  did  not  seem  to  come  under  the  other 
heads.  We  have  grouped  these  for  easy  reference: 

When  a  "tale  of  woe"  is  poured  into  your  ears, 
even  though  you  cannot  sympathize,  do  not  wound  by 
appearing  indifferent.  True  politeness  decrees  that 
you  shall  listen  patiently,  and  respond  kindly. 

If  enemies  meet  at  a  friend's  house,  lay  aside  all 
appearance  of  animosity  while  there,  and  meet  on 
courteous  terms. 

Do  not  introduce  people  in  a  public  conveyance.      It 

i 

draws  attention  to  a  person  and  makes  him  unpleas- 
antly conspicuous. 

Take  the  precaution  to  insert  the  stopper  in  an  ink 
bottle  if  you  are  called  away  while  writing.  You  do 
not  know  what  careless  person  may  approach  your 
desk,  in  your  absence,  and  do  your  work  irreparable 
damage. 

If  you  secure  an  introduction  for  the  purpose  of  ask- 
386 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  387 

ing  a  favor,  you  have  no  further  claim  upon  that  per- 
son's recognition  after  the  business  is  transacted. 

Take  warning,  and  always  be  on  time.  Some  peo- 
ple are  always  a  little  too  late.  Late  in  going  to  bed, 
late  in  getting  up,  in  going  to  their  daily  work,  at 
their  meals,  and  in  keeping  their  appointments.  They 
may  have  business  of  importance  to  attend  to,  where 
thousands  of  dollars  are  at  stake,  and  then  they  wait 
until  the  last  train,  and  fail  to  catch  even  that.  Just 
a  little  too  late — that  is  all! 

In  introducing  two  gentlemen,  address  the  elder,  or 
superior,  with  "Allow  me  to  introduce  my  friend,  Mr. 
Hale,  to  you.  Mr,  Hale,  Mr.  Gordon." 

Adapt  yourself  to  the  society  in  which  you  find  your- 
self. If  you  feel  sad  or  ill,  and  cannot  shake  it  off,  do 
not  go  into  company.  You  have  no  right  to  sadden 
others. 

When  calling,  do  not  enter  into  grave  discussions. 
Trifling  subjects  are  better. 

Married  men  are  relieved  from  the  task  of  making 
calls  of  ceremony.  The  wife  leaves  her  husband's 
card  in  lieu  of  a  call. 

It  is  vulgar  to  greet  a  friend  by  slapping  him  on  the 
back,  or  playfully  poking  him  in  the  ribs.  No  amount 
of  intimacy  makes  it  allowable. 

Calls  made  upon  the  sick,  should  be  returned  as  soon 
as  health  permits. 


388  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

If  you  have  a  friend  who  has  met  reverses,  and  you 
desire  to  show  your  friendship  by  visiting  her,  do  not 
go  dressed  expensively.  Adapt  your  dress  to  her 
changed  circumstances. 

It  is  rude  to  turn  a  chair  so  that  your  back  will  be 
presented  to  anyone. 

If  you  see  a  lady  whom  you  do  not  know,  unat- 
tended, and  needing  the  assistance  of  a  gentleman, 
offer  your  services  to  her  at  once.  She  will  readily 
understand  the  gentle  chivalry  which  prompts  you, 
and  will  feel  that  by  accepting  your  kindness,  she  does 
not  place  herself  in  a  false  light. 

A  young  man  can  check  vulgarity  in  his  compan- 
ions, if  he  so  desires.  It  requires  some  moral  cour- 
age. It  is  related  of  a  group  of  young  men,  that  one 
of  them,  being  about  to  regale  the  rest  with  an  improp- 
er story,  suddenly  paused,  and  said  looking  around, 
"Are  there  any  ladies  within  hearing?"  "No,"  rang 
out  the  brave  response,  "but  there  are  gentlemen 
here!"  The  reproof  had  its  effect.  The  st^™  re- 
mained untold. 

Do  not  laugh  at  your  own  wit.  Allow  others  to  do 
that.  • 

News  that  is  not  well  vouched  for,  should  not  be  re- 
peated; else  you  may  acquire  the  reputation  of  being 
unreliable. 

In  business,  answer  any  question  asked,  even  if   it 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OP  ETIQUETTE.  389 

does  not  appear  to  benefit  you  personally.  In  the 
end,  you  will  be  the  gainer,  for  you  will  be  esteemed 
as  an  obliging  gentleman. 

In  company,  do  not  converse  with  another  in  a 
language  that  is  not  understood  by  the  rest. 

In  entering  a  room,  if  you  find  the  door  open,  leave 
it  so.  If  closed,  be  particular  to  shut  it  after  you. 

Accompany  your  wife  to  tile  church  of  her  choice. 

If  you  belong  to  a  different  denomination  from  the 
one  with  which  she  communes,  it  is  only  fair  that  you 
take  turns  in  attending  the  two  houses  of  worship. 

Do  not  take  pride  in  offensively  expressing  yourself 
on  every  occasion,  under  the  impression  that  you  will 
be  admired  for  your  frankness.  "Speaking  your 
mind,"  says  Jerrold,  "is  an  extravagance  which  has 
ruined  many  a  man." 

If  it  becomes  necessary  to  break  a  marriage  engage- 
ment, it  is  best  to  do  so  by  letter.  The  reasons  for 
your  course  can  be  given  much  more  clearly  than  in 
a  personal  interview.  All  presents,  letters,  etc., 
received,  should  accompany  the  letter  announcing  the 
termination  of  the  engagement. 

During  a  walk  in  the  country,  ascending  a  hill  or 
walking  on  the  bank  of  a  stream,  and  the  lady  is 
fatigued,  and  sits  upon  the  ground,  do  not  seat  your- 
self by  her,  but  remain  standing  until  she  is  rested 
sufficiently  to  proceed. 


390  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

When  walking  with  a  lady  who  has  your  arm,  and 
you  are  about  to  cross  a  street,  do  not  disengage  your 
arm. 

A  host  should  see  that  he  has  no  wall-flowers  at  a 
party  or  ball  given  in  his  home,  by  providing  such 
ladies  with  partners,  in  an  unobtrusive  manner,  so  as 
not  to  wound  their  self-esteem. 

Do  not  show  undignified  haste  in  whatever  you  have 
to  do.  Chesterfield  said,  "Whoever  is  in  a  hurry, 
shows  that  the  thing  he  is  about  is  too  big  for  him." 

In  writing  for  publication,  but  one  side  of  the  sheet 
of  paper  must  be  written  on. 

Never  refuse  to  accept  an  apology.  Only  ungener- 
ous minds  will  do  so.  If  one  is  due  from  you,  make 
it  unhesitatingly. 

A  dispute  about  religion  is  foolish.  When  it  is 
known  that  there  are  fifteen  hundred  millions  of  peo- 
ple on  the  face  of  the  earth,  speaking  3,034  tongues, 
and  possessing  one  thousand  different  religious  be- 
liefs, it  will  be  easily  seen  that  it  is  a  hopeless  task  to 
harmonize  them  all. 

In  meeting  a  number  of  friends  together,  do  not 
make  a  difference  in  the  warmth  of  your  salutation. 
To  meet  one  with  reserve  and  formality  and  another 
with  great  effusiveness,  is  ill-bred. 

Do  not  grow  fidgety  and  anxious  to  make  your  exit, 
if  your  friend  with  whom  you  call  prolongs  his  stay 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  391 

longer  than  you  desire  to.    Be  composed  at  all -times, 
and  in  all  places. 

If  you  hear  of  the  misfortune  of  another,  do  not 
rejoice.  And  never  speak  disparagingly  of  another. 
It  will  be  charged  to  envy. 

In  calling  upon  the  sick,  do  not  inquire  what  medi- 
cine they  are  taking,  and  express  your  doubts  of  its 
efficacy.  Nor  ask  what  phyiscian  is  employed,  and  try 
to  shake  the  patient's  confidence  in  him.  Above  all, 
do  not  attempt  to  prescribe  yourself.  You  are  not 
there  in  the  role  of  a  doctor,  but  as  a  visitor. 

When  friends  call  on  you,  never  look  at  your  watch. 
It  appears  as  if  you  were  desirous  that  they  should 

go- 
Never  pick  the  teeth,  scratch  the    head,  blow   the 
nose,  or  clean  your  nails  in  company. 

Never  correct  the  pronunciation  of  a  person  pub- 
licly; nor  any  inaccuracy  that  may  be  made  in  a  state- 
ment. 

Never  lend  a  borrowed  book.  Be  equally  particu- 
lar to  return  one  that  has  been  loaned  you,  and  accom- 
pany it  with  a  note  of  thanks. 

Do  not  be  too  familiar  on  short  acquaintance.  Nor 
presume  to  address  them  by  the  first  name.  This  is 
a  presumption  which  some  people  never  forgive. 

Do  not  ask  the  age  of  another,  unless  they  are  quite 
youthful.  Some  very  sensible  men  and  women  are 


392  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

sensitive  on  this  point.  Whether  it  be  considered 
silly  or  not,  they  have  a  right  to  keep  their  secret. 

Do  not  pass  between  two  persons  who  are  talking 
together.  Do  not  seat  yourself  in  the  place  of  one 
who  has  risen,  unless  you  see  that  they  have  no  inten- 
tion of  returning  to  the  seat  they  vacated. 

A  lady  has  a  right  to  omit  whom  she  pleases  from 
her  entertainments.  No  one  has  a  right  to  ask  her 
reasons  for  such  a  course.  Do  not  permit  a  gentleman 
to  remove  a  bracelet  from  your  arm,  or  a  ring  from 
your  finger,  for  the  purpose  of  examination.  Take 
them  off,  and  hand  them  to  him. 

A  lady  will  not  strike  a  gentleman  with  her  hand- 
kerchief, or  tap  him  with  her  fan. 

Do  not  lean  your  head  against  a  wall.  You  might 
soil  the  paper. 

The  hostess  does  not  leave  the  room  while  visitors 
remain. 

To  introduce  a  person  who  is  in  anyway  objection- 
able to  a  friend,  is  insulting.  • 

Giggling,  whispering,  staring  about,  in  church  is  a 
mark  of  ill-breeding. 

Do  not  draw  near  the  fire,  when  calling,  unless  in- 
vited. A  lady  can  call  on  a  gentleman  in  his  room  if 
he  is  a  confirmed  invalid,  but  in  no  other  case. 

When  you  are  invited  verbally  to  dinner,  it  means 
a  very  unceremonious  affair,  and  plain  dressing,  with 
early  hours. 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  303 

Do  not  attempt  to  attend  to  the  wants  of  a  lady 
who  already  has  an  escort.  It  is  a  piece  of  imperti- 
nence to  do  so. 

At  a  party  consisting  of  gentlemen,  the  host  is  the 
master  of  ceremonies.  He  alone  has  the  right  to  call 
for  toasts  and  songs. 

Nicknames  are  unknown  in  good  society. 

Don't  laugh  when  a- funny  thing  is  being  said,  until 
the  climax  is  reached. 

Do  not  go  into  company  smelling  of  onions  or  garlic. 
They  are  offensive  to  most  people. 

Do  not  eat  all  on  your  plate,  and  do  not  clean  it 
up  with  your  bread. 

When  a  gentleman  goes  to  a  ball  without  a  lady 
he  must  place  himself  at  the  disposal  of  the  hostess, 
and  dance  with  any  ladies  she  selects  for  him. 

A  lady  at  a  ball  should  not  burden  a  gentleman  with 
her  gloves,  fan  and  bouquet  to  hold  while  she  dances, 
unless  he  is  her  husband  or  brother. 

Amateur  musicians  should  commit  a  few  pieces  to 
memory.  If  they  carry  music  along,  it  has  an  appear- 
ance of  conceit,  but  if  they  are  asked  to  play  or  sing, 
it  is  ungracious  to  refuse. 

Do  not  place  your  arm  on  the  back  of  a  chair  occu- 
pied by  a  lady. 

Ladies  do  not  pass  in  or  out  of  the  general  entrance 
of  a  hotel,  but  by  the  ladies'  entrance  only. 


394  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

Ladies  can  make  each  other's  acquaintance  in  the 
hotel  parlor,  or  at  the  table.  It  is  optional  with 
them  how  far  its  carried. 

It  is  not  polite  at  a  wedding  to  congratulate  the 
bride.  She  should  receive  wishes  for  her  future  happi- 
ness. The  bridegroom  is  the  one  who  is  to  be  con- 
gratulated. He  is  the  fortunate  one. 

When  servants  at  a  hotel  are  disrespectful,  lay  a 
complaint  before  the  proprietor.  Orders  to  servants 
should  be  given  in  a  pleasant  tone,  without  a  shade  of 
familiarity. 

It  is  customary  to  add  the  words  "Without  further 
notice"  to  a  funeral  invitation  given  through  the 
papers. 

Children  should  not  be  brought  into  the  drawing- 
room  to  see  visitors,  unless  they  are  asked  for. 

Blowing  soup  or  pouring  tea  and  coffee  into  the 
saucer  to  cool  it,  is  evidence  of  a  lack  of  knowledge 
of  the  usages  of  good  society. 

It  is  against  etiquette  for  a  husband  and  wife  to  play 
cards  together,  or  for  two  persons  to  be  partners  at 
every  game.  It  supposes  a  familiarity  with  each 
other's  methods  of  play.  All  games  should  be  played 
according  to  the  proper  rules.  Do  not  propose  card 
playing  in  the  house  of  another.  Fingering  the  cards 
as  they  are  dealt  out,  is  a  rude  act.  Wait  till  they 
are  all  distributed  before  you  take  up  your  hand. 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  895 

A  business  address  should  never  be  seen  on  a  visit- 
ing card.  A  card  with  a  photograph  on  it  is  a  piece 
of  vulgar  conceit. 

To  look  over  the  shoulder  of  another  is  rude.  So 
is  the  fashion  common  to  some  of  looking  over  a 
newspaper  which  a  neighbor  in  the  street-car  is  read- 
ing. 

The  only  gifts  which  should  pass  between  ladies 
and  gentlemen  who  are  not  relatives  are  books,  flow- 
ers, music  and  confectionery. 

Do  not  allude  to  a  present  you  have  made.  Wait 
to  have  it  acknowledged. 

Ladies  should  never  adopt  the  ungraceful  habit  of 
folding  their  arms,  or  of  placing  them  akimbo. 

To  pencil  your  sentiments  in  a  borrowed  book  is 
rude. 

If  you  chance  to  use  a  foreign  phrase,  don't  trans- 
late it.  It  is  equivalent  to  saying,  "You  don't  know 
anything." 

The  man  who  insults  his  inferiors  or  those  who  are 
weak  is  simply  a  coward. 

A  gossip  is  more  or  less  malicious  and  uncultivated. 
If  nothing  worse,  she  is  empty-headed. 

When  walking  with  a  lady,  find  out  before  you  start, 
if  she  has  any  preference  as  to  the  route. 

To  write  a  letter  of  congratulation  on  mourning 
paper  is  rather  inconsistent. 


396  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

Musk  and  strong  perfumes  should  not  be  used.  A 
mere  hint  of  a  perfume  is  enough. 

Do  not  yawn  loudly,  and  stretch  the  arms  as  if  you 
were  going  to  engage  in  a  personal  contest. 

Keep  the  gloves  on  during  a  formal  call. 

Do  not  ask  about  the  private  affairs  of  anyone.  Or 
what  caused  them  to  leave  their  home  and  come  to  a 
strange  country  or  city. 

It  is  not  customary  to  offer  refreshments  to  callers. 

Boasting  of  wealth,  family  or  position  is  exceedingly 
silly  and  tiresome  to  the  listeners. 

Whispering  is  impudent,  and  interrupting  a  speaker 
is  insulting. 

Cultivate  a  low,  clear  tone  of  voice,  and  an  easy 
manner.  Do  not  gesticulate  in  conversation. 

If  strangers  are  in  a  room  when  a  caller  leaves,  a 
slight  bow  in  passing  out,  is  sufficient  recognition. 

Do  not  boast  of  your  church  work.  "A  religion  that 
ever  suffices  to  govern  a  man  will  never  suffice  to 
save  him." 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 

HOME  COURTESIES. 

/COURTESY  is  enjoined  in  Holy  Writ.  The 
V^  Apostle  Peter  says  in  his  exhortation  to  wives 
and  husbands,  "Be  ye  courteous."  This  is  rightly 
considered  a  Christian  virtue,  and  will  flourish  in 
rich  profusion  when  planted  in  faith. 

Nowhere  does  this  flower  blossom  as  richly  as  in 
the  home  garden.  Here,  the  sweet  and  tender  min- 
istrations of  life  are  born,  which  flow  out  into  the 
world,  to  bless  others.  The  memories  of  early  years 
are  the  dearest.  They  are  never  forgotten;  the  in- 
structions given  there  are  never  effaced.  These  teach- 
ings have  more  in  them  than  mere  set  formalities — 
they  glow  with  life  and  warmth,  for  do  they  'not  re- 
call the  dear  faces  of  father  and  mother,  brothers  and 
sisters,  ere  the  home  circle  was  broken;  before  care 
and  sickness  and  separation  came. 

Those  days  were  the  preparatory  ones,  when  the 
character  was  being  fitted  for  the  struggle  of  life. 

CHOOSING  COMPANIONS. 

The  choice  of  companions  has  a  far-reaching  influ- 
307 


398  HOME  COURTESIES. 

ence  upon  the  young.  Were  parents  more  careful  in 
knowing  who  were  admitted  to  association  with  their 
children,  it  would  not  be  so  difficult  a  task  to  incul- 
cate those  courteous  manners  which  all  love  to  wit- 
ness. The  friends  young  people  should  select,  should 
have  moral  worth,  rather  than  position  in  society. 
Their  courteous  conduct  toward  others,  is  of  the 
greatest  consequence. 

Children  are  all  imitative.  Few  are  found  who 
strike  out  an  original  path  for  themselves.  So  the 
model  they  pattern  after  should  be  a  good  one.  If 
parents  realized  how  great  was  their  responsibility, 
how  closely  they  were  watched  and  copied,  they 
would  place  a  perpetual  guard  upon  their  lips  and 
manners,  that  nothing  unlovely  could  be  reproduced 
in  the  home  life. 

BE  COURTEOUS  TO  ALL. 

Courtesy  is  incumbent  upon  all.  A  truly  polite  mis- 
tress will  find  no  trouble  in  having  good  servants,  for 
she  will  remember  that  they  are  human,  and  not  stone, 
with  feelings  and  rights  that  should  be  respected. 
It  is  a  coarse  nature  that  is  rude  and  overbearing  to 
those  whom  fortune  has  placed  beneath  one.  The 
bad  effects  will  be  apparent  in  another  direction,  for 
the  insolent  mistress  will  have  insolent  servants. 
Courteous  treatment,  and  a  proper  regard  for  their 


HOME   COURTESIES. 


HOME  COURTESIES.  309 

comfort,  will  win  their  regard  and  more  faithful  serv- 
ices. 

UNIFORM  COURTESY. 

Where  courtesy  prevails  at  home,  the  young  will  be 
polite  naturally,  and  they  will  preserve  this  good- 
breeding  wherever  they  are.  Children  must  never 
be  allowed  to  have  two  sets  of  manners,  one  for  home 
use  and  the  other  for  company.  Demand  uniform 
courtesy — at  their  play,  and  at  •  their  studies;  at 
home  and  abroad. 

Courtesy  should  begin  at  home,  like  charity,  but 
neither  should  end  there.  In  the  face  of  the  mad  rush 
and  bustle  of  our  daily  lives,  we,  as  a  nation,  are  court- 
eous. Even  Dickens,  who  scored  us  so  unmercifully 
in  his  "American  Notes,"  says  of  us:  "But  no  man 
sat  down  until  the  ladies  were  seated;  or  omitted  any 
little  act  of  politeness  which  could  contribute  to  their 
comfort.  Nor  did  I  ever  once,  on  any  occasion,  any- 
where, during  my  rambles  in  America,  see  a  woman 
exposed  to  the  slightest  act  of  rudeness,  incivility,  or 
even  inattention."  This  indorsement  makes  one  feel 
proud.  And  a  courtesy  so  general  as  to  win  words 
like  these,  can  only  spring  from  the  fact  that  court- 
esy and  good  feeling  are  grounded  in  the  home  teach- 
ings, which  have  instilled  a  spirit  of  chivalrous  re- 
spect which  is  an  honor  to  any  nation. 


400  HOME  COURTESIES. 

PRACTICE  AT   HOME. 

And  yet  it  is  sad  to  be  compelled  to  say  that  there 
are  families  all  over  our  land  who  neglect  to  teach 
the  small,  sweet  courtesies  of  every  day  to  those  be- 
neath their  roof.  Who  allow  them  to  talk  boister- 
ously, romp  all  over  the  house  at  unseemly  hours,  shout 
to  each  other,  and  commit  a  dozen  such  breaches  of 
etiquette  merely  because  they  are  at  home,  and  no 
company  is  there.  Should  friends  call  unexpectedly, 
what  a  transformation.  The  young  voices  are  sub- 
dued, the  step  is  light  and  soft,  and  quiet  manners 
take  the  place  of  the  rough  and  noisy  exhibitions  of 
a  few  minutes  previous.  This  is  not  being  polite — 
it  is  only  a  sham.  They  can  be  taught  to  exercise 
gentle  manners  at  home;  to  be  thoughtful  of  the 
comfort  of  every  member  of  the  family;  to  be  guilty 
of  no  act  that  they  would  blush  for  were  other  eyes 
upon  them.  Then  they  will  become  the  real  gentle- 
man or  lady. 

Courtesy  must  spring  from  an  unselfish  desire  to 
do  right.  There  is  a  beautiful  myth  floating  on  the 
topmost  wave  of  the  pretty  fancies  with  which  the 
world  is  blessed,  which  reads  thus:  Two  children, 
a  sturdy  boy  and  a  gentle  girl,  are  wandering  in  playful 
idleness  through  an  old  garden,  overgrown  with  weeds 
and  rank  grass.  The  boy  finds  a  bunch  of  keys — th§ 


HOME  COURTESIES.  401 

talismanic  number,  three,   and  of   a  curious  old  pat- 
tern, rusted  and  worn. 

They  look  with  indifference  upon  the  keys,  but  hav- 
ing few  toys,  they  keep  them.  Days  pass  by — the 
keys  are  forgotten,  till  one  day  they  find  an  old  door 
set  in  a  wall,  over  which  the  weeping-willow  hangs, 
hiding  the  framework  with  its  heavy  foliage,  as'if 
weary  of  its  trust,  and  anxious  to  give  it  up.  The 
boy  and  girl,  still  playmates,  search  patiently  for  a 
way  to  open  the  door;  and  at  last,  finding  the  key- 
hole thick  with  cobwebs,  they  tear  them  eagerly  away, 
and  push  the  key  into  the  lock.  The  door  creaks 
slowly,  their  strength  is  scarcely  sufficient  to  force  it 
to  turn  on  its  rusty  hinges,  but  they  persevere,  and 
at  last  they  step  through,  into  a  land  so  fair,  a  scene 
so  lovely,  that  they  hold  their  very  breaths  with 
delight. 

The  door  in  the  neglected  garden  is  the  crust  of  sel- 
fishess  which  has  o'er  grown  the  hearts  of  the  old  and 
sorrow-weary.  The  keys  are  the  rusty  and  unused  ones 
of  love,  patience  and  truth.  Love  that  seeks  the  good 
of  all;  patience,  that  "overcometh  evil,"  and  ten- 
derly, earnestly,  strives  to  do  all  the  work  set  before 
it;  truth,  that  speaks  no  ill,  keeps  the  tongue  clean, 
the  heart  single.  To  these  three  keys  it  is  given  to 
unlock  the  sealed  mysteries  and  beauties  of  the  heart 
which  the  world  has  buried  'neath  its  rubbish. 
26 


402  HOME  COURTESIES. 

This  habit  of  being  courteous  cannot  be  learned  by 
arbitrary  rules,  but  must  be  the  outgrowth  of  home 
practice.  To  one  who  is  agreeable,  civil,  kind,  it 
will  be  very  easy  to  be  so  elsewhere.  A  coarse, 
rough  manner  at  home  begets  a  kindred  roughness 
which  cannot  be  laid  off,  when  among  strangers. 
Home  is  the  school  for  all  things  good,  especially  for 
good  manners. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII. 

TOILET  RECIPES. 

THE  body  is  the  temple  of  the  soul;  the  shrine  of 
the  spirit.  To  care  for  it  and  preserve  it  in  its 
highest  perfection  is  the  duty  of  every  man  and 
woman.  To  every  woman  there  comes  a  natural 
desire  to  be  beautiful.  There  is  a  beauty  which  is 
planted  in  the  speaking  eye,  the  fresh  and  roseate 
skin,  the  mobile  features,  ere  they  are  stamped  by 
the  hard  lines  of  experience  or  sorrow.  Beauty  is  the 
gift  of  the  Creator,  and  to  slight  or  despise  it  is  to 
spurn  a  precious  inheritance.  To  make  the  most  of 
the  charms  bestowed  by  the  Master-hand,  is  to 
cherish  and  fit  the  temple  for  its  occupant. 

Frances  Willard  says:  "The  desire  to  be  beauti- 
ful is  instinctive,  because  we  were  all  meant  to  be  so, 
though  so  ruthlessly  defrauded  of  it,  on  the  material 
plane  by  the  ignorant  excesses  of  our  ancestors  and 
the  follies  of  our  own  untaught  years."  She  utters  a 
truth  which  strikes  home  to  the  consciousness  of 
every  woman,  who  would  like  to  be  fair  to  look  upon, 

403 


404  TOILET  RECIPES. 

and  of  every  man  who  is  led  captive  by  the  spells  of 
beauty. 

Beauty  without  sense  and  intelligence  is  lamentable; 
but  beauty  joined  to  wit  and  intellect  is  irresistible. 

Beauty  is  to  woman  what  strength  is  to  man.  Cul- 
tivation of  the  mind  and  body  should  go  hand  in  hand. 
Then  let  every  girl  feel  that  she  is  only  performing 
a  pleasant  duty  when  she  is  using  every  proper  means 
co  develop  and  preserve  her  natural  beauty. 

THE  STANDARD  OF  BEAUTY. 

There  can  be  no  fixed  standard  of  beauty  where  the 
tastes  of  different  peoples  are  so  varied.  The  Chinese 
admire  fat,  laid  on  in  abundance,  and  to  them  the 
feet  of  one  our  belles  who  wears  a  No.  I  shoe,  are 
monstrosities.  In  some  of  the  barbaric  tribes  a  beau- 
tiful woman's  teeth  must  be  coal  black.  Some  tribes 
press  their  babes'  heads  to  make  them  square,  while 
others  admire  the  sugar-loaf  head.  The  French  like 
embonpoint,  the  Italians  and  French  pay  homage  to  a 
lissome  grace,  while  the  English  pronounce  the 
woman  who  unites  health  and  strength  with  grace  of 
form  as  up  to  the  best  standard  of  female  loveliness. 

HEALTH  A  REQUISITE. 

There  can  be  no  solid  and  enduring  loveliness  with- 
out health.  This  is  the  foundation  of  all  beauty. 


TOILET  RECIPES.  405 

And  to  maintain  this,  constant  exercise  is  necessary, 
that  the  figure  may  round  out,  the  muscles  become 
firm,  and  the  step  elastic  and  springy.  A  beautiful 
form  is  often  deemed  more  desirable  than  a  handsome 
face.  Defects  of  form  are  often  inherited,  while 
others  are  the  result  of  improper  care.  Bow-legs 
come  from  placing  the  child  on  its  feet  too  young. 
Uneven  shoulders  by  allowing  a  child  to  sleep  contin- 
ually on  one  side,  or  when  grown  by  sitting  in  school 
or  at  their  work  one-sided.  If  the  head  is  too  high 
at  night,  round  shoulders  will  result.  All  these  faults 
should  be  corrected,  and  much  attention  given  to  out- 
door exercise,  as  skating,  rowing,  horseback  riding, 
swimming,  and  walking.  Lawn-tennis  and  croquet 
have  their  uses  also.  All  these  tend  to  develop  the 
figure,  and  impart  to  it  that  fullness  and  vigor  which 
is  the  perfection  of  beauty. 

CARE  OF  THE  TEETH. 

Food  and  drinks  that  are  too  hot  or  too  cold,  will 
destroy  the  beauty  of  the  teeth.  They  should  be 
brushed  after  each  meal,  and  the  mouth  well  rinsed 
with  cold  water.  A  soft  brush  should  be  used,  andall 
pastes  and  tooth-washes  discarded.  Cleanliness  will 
preserve  and  beautify  any  teeth,  unless  they  are 
actually  diseased,  and  then  resort  should  be  had  to  a 
good  dentist  at  once.  Delay  is  fatal,  for  the  diseased 


400  TOILET  RECIPES. 

tooth  decays  rapidly,  and  will  have  a  like  effect  on 
those  that  are  sound.  Salt  and  water  cures  tender 
gums.  Never  use  a  pin  or  any  metal  substance  to 
remove  food  that  lodges  between  the  teeth.  Castile 
soap  is  an  excellent  dentifrice.  When  tartar  accumu- 
lates upon  the  teeth,  it  can  only  be  removed  by  a  den- 
tist. In  the  early  stages,  vinegar  will  remove  it,  but 
if  it  remains  too  long  it  has  a  tendency  to  loosen  the 
teeth.  After  using  the  tooth-brush,  rinse  it  in  clean 
cold  water,  and  dry  it  ready  for  further  use. 

FOUL  BREATH. 

This  most  disagreeable  infliction  arises  from  two 
causes — decayed  teeth,  or  some  affection  of  the 
stomach.  If  the  latter,  a  physician  should  be  con- 
sulted. If  the  ,teeth  are  at  fault,  attention  at  the 
dentist's  hands  is  again  required.  A  gargle  made  ot 
a  spoonful  of  chloride  of  [lime  dissolved  in  a  half 
tumbler  of  water,  will  sweeten  the  breath.  The 
taint  of  smoking  can  be  overcome  by  chewing  com- 
mon parsley,  and  the  odious  taint  of  onions  is  also 
overcome  by  parsley,  vinegar  or  burnt  coffee.  Care- 
ful brushing  and  frequent  rinsing  of  the  mouth  will 
keep  the  teeth  in  excellent  condition  without  resort- 
ing to  tooth-washes  or  pastes. 

TO  REMOVE  FLESH-WORMS. 

These  "worms"  are  merely  a  greasy  or  sebaceous 


TOILET  RECIPES.  407 

matter  which  the  glands  secrete  in  little  sacs.  They 
can  be  pressed  out  by  a  watch-key.  But  the  best 
remedy  is  to  bathe  the  parts  affected  once  a  day  with 
warm  water,  and  rub  with  a  coarse  towel.  Then 
apply  with  a  soft  cloth  a  lotion  made  of  liquor  of 
potassa,  one  ounce;  cologne,  two  ounces;  white 
brandy,  four  ounces. 

A  FINE  COMPLEXION. 

This  is  one  of  the  principal   essentials  of  beauty. 

Indeed,  it  outranks  mere  beauty  of  feature,  for  it  is 
of  no  consequence  to  possess  a  perfect  arm,  or  a  beau- 
tiful face  if  the  skin  is  as  rough  as  a  nutmeg  grater, 
or  is  disfigured  by  pimples  and  blotches.  And  what 
we  say  is  to  the  gentlemen  as  well  as  the  ladies.  A 
clear,  polished  skin  can  only  be  had  by  observing 
three  things — temperance,  cleanliness  and  exercise. 
The  inordinate  use  of  liquors  or  strong  coffee,  greasy 
food,  hot  biscuit  will  tell  upon  the  finest  complexion 
in  time.  The  young  lady  who  devours  pickles,  sits  up 
half  the  night  reading  novels,  and  lounges  round  the 
house  the  next  day,  can  never  expect  that  clear, 
fresh,  peach-like  complexion  which  she  longs  for  so 
ardently.  Nourishing  food,  regular  exercise,  and 
perfect  cleanliness  can  alone  restore  that  youth- 
ful brightness  which  so  many  ladies  have  lost  through 
neglect  of  an  obedience  to  nature's  laws. 


408  TOILET  RECIPES. 

Late  hours  are  inveterate  foes  to  a  beautiful  com- 
plexion. Sleep  is  a  great  restorer  of  the  exhausted 
nerves.  Parties,  balls  and  amusements  of  any  sort 
that  are  carried  into  the  "wee,  sma'  hours"  should 
be  indulged  in  sparingly.  The  division  which  some 
agitators  make  of  "Eight  hours  for  sleep,  eight  hours 
for  work,  and  eight  hours  for  recreation,"  is  a  very 
fair  one  in  all  departments  of  life. 

REMOVING  FRECKLES. 

Many  ladies  are  very  much  annoyed  at  freckles. 
We  have  seen  faces  on  which  they  were  positive  beau- 
tifiers.  Probably  the  best  eradicator  of  these  little 
blemishes  was  known  as  "Unction  de  Maintenon," 
and  was  composed  as  follows: 

Venice  soap I  ounce 

Lemon  juice ^  ounce 

Oil  of  bitter  almonds }£  ounce 

Deliquidated  oil  of  tartar ^  ounce 

Oil  of  rhodium 3  drops 

Dissolve  the  soap  in  the  lemon  juice,  add  the  two 
oils,  and  put  the  whole  in  the  sun  till  it  becomes  of 
ointment-like  consistency,  and  then  add  the  rhodium. 
Bathe  the  freckled  face  at  night  with  this  lotion, 
and  wash  it  in  the  morning  with  clear,  cold  water,  or 
if  convenient,  with  a  wash  of  elder  flower  and  rose 
water. 


TOILET  RECIPES.  409 

PERSPIRATION.  « 

The  odor  of  perspiration  is  often  very  offensive 
from  some  persons.  A  corrective  is  to  wash  the  body 
with  water  to  which  has  been  added  two  tablespoon  - 
fuls  of  ammonia — the  compound  spirits.  It  is  perfectly 
harmless. 

BRAN  MITTENS. 

Large  mittens  worn  at  night  filled  with  wet  bran 
or  oatmeal,  keep  the  hands  white,  in  spite  of  the  dis- 
figuring effects  of  house-work. 

TO  PREVENT  CHAPPING. 

After  cleansing  the  hands  and  thoroughly  drying 
them,  apply  Indian  meal  or  rice  flour. 

Lemon  juice  three  ounces,  white  wine  vinegar  three 
ounces  and  white  brandy  half  a  pint  is  a  nice  prepa- 
ration. 

Ten  drops  of  carbolic  acid,  and  one  ounce  of  glyc- 
erine, applied  freely  at  night,  is  another  cure  for 
chapping. 

BEAUTIFUL  HAIR. 

There  is  no  perfection  of  beauty  without  fine  hair. 
It  is  called,  even  by  St.  Paul,  who  was  rather  strict 
in  his  ideas  of  feminine  beauty,  "the  glory  of  woman." 
The  most  bewitching  face  unshaded  by  soft,  shiny 
hair,  and  a  goodly  share  of  it,  cannot  lay  claim 


410  TOILET  RECIPES. 

to  beauty.  Every  woman,  who  has  a  fine  head  of 
hair,  is  proud  of  it,  and  justly  so.  It  may  be  contra- 
dicted, but  we  dare  the  assertion  that  every  woman 
can  have  this  crowning  glory  if  she  pays  proper  care 
to  keeping  it  bright  and  clean. 

It  requires  continual  brushing.  Each  morning  it 
should  receive  a  thorough  brushing,  lasting  at  least 
ten  minutes,  and  the  brush  used  should  be  soft 
and  clean.  The  most  dry  and  harsh  hair  will  yield  to 
this  treatment,  and  become  soft,  glossy  and  strong. 
The  morning  is  the  best  time  for  performing  this 
brushing,  for  the  hair  is  more  pliable  then.  It  is  a 
bad  practice  to  use  a  very  hard  brush,  under  the  im- 
pression that  it  stimulates  the  scalp.  It  may  do  that, 
but  at  the  expense  of  the  hair,  which  it  breaks  and 
snarls.  The  head  should  be  washed  at  least  once  a 
week.  A  good  cleanser  is  to  break  the  whites  of  two 
eggs  into  a  basin  of  soft  water  and  work  them  up  to 
a  froth  in  the  roots  of  the  hair.  Rinse  thoroughly 
with  clean  warm  water,  and  wipe  and  dry  the  head 
as  thoroughly.  Do  not  dress  your  hair  until  it  is 
perfectly  dry,  else  it  will  have  a  musty  odor. 

CARE  OF  CHILDREN'S  HAIR. 

Great  care  should  be  taken  of  the  heads  of  children. 
Frequent  cutting  should  be  practiced.  Indeed  the 
hair  will  be  much  more  luxurious  in  maturity  if  it  is 


TOILET  RECIPES.  411 

kept  short  up  to  twelve  or  thirteen  years  of  age.  The 
scaip  should  be  cleansed  each  morning  with  a  damp 
sponge,  and  constantly  brushed.  Fine-teeth  combs 
should  never  be  used;  they  scratch  and  wound  the 
scalp,  and  loosen  the  hair. 

REMEDY    FOR    BALDNESS. 

This  recipe  has  been  known  for  many  years,  and 
found  a  prominent  place  in  the  list  of  remedies  for  this 
evil.  It  is  the  celebrated  Baron  Dupuytren's  po- 
made: 

Boxwood  shavings 6  oz. 

Proof  spirit 12  " 

Spirits  of  rosemary 2  " 

Spirits  of  nutmegs l/i  " 

The  boxwood  shavings  should  be  left  in  the  spirits 
to  steep  for  fourteen  days  at  60  degrees  temperature. 
The  liquid  is  then  to  be  strained  off,  and  the  other 
ingredients  added.  Rub  this  thoroughly  on  the  bald 
spots,  night  and  morning. 

PREVENTING  THE  HAIR  TURNING  GRAY. 

It  does  not  by  any  means  assume  that  a  person  is 
old  because  the  hair  has  turned  white,  for  premature 
blanching  of  the  hair  is  on  the  increase.  There  are 
many  reasons  for  this,  such  as  late  hours,  nervous 
exhaustion,  too  much  anxiety,  giving  way  to  viqlent 
passions;  all  have  an  evil  tendency.  There  are  many 


412  TOILET  RECIPES. 

young  people  whose  lives  are  as  placid  as  summer 
day,  whose  hair  is  snowy,  and  there  are  old  people 
whose  lives  have  been  spent  in  direct  violation  of  all  the 
laws  of  hygiene,  and  yet  whose  hair  is  as  dark  and 
glossy  as  in  youth.  So,  after  all,  it  seems  as  if  these 
things  were  constitutional.  There  does  not  appear 
any  probability  of  "restoring"  gray  hair  to  its  former 
color.  We  can  only  counsel  moderation  in  all  those 
pleasures  that  tend  to  an  exciting,  unhealthy  mode  of 
living.  We  give  a  recipe  that  a  writer  says  she  be- 
lieves wards  off  gray  hair: 

Oxide  of  bismuth 4  dr. 

Spermaceti 4   " 

Pure  hog's  lard  (unsalted) 4  oz. 

Melt  the  lard  and  spermaceti  together,  and  when 
cool  add  bismuth.  Perfume  to  suit  yourself.  Use 
as  a  dressing. 

DYEING  GRAY  HAIR. 

Dyeing  the  hair  is  a  very  dangerous  business,  as 
most  of  the  hair-dyes  have  for  their  base  sugar  of  lead, 
caustic  alkalies,  limes,  litharge  and  arsenic,  all  of 
which  burn  the  hair.  We  have  known  of  cases  of 
paralysis  of  the  brain  occasioned  by  the  inordinate 
use  of  hair  dyes  which  their  makers  asserted  were 
"perfectly  harmless." 


TOILET  RECIPES.  413 

SOAPS  ON  THE  HAIR. 

Shampooing  is  a  great  detriment  to  the  beauty  of 
the  hair.  Soap  fades  the  hair,  often  turning  it  a 
yellow.  Brushing  is  the  only  safe  method  of  remov- 
ing the  dust  from  the  head,  with  the  occasional  use 
of  the  whites  of  eggs.  Perfect  rinsing  and  drying 
should  follow  all  washing  of  the  head. 

MOLES. 

Never  tamper  with  these  disfigurements.  There  is 
but  one  way  to  have  them  removed,  and  that  is  by  a 
surgeon. 

THE  BATH. 

Every  house  should  make  some  provision  for  a 
bath-room.  Nothing  is  so  conducive  to  health  and 
beauty  as  the  bath.  It  should  be  of  a  temperature 
from  80  to  95  degrees  Fahrenheit.  It  is  not  wise  to 
remain  in  the  bath  too  long,  and  on  leaving  it,  a  vig- 
orous rubbing  with  flesh-brush  and  Turkish  towels 
aids  the  circulation.  A  bath  once  or  twice  a  week, 
exercise  in  the  open  air,  plain  food,  and  early  rising, 
will  prove  the  best  beautifiers  for  the  complexion,  and 
will  change  a  skin  as  rough  as  a  nutmeg  grater  to 
one  as  smooth  and  brilliant  as  satin. 

If  there  is  no  bath-room,  a  sponge  bath  can  be  sub- 
stituted. Many  declare  this  to  be  the  most  desirable 


414  TOILET  RECIPES. 

form  of  bathing.     Place   an  oil-cloth  on  the   floor, 
and  improvise  a  bath  for  yourself. 

Shower  baths  are  not  safe  for  delicately  organized 
persons.  In  all  baths,  however,  the  head  should  be 
wet  first. 

CARE  OF  THE  EYES. 

The  eyes,  "those  windows  of  the  soul,"  are  terribly 
abused.  Late  hours,  reading  by  bad  lights,  strain- 
ing them  by  over  use,  are  all  destructive  of  their 
beauty.  A  darkened  room  is  not  the  best,  indeed,  it 
will  weaken  them.  A  good  steady,  strong  light  is 
more  favorable  to  them. 

STY,   TO    REMOVE. 

These  painful  little  affections  are  easily  removed 
by  placing  a  little  tea  in  a  bag.  Pour  on  boiling  water 
to  moisten  it,  and  apply  to  the  eye  warm.  Keep 
it  on  all  night.  A  second  application  will  perhaps  be 
necessary. 

CUTTING  THE  NAILS. 

Filbert-shaped  nails  are  esteemed  the  handsomest. 
Trim  them  with  round  corners.  But  be  very  partic- 
ular to  keep  the  nails  clean.  Nothing  is  more  dis- 
gusting than  a  finger  with  a  black  border  at  the  end. 
A  well  kept  nail  will  be  smooth,  shiny  and  rosy. 


TOILET  RECIPES.  415 

CARE   OF  THE   HANDS. 

If  a  lady  desires  a  soft,  white  hand  she  should 
always  wear  gloves  when  she  is  performing  her  house- 
hold tasks.  There  is  a  rubber  glove  for  sale  in  rub- 
ber goods  stores,  which  many  ladies  use  who  do  their 
own  washing  of  dishes.  Gloves  should  always  be 
worn  when  outdoors.  A  beautiful  hand  is  a  poem  in 
itself,  and  many  are  the  devices  resorted  to,  to  keep 
it  white  and  shapely.  A  French  recipe  for  this  pur- 
pose is  to  sleep  in  gloves  filled  with  a  paste  of  the 
following  ingredients: 

Half  a  pound  of  soft  soap,  a  gill  of  salad  oil,  an 
ounce  of  mutton  tallow,  boiled  together  until  thor- 
oughly incorporated.  As  soon  as  done  boiling,  but 
before  cold,  add  one  gill  of  spirits  of  wine,  and  a 
grain  of  musk. 

This  is  rather  a  troublesome  process,  but  the  result 
is  entirely  satisfactory. 

Sleeping  in  soft  white  kid  gloves,  after  rubbing 
mutton  tallow  on  the  hands,  will  keep  them  soft  and 
white. 

MOIST    HANDS. 

Some  people  have  a  moist,  clammy  hand  that  is 
very  disagreeable  to  the  touch.  Exercise,  plain  liv- 
ing, and  the  local  application  of  starch  powder  and 
lemon  juice  will  cure  this  affliction. 


416  TOILET  RECIPES. 

POMADES  AND  OIL  FOR  THE  HAIR. 

The  use  of  oils  and  pomades  is  never  desirable. 
Animal  fats  are  more  injurious  than  vegetable  oils, 
as  they  heat  the  cuticle  and  become  rancid,  acting 
eventually  as  a  depilatory.  Observe  the  ends  of  the 
hair,  and  if  you  find  them  split  or  forked,  clip  off  the 
extreme  end.  This  will  promote  the  growth  of  the 
hair. 

CARE  OF  THE  FEET. 

The  health  and  comfort  of  the  feet  depend  on  the 
care  which  they  receive.  One  way  to  keep  them  in 
a  healthy  state  is  to  soak  them  several  times  a  week 
in  hot  water  into  which  a  handful  of  salt  has  been 
thrown.  Another  excellent  treatment  is  to  soak  them 
at  night  for  fifteen  minutes  in  hot  soap-suds.  Then 
rub  them  well,  and  with  a  ball  of  pumice  stone  rub  off 
all  the  superfluous  skin,  after  which  olive  oil  or  oil 
of  sweet  almonds  may  be  rubbed  in.  To  preserve 
the  bedclothes  after  this,  a  pair  of  light  stockings 
should  be  worn  to  sleep  in.  Such  treatment  will 
keep  the  feet  in  a  soft  and  healthy  condition.  Clean- 
liness and  health  are  closely  allied;  and  these  too 
often  neglected  members  of  the  body  must  receive  the 
attention  they  deserve  if  we  would  maintain  their 
beauty  and  health.  It  is  astonishing  how  much  per- 
fect cleanliness  and  care  will  do  for  the  appearance  of 


TOILET  RECIPES.  417 

the    feet,    and   even   the   size.      It    is  true,    as  a  few 
months'  trial  will  abundantly  demonstrate. 

India  rubbers  should  be  worn  only  in  rainy,  muddy 
weather.  They  prevent  the  circulation  of  air,  and 
cause  a  perspiration  which  is  offensive.  Insoles  are 
better  for  the  feet  than  rubbers.  Thick-soled 
leather  shoes  are  better  for  every  day  use,  taking 
care  that  they  are  amply  long.  A  short  shoe  will  de- 
form any  foot  in  time. 

BUNIONS  AND  CORNS. 

A  shoe  that  is  too  large  will  cause  a  corn  quite  as 
readily  as  one  that  is  too  small.  Pressure  or  abra- 
sion causes  these  painful  accompaniments  of  civiliza- 
tion. The  fashionable  shoe  is  worn  so  narrow,  with 
toes  so  pointed  that  the  wonder  is  that  a  foot  can  be 
crowded  into  it.  Turpentine  may  be  used  for  both 
corns  and  bunions.  A  very  weak  solution  of  carbolic 
acid  will  remove  soft  corns  between  the  toes. 

CHILBLAINS. 

Friction  is  advised  on  their  first  appearance,  to- 
gether with  the  application  of  one  of  the  following 
lotions:  (i)  Take  one  part  spirits  of  wine  and  five 
parts  spirits  of  rosemary,  and  mix.  (2)  A  more 
active  lotion  is  the  following:  Take  ten  drachms  of 
compound  soap  liniment  (opodeldoc)  and  two  drops  of 
27 


418  TOILET  RECIPES. 

tincture  of  cantharides;   mix.     One  of  these  two  may 
be  briskly  rubbed    in  on  the  first    appearance  of  red 
ness  or  irritation. 

We  give  a  number  of  trustworthy  recipes  selected 
from  various  sources,  but  all  are  known  to  be  excel- 
lent and  safe. 

TINCTURE    OF    ROSES. 

Take  the  leaves  of  the  common  rose  (centifolia), 
and  place,  without  pressing  them,  in  a  common 
bottle;  pour  some  good  spirits  of  wine  upon  them, 
close  the  bottle,  and  let  it  stand  till  required  for 
use.  This  tincture  will  keep  for  years  and  yield 
a  perfume  little  inferior  to  attar  of  roses.  A  few 
drops  of  it  will  suffice  to  impregnate  the  atmos- 
phere of  a  room  with  a  delicate  odor.  Com- 
mon vinegar  is  greatly  improved  by  a  very  small 
quantity  being  added  to  it. 

HOW   TO    DARKEN    FADED    FALSE    HAIR. 

The  switches,  curls  and  frizzes,  which  fashion 
demands  should  be  worn,  will  fade,  though  they 
match  the  natural  hair  perfectly  at  first.  If  the 
hair  is  brown  this  can  be  remedied.  Obtain  a  yard 
of  dark  brown  calico.  Boil  it  until  the  color  has 
well  come  out  into  the  water.  Then  into  this  water 
dip  the  hair,  and  take  it  out  and  dry  it.  Repeat 


TOILET  RECIPES.  419 

the  operation  until  it  shall  be  of  the  required  depth 
of  shade. 

REMEDY    FOR    BURNED    KID    OR    LEATHER    SHOES. 

If  a  lady  has  had  the  misfortune  to  put  her  shoes  or 
slippers  too  near  the  stove,  and  burned  them,  she  can 
make  them  nearly  as  good  as  ever  by  spreading  soft 
soap  upon  them  while  they  are  still  hot,  and  then, 
when  they  are  cold,  washing  it  off.  It  softens  the 
leather  and  prevents  it  drawing  up. 

TO  CLEAN  BLACK  DRESSES. 

Use  two  table-spoonfuls  of  ammonia  to  a  half-gallon 
of  water.  Take  a  piece  of  black  cloth  and  sponge 
off  with  the  preparation,  and  afterward  with  clean 

water. 

NIGHTCAPS. 

Heat  the  head,  and  injure  the  hair. 

TO  WHITEN  THE    ARMS 

for  an  evening  party  or  theatricals,  rub  them  with 
glycerine,  and  before  the  skin  has  absorbed  it  all, 
dust  on  refined  chalk. 

WALNUT  STAIN 

for  skin  or  hair  is  made  by  boiling  walnut  bark,  say 
an  ounce  to  a  pint  of  water,  for  an  hour,  slowly,  and 


430  TOILET  RECIPES. 

adding  a  lump/of  alum  the  size  of  a  thimble,  to  set 
the  dye.  Apply  with  a  delicate  brush  to  eyebrows 
and  lashes,  or  with  a  sponge  to  the  hair. 

HAIR    RESTORER. 

The  hair  usually  commences  to  turn  gray  on  the 
temples.  A  very  innocent  preparation  said  to  be 
excellent  for  restoring  it  is — Rust  of  iron,  one  drachm; 
old  ale  (strong),  one  pint;  oil  of  rosemary,  twelve 
drops.  Put  these  into  a  loosely  corked  bottle,  and 
shake  it  daily  for  a  fortnight.  Then  let  it  stand  un- 
disturbed one  day,  decant  the  clear  portion  and  use. 

FAT  PEOPLE 

may  reduce  their  flesh  rapidly  by  drinking  sassafras  tea, 
either  cold  or  hot,  with  or  without  sugar.  There  are 
conditions  of  health  when  it  might  be  injurious,  how- 
ever, and  a  physician  should  be  consulted  before 
using  it.  A  strong  infusion  may  be  made  of  one 
ounce  of  sassafras  to  a  quart  of  water.  Boil  half 
an  hour  very  slowly,  let  it  cool,  and  keep  from  the 
air. 

FRESHNESS  OF  THE  SKIN 

is  prolonged  by  a  simple  secret,  the  tepid  bath  in 
which  bran  is  stirred,  followed  by  long  friction,  till  the 
the  flesh  fairly  shines.  This  keeps  the  blood  at  the 
surface,  and  has  its  effect  in  warding  off  wrinkles. 


TOILET  RECIPES.  421 

MOSQUITOES. 

may  be  kept  away  from  the  pillow  by  sprinkling  oil 
of  pennyroyal  about  it,  (a  few  drops)  at  night.  Be 
careful  that  the  oil  does  not  fall  into  children's  hands. 

TO  REMOVE  TAN. 

An  elegant  preparation  for  removing  tan  is  made 
of:  New  milk,  one-half  pint;  lemon  juice,  one-quar- 
ter ounce;  white  brandy,  one-half  ounce.  Boil  all 
together  and  remove  the  scum.  Use  night  and  morn- 
ing. 

TO  PREVENT  DISCOLORATION  BY  A  BRUISE. 

Apply  to  the  bruise  a  cloth  wrung  out  of  nearly 
boiling  water,  and  apply  until  the  pain  ceases. 

WATERMELON  JUICE. 

A  wash  for  the  complexion  which  is  very  highly 
prized  by  Southern  ladies  who  well  understand  its 
virtues,  is  the  juice  of  the  watermelon.  After  being 
exposed  to  the  sun  and  wind  during  a  drive,  sail,  or 
other  outing,  it  will  soothe  and  allay  the  burn  and 
whiten  the  skin.  The  juice  from  both  the  pulp  and 
rind  is  used.  Washing  with  it  cleanses  the  skin  and 
makes  it  soft  and  clear.  The  white  pulp,  next  the 
red,  is  sometimes  crushed  and  bound  on  the  skin  to 
whiten  it,  with  excellent  results. 


423  TOILET  RECIPES. 

DANGER    OF  COSMETICS. 

One  of  the  most  famous  beauties  of  the  last  cen- 
tury, Maria  Gunning,  who  married  the  Earl  of  Coven- 
try, not  content  with  her  natural  beauty  sought  to 
enhance  it,  and  used  cosmetics  which  caused  her 
death.  Physicians  are  continually  called  on  to  treat 
ladies  suffering  from  the  use  of  injurious  cosmetics, 
and  the  patient  almost  invariably  used  them  in 
utter  ignorance  of  the  harmful  nature  of  the  com- 
pound. Ladies  cannot  be  too  cautious  about  using 
cosmetics  the  composition  of  which  they  do  not  under- 
stand, however  loudly  they  may  be  advertised,  or 
however  highly  they  may  be  recommended. 

HIVES. 

When  these  are  caused  by  eating  any  article  of 
food,  it  should  be  discontinued,  and  a  mild  laxative 
be  given  as  some  of  the  aperient  mineral  waters. 
The  itching  may  be  allayed  by  bathing  the  skin  in 
warm,  soft  water,  containing  about  a  tablespoonful 
of  baking  soda  to  the  quart  of  water.  This  is  also 
good  to  allay  the  itching  of  prickly  heat. 

TO  AVOID  WRINKLES. 

The  hand  of  Time  cannot  be  stayed,  but  his  marks 
upon  the  face  need  not  be  placed  there  prematurely. 
One  of  the  best  local  treatments  consists  in  bath- 


TOILET  RECIPES.  423 

ing  the  skin  frequently  in  cold  water,  and  then  rub- 
bing with  a  towel  until  the  flesh  is  aglow.  A  little 
bran  added  to  the  water  is  a  decided  improvement. 
This  treatment  stimulates  the  functions  of  the  skin 
and  gives  it  vigor.  The  wrinkling  may  be  further 
remedied  by  washing  the  parts  three  times  a  day 
with  the  following  wash: 

Take  of  Glycerine 4  dr. 

Tannin 2  dr. 

Rectified  spirits 2  dr. 

Water 8  oz.     Mix. 

COLD  FEET. 

People  who  are  troubled  with  cold  feet  will  find 
that  a  simple  and  effective  remedy  is  to  bathe  them 
in  cold  water  night  and  morning,  and  then  apply  fric- 
tion to  stimulate  the  circulation.  A  little  red  pepper, 
dusted  into  the  stockings,  will  do  much  to  prevent 
cold  feet  in  the  winter.  Exercise  also  relieves  this 
complaint.  They  may  be  caused  by  debility,  and 
then  internal  remedies  will  be  required.  As  a  rule, 
woolen  stockings  should  be  worn  by  people  thus 
troubled.  The  wearing  of  these  will,  however,  in 
some  persons,  cause  a  perspiration  which  results  in 
cold  feet.  A  woolen  stocking  with  a  merino  foot  is 
now  sold  for  such  cases. 


CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

ETIQUETTE   OF  THE   SCHOOL. 

teacher  has  a  large  part  in  the  formation  of 
1  the  manners  in  the  plastic  stage  of  childhood. 
To  her  belongs  a  share  of  the  work  which  should  be 
done  now.  In  the  public  schools  many  children  are 
so  unfortunately  situated  that  all  the  lessons  they  re- 
ceive in  politeness  are  within  the  school-room  walls. 
The  teacher  who  likes  to  see  her  pupils  mannerly, 
must  herself  be  so.  She  gives  "tone"  to  the  school. 
She  should  never  omit  the  salutation  "Good  morn- 
ing" or  "Good  afternoon,"  when  she  meets  the  pupils, 
in  or  out  of  the  school  hours.  Children  are  perfect 
mirrors,  and  will  reflect  rudeness  or  good-breeding, 
exactly  as  it  is  presented  to  them. 

ORDER    IN    SCHOOL. 

Perfect  order  must  be  preserved.  The  fewer  rules 
a  teacher  has,  to  confuse  and  vex  her  young  charges, 
the  easier  it  will  be  for  her  to  maintain  good  behavior 
among  them.  She  should  have  certain  laws  laid 
down  for  the  management  of  her  school,  but  she 

424 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  SCHOOL  425 

should  make  them  known,  so  that  they  may  not 
transgress  unwittingly.  Having  once  explained  them, 
she  must  enforce  them. 

HAVE  NO  PETS. 

It  is  human  nature  to  prefer  one  scholar  before 
another,  'especially  when  some  one  or  two  are  partic- 
ularly lovable  or  bright.  But  it  is  very  unjust  to  dis- 
tinguish them  in  any  way,  as  by  allowing  them  privi- 
leges from  which  others  are  debarred,  suffering  them 
to  trangress  rules  which  the  others  have  to  keep,  or 
excusing  them  for  tardiness.  One  inviolable  rule 
should  be  laid  down,  which  all  must  keep.  Young 
people  hate  injustice.  They  will  be  apt  to  rebel  if 
it  is  practiced. 

TEACH  THEM  TO  BE  NEAT. 

Every  pupil  should  be  required  to  come  to  school 
looking  neat,  so  far  as  the  care  of  their  hands  and 
faces  is  concerned.  The  hair  should  be  well-combed, 
the  shoes  brushed,  and  a  mat  should  be  found  at  the 
door,  on  which  every  scholar  is  expected  to  wipe  his 
feet,  just  before  entering.  Doors  must  not  be 
slammed.  All  unseemly  noises  should  be  checked  in 
a  school-room.  If  the  teacher  does  not  insist  on 
obedience,  she  can  never  expect  to  have  the  order  so 
beautiful  in  a  school.  She  should  report  any  cases 


426  ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  SCHOOL. 

of  flagrant  disobedience  to  the  parents,  and  ask  their 
assistance  to  bring  the  child  under  proper   restraint. 

LEAVING  THE    BUILDING. 

They  should  be  taught  to  leave  the  school-room  in 
an  orderly  manner,  without  pushing  or  running. 
Many  schools  have  a  regular  drill  by  which  the  chil- 
dren are  instructed  as  to  how  to  leave  the  building  in 
case  of  a  fire.  This  is  a  very  sensible  arrangement, 
and  very  useful,  in  city  schools,  where  hundreds  of 
children  are  found  in  one  building,  of  several  stories' 
height. 

RESPECT  SHOWN  PUPILS. 

Never  lower  the  self-respect  of  a  pupil.  Many 
teachers  reprove  their  pupils  in  a  very  offensive  man- 
ner, dwelling  on  their  personal  defects,  instead  of  the 
particular  offense  they  have  been  guilty  of.  Teachers 
make  a  great  mistake  when  they  give  way  to  temper, 
and  call  children  rude  names,  as  "blockheads,"  "stu- 
pids," and  "fools."  Preserve  your  calmness;  reprove 
in  a  dignified  manner,  and  your  manner  and  language 
will  win  you  respect  from  those  keen  observers,  chil- 
dren. 

PRAISE  YOUR    PUPILS. 

Do  not  imagine  that  it  will  lower  your  dignity  to 
commend  a  scholar  for  any  lesson  well  learned,  or  in 
approval  of  polite  acts.  A  quiet  word  of  praise  will 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  SCHOOL.  427 

raise  the  tone  of   the  school-room,  and    incite   those 
under  your  care  to  become  more  studious. 

SPEAKING  ILL  OF  PARENTS. 

-    Do  not    speak    disparagingly   of  a  child's  parents. 
Teach  it  to  honor  them,  and  act  as  though  you  knew 
that  their  help  would  be  extended  to  you  in  any  mat- 
ter of  discipline. 

Children  who  come  of  wealthy  parents  should  be 
restrained  from  wounding  the  feelings  of  any  of  their 
companions  who  are  poor.  Be  very  watchful  lest 
you  unconsciously  pander  to  the  rich. 

POLITENESS  ENJOINED. 

Teach  the  scholars  to  show  each  other  special  acts 
of  politeness.  Impress  upon  them  that  coarse  lan- 
guage, rowdyism,  selfishness  and  conceit  are  all  un- 
gentlemanly,  and  will  unfit  them  for  the  company  of 
those  who  are  worthy  of  regard. 

HOW  TO  ADDRESS  YOU. 

Address  the  pupils  as  "Miss  Nellie,"  "Master 
Charlie,"  and  do  not  permit  them  to  address  you  as 
"teacher."  Require  them  to  speak  to  you  by  your 
name — "Miss  Waters,"  "Mr.  Knowles,"  etc.  When 
you  ask  them  a  question  do  not  allow  them  to  answer 
in  monosyllables,  as  "Yes,"  "No,"  but  insist  upon 


423  ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  SCHOOL 

their  replying  "No,  sir,"  "Yes,  ma'am,"  "What,  sir?" 
etc.  Trifles  as  these  may  seem  to  some,  they  are 
the  foundations  of  those  manners  which  cling  to  them 
through  life.  A  school-room  where  everyone  is  court- 
eous has  a  tendency  to  awaken  pride  in  the  hearts 
of  those  who  attend,  and  from  a  desire  to  appear 
well  they  will  take  pleasure  in  doing  well. 

Let  your  watchful  care  extend  beyond  the  limits 
of  the  school-room,  to  their  play-ground.  Do  not 
appear  to  watch  them  too  closely,  but  instruct  them 
to  play  fairly,  and  not  to  tyrannize  over  each  other; 
to  keep  cool,  and  not  to  invade  other's  rights,  but  to 
concede  to  others  privileges  which  they  would  like 
themselves. 

TEACH  KINDNESS. 

The  training  of  the  moral  nature,  which  should 
be  commenced  at  home,  should  be  supplemented  by 
the  teacher,  who  should  inculcate  maxims  of  kindness 
to  all.  They  should  be  taught  to  show  mercy  to 
dumb  animals. 

And  parents  in  their  turn  should  feel  a  sincere  de- 
sire to  help  the  teacher  by  compelling  their  children 
to  treat  her  respectfully  under  all  circumstances. 

They  should  not  listen  to  every  frivolous  complaint 
made  by  a  child,  but  where  the  comfort  and  well- 
being  of  their  dear  ones  are  concerned,  they  should 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  SCHOOL  429 

inquire  into  the  matter,  and  show  the  teacher  by  word 
and  act,  that  they  wish  to  deal  justly  by  her,  and  thus 
many  collisions  between  parents  and  teachers  would 
be  avoided,  and  much  ill-feeling  saved. 

It  is  well  to  form  habits  of  neatness  and  punctu- 
ality in  early  life.  The  pupils  should  be  prompt  in 
attendance.  They  should  not  leave  the  school-room 
until  their  desks  are  in  complete  order.  A  few  min- 
utes before  the  closing  hour  should  be  given  them  in 
which  to  pack  away  their  books,  etc. 

And  then  dismiss  them  in  a  quiet,  orderly  fashion, 
and  see  that  the  happy  shout  and  merry  romp  which 
will  no  longer  be  repressed,  be  not  indulged  in,  until 
they  are  well  out  of  the  school-room's  precinct. 


CHAPTER  XXXV. 

WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ? 

WITH  the  boundless  facilities  for  reading  the  best 
and  the  worst  literature,  with  the  vast  strides 
that  the  "art  preservative"  has  made  in  furnishing  the 
homes  and  libraries  with  books  from  the  "unabridged'" 
down  to  a  child's  primer,  it  seems  an  easy  task  to 
decide  what  shall  be  read.  And  yet  to  sift  out  the 
worthless,  from  among  this  mass,  leaving  the  valuable 
for  perusal,  is  no  light  undertaking,  and  one  whose 
importance  is  vast. 

ONE  NEEDS  TO  BE  A    READER. 

To  be  able  to  judge  what  is  good  reading,  requires 
one  to  be  a  reader.  The  general  information  obtained 
by  a  system  of  comprehensive  reading,  gives  the 
ability  to  select  good  works  for  others.  Especially 
do  the  young  need  such  advice.  They  read  with 
eagerness,  and  usually  without  judgment  everything 
that  comes  in  their  way.  And  yet  this  love  of  read- 
ing is  of  great  value  to  them.  If  no  other  benefit  was 
secured,  it  relieves  many  idle  hours,  and  keeps  them 

430 


WHAT  TO    READ. 


WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ?  431 

out  of  mischief.  The  boy  who  reads  much  will  pass 
many  hours  in  the  quiet  of  home,  which  might  be 
given  to  questionable  companions. 

But  this  fondness  for  books  needs  wise  direction, 
else  a  course  of  indiscriminate  reading  will  be  indulged 
in  which  will  prove  injurious. 

HAVE  A  LIBRARY. 

Many  homes  are  conspicuous  by  the  absence  of 
books.  A  few  fancifully-bound  volumes  may  be  found, 
a  daily  paper,  and  now  and  then  a  magazine.  In 
these  homes  young  minds  are  starved.  A  library  once 
meant  the  outlay  of  a  princely  sum,  and  the  patient 
collection  of  years  of  research.  To-day  it  means  the 
expenditure  of  but  a  moderate  sum,  and  the  rapid 
gathering  together  of  volumes  of  wide  range  of  thought. 
Every  home  should  start  a  small  library,  to  which 
additions  can  be  made  continually. 

The  mind  can  never  broaden  without  the  help  of 
good  books.  If  a  person  has  not  much  desire  for  read- 
ing, the  little  taste  they  have  can  be  cultivated,  and 
intellectual  improvement  will  come  easily.  The  mind 
that  never  receives  a  new  idea  becomes  stunted  and 
dwarfed.  It  is  incapable  of  deciding  fairly  on  any 
subject,  for  it  has  not  added  the  ripe  thoughts  and 
experiences  of  other  minds  to  its  treasury,  and  so  is 
unable  to  draw  fair  comparisons. 


432  WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ? 

TEACH  YOUR  CHILDREN  TO  LOVE  BOOKS. 

When  the  interest  in  books  does  not  naturally  exist, 
it  can  be  stimulated  by  careful  inquiry  as  to  what 
attracts  the  boy  or  girl.  Then  procure  works  treat- 
ing upon  the  subjects,  and  place  them  in  their  hands. 
A  curiosity  will  be  aroused,  more  books  will  be  de- 
manded, and  gradually,  a  love  of  reading  will  take  the 
place  of  former  indifference. 

READING  ALOUD. 

There  is  no  more  delightful  practice  for  a  large 
family  than  to  select  a  book  or  magazine  and  persuade 
the  one  best  adapted,  to  read  loud  for  the  benefit  of 
the  others.  One  evening  a  week  should  be  given  to 
this  custom,  and  it  can  be  called  "The  Home  Read- 
ing Circle."  Much  instruction  and  pleasure  is  afforded 
by  such  a  plan. 

PERNICIOUS  LITERATURE. 

There  is  a  class  of  books  which  is  sent  forth  in  vast 
quantities,  and  is  working  an  irreparable  injury  to 
young  people.  In  vain  the  press  and  pulpit  and 
wise  parents  seek  to  stay  the  flood;  it  pours  on  with 
resistless  power.  Boys  devour  this  style  of  litera- 
ture with  eagerness,  and  the  impossible  hair- 
breadth adventures  and  daring  deeds  pictured  there, 


WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ?  433 

kindle  an  ardor  in  a  boy  gifted  with  a  vivid  imagina- 
tion, that  nothing  can  quench.  They  pore  over  it  at 
every  opportunity.  They  accept  as  truth  every  word 
of  the  vile  trash,  and  long  to  become  heroes  such  as 
they  read  of;  until,  fired  by  the  thrilling  escapades 
they  have  drank  in,  they  throw  off  the  restraints  of 
home  as  too  tame  and  commonplace,  and  depart  for 
gory  fields,  thus  wringing  the  hearts  of  the  parents 
who  love  them. 

TAKE    A    PAPER. 

Every  head  of  a  family  should  take  at  least  one 
paper — a  daily  if  possible,  or  if  not,  a  weekly  will 
answer.  The  office  of  the  newspaper  is  to  keep  you 
informed  of  the  enterprises  of  your  fellow-men;  of 
current  events;  of  what  new  discoveries  are  being 
made  in  art,  science  or  mechanics.  To  read  the  news- 
paper of  the  present,  with  its  collated  treasures,  is 
an  education  in  itself. 

The  monthly  magazine  is  another  valuable  factor 
in  the  cultivation  of  the  mind.  The  church  paper  of 
your  denomination  is  an  aid  in  the  developing  of  Chris- 
tian character.  How  many  books  and  papers  should 
be  taken,  depends  upon  the  means  one  has  at  com- 
mand, but  whatever  are  had,  should  be  chosen  with 
reference  to  the  specific  work  to  be  done — the  train- 
ing of  the  heart  equally  with  the  intellect. 
a8 


484  WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ? 

THE  YOUNG  QUESTIONER. 

Children  instinctively  love  knowledge.  This  is 
plainly  seen  by  their  almost  insatiable  inquisitiveness. 
The  questions  that  a  child  of  an  active  turn  of  mind 
will  ask,  will  puzzle  the  profoundest  minds  to  answer. 
This  desire  for  knowledge  is  common  to  them  all. 
This  affords  a  grave  reason  why  they  should  be  lib- 
erally provided  with  books,  from  whence  to  draw  at 
will,  filling  their  tender  minds  with  that  which  will 
satisfy. 

Good  books  furnish  a  nutrition  without  which  the 
soul  famishes.  Costly  furniture,  fine  clothes  will 
gratify  the  eye,  and  please  for  a  day;  books  feed  the 
mind,  and  leave  their  impress  forever. 

DO  NOT  READ  EVERYTHING. 

In  the  vast  sea  of  good  literature  which  the  press 
supplies,  it  is  almost  impossible  to  discriminate.  Life 
is  brief  at  the  best,  and  a  wise  and  sensible'  selection 
should  be  made,  even  among  so  much  that  is  good. 
Flimsy  novels  should  be  excluded  from  the  family. 
Many  noble  lessons  are  taught  through  the  pages  oi 
fiction,  but  the  purposeless,  trashy,  exciting  novels 
that  have  no  literary  merit  or  moral  worth  should  be 
banished  from  the  library  we  would  have  every  home 
possess.  "Society"  novels  come  under  the  same 


WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ?  435 

ban;   they    unfit  the  young  for  the  plain,  common- 
sense  duties  of  everyday  life. 

The  books  we  would  place  in  the  hands  of  the 
young  would  be  travels.  Their  weird  power  allows 
us  at  home  by  the  cozy  fire  to  brave  the  wild  storms 
and  awful  journeys  through  ice-bound  seas,  or  paints 
for  us  the  beauteous  pictures  of  summer  in  far-off 
tropic  lands,  or  fills  our  listening  ears  with  the  Babel 
sounds  of  strange  tongues.  Political  economy  is 
alas — a  sealed  book  to  six-tenths  of  the  reading  por- 
tion of  any  community,  and  yet  is  it  not  well  to  know 
something  of  the  best  manner  of  managing  govern- 
mental affairs,  and  the  sources  of  wealth  of  a  coun- 
try? 

But  when  we  touch  upon  romance  and  poetry,  how 
wide  a  field!  From  the  fair  flowers  growing  here, 
who  can  name  the  blossoms  whose  odors  shall  not 
sicken,  whose  colors  are  imperishable?  So  lovely  are 
they  all,  so  alluring,  that  one  scarce  knows  which  to 
pluck.  But  some  are  more  poisonous  than  the  deadly 
night-shade,  and  far  more  to  be  abhorred,  for  they 
kill  the  soul.  But  who  does  not  feel  nobler  after 
reading  Grace  Aguilar's  stories,  or  George  Eliot's?' 
And  what  a  tender  pity  we  feel  for  all  earth's  creat- 
ures from  Dickens'  exquisite  portrayals  of  the  weak 
and  Helpless!  What  is  there  of  life,  what  phase  of 
human  nature  that  Shakespeare,  the  grand,  did  not 


436  WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ? 

reach  and  gild  with  his  immortal  pen?  "The  poet  for 
all  times  and  all  people"  indeed.  And  in  our  own 
land  Bryant  and  Longfellow  and  many  others  have 
walked  with  nature  from  their  childhood,  to  peaceful 
old  age. 

HAVE  A  VARIETY. 

As  there  are  many  dispositions  and  likes  among 
the  members  of  the  home  circle,  it  is  well  to  provide 
a  variety  of  reading  matter.  For  the  lover  of  poetry 
we  would  have  an  edition  of  the  standard  poets;  for 
the  history  lover,  authentic  works  of  this  nature;  for 
those  of  a  scientific  bent,  works  dealing  with  weightier 
thoughts,  should  be  procured;  and  for  the  boy  who 
reveled  in  adventure,  true  stories  of  travel  and  dar- 
ing, ungarnished  with  bloodshed,  should  be  put  into 
his  hands,  that  he  might  learn  what  true  heroism  was. 
The  expense  might  enter  into  account  in  some 
cases,  but  it  is  a  trifling  matter  compared  with  the 
immense  returns  in  happiness  and  culture  to  be  had. 

A  GOOD    PLAN. 

A  good  plan  to  adopt  in  reading  is  to  mark  and 
commit  to  memory  the  most  beautiful  thoughts  met. 
The  advantages  of  such  a  course  are,  that  it  strength- 
ens the  memory,  and  stores  the  mind  with  worthy 
ideas  which  mold  the  life;  they  also  make  the  mem- 
ory a  valuable  storehouse  from  whence  they  can  draw 


WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ*  437 

for  future  use.  It  is  related  of  Milton  in  his  dreary 
night  of  darkness,  when  blindness  seized  him,  that 
his  chief  joy  consisted  in  recalling  and  repeating  the 
rich  treasure  trove,  which  he  had  stored  up  from  the 
fields  of  literature  in  his  earlier  years. 

READING  TOO  MUCH. 

Parents  often  complain  that  they  cannot  obtain  any 
assistance  from  their  children,  because  they  read  so 
much.  While  to  'continually  pore  over  books  may 
not  be  the  best  thing  for  the  young,  it  is  a  hopeful 
sign  that  the  pleasures  of  reading  outweigh  all  other 
enjoyments. 

Parents  who  fear  that  too  close  application  to 
books  is  liable  to  interfere  with  the  usefulness  of  their 
children,  or  injure  their  health,  should  counsel  with 
the  little  bgbkworms,  and  advise  them  to  alternate  the 
reading  with  physical  exercises,  for  only  a  "sound 
mind  in  a  sound  body"  can  carry  off  the  prizes  in  the 
world's  arena.  Guide  their  reading  with  sense.  It 
is  not  the  one  who  reads  the  most,  who  is  the  gainer, 
but  the  one  who  reads  and  remembers  as  well. 

BOOKS  SAFE  COMPANIONS. 

You  need  not  hesitate  to  trust  your  children  with 
good  books.  They  are  the  safest  of  counselors — 
silent,  but  valuable.  Hood  says:  "Be  as  careful  of 


438  WHAT  SHALL  WE  READ? 

the  books  you  read,  as  the  company  you  keep,  for 
your  habits  and  character  will  be  as  much  influenced 
by  the  former  as  the  latter."  Books  are  educators. 
The  boy  who  loves  books  and  cons  the  pa'ges  of  good 
ones  faithfully,  drawing  in  lessons  of  truth  and  ex- 
perience to  serve  as  guides,  is  better  prepared  for  the 
contact  with  the  hard  places  of  life,  than  the  boy 
who  cares  nothing  for  them,  and  who  has  gathered 
no  instruction  from  their  silent  teachings.  A  reading 
people  is  always  a  thinking  people.  Then  be  wary 
of  the  books  you  admit  to  your  home,  and  the  young 
who  are  fed  on  pure  literature,  will  grow  under  its 
nourishing  influence  into  true  men  and  true  women. 


INDEX. 


PASK 
A  FEW  •WOKDSTO  THE  CHILDREN 26 

Be  courteous 37 

Be  orderly 88 

Do  not  meddle 38 

Famous— not  all 86 

Habits  to  avoid 30 

Money — use  sensibly 32 

Self  approbation 35 

Training  of  children 81 

A  SHORT  CHAPTER  ON  BUSINESS 889 

Bills 333 

Bills,  paving  of 333 


Engagements, 
"ills 


Calls 331 

Deception 333 

Employes 335 

Ladies' calls 335 

Letters 334 

Money 334 

Politeness 333 

Prying 334 

Sentiment .' 330 

Strangers 330 

Temper 330 

To  be  successful 331 

A  FTER  MARRIAGE 346 

A  lady _  353 

Concealments 858 

Confide  in  a  wife 349 

Confidants < 351 

Dress 350 

Equalizes 346 

Faults 347 

Governing  children 354 

Home 347 

Husband's  duty 354 

Love  alone.  348 

Neat  home 348 

Politeness 355 

Too  much  expected 353 

ANNIVERSARIES 384 

"  234 

China 230 

Cotton 389 

Crystal 230 

Diamond 233 

Golden 233 

Leather 229 

Paper 228 

Presents 228 

Silver...  230 

Tin 229 

Wooden..  228 

APPEARANCE  IN  PUBLIC 212 

Art  galleries 215 

Babfes 214 

(439) 


440  INDEX. 

PASS 

Church 312 

Customs 214 

Escort 219 

Fairs 217 

Fanning 214 

Friends 222 

Fruit 222 

Hate ^ 218 

Hotel 216 

Hotel  parlors 217 

Jostling 221 

Keeping  step 222 

Objections 222 

Smoking 221 

Strangers 213 

Swearing   218 

Studio 216 

Theater,  between  acts 220 

What  to  wear 219 

With  a  lady 214 

CONVERSATION  AN  AKT 118 

Affectation 129 

Boastful 123 

Conversing  well 118 

Comparisons 123 

Compliments 127 

Conversing  easily 126 

Do  not  cram 120 

Experiences 123 

Good  morning -. 119 

Interruptions 125 

Jokes 128 

Fact 121 

Listening 124 

Loud  talking 130 

Neatness 127 

Plain  English 129 

Polish 123 

Politics  and  religion 128 

Puns 121 

Bespect  to  ladies 131 

Showing  off 120 

Smalltalk 132 

Talk  not  conversation 119 

The  children 126 

Trifles 123 

Unfit  topics 123 

Wandering 125 

ETIQUETTE  OF  BIRTHS  AND  CHRISTENINGS 375 

Baby's  card 375 

Candle  parties 381 

Ceremony 380 

Christening,  a  festive  occasion, . .". 377 

Christening  at  home 379 

Christening  lunches 37 

Christening  party 376 

what  baby  shall  wear 37 

"          when 377 

"          clergyman's  fee 3J 

Confirmation 38 

Godparents 878 

Invitations 381 

Naming  baby 3£ 

Sponsors 37 

ETNJCETTE  OF  SCHOOL 484 


INDEX.  441 

PAGE 

How  to  address  you 487 

Kindness 427 

Leaving  the  building 426 

Neatness , 425 

Order 424 

Parents,  speaking  ill  of 427 

Pets 425 

Politeness 427 

Praise  426 

Eespect 426 

ETIQUETTE  OB1  VISITING 317 

Attentions 327 

Church 322 

Country 327 

Girls 323 

Guests — equal 326 

Helping 321 

Host's  friends 324 

Husband  and  wife 319 

Insincere  invitations 320 

Leave  taking 326 

Length  of 319 

Model  hostess ., 325 

Observance 320 

Overstaying 327 

Presents 325 

Punctuality 321 

Room ...  322 

Sick 325 

The  guest 318 

The  guest — gentleman 323 

The  guest,  time  for 318 

Unexpected  guests 319 

Urging  guests : 325 

Visiting 322 

FLORAL  LANGUAGE 356 

Significance  of 357 

GENTLEMEN'S  CALLS 185 

An  aid 185 

A  friend    191 

Brief 190 

Business 196 

Card  basket 194 

Calling 192 

Calling  on  ladies 185 

Careless  invitations 186 

Card  cases 191 

Children  or  servants 194 

Cigars 195 

Congratulatory 196 

Customs  abroad 188 

Declining  refreshments 190 

Dogs 193 

Engaged 193 

Evening  calls 191 

Fifteen  minute  calls 195 

First  call 187 

Formalcall 188 

Hours 187 

Leave  taking 191 

Lunch  hour 192 

Newly  married  man 19T 

New  Ye  ar'  s 189 

New  Year  receiving 1D6 

Once  a  year 189 


442  INDBX. 

Sick 193 

ToUet , 190 

Watch 192 

Where  welcome • 189 

Whom  to  ask  for 188 

GOING  INTO  SOCIETY 80 

Assuming  weariness 91 

Compliments,  superfluous 89 

Debut 80 

Debutant 88 

Calling  after  party 84 

Duties 83 

May  dance 82 

Respect 85 

Who  escorts  her 83 

Do  not  slight  anyone 68 

Dress 90 

Base  of  manner 89 

Eldest  son 85 

Be  obliging 86 

Cards  used 8ft 

Duties 87 

Education 86 

Flowers 82 

Good  companions 90 

Learn  of  your  elders 88 

Make  yourself  agreeable 87 

Pay  attention 91 

Schoolgirls 80 

HOME  COURTESIES 397 

Be  courteous 398 

Choosing  companions 397 

Practice  at  home .' 400 

Uniform  courtesy 399 

HOME  MANNERS 17 

A  word  to  the  husbands 82 

A  word  to  the  wives 22 

Bickerings.... 18 

Birthplace 17 

Children's  pets 19 

Commence  life  at  home 20 

Courtesy 18 

Economy  necessary 20 

Father's  example 23 

Husband's  guests 21 

Inheritance 24 

Mother's  duty  18 

IN  THE  DINING   BOOM 153 

Announcing  dinner 166 

Bills  of  fare 170 

Carving 161 

Ceremonies 165 

Change 153 

Cheerful 156 

Cooks 154 

Conrsei 160 

Dinnerparty 155 

Dishes 157 

Eggs 163 

Fingers 163 

Flowers 158 

Formal  dicaer 156 

Fruit 168 

Good  table 157 

Green  corn 163 


INDEX.  443 

PAGE 

Quests 159 

Hats 170 

Home  dinner .,    ... 155 

Hostess  waiting 160 

How  to  dine , 153 

How  many  to  invite 170 

Invitations 166 

Knife 162 

Ladies'  toilets 168 

Leaving  table 167 

Luncheon., 169 

Napkin 162 

Rings , 158 

Number  at  table 168 

Oysters 167 

Serving 161 

Spoon 163 

The  host 169 

What  to  avoid 169 

Wine 167 

£N  THE  STREET 34 

Accepting  attentions 38 

Answering  strangers 42 

Assisting  ladies 43 

Assisting  ladies'  to  mount 44 

Breath,  the 43 

Buy  what  you  need 39 

Clerks,  politeness  to 39 

Do  not  "  cut "  any  one 87 

Easy  gait 36 

Flirting > 37 

Gentlemen,  what  to  do 40 

Giggling 36 

Ladies'  dress 35 

Offering  seat 45 

Offering  arm 41 

Physical  training 44 

Removing  the  glove 42 

Smoking 42 

Whistling 41 

Women,  privileges  of 34 

Young  gfrls 34 

INTRODUCTIONS 67 

A"cnt"direct 69 

A  gentleman  salutes,  how 70 

A  wife  introducing  husband 70 

By  card • 77 

H  and  shaking 73 

In  the  street 74 

Ladies 68 

Letters  of  introduction 76 

Letters  of  introduction 78 

Not  always  recognized 68 

Paper  to  be  used 78 

Presenting  younger  to  elder 71 

Requesting 74 

Scraping  acquaintances 72 

The  title 71 

Visitors 74 

Use  judgment  in  letters 76 

ULDIES' CALLS 199 

Another  lady 303 

At  work 201 

Calling  first 208 

Cards 804 


444  INDEX. 

PAGE 

Gentlemen's  805 

Mother  and  daughter 206 

Mourning 208 

Prefixes i06 

P.P.C 208 

Quality  of 205 

Reception 207 

Widow's 206 

When  sent 208 

Changing  residence 207 

Condolence 203 

Conduet 208 

Congratulatory 203 

Conversation 200 . 

Evening  calls 201 

Hints 210 

Hours 210 

Leaving 200 

Lengthof 211 

Memorandum 201 

Morning 199 

New  Year's 209 

Not  at  home 201 

Not  to  do 200 

Sick 204 

Strangers 204 

Wraps 2Q2 

LETTER  WRITIN» 261 

Abbreviating 275 

Addressing 265 

Aneatletter. 275 

Closing 273 

French  phrases  267 

Hints 268 

Ink 261 

Letter  headings  269 

Postscripts 268 

Postal  cards 274 

Receipts 272 

Replying 272 

Salutations  used 271 

Sealing-wax  and  wafers 374 

Signatures 272 

Style 265 

To  friends  and  others 270 

To  strangers 276 

MISCELLANEOUS  BULKS  OF  ETIQUETTE 386 

PARENTS  AND  CHILDREN 336 

Conversation 341 

Filial  respect.  337 

Haven 837 

Honesty 340 

Life's  pursuit 345 

Praising 343 

Punishing 341 

True 339 

Unpleasantness 340 

PARTIES,  BALLS,  ETC ...  92 

Croquet 95 

Dancing 98 

Desirable 98 

Evening  party 96 

Tive  o'clock  tea 93 

Gentlemen's  suppers 96 

Invitations 98 


INDEX.  4U» 

PA0E 

Declining 97 

Husband  and  wife 97 

Naming  reasons 97 

Kettledrum .'.    93 

Lunch 95 

Musicale 94 

Rudeness 94 

Program 94 

Supper 98 

When  to  arrive 98 

SALUTATIONS 47 

A  greeting 49 

A  servant 54 

Country  customs 50 

French  estimate 49 

In  different  countries 47 

Kissing  guests 55 

Kissing  ladies 55 

Kissing  promiscuously 54 

Shaking  nands 54 

The  bow 49 

The  hand -. 52 

Who  shall  bow  first? 50 

TABLE  MANNERS 172 

Children 172 

Asking 174 

Faults 175 

Greedy 175 

Leaving  table 175 

Manners 173 

Politeness 173 

Talk 173 

Loud  talk.  t 174 

Compliments 175 

Dinners 183 

Dress 179 

Fruit 183 

Gravy 180 

Manners 176 

Palatable 182 

Reading 181 

Refusing  food 176 

Rudeness 176 

Serving  179 

Things  to  avoid 177 

What  to  eat 181 

Whom  to  serve 181 

Wine 181 

VASTB  AND  HARMONY  IN  DRESS 277 

Age 283 

A  question 279 

Ball  dress 286 

Beauty 878 

Children 284 

Considerate 278 

Consistency 284 

Dress  and  Manners 277 

Dressmakers 3£ 0 

Driving 288 

Evening  dress 285 

Garden  party 289 

Gentlemen's  dress 283 

Hints 290 

Judged  by  strangers 282 

Lawn  JteaniB.., 88» 


UCSB   LIBRARY 


446  INDEX. 

MM 

Love  of  dress 280 

Morning 287 

Neatness 285 

Opera -. 287 

Overdressing 2tU 

Riding  habit 288 

Traveling 289 

Walking 287 

Young  girls 286 

THE  BOYS  AND  GIRLS  AT  HOME 283 

THE  HOUSE  OF  MOUBNING 301 

At  the  house 304 

Cards  and  Paper 311 

Carriages 305 

Condolence 311 

Crape 303 

Funeral,  before *....  302 

Funeral  services 306 

Flowers 307 

Military 308 

Order  of 307 

Private 307 

How  long  to  wear  mourning 308 

Invitations 305 

Memorial  cards 311 

Pall  bearers 304 

Parade 301 

Places  of  Amusement 310 

Seclusion 312 

Trifles 302 

Watching  the  dead 303 

Wearing  mourning 310 

THE  TIMID,  AWKWARD  AND  SHY 237 

Affected 247 

Awkwardness 240 

A  word  of  advice 248 

Bashfulness 238 

Companionship 238 

Entertaining 238 

Great  men ., 239 

Inherited  bashf ulness 246 

Nodiscredit 239 

Obligatory  manners 241 

Personal  opinions 240 

Self  consciousness 245 

Self  depreciation 244 

Self  respect 241 

Shyness 244 

Shyness  detrimental 245 

Timidity 242 

Timidity 237 

THE  GUEST  CHAMBEB 250 

Accessories 258 

Chairs 256 

Children's  rooms 250 

Curtains 257 

Detrimental 253 

Elaborate 252 

Furniture 256 

Guests 251 

Arrival  of 255 

Lamps f.....  256 

Needed 258 

Pictures 257 

Pleasant  room 281 


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